The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

...Wow, that sucks. 

Well, Eodred's dead now, which goes to show that there are safer ways to demonstrate Evil than pissing off everyone around you. 

My dad always used to say that if you have to choose (and you usually do) it's safer to rely on fear than love (for love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails), but one should take pains to avoid being hated. 

If you're worried that people doubt your Evil, just, like, pave a courtyard in skulls or arrange a gladiator fight between called angels. Now no one can call you soft but also no one in particular feels they've personally been wronged. 

I think the angels feel personally wronged.

Briefly. 

Do you take a lot of advice from Aberian Arvanxi?

Less than I maybe should.

If I'm honest, his advice is probably most of why I've done so well at the common sense portion of your exam.

What's number forty-six?

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

Ask stupid questions, get painful answers. Felandriel Morgethai is but one elf. 

Forty-seven?

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

Oh, for sure. Forty-eight? 

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

I think controlling a beast through magic or technology is often incompatible with treating them with respect and kindness... no, no, that's the convenient answer. When I enslave a humanoid through magic, I usually put some effort into also building mundane rapport. 

I should do that with my pet monster. Figure out how he ticks and how I can make him love me. The only reason I haven't is that it didn't seem intrinsically rewarding.

What kind of pet monster are we talking about here?

Black dragon.

There's a trope called Bullying a Dragon.

It's a sub-trope of Too Dumb to Live.

Dragons live for over a thousand years. You want eternal youth.

Do you honestly think you'll be able to get away with using a mind-controlled one as a weapon against wizards and clerics with dispel magic, for hundreds of years, without it ever going wrong?

I'll see about befriending the dragon.

In case it comes up.

Today's meeting has been pretty productive so far! What's rule forty-nine?

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

I'm assuming for the purpose of the rule that your enemies don't know that this is the one artifact which can destroy you?

In that case, yeah, I can see why you'd want to avoid cluing them in. This exact rule isn't applicable to me, but there's probably some kind of misdirection that I should be doing right now, but it'll be something unique to my own circumstances... oh, and I've thought of one! 

I'll pick some random artifact that's been lost to time, like the Axe of the Dwarvish Lords, and make a huge commotion about how I need it found, offer huge rewards, the whole nine yards. Your team will go all "oh, I wonder why she needs it found," "that sounds like a plot hook," and "I guess that's the plot of the next book," and leave town to make sure it doesn't fall into my hands. But it'll be a huge waste of your time, and if you somehow find the thing, it's just a +6 keen throwing goblinoid bane dwarven waraxe, which none of you are even proficient with. 

I could use it two-handed as a martial weapon.

Go right ahead and do! I'm not a goblinoid, and your degenerate Come and Get Me + Petals on the Wind build relies on the reach of your naginata. 

I'm not sure even we'd fall for such a transparent ploy. Why would you be weak to the Axe of the Dwarvish Lords? And if it wasn't your one weakness, why would you even want it?

Good point. I'll set you wildly goose-chasing the Ihystear.