The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

How even would you?

You never know when a quest item might come in handy. There's a story from my planet where a kid escapes Baba Yaga by feeding ham to the guard dogs and buttering the creaky hinges of the sapient door.

Maybe you'll have a door construct that can be greased with the soap, and I'll feed the chocolate to your dog.

Baba Yaga.

What about Baba Yaga?

Why does your planet have stories about Baba Yaga.

We had them first, she's from here originally. 

Ah.

Of course Golarion can't slow you down, it couldn't slow Baba Yaga. 

Although - you said that your planet doesn't have wizardry. On your world, instead of a mighty spellcaster, was Baba Yaga a tabletop gamer like you?  

I'm pretty sure that on my planet Baba Yaga was just a legend.

Really now. 

It seems unlikely that your world would have legends about a historic character from ours, especially in light of how, from the perspective of your world, my world was recently invented. 

Your world has a bunch of legendary characters from mine, your authors threw them in. 

...D'oh.

I guess that'd make sense.

...Instead of talking about how scary I find you as a native of Golarion, or casting about for another subject of conversation, I should ask about Rule 98, but. 

It's the last one. 

I'm not going anywhere. Except maybe the main thread for a while, but you'll be there too. 

Okay. What's Rule 98?

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

If I were a god and one of my clerics did that, I'd drop them.

I'd drop them on the spot.

Choryon, I am incredibly grateful to you for reading me this list. There are many things in it which I plan to put to Evil use.

But I'm drawing the line here. I am not going to live coldly, and mine will not be the hands that kill every beautiful thing.