The small office always feels a little constricting. 

It's not the panic she used to have, a few months ago. The suffocating claustrophobia. Now... there's mostly emptiness. It's not really bad. Not really good, either. It just feels normal to not feel sad or happy or scared or horny anymore. It's been half a year now, after all. 

"It's dead," she reports. "I have no interest in seeing an erogenologist right now. While there is... intellectually a desire, I've tried with my partners and the actual mechanics of sex are beyond me right now. I can't get horny and I'm anorgasmic. I tried giving, but..." She shakes her head. "It wasn't a very pleasant experience for my girlfriend."

"Yeah," Lyn says. "Lithium can do that. It's generally considered better to flatten emotions rather than risk serious mood swings that could endanger people, but it can be really hard on people in the meantime."

She pages through her notes. "How do you feel about being referred to a sexual therapist?"

She doesn't feel anything about it at all, but it does seem logical. 

"Fine, I guess. That seems like a reasonable step to take."

"Alright. Do you have partners in the city who could come with you to the intake appointment? I understand that in these kinds of cases where a sex drive has been seriously disrupted by illness, it's often handy to have a partner on hand to answer questions about what used to excite you."

"I have two, yes. Aria Vellein and Nix Silveria. Should I bring them to the intake appointment?"

"I'll record their names as your partners on my referral. And yes, that's usual. Do you have phone numbers for them?"

"In my phone, yes."

She pulls it out of her pocket and rattles off their numbers in a monotone.

"Thank you. I'll put this referral in the system for you and we'll be on our way." Lyn gives Hannah the brightest, fakest smile she's ever seen in her life.

Therapists are just like that. 

There's a very dull twinge of annoyance, but it vanishes when she tries to grab on to it. 

"That's all for the session today?"

"I think so, yes." 

"Thank you for the session." The words are as empty as her.

Lyn nods. "See you in a month!"

Hannah lets herself out of the office, places a new appointment with the receptionist at the front desk, and steps out of the hospital into the small park with its dead-leafed tree. It's autumn. A man in a wheelchair is taking the sunshine, and people come and go from the crowded loading zone in front of the hospital. 

She pulls out her phone and calls Aria. 

"I'm done."

"Good to hear," comes Aria's tinny voice from the other end of the phone. "I'm just picking up groceries, so I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Okay." 

She hangs up. 

She should feel good about talking to her girlfriend. Instead she just feels the sense of reaching for something that's not quite there. 

She can barely even feel love, anymore.

She sits down on one of the hard-slatted benches in the park and looks up at the sky. 

There is an emotion. Wistfulness, maybe. She doesn't look at it too closely, for fear she'll scare it off. 

Time passes and the clouds roll by.

Eventually Aria's deep blue Prius comes around to the loading zone.

She gets up and gets in the car. 

"Hey," she says to Aria. A little warmth comes into her voice.

"Hey." 

Aira pulls away from the curb, and merges into the city. They're near the university district, and rows of peach trees and small ponds stretch past the shopping malls and fast food places.

Once they're sitting in front of a stoplight Aria risks further conversation.

"So how did it go?"

"About as usual. Scheduling, going over my time tracking, the usual reminders to do mastery tasks." 

Hannah runs a hand through her hair. "She referred me to a sexual therapist to work on my libido. That's next month, same building. Intake appointment. You and Nix are expected to come."

"That's very good news. I guess they think you're stable enough on the fundamentals of life now."

The light changes, and Aria drives the car onward, making a right turn at the next set of lights as she aims back for the main thoroughfare. 

"I'm sure Nix will be happy to hear that as well."

A tinge of sorrow touches her, even through the cold. 

"I miss you," Hannah says. "I want to be yours again."

"I miss you too," Aria says softly. For a moment she glances away, pain written across her face.

She knows she is much reduced. 

It twinges to see Aria hurting about it. It's a little uncomfortable.

She says nothing more.

"So," Aria says brightly. "Ice cream for my good girl." She reaches over for a moment to lay her free hand on Hannah's.