He's going to try casting Seasoning on one of them (just in case it's possible to fail at casting them spell) and see what happens.

He is suddenly aware that it would taste better with a bit of vanilla, and the spell will tell him exactly when he needs to stop for optimal taste.

He can do that.

... This is his first spell. And it worked. He is a wizard, and he has successfully casted a spell and it is close to useful.

The manual pops up some boxes, almost as if it were being run by someone with brainfog who had totally forgot what they were supposed to be doing:

Quest complete! My Sister Knows Everything About Me

+100 XP
Increased relations with Wen Qing
No Greater Love Than This quest unlocked
New Ally!

Manual // Ally // Wen Qing

Wen Qing. She/her.
4119 Kerry Way, Bell Gardens. 
562-806-6658.
wen.qing@gmail.com
 
Wen Ning's sister.
No relations with other allies.
Linked quests: My Sister Knows Everything About Me (complete); No Greater Love Than This (accepted). 

+ Food preferences
+ Clothing preferences
+ Media preferences
+ Music preferences 
+ Hobby preferences
+ Relaxation preferences
+ Sexual preferences

You know what: good on the One for making sure he doesn't know about his sister's sex life.

And now he can (objectively?) check what she likes to eat. ... At the risk of finding out he's completely wrong.

He puts the cakes in the oven (it's a bit of a game of Tetris to get them in.)

He should probably get started on learning the Speech. He opens up the menu.

There is a little owl mascot! The little owl mascot would like to teach him how to make various phonemes. The Speech, it turns out, uses every phoneme human beings are capable of making. 

The owl mascot wishes to intersperse this with teaching him:

-Greetings and etiquette for various people he might encounter and wish to talk to.
-Emotion words.
-Food-related words.

The Speech is extremely detailed and makes a lot of fine distinctions, and it's also quite precise. There's something... correct, about its ontology. This is the way that emotions are actually divided up among humans; these are the terms for the categories of feeling that Wen Ning has. There are words here for feelings he's never quite been able to name. 

The food-related vocabulary is just as precise but perhaps in a less revelatory way. It does make him hallucinate smells and tastes so he can learn the differences.

This is too many phonemes. He's in a fight with his own mouth to make the ǂ sound.

But it makes sense if there's so many words, and so many fine distinctions.

He's going to miss the words for emotions. There is going to be a conversation where he's really going to want to use them, but no one would know what he meant.

Eventually the back of Wen Ning's brain informs him the cake is ready, ten seconds before the timer goes off.

Well, that's very convenient. He could get used to this being a wizard thing.

He pulls the cakes out, and puts them on a rack to cool.

He should probably start strategising which quests to do and in what order. He pulls up the to-do list (thank you, Wen Qing). Learning the Speech would probably work best doing a little bit each day, and the quests based on that are going to have to wait on him knowing it more.

Going on a date with himself or someone else, getting fashion advice, and getting kissed might have to wait for the weekend. (He has a plan for the kissing one. It's a stupid plan, but he doesn't have a better one.

He wants to kiss Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian is the person he knows who would probably be convinced by "I want to practice kissing with someone I trust but don't have feelings for." Wei Wuxian would laugh, but in a "haha what a funny plan" way and not a "haha Wen Ning is laughable"  way.)

His secret admirer may also have to wait for the weekend.

There is one quest that would be very easy to finish today. (...no pun intended.) The Love Yourself quest. ... People manage this all the time. He can do this. Even if it is incredibly awkward to imagine. And it feels mean to plan to fantasise about someone who isn't into him.

... The cakes are probably cool now. Those are less awkward to think about. Does Seasoning think he should do anything with the packet icing?

A pinch of salt and brighten it with a little vanilla!

He can do that! And now he has two iced cakes, all ready for sad people.

... He probably shouldn't be looking forward to encountering sad people, as a wizard of joy? Even if he's planning to help them?

And he should stop procrastinating on doing the Literal Easiest Quest. First step: go into the bedroom. Second step: take his clothes off.

--he probably shouldn't feel awkward and exposed being naked in his own bedroom, but, well, here he is.

He has a computer right here with which to look at porn (which is probably less embarrassing than fantasizing about Wei Wuxian). 

It would be yeah. And presumably people doing porn are okay with people... masturbating about them.

... Unless they are doing it because they need the money.

Okay, surely there are some people who are doing it for the, uh, love of the game, instead of being to.

Is "amateur porn" the words for this? Hopefully?

Yes! Here is this nice subreddit where people post naked pictures of themselves, or pictures of themselves masturbating. It is part of a whole family of subreddits catering to every imaginable body type.

That is so many subreddits. Maybe he should have expected this many, but it is just so many.

He clicks and scrolls around a bit. (Holds his own cock and half pretends he isn't, focuses on just finding the most appealing image.)

He finds one of a cute Asian man who definitely bears NO RESEMBLENCE to ANYONE HE KNOWS grinning at the camera while showing off a hard cock.

Oh, look, he crossposts to r/GoneWildSmilesGay! (There is also, of course, a version of this subreddit with women.)

It consists of happy-looking naked people, sometimes touching their genitals.

Well that seems like nice subreddit to scroll through. They all look so happy and comfortable and it's just-- pleasant.

(He's actually stroking himself now, but slowly. If the quest wants him to take his time, he will.)

And then there is a person with a very recognizable Rule 30 cellular automation sleeve tattoo. The face is cut off unless he clicks through, though. 

...okay so 'Wei Wuxian posts naked selfies for the enjoyment of the internet' is not that surprising, but it is Something To See It Happen.

Though maybe that particularly kind of sleeve is more common than he thought? Maybe a bunch of programmers have it and he just hasn't stared at their arms.

He clicks through.

Naked grinning Wei Wuxian stroking his dick!

Wen Ning now knows some things he didn't know before, such as that Wei Wuxian is uncircumcised and shaves his balls and has a perfectly average-sized dick and has flowering vines tattooed on his pubic area.

... The vines are a surprise. (He'd have to go to a tattoo parlour and ask for those, get mostly naked for someone to ink those, all so he could have vines next to his dick.)

He should click away. This is probably breaking some boundary or another. ...but Wei Wuxian took this photo deliberately. Put it up deliberately, knowing what people would probably do with it.

It's fine. He doesn't need to look away.

+1 LUV for jerking off to your crush's nudes!

ONE DAY THAT WILL NOT BE STARTLING ANYMORE

... If the One thinks it's fine, thinks it makes him more loving, then it has to be fine.

It's not like he's ever going to know.

(He's definitely not picturing Wei Wuxian finding out and being totally fine with it, maybe even offering to show him in person--)

Maybe it's not even a sex thing, maybe he's just open and free and happy and confident enough that he can show you because it'd make you happy--

That's just true though, that he is that happy and free and friendly and the sort of person who tattoos vines next to his penis.

Wen Ning could ask and he wouldn't even be bothered by him asking, he might even Wen Ning can imagine him saying 'yes.'