Something About Marry (1 point) (30 ≤ WIZ < 70)

You may at will choose to have been betrothed to someone as a child. The evidence for this betrothal may be discovered all at once or revealed gradually. Warning: Overuse of this perk may result in the results of overusing this perk.

Soulbond (1 point + 2 fragments) (True ≤ Love)

If your love for someone is true, and they return that love, this perk creates a symmetrical emotional and telepathic bond between your soul and theirs, which will deepen over time if your love stays true. Both sides of the relationship are automatically protected as if by True Love Conquers All.

Failure of this bond does not refund the perk and may have psychological consequences. Consider staying married for a couple of centuries first.

This perk may be taken more than once.

Subspace Explorer (2 points) (100 ≤ WIZ)

In certain altered states of consciousness, you can travel within it across vast distances of probability and possibility to visit other worlds. All alien societies connected can put you in a similar form of altered consciousness, ensuring that you can always return home.

Tastes Like Chocolate (2 fragments) (BOD < 50)

Freely control the taste and scent of any of your bodily fluids, so long as the result is more pleasant than the human norm.

Terminal Moe (1 point) (WIZ < 70)

A doctor diagnoses you with a fatal disease, giving you three months left to live---maybe two, maybe four. Your remaining lifetime is uncertain, but it won't be long now. Your occasional hospital stays are brief and painless, leaving you looking wan, sad, and beautiful in your hospital bed. Sometimes you get a piece of medical good news, giving you a little more time in which to say goodbye and experience all the things you never had a chance to do. No matter how long this continues, no one ever notices that the doctor always gives you around one more month of lifespan per month.

You may at will have a remission or relapse of your Terminal Moe. 

ALIEN WORLDS EXIST?

He's going to have to work out how to spread love and joy and fight ennui in alien worlds. He swore an oath to do so.

... He is not qualified for this.

To Boldly Go (1 point + 1 fragment) (ERO < 85)

You somehow get your hands on a starship, enabling you to visit nearby star systems and meet the many interesting life forms to be found there.

Transsexual (1 point + 1 fragment)

At will, but at most once per level, change to have been born male, female, intersex, or exotically gendered. This is a conceptual shift of world/self and gives you access to distant-feeling memories of having previously lived as your new sex. Some romantic relationships may shift to become friendships in the new world, as not all other people's sexual orientations may be easily reselectable in the target history. You cannot change to be exotically gendered while your WIZ is under 35.

True Love Conquers All (1 pt + 2 fragments)

If you love someone enough, nothing can ever permanently separate them from you. The only exception is their wishing to leave you---deliberately, voluntarily, and based on correct information. This applies to any type of love, not just romantic love. If you would undergo hardship and sacrifice to protect someone, if losing them would leave a scar on your heart that never fully heals, then in time you will always be reunited.

This perk retroactively includes everyone you have previously lost, but still love. If somebody you love is already dead (e.g. a beloved parent or grandparent), taking this perk automatically begins the Timeheart quest to revive them after your WIZ reaches 50.

Trust (1 point)

Whenever somebody honestly tells you that they love you, or like you, or admire something about you, or shows trust in you by confessing a truth to you that they would not tell others, you know that they mean it.

Urban Legend (1 point)

For any identities you maintain besides your primary legal identity, their existence never becomes common knowledge.

This boon does not interfere with first-order knowledge: People may readily observe or tell trusted others about the boy who disappeared into thin air while they watched. However, everyone believes unshakably that 'most people' would be as contemptuously skeptical of your existence as of an alien abduction. No one would ever dare talk about you in public as if they believed in you. It is possible for large populations to all be subject to this effect simultaneously, e.g. if you are seen on national television.

Trust is tempting but he can't assume it would come up much.

True Love Conquers All is also very tempting, but that's just him being possessive.

United Federation of Planets (1 point + 1 fragment) (requires To Boldly Go)

While roaming about in your starship, you discover a larger galactic community. First Contact is initiated between Earth and their ancient, sophisticated, incredibly jaded civilization.

Utility Monster (1 point)

Your experiences are a trillion times more important than the experiences of those around you. 

What Are You Doing Here (2 fragments) (ERO < 80)

You can always find anyone you have previously kissed. All your attempts to be admitted to the school, bluff your way into the military base, pretend to be a hospital nurse, etcetera, have triple the likelihood of succeeding. Unless you otherwise blow your cover, nobody else takes your target or any other prior acquaintances seriously if they protest your being there.

What Dreams May Come (1 point + 2 fragments) (30 ≤ ERO)

You know when someone begins to fantasize about you, and know in approximate terms what they currently intend to fantasize. You may choose to enter their fantasy and gain control of your analogue-self within it, experiencing the events as real.

You may gain skill, stats, experience, and energy within the fantasy. You retain all knowledge you learn within the fantasy. Physical changes to your body or equipment do not carry over to reality. Only as much subjective time passes for you as passes for the fantasizer. This event takes place alongside and parallel to your main existence and does not interrupt it, but you cannot participate in more than one fantasy at a time.

You only have what capabilities the fantasizer acknowledges you as having. The fantasizer does not notice anything unusual about your behavior within their fantasy, no matter what you choose to do or say. You may not exit such a fantasy until it has terminated. This perk only works on fantasizers unaware of its existence and on fantasies you have not deliberately influenced.

Wizard Alone (1 point + 1 fragment)

At present, you are the only wizard on the planet Earth. (If you take To Boldly Go, you will meet other wizards in your adventures.) Wizard Alone allows other people of suitable mind to take the Wizard's Oath and begin to make the world a more delightful place. By default, all of your friends, allies, and companions will receive an option to take the Wizard's Oath. 

... He's the only wizard.

He is deeply unqualified for this. They could have picked literally anyone else.

--but he made a promise, so. He will do his best and hope that that's enough.

Wizard's Inventory (2 fragments) (WIZ < 60)

Any portable items relevant to your work as a wizard that you legally own can be summoned by you at will, and dismissed at will to return to its former location. If your WIZ is under 50 and you are being observed, you must summon items to inside an unobserved container, or otherwise maintain deniability.

Wizard's Travel (1 point) (WIZ < 80)

At a moment of peak physical pleasure, you can teleport to any other point where you truly and sincerely long to be. (Without To Boldly Go, this will not permit you to visit aliens.) While your WIZ is less than 50 you must not be observed at the moment of vanishing, and any others present at the destination will happen to be looking away as you materialize, though they will be looking back very soon. At WIZ 50+ you may take along any number of people if you are causing peaks of physical pleasure in them as well.

You Couldn't Help Yourself (2 fragments) (SED < 60) (WIZ < 70)

Anyone who views a picture of you will sincerely not blame another person for having had sex with you, including the monogamous partners of those you have seduced.

You Didn't Hear That (2 fragments)

Once per level you may retroactively decide not to have said something. This perk only applies to utterances made while you were your current level.

Yousexual (1 point + 1 fragment) (SED < 50)

In addition to their normal sexual and romantic orientation, everyone is additionally sexually and romantically attracted to you. (This is in potential, and will not cause distress if you choose not to pursue it.)

You Didn't Hear That is an option Made for him. ... except his second choices will probably be just as embarassing, or he'll never use it because what if he says something worse felt before he levels up?

There is also some very obvious stacking potential with Omnisexual and Yousexual.

And that is the end of the perks list.

Please press desired category of starting quest:

[] Self
[] Others
[] World
[] Ordeal

He made the oath to help bring joy, so Other seems like the natural choice? (Self would be selfish, World would be above his pay grade, and he is not picking Ordeal until he has any clue what that is.)

Quest available: Sweet Twenty-Four and Never Been Kissed

Get your first kiss from someone you want to kiss.

Success: 250 xp; +1 SED
Failure: ????
Accept now? Y/N

Quest available: All You Need Is A Light Jacket

Be taken out on a nice date by someone that you want to have take you out on a date. They should plan and pay for the entire experience, so all you have to do is show up and enjoy it.  

Success: 250 xp; new Ally
Failure: ????
Accept now? Y/N

Quest available: Secret Admirer

Figure out who has been in love with you since you were twelve years old. 

Success: 2000 xp; new Ally
Failure: Your secret admirer continues to be a kissless virgin.
Accept now? Y/N    

Quest available: Firm Boundaries

Identify at least three ways that people currently treat you that you would prefer that they not treat you. For a period of at least two weeks, when people treat you that way, calmly ask that they stop, then if they continue remove yourself from the situation.  

Success: 500 xp
Failure: 'Pushover' status effect
Accept now? Y/N   

Quest available: Preferences

Ask a stranger for a mildly inconvenient favor. It must be a favor you genuinely want. 

Success: 100 xp
Failure: 'Pushover' status effect
Accept now? Y/N

Quest available: Some People Have Really Abusive Parents

Go a period of at least two months without your parents being cruel to you.

Success: 500 xp; ??? relations with parents; increased relations with Wen Qing
Failure: increased relations with parents
Accept now? Y/N

Quest available: My Sister Knows Everything About Me

Tell your sister you're a wizard.

Success: 100 xp; new Ally; increased relations with Wen Qing; begin ??? quest
Failure: 'Lonely' status effect
Accept now? Y/N

Quest available: The Way To A Wizard's Heart

Fine. You can save the world with cake if you want to. Bake a cake, and give slices to at least eight people, one of whom must be sad.

Success: 50 xp
Failure: A messy kitchen
Accept now? Y/N

This is... A lot.

He has a secret admirer(???) and he's said admirer's only option(???????). 'Knows him since he was twelve' narrows it down, but that's still quite a few people. (Also he stuttered even more when he was twelve and was just worse at talking to people, so someone picking him when he was twelve says something about their standards.)

Unfortunately the easiest one gives the least xp, which makes sense... And also his purple wizardly companion(?) doesn't seem to like it much.

Okay, go through the logically. Some of these quests involve him doing things, and others involve other people doing things. Other people doing things looks easier-- he doesn't have to do it!-- but. He'd have to convince them to do it. Somehow. Him doing things is terrifying but at least he can force himself to do it sometimes.

...He should tell Wen Qing. She should really know, anyway, even without the quest rewards? But also if he's having a psychotic break, she's probably the person who would be the best at noticing that and making good decisions about it.

He selects 'Y' and rings his sister.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" she says, instead of 'hello.'

"S-something came up." ... "I-i think I'm a wizard?"

"What."

This conversation is going So Well.

"I took an oath to--'" he really should have memorised it, shouldn't he? "--'spread joy and ease pain' and then the thing that offered it to me told me I was a wizard now? I d-don't have magic powers or anything, but it gave me quests?"

"...a-Ning that sounds insane. Are you feeling all right?"

"...yeah, saying it out loud makes it pretty crazy. I'm feeling-- it keeps insulting me? Accurately, though. But that's maybe just more evidence that it's in my head?"

"...Voices that insult you are a common sign of psychosis... a-Ning, I'm going to come over. I'll call your boss and tell her you're sick today, too sick to call in for yourself. And then we can talk about this."

"T-that sounds very reasonable."

"See you in a bit."

"See you soon," and he hangs up.

So this is happening. ...at least 'schizophrenic' is an interesting new way to be the family disappointment?

...technically it did claim that he had magic powers, and he can test some of those claims. Testing the healing factor would be a bad idea because a) what if it isn't real and b) it would take awhile to check and c) it would look super alarming to anyone who saw it, ie his sister.

But mouths are an orifice. And he had a fairly good idea of what could fit in it yesterday.

The consequences of 'tried to fit whole hand in mouth, failed' are... Not good, but not that bad either.

So he tries that.

He can in fact fit his entire fist down his throat. It doesn't hurt or anything, and he's not gagging or nauseous. He feels a little stretch, a pleasant sort of full sensation. 

The purple boxes are silent on why they thought this was one of the most important magic skills for him to develop right away. 

Okay, so that's a thing.

1. Good news: he's a wizard, and not crazy.

2. That is exactly what someone who had lost all of their marbles would think.

3. HE'S A WIZARD NOW AND HAS TO DEAL WITH IT.

(Making him the only sex wizard in the world was a bad plan, but probably not a worse plan than making him the only wizard full stop? Or at least that's his best explanation for why he now has orifices of arbitrary size.)

Wen Qing enters his apartment. "Wen Ning? Are you all right?"