"Don't say 'queer.' It's horrifying to hear you say 'queer.'"

"I-i think it's fine for anyone to be whatever sexuality they are, regardless of their email habits or skill at math." Because he should at least make an attempt at being a good HR person.

"You're very cute. We should all go do work."

"W-we should."

And hopefully payroll has not exploded in a way that is his fault.

Payroll has not exploded in a way that is his fault! Mostly because he doesn't so much have "job" "responsibilities."

"Hello! You're done working now," Wei Wuxian announces at 4:35pm. 

Yeah, he's mostly decorative.

And as someone who is mostly decorative, he can leave half an hour early. "I am doing working now," he says as he shuts down his computer.

"Do you have any plans for where we're going?"

"Go to my house, order in Ethiopian-- uh, I forgot why you're coming over--"

"Because you invited me? --I c-could come up with something, if you want?" This is a bad strategy, but it's the one he has.

"Oh, I just didn't know if we had plans, and then I was going to forget about them, and then at eleven you'd be like 'Wei Wuxian, what about the parcheesi, I wanted to play parcheesi' and I would be like 'oh shit we were GOING to do that.' --We shouldn't play parcheesi. I don't know what it is and am not entirely sure that it isn't some form of delicious snack."

"I think it's a game? But I do not know it either and we shouldn't do it."

"Right. So do you have any ideas other than not playing parcheesi?"

"...I have two ideas, one of which is sort of good and one of which is actually bad?" Please pick the bad one.

"Let's head out of the office and then you can tell me both."

And out of the office they go.

"The good idea is that I want to wear clothes the are less--" he gestures at himself and the Office Appropriate but Uninspiring button up and slacks "-- and you know how clothes work and you could give me advice."

Okay, Wen Ning, you can do this. "The bad idea is-- you know the thing I, uh, mentioned this morning. I want to empirically test it, and thought maybe we could uh, be kissing partners and try it out. At least once? The kissing, I mean." Behold the power of SED 7, and thank the mercy of the One that we did not see SED 2.

Walk walk walk to the train. "Oh, that's a great idea, a-Ning! I haven't kissed anybody either."

"...you haven't?" How did those photos end up on the internet then??? Not that you need to have kissed to put naked selfies on the internet*, but-- there's an order to these things.

*Source: he was for want of a dinner invite about to maybe become one of those people.

"Yeah, I never really got around to it, I guess?" he says, as if never having kissed anyone is like always intending to travel to Peru but never quite having the opportunity to plan the vacation.

"I mean, same here, mostly? Just-- I don't know. You seemed like someone who would ask?"

"But I think kissing you would be great! For practice. So we know our stuff when we make out with the people we want to make out with."

"--For practice." He hopes he doesn't sound too, uh, hopeful.

"I'm a terrible person to buy clothes with, that's why I only ever wear black and red, but you know who's a great person to buy clothes with is my best friend Nie Huaisang."

He's onto something with the red and black though, at least for him. "Would they be willing to help a stranger?"

"Oh, yeah. But they're kind of a lot though," Wei Wuxian says without a trace of irony.

That is honestly very impressive of them. "If they're willing to help, I'd really appreciate that."