The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

first-through-the-door

I don't know your family situation well enough to give good advice, yet, so if anything I'm saying is wrongheaded or unworkable, tell me that it's so.

For context, now that you have teleports on tap, though, and ignoring any schemes which you do or don't give the details of or any advice that you do or don't solicit, do you think you'd enjoy visiting Westcrown or inviting your dad to visit Korvosa just to see each other again?

Crown-of-Fangs

He could have reached out at any point in the last five years.

I bet he's waiting for me to blink first. Because he told me not to go to Korvosa but I did it anyway and I married the king there just like I said I would which puts egg on his face.

I want to get powerful enough that he swallows his pride and tries to curry favor with me.

first-through-the-door

Do you think you'd enjoy watching him eat crow more or less than you'd enjoy a day trip to Westcrown?

I'm not fishing here for a yes or a no, I'm just curious.

Crown-of-Fangs

Crown-of-Fangs

...I'll talk to him.

first-through-the-door

For what it's worth, I think this officially makes you the bigger person.

Crown-of-Fangs

Oh? And what kind of official are you, to decide that?

first-through-the-door

Kroft deputized all four of my party as something, but only Mull knows the specifics.

Crown-of-Fangs

...Kroft didn't tell you?

first-through-the-door

We didn't write it down. And can't remember.

Crown-of-Fangs

Do you trust Mull not to lie about your responsibilities and legal remit?

first-through-the-door

...I've been trusting him, but now that you've mentioned it maybe I should stop.

Crown-of-Fangs

Heh.

Crown-of-Fangs

I'm not going to talk to Aberian about the risky mad scheme. Just so you know.

first-through-the-door

Swear an axiomite to secrecy and pay them to improve on what you've got?

Crown-of-Fangs

...Yeah, I guess I could do that.

Why couldn't you have given me a list of a hundred things I don't have to change at all, that'd be so much more fun to go through.

first-through-the-door

But less useful.

Crown-of-Fangs

Why are you being so helpful to me, anyway?

first-through-the-door

Helping people is what good is all about!

Crown-of-Fangs

Helping people with their Evil schemes isn't!

first-through-the-door

Well, if you have a burning orphanage to point me towards, I'll be off. Until then, I'll help the person in front of me.

Crown-of-Fangs

With her Evil schemes???

first-through-the-door

Well, my impression is that sometimes your Evil schemes are more murdery, cruel, or destructive than really serves you in the long run. I think things could be better for everyone, without being worse for anyone.

Crown-of-Fangs

Suppose that without your advice I'd shortly be deposed, but by following it I secure my precarious position and rule for a thousand years.

Even if those thousand years were less murdery, cruel, and destructive than they'd otherwise be, that's still a thousand more years of my rule than the timeline where Korvosa sneezes me out like a bad cold.

first-through-the-door