"If my eating disorder was caused by my homosexuality I would have had one since I was thirteen, when in fact I started developing an eating disorder when I was forced into ex-gay camp and isolated from the people I didn't have to hide from." 

"You started having an eating disorder when you started dating an extremely conventionally attractive man, and it worsened when he abandoned you here."

Oh fuck you. "I have dated conventionally attractive men and been dumped by them before, and Asher cared about the way I look less than anyone I have ever dated. I developed an eating disorder when I was no longer able to control what I look like." 

Christine is very calm. "I sense some hostility and defensiveness."

"Yes. I'm pissed off that you're attributing my problems to the only person I've had since I got here who actually helped with them." 

"How did he help?"

"He got it. Or, sometimes it didn't make sense, but he'd listen and he never judged me, he never thought I was wrong or evil or broken for wanting to be what I wanted to be and he never tried to make me anything other than what I was." 

SHe's not going to cry. 

"Being accepted as you are is very important to you."

The 'and this is the emotional need you have inappropriately sexualized that turned you gay' remains subtext.

It had better remain subtext. 

"Yeah. And for some reason, I don't think keeping me in a place that wants to chop off the bits of me it doesn't like is going to help." 

"You want to recover from your eating disorder, but you're not sure that I will be able to help you."

"I'm not just not sure that you will. I'm very sure that you won't." 

"Are you willing to give therapy a chance?"

"Asher never tried to change a thing about me. You told me I had to change my name because you didn't like it." 

"It sounds like you're very resistant to therapy. What do you think will happen if you continue to be resistant?"

"It sounds like you don't think I have a reason to be so resistant." 

"It's not about what I think, Alexander, it's about what you think. What do you think will happen if you continue to resist therapy?"

"I don't know what will happen if I continue, but I think if I stop resisting I'll want to jump off a bridge.

And my name isn't Alexander." 

"If you do not successfully graduate from this program, I will recommend that you continue with ex-gay therapy during the school year. There are several excellent programs which combine academics with ex-gay and eating disorder treatment. I think you would like to see your friend Natalie? And perhaps email Asher?"

"My name," he says, and he's fairly sure he's crying, "still isn't Alexander." 

"Of course, Alex. --I really am on your side here. All I want is for you to be able to have a happy and healthy life."

He's definitely crying. "Sasha. My name is Sasha. I will put away the needles if you want me to but please just let me have my name." 

"Perhaps we can find some compromise that works for both of us! Alyosha would let you honor your Russian identity and isn't a girl's name in English."

"Alyosha is not a nickname for Alexander. And even if it were, everyone I know calls me Sasha." And she's already compromising, already feels like she's going to break. 

"You're very rigid. You should learn how to be more flexible."

"....you can call me Alyosha if I can call you Crystal."