The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah, that's right. 

What's sixty-two?

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

I think that, outside of fiction, this is something which fortress designers are already keeping in mind. What's sixty-three?

Sci-fi trope:

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

Sixty-four?

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

What's sixty-five?

You don't want to talk about sixty-four?

I don't want to talk about sixty-four.

Do you want to talk about why?

Do you want to talk about why you want me to talk about sixty-four? 

Are you looking for weaknesses you can exploit? 

What? No! What kind of friend would that make me? 

So you just want to have a friendly conversation about my "extremely unusual phobias." 

What are my "extremely unusual phobias," Choryon? What are my "bizarre compulsive habits?"

Why don't you tell me how extremely unusual and bizarre I am.

You know.

As a friend.

Hey, we can move on to sixty-five, if you want.

"If I want?" I already said I didn't want to talk about sixty-four! You're the one who kept talking about it!

I didn't realize it was such a touchy subject!

Maybe you should have realized it, then!

Hey, now. You're the mind-reader here, not me.

It doesn't take detect thoughts to think that your queen might not like being called insane?? 

...I should take a walk.

No, you should stay here until I'm done talking with you!

...

I think I've been very patient with you so far. This whole thread has just been one thing after another that I'm supposedly doing wrong. But okay, I'm an adult, I can hear out criticism. I'm not the kind of person who doubles down on their mistakes because that's less painful in the moment than feeling powerless and stupid!

But there comes a time when enough is enough!

I didn't get the impression that you were just putting up with hearing the list! I'd have been willing to change topics at any point.

Except, apparently, at number sixty-four.