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I wish it was all a dream
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That's a pretty sweet tip though, she must have done a good job

 


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They teleport home. 

He immediately hugs her. "We need to kill him," he says, trying to keep his voice stable and only mostly succeeding.

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...

This should be a good thing. She agrees, she wanted this. Her partner is finally on board with the obvious thing that should be done. Hooray, he agrees with her!

So why is she suddenly so furious with him?

(Is it perhaps because she came to this conclusion literal months ago, and he's been dead weight at best in her efforts to try and counter the very real and very existent threat? Is it that he needed to have her literally shot before he realized it was a problem worth solving? This was the third time he's fucked with her, he ran her out of her home, she's been unable to make any non Quasar friends in Korea even though she wanted the literal exact opposite of that, all of her fun and fulfilling projects are sitting by the wayside in favor of this person and what he could do to her.)

"Realize that now, did you."

It's not what she wants to have said, but it's what she says. She's still and unresponsive in the hug, like hugging a statue.

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Tae-gun flinches but doesn't pull away. "Yeah."

What else can he say? It was probably obvious to everyone else, or not probably, Si-yeon literally wanted to murder him, and Tae-gun—didn't. Want it.

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Oh, so now it's an emergency that they need to drop everything for and talk about? His problems are all neatly sorted out, onwards, full speed ahead, nothing else to worry about?

No pause to maybe perhaps ask if, you know. She's okay.

"Yeah? So, full speed ahead, onto murder plotting? Nothing else to take care of, just, okay, Hye-jin, now it's a problem? Let's actually solve it?"

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Now he pulls away. "I—sorry, I thought—I'm sorry. Hye-jin-ah, how are you feeling?"

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"Oh! Did you realize that my feelings matter too! Oh good, I would hate for this to be another therapy session for your problems, so soon after I was shot in the fucking head! How the fuck do you think I am!"

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The flinch this time is more like he's been slapped, but—he's meant to keep holding her. "I, I, I—"

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"Fuck you. How dare the first words out of your mouth after I almost died be about anything else, how dare you put anything else above my feelings right now when I have been bending over backwards and risking my life and my mind for yours."

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"That's not—I thought—you'd want to—I'm sorry—"

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"Yeah? Because that's what I was doing when I was trying to head off this problem before things got this bad? And now that things are this bad I'm just supposed to be fucking fine? Ha! Whatever. I don't want to go back to the hospital tonight. Your job! Is simple. You shut the fuck up about your problems and how you feel about them, and! You hold me! That's it. Do that. You jackass."

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"...I wasn't... talking about how I felt." She gave you instructions, Lee Tae-gun, and they're clear as day, so just, "Sorry. Shutting up."

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"Bullshit you weren't! This finally became real to you. That's it, that's why you're now on board! It's about your fucking feelings! Lie to yourself all you like, Lee Tae-gun, but don't also lie to me!"

She will, however, grumpily take his hand and start marching bedroom wards. Because she's tired, and she should actually fall asleep in the arms of her self-absorbed dickhead of a partner. (God, does she has a fucking type...)

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"What are you talking about?"

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"Which part! Because you lie to yourself constantly and you know it! And sometimes! That means you lie to other people, too!"

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"What am I meant to be lying about here? Why—what—?"

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"You want to kill him because you got scared. Of me dying," she snaps. "And my feelings and experiences didn't fucking matter, did they, I ask you for help in the hospital to know if we can please finally solve your crazy ex problem and you - you fucking - you put it off again and now you're going to swoop in and - ! Just! Don't pretend this is about me. This is about how you feel about me, and how you don't want to lose me. And I'm so sick of everything being about you."

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"That makes no fucking sense. If you're going to just, just redefine words like that then sure, obviously, it's about me because I care about you, just like, like, like going out with a friend is about me because I care about them or doing dungeons is about me because I care about other people! That doesn't make it not be about you! What did you want me to do, talk about killing a man in front of a camera controlled by someone else in a public hospital, is that what?"

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"I wanted you to fucking care about the woman who'd nearly died sobbing her fucking eyes out on top of you in the hospital! Instead of hearing platitudes about what is and isn't tactically smart when, actually, this cloak and dagger shit is only to his benefit! I wanted you to have listened to me when I told you this would become a problem! I wanted your help when I was trying to find ways to, to fight him, to protect myself, to - do everything I could to prevent this and you're just, just. Everything I do is wrong." She's crying now, but still perfectly capable of yelling while doing that. They have stopped moving towards the bedroom, though she's still holding his hand. Even while she gestures explosively with the other.

"I can't tell your friends what's going on to ask for help, I can't go make my own because I didn't even know this was potentially going to be a problem before he dictionary attacked me and can show up at any time if he knows where I live, I can't go grocery shopping, I can't do my goddamn job, I can't even have a fucking breakdown in the hospital after I wake up from a bullet in my head because, oh, no, that's wrong! I want you to have said that anything I ever did was right and that it doesn't matter how stupid and inefficient my feelings are, they matter to you, because -!"

She cuts herself off, and turns away from him.

"Nevermind. Just. Nevermind."

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He's kind of out of words, now, because, because there's a part of him that wants to comfort her but another, louder part of him wants to be angry and he doesn't want to listen to that one but actually "I literally died for you. We survived that because of, of a fucking miracle, but I died that day, you realise that? I died trying to save you. I had no expectation of surviving it, I just needed you to be alive, how can you possibly say that I don't care?"

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"Because whenever it's about him, I'm the least important person present. You've proven it! Again and again! It's about you, it's about him, it's about your friends, but me, my safety, my feelings? Having to go through a painful and intrusive medical procedure again because it was efficient to be super super careful? Feeling alone and isolated because I'm afraid to go outside? Feeling like I'm - living in the margins of someone else's life because I don't have a space of my own that is actually safe? Yeah. No. Doesn't fucking matter. You do not make attempts to help me when we're not in a dungeon."

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"—that's not true!! I never, I never—" But what, Lee Tae-gun, what? "I, I didn't—" That's so unfair, he, he, "Of course I care about your feelings," and it sounds so fucking lame to his ears, and he doesn't know what to say, his words are tripping in his throat and not coming out, he has no idea what he wants to say—

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"Uh huh. I can tell. Can you name a time where you acted upon that in a non-combat situation."

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"I—you're—why are you doing this? You're testing me," oh good okay this is a better backlash than anger, it's much more welcome, "but you're being unfair and you know you're being unfair. You're not looking for a real answer. Are you? I'm not, it, it was so hard to let you be in my silo, and it was so hard to open up to my friends about this, and, and I'm not any good at this! This feelings thing! You know that! I don't know! I can't name times like that! And if I did you'd still be angry because you're trying to win against me right now, you're treating me like an enemy. You're not trying to talk to me or even make me understand anything."

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"I am trying to talk to you! I am trying to explain myself! I'm doing this because I'm hurt and I'm angry and I'm sick of being the punching bag! And it's not coming out right and it's - I am trying to win and I am trying to hurt you, but I'm - the point I am making is there! It exists. I don't know how else to make it. You're - you're even criticizing my attempt to ask for help! I am hurt. I am lonely. I am scared. I almost died today. Don't. Don't make this about you. Especially don't make it about him."

Yeah she's full on sobbing now.

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