The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

??????????????????

*wheeze*

You shouldn't laugh at your own jokes.

Somebody has to, and nobody else will.

You can't make me finish UNSONG.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

Does that interfere with how well they ventilate? 

Not to my knowledge.

Seems harmless enough to implement. 

What's number three?

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Hah!

It seems that Earth's books aren't so different, after all. Don't worry, Ileosa's not going to make that mistake.

Number four?

You've got me between a rock and a hard place, because on the one hand, I'm realizing that I should feed you false information, and on the other, I'm sworn not to alter the list...

Aww, don't be like that, Choryon.

I wouldn't feed you false information.

You would and you have.

(At least, within the context of this omake-continuity where we've been playing Curse of the Crimson Throne. If you have in the main continuity, I don't know - but then, I wouldn't.)

Okay, but within the context of this omake-continuity you're probably, like, charmed and suggested and maybe dominated and/or geased unless I'm not a high enough level for that yet.

I wasn't imagining that you were a high enough level for that yet.

I'm always imagining that I'm a high enough level for that yet.

It wouldn't jibe with how we implied earlier that you only recently founded the Gray Maidens.

Why can't we live in this world where I have fifth-circle spells, just for a little while. Don't you think I deserve it?

No, I don't think that you deserve the power to rule minds nonconsensually.

I don't think you've done anything to deserve what it would do to you.

I get enough of this from Glorio in the main continuity.

What's number four?

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

Wait, but sometimes it really is?