fairest and fallen, greeting and defiance

This is... not what he expected to wake up to. He has spent most of his life without purple screens filling his vision, and he did not expect this to ever change.

It's a nice enough oath. It's all very good things to want, and things he wishes he could do.

...He shouldn't make promises he cannot keep. (He is already failing at some very basic promises.) But a small stupid part of him wants to believe that clicking yes will somehow make him able to keep it--

--So he does.

Wen Ning

"The Wizard"

LVL: 1 (0 / 200)

Stats

BOD: 19 (+)

LUV: 15 (+)

SED: 2 (+)

ART: 4 (+)

NOV: 3 (+)

WIZ: 10 (+)

Stat Points: 5

Money: $10,000

Status Effects: Innocent Virgin

Description: Wen Ning is the shyest, meekest, most obedient, and people-pleasingest person you've ever met. All of the limited achievements he has made in his life are due to the intervention of his family, all of whom except his sister Wen Qing hate him. Giving him a sinecure at Wen Corp is less embarrassing than having a Wen who's a failure at food service. But by taking the Wizard's Oath, Wen Ning has chosen to pit himself against the forces of ennui, boredom, and despair. Fortunately, his compassion, inner strength and courage are second to none, and he has what it takes to save the world.

Spells

Wizard's Body (Lvl MAX | Passive): The One has taken away some of the inconveniences associated with most physical forms. You heal from all injuries with a good night's sleep, ready for the next day's adventures. Absent certain boons and quests, disease does not exist for you; neither do refractory periods, erectile dysfunction, lower back pain, headaches, windedness from excessive exercise, or insomnia. You can't get anyone pregnant unless you want to. Arbitrarily large items can fit into any of your orifices. You are in the 90th percentile for your age of all standard fitness assessments. Other aspects of this spell depend on the BOD stat.

Wizard's Mind (Lvl MAX | Passive): The mental flexibility and resilience you need as a wizard. You are more able to accept the realities of your new world. You are able to bounce back from painful, upsetting, or bizarre experiences with relative ease. Rape, assault, or other regrettable violent experiences can be anything from a recoverable trauma to a Tuesday afternoon, but it won't ruin your life. Other aspects of this spell depend on the LUV, SED, ART, and NOV stats.

Wizard's World (Lvl MAX | Passive): Your world has just gotten a little more... magical. People are never too preoccupied to think about pleasure or love when you're around. Bystanders won't ignore what you do, but they're unlikely to ever stop you. Those who do intervene will find themselves changed. If you go far enough that an authority sees no choice but to intervene... they won't treat you as a simple criminal. Other aspects of this spell depend on the WIZ stat.

Boon

In Love's Name and For Love's Sake: You are recruited and empowered to fight the Lone Power that invented ennui, indifference, jadedness, boredom, and cynicism.

Manual // Stats

LVL/Level: The quantified totality of your power as a wizard. The effects of this characteristic go far beyond the five stat points you get per level and the one boon you get per five levels.

BOD/Body: Your physical characteristics, including but not limited to your physical attractiveness. As BOD goes up, your body will be able to enact more exotic events.

LUV/Love: You should love everyone, and the One isn't averse to giving you a little... push. Don't worry, it'll start out at a level you can handle.

SED/Seduction: Your ability to seduce others, pique their interest and arouse their desire.

ART/Art: Your ability to give others pleasure... or other sensations.

NOV/Novelty: There are many sources of love and joy. This measures how many of them you understand.

WIZ/Wizardry: The extent to which the world will bend-- or be bent by you-- to create situations in defiance of probability. Or, at higher levels, physics.

Manual // Stats // Level

At LVL 1 and 0% progress to the next level, you're at the very beginning of your journey.

You can increase your level by completing quests offered by your manual or by spreading love and joy throughout the world. The more difficult the challenge, the greater the rewards.

Manual // Stats // Body

Your BOD of 19 makes you one of the most beautiful people in any room, as long as the room isn't in Hollywood and doesn't have Lan Wangji or Lan Xichen in it. Yes, really. You are going to have to start believing positive things about yourself.

You can increase this stat through exhibitionism and other acts which invoke the beauty and power of your physical form.

Manual // Stats // Love

Your LUV of 15 is proof that you can't get rid of your high desire for physical pleasure and joy by repressing it as hard as you can because preferences might make people mad at you.

You can increase this stat by experiencing urges towards pleasure that are unusually intense or go on unusually long.

Manual // Stats // Seduction

Your SED is not 1, because there are many people who try to entrance others through crude harassment or violent physical assault. That is about as much as can be said for your social skills.

You can increase this stat by arousing the interest and desire of others and successfully pursuing them or being caught.

Manual // Stats // Art

You are earnest, enthusiastic, and eager to please. But your ART of 4 shows that there's only so much that wanting to make other people happy can make up for lack of skill.

You can increase this stat by developing your skills in bringing pleasure and joy to other people's lives.

Manual // Stats // Novelty

Your NOV of 3 is proof that you can avoid discovering which things bring you joy by repressing it as hard as you can because preferences might make people mad at you.

You can increase this stat by taking joy and pleasure in things you thought were painful or repulsive.

Manual // Stats // Wizardry

At a WIZ of 10, your world still mostly lies behind the dark cloud of the Lone Power. What happens to you may seem unlikely to others, but it won't break the boredom and bitterness they have about the universe... yet. Witnesses will reach for explanations other than magic, but they'll still notice the unusual events.

Manual // Status Effects // Innocent Virgin

Until you choose to lose your virginity, no one will force you to give it up.

Uh.

Um.

UM?????

...at least it is planning to help him achieve the preserving joy thing, seeing as it has made him a wizard? And it has a mostly accurate opinion of him which is... depressing, but at least it means it knows what it's in for. (He will agree that Lan Wangji is prettier than him. He is pretty sure he is not prettier than 90% of people. He is not in the top 10% of anything).

Also his virginity apparently matters? Is. Is he going to be spreading joy and love, uh, manually? (Even as a wizard, he's probably going to fail dramatically at that.) Hopefully the Lone Power that created ennui can be fought with... cake? He's never made a cake before but he's pretty sure it doesn't involve talking to people or getting them naked, so he might have a better shot at that.

The "stat points: 5" item blinks at him helpfully.

So, LUV seems the most the most useful for his goal, but it's already one of his higher stats, so he probably shouldn't put point into it yet? Unless this is a game where you want to minmax. Hopefully it isn't. He was never good at those.

SED seems less useful if he plans to save the world through cake, but it is his lowest stat, so-- it gets two points, to bring it in line with ART.

He should probably put a point into NOV, too? He can be equally bad at most things that aren't being loving and pretty (supposedly.)

And that leaves two points for WIZ. It's one of his higher ones, but it looks pretty powerful? Seems like a good choice to be better at wizarding and get all the help he can get.

Unfortunately for him, none of those feel like much of anything.

Look at boons [], receive starting quests [], or reject magic []?

He should probably look at the boons? They might make this at all possible.

Agent X (1 point) (30 ≤ WIZ < 70)

When you come into contact with any intelligence agency of any nationality, they will immediately see you as prime fodder for willing recruitment (either as an employee or a contractor). This effect continues operating even if you are already working for one or more such agencies.

Animal Whisperer (1 point) (WIZ < 60)

Choose an animal family. You are extraordinarily skilled at handling (non-sapient) members of this family, and will experience yourself as being able to communicate nearly intelligently with up to (WIZ / 10) chosen familiars. At WIZ 40 you may grant your chosen familiars greater intelligence and other powers through the Familiar subskill of Bestow Ability.

Cal's Curse Compounded (2 fragments) (NOV < 60)

You may not have an orgasm without permission.

Once you plead with someone for permission you may not ask any other person besides them for one month. Each plea resets this timer. The permission-giver must know the rules of this curse; must know that you deliberately invoked this curse upon yourself; cannot otherwise be subject to your commands; and cannot be offered any non-sexual incentives for their response. They may choose to permit a ruined orgasm rather than a full orgasm. The permission-giver may give conditional permissions, including requiring you to obtain the further permission of others. Permission may be revoked at any time. You cannot lie to the permission-giver about any matter relating to your denial. You can try to remain silent, if you think you can get away with that.

All game skills relating to orgasm denial, whether of yourself or others, have zero energy cost.

Chaser 6 When. (1 point) (WIZ < 70)

You can have WIZ/2 independent selves running at once. You have access to all of your selves' memories and experiences, but actions taken by one self will never distract a different self.

Cinnamon Roll (1 point)

Triple all positive effects to others of having sex with you.

Animal Whisperer seems... Nice. He would just have to find the perfect animal, which is a choice he isn't qualified for.

Cinnamon Roll would probably be the best, uh, for fulfilling the oath except for the fact he would have to have sex with people somehow

Curse of Dresden (1 point + 1 fragment) (SED < 80)

The first time you make full eye contact with someone, you learn which desires they have most embarrass them.

Curse of Tattletale (1 point + 1 fragment) (SED < 80)

Whenever anyone within visual range has specific sexual thoughts about you, you know what they are thinking about.

Dark Side (1 point)

At will, cause your eyes to turn visibly bloodshot or revert to normal. At WIZ 40+, you can opt to have your irises turn scarlet, and at WIZ 50+, your eyes can glow red.

Anyone witnessing this phenomenon is fully convinced that you are in the grip of an alternate personality, that your memories of a past life have assumed control, that you are lost in the demonic side of your half-demon heritage, etcetera. To whatever extent this naturally motivates people to forgiveness, your primary self will not be held responsible for your dark side's shameless misdeeds.

Dath Ilan (1 point)

Your memories are replaced with the memories you would have had if you'd grown up in the world of dath ilan. Your NOV is reduced to 1, as most of the most... interesting... ways to seek pleasure are considered infohazards. Your SED is twice as high when you are lecturing about game theory. You are no longer able to use your SED score to notice when people are maintaining elaborate webs of deception around you. You are now outraged about statistical methodology, most economic regulation, video games, mosquitoes, and chairs.

Diplomatic Immunity (1 point + 2 fragments) (30 ≤ WIZ < 70)

Everywhere you go, the computers are firmly convinced you are the child of a high-ranking diplomat from an important allied country. Police officers may stop you (possibly even using violence, if they catch you in the middle of something they really want to stop) but you are never arrested, never charged, and will never go to jail.

WHY WOULD HE WANT A DARK SIDE TO BLAME THINGS ON NO THANK YOU.

(If he knew about game theory, he could probably use the SED that is twice as high... except SED 8 is still not that good probably, and, this is important, he doesn't know game theory.)

Enter the Wired (1 point) (45 ≤ WIZ < 80)

You may physically enter the Internet.

Everyone Knows (2 fragments)

People who spend time in your presence begin to form correct intuitions about your deepest desires, at least the parts their minds would willingly comprehend. They won't expect others to know too, but they will be sure of their own beliefs. This process is especially quick for any desires that currently embarrass you. It is extremely quick for desires that currently embarrass you and that interest the other person to fulfill.

Everywhere Erogenous (2 fragments) (LUV < 40)

There is no area of your body that cannot be used to stimulate you to orgasm, though this may still take time and work to do through your elbow.

Fairy-tale Masochist (1 point) (LUV < 50)

You will now enjoy and appreciate any intensity of physical torture, with zero warmup.

Grandmaster of Non-Demonic Cultivation (1 point) (45 ≤ WIZ < 75)

Receive 4 doses of Body-Tempering Elixir and 4 Qi Pills, enough to get you started. Dantians are now a thing. Warning: Wei Wuxian will be unable to resist the urge to invent an evil form of cultivation. The One makes no promises about whether you will wind up a sapient fierce corpse.

Everyone Knows seems useful. Enter the Wired seems actually useful. He could probably manage to bring joy via the internet.

... Why are so many of the options going to maybe make him undead? Is this an occupational hazard of Wizardry?????

Home Base (1 point)

You possess an upgradeable fortress home, initially small and bare, but expandable through the infusion of money, certain offerings, or the completion of various quests. Electricity, water, and Internet access are always provided. Your home initially has an unobtrusive outlet in whichever part of your local territory is most useful to you. Further outlets may be added with underground expansion, or at higher WIZ, portals.

You may designate small personal areas within your base as not being invadable. You may place vulnerable family and friends in this area, and personal mementos. You may not use it to store prisoners, treasures, or objects of power.

Home Office (2 fragments) (WIZ < 50)

No matter how many times you skip work, you will not get fired.

Idol (1 point) (30 ≤ SED) (20 ≤ BOD)

You gain the talent that will let you to learn how to compose music and lyrics. Singing and performance is already based on SED.

All other aspects of becoming famous---such as actually practicing, assembling a band, and impressing, seducing or blackmailing producers---are up to you; but you will encounter good opportunities.

I'm Not Explaining This Again (2 fragments) (SED < 70)

After you have carefully, painstakingly, thoroughly explained a concept related to love, joy, or pleasure at least once (polyamory is not cheating, that is not where a clitoris is, there is nothing wrong with watching cartoons as an adult, how to cook delicious food that fits a person's dietary restrictions), anyone else you meet will understand it after only a couple of sentences.

In Nomine Status Quo (1 point)

Once per level you may roll against your WIZ*2 to have something undo the long-term consequences of an event perturbing your personal existence. You discover blackmail material you can use to get the prosecutor to drop the charges; your best friend forgives you for that nasty fight; you suddenly discover a new, better apartment if you're being evicted; your one-night-stand turns out to be a millionaire who pays off the incurred debt. Your chance of success when using this perk cannot exceed 90%, but you can still try to salvage the situation by ordinary means if it fails.

This perk may be used any number of times, without counting against the once-per-level limitation, to try to undo any addition or removal of a suitor in your love dodecahedron.

Home Office is tempting, but 'hiding from work because the experience is equal shame-producing and terrifying' is maybe not the most loving response. (Though he's not really sure what this thing counts as 'loving'. It seems to have some specific idea, but maybe that's just how other wizards specialise?)

Him becoming an idol is just laughable. Even if maybe it would be a good way for other people to spread love?

In Nomine Status Quo sounds nice, though.

Indubcon (1 point)

Your best guess never turns out to be an overestimate in regards to how much somebody wants you sexually, or feels okay about having sex with you, or is enjoying having sex with you, or is into some particular fetish.

I See You (1 point) (WIZ < 80)

You are able to perceive, remember, and communicate with anything that would ordinarily be undetectable by you, be misperceived by you, or slip out of your memory.

James Bondage (2 fragments) (ART < 50)

You are a master at tying people up. Your ties never cause unintentional pain, never come loose accidentally, and can be applied in less than 5 minutes, including to an unwilling subject who is otherwise being held down or restrained.

Legoland (1 point + 1 fragment) (50 ≤ WIZ < 90) (ART < 100)

You can detach body parts from their original holders, and then attach them to other people or just take them with you. People with parts attached receive sensations from that part. All sensations experienced by a part continue to flow to that part's original owner, unless an alternative part has been attached to the empty slot on the original owner's body. The usual functions of a part become unnecessary to the person while their part is detached. Detached parts temporarily acquire the protection of your Wizard's Body spell. Victims of this spell may take back and reattach their own parts if they can find them, but only to that part's original location on their body.

Examples:

- Removing Alice's hand and attaching Bob's foot to her wrist will cause both Alice and Bob to receive sensations from that foot.
- Further attaching Carol's ear to Bob's leg means that only Alice is still receiving sensation from Bob's foot.
- Instead attaching Carol's ear to Bob's thigh would mean that Bob is receiving sensation from both his detached foot and from Carol's attached ear.
- You can go on attaching additional parts to Bob so long as he has remaining exposed flesh. You cannot stack parts.
- Removing any non-native parts from Bob means that Bob immediately stops receiving input to them.
- Tiling Bob in clits and tossing him into a vibrator pit is not advised if you want to keep him sane.

Library of Sodom (1 point) (ART < 40)

You automatically know any detail of abstract knowledge that you want or need about any generally pleasurable activity that has been described in public writing. For example, directions for how to tie a shibari knot, that one ought to avoid striking the kidneys with a flogger, how to give a good massage, how to make bread, the chemistry of the Maillard reaction, how scansion works, themes of the works of Naomi Novik, and common techniques to solve recreational math problems. This knowledge does not convey skill.

Indubcon is so tempting. He could just ASK people, and know they would be fine with it... which is why he probably shouldn't take it. Too selfish.

Library of Sodom seems pretty powerful and useful, actually. Even if it doesn't give skill, knowing is half the battle is useful. He should put it up the top of the list of 'probably useful boons.'

Like Uber for Costumes (1 point + 1 fragment) (60 ≤ WIZ)

If you can find any manufactured fetish clothing (not a one-off creation, and you must not have been involved in inspiring it) that corresponds to a profession, you can act with the full skill of that profession while wearing that clothing. For example, using firearms while dressed as a sexy soldier. Clothing relevantly counts as fetish clothing if you want to wear it and feel embarrassed by this desire.

'Little Death' Note (1 point) (50 ≤ WIZ < 70)

The human whose name is written in this Note shall orgasm. Details of how the orgasm shall appear must be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.

Look Who's Having Fun (2 fragments) (LUV < 40)

Your pleasurable response to compatible stimuli is unhindered by other aspects of a situation that exceed your NOV. This does not alter other psychological impacts of situations exceeding your NOV.

Mad Inventor (1 point) (30 ≤ WIZ < 70)

You can create devices whose functions correspond to many wizardly spells and effects. These devices cannot be mass-manufactured, but can be loaned to others. You must wear steampunk goggles while wielding this perk.

Mad Scientist (1 point)

Your powers give you the ability to test hypotheses that conventional science cannot or will not investigate. Use all spells at double their base level whenever you are primarily seeking general knowledge. (Extracting the location of an enemy base does not count as 'general knowledge'.) You must wear a sexy lab coat while invoking this perk.

...he has probably sworn to be a sex wizard. This may be something resembling a mistake.

Too late now.

Though at least the fact he's embarassed by the idea of wanting to wear nice clothes could probably hacked to make him better at things? All at the low, low cost of wearing clothes he is embarassed at wanting to wear. ...

Meguca (1 point) (WIZ < 65)

You're a magical girl! Well, more magical, anyway. Let's be realistic here, you were probably going to serve time in a costume sooner or later. This perk gives you a head start and some extra freedom of choice over styles of fightable monsters and beautiful clothing.

If you are currently male, you may optionally opt for your transformed self to be a boy. Don't expect any fewer sparkles.

Mom/Dad (2 fragments)

Your horrible, abusive parent is replaced by a helpful, loyal parent who will not interfere with your wizardly business. You may opt to keep your memories of the old parent, or simply remember a happier childhood, in which case you will gain a small, unimportant additional starting perk and not remember that this true perk exists or that you selected it. You may also opt to retain the ability to tell this new parent about wizardry.

If you have an additional absentee parent or awful step-parent, they are replaced by a corresponding kindly parent who is dead due to a random accident. This operation leaves your family's finances unchanged.

Naked Before Me (1 point) (ART < 70) (WIZ < 80)

You may touch people as if their clothing and your clothing did not exist. Onlookers not clued in see your hand, shoe, or head resting quietly in the corresponding place---lewd, perhaps, but not obscene---and do not hear any sounds directly produced by the sex act, though they still hear other sounds made by your victim. Similar acts may be performed on you, including by accident.

No Comparison (2 fragments) (WIZ < 50)

Those who have experienced a relationship with you do not think to compare their past or future experiences to the ones they had with you. This perk applies retroactively to people you had a relationship with in the past and heals any prior psychological damage they have taken, but does not repair any of their relationships that have already broken.

Non-Excludable Public Good (1 point) (45 ≤ WIZ < 70)

The world treats your orifices as unsecured wifi. Nobody considers it odd for anyone to do anything to you at any time or place.

...hopefully he doesn't have to be a sex wizard. The... Other wizards, who hopefully exist, can handle the sex related love.

And he should leave Mom/Dad for people with actually abusive parents.

Omnisexual (1 point + 1 fragment) (LUV < 80)

You can at will decide to be sexually and/or romantically attracted to any person, or body type, or personality characteristic. This perk cannot remove attractions you would otherwise already have, nor does it expand your fetishes.

Perfect Sadist (1 point) (ART < 40)

Inflicting pain on others, no matter how severe, never causes any permanent damage you did not intend.

Perfect Subbing (2 fragments) (SED < 80) (WIZ < 60)

You can at will perceive subtitles in your native language for all speakers whose voice you can hear, and subtitled translation for all foreign-language texts. This does not enable you to speak or write other languages.

PhD in Social Circle Management (1 point)

Those among people you care about who would otherwise be hostile to each other tolerate one another's presence. This perk does not bypass quest-related challenges or produce actual friendship.

Pon Farr Lightning Round (2 fragments) (WIZ < 60)

You must have sex at least once per day with someone you find attractive. In the unlikely event of failure to meet this deadline, you could experience increasing levels of fever, sensitivity, mania, fatigue, fugue, loss of self-control, or stat bonuses.

Anyone you tell about this will believe you completely and see it as a mundane medical condition, regardless of what further opinions they form as a result. Nothing forces you to be truthful about whether you have already had sex that day.

By paying 1 full point you may take this as a boon refundable at WIZ 70, in which case this medical condition is becoming common across the world.

Being able to be attracted to anyone would be... Useful... If he was going to try and do this with sex. (He'd want to love everyone, right? That seems only fair.)

...perfect subbing however gets points for being less terrifying.

Prize (1 point)

Seven interesting people from around the world learn your identity, along with the true fact that whoever wins your heart will gain tremendous power.

Not Right Now You Don't (2 fragments) (BOD < 50)

Your anus no longer functions as an excretory vent in addition to its other uses. You simply never need to go to the bathroom for number two. Your sensitivity to other stimuli including enemas is unchanged.

Real Scientist (1 point) (30 ≤ WIZ)

Your unusual experiences have given you insight into open questions about the world, leading you to form new testable hypotheses. You instinctively understand experimental methodology and statistics. So long as you report your outcomes honestly, other scientists will discuss your results seriously; and overlook your lack of credentials along with any questions about the morality or possibility of your experiments.

If you simultaneously hold the perks Mad Inventor, Mad Scientist, and Real Scientist, you become able to develop reproducible technology, including the experimental apparatus required for others to further investigate and extend your discoveries. An actual PhD in a scientific field, acquired the hard way, can substitute for the Real Scientist perk in this trinity.

Secure, Contain, Protect (1 point)

You are a magnet for any person or sapient entity with a significant chance of producing global catastrophe. They will inevitably cross paths with you and seek out your companionship.

Shapeshifter (1 point)

You are able to shapeshift into a different form. Under the light of a full moon, you may shift in or out of your second form. Your second form may gain up to 40 additional stat points, distributed by you among BOD, SED, ART, and WIZ at the time of choosing this perk. You may not put more than 10 of these points into WIZ, or more than 20 of these points into any other stat. Your second form also gains both NOV and LUV each equivalent to half the total points you have so distributed, rounded up. Your shapeshifted form looks different from you and no one will connect the identities unless you tell them.