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Taliar in Evil Arda
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Want me to stop?

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Taliar takes hold of his fear and tells it to shut the fuck up for a second so he can think.

He smiles.

Not anymore I don't, he says, a little smugly, his thoughts full of renewed determination and love and the satisfaction of meeting a meaningful challenge. And terror, that too, but on a more distant level for now.

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Snuggles. You delight me. That was - absurdly intense - and he sends it -

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That fluctuation effect is not fucking around, wow.

He tries to snuggle up, can't quite make himself move, takes a moment, tries again, succeeds. I am going to love you forever. The way you think about me is the most amazing thing.

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I believe you. And I love you.

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Taliar grins. On impulse, before he can think twice and freeze up again, he gives Maitimo a kiss.

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Kiss. He doesn't push it, at the moment. He traces Taliar's back where he wrote his name and he kisses him gently and he's happy.

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It's nice. Well, it's nice if he ignores the underlying terror, and after a few seconds he manages to do that; there's a trick to it, telling himself that although the tense anticipation is fully justified he's just going to drop it down a hole and forget about it anyway, danger, what danger, there's nothing here but lovely sweet gentle kisses.

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And he sends his approval and admiration and delight and then he flips Taliar over and holds him down with a hand in his hair and says I want you to process it, this time, I want you here with me -

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Okay. Okay. I'll do my best, he says, frozen again but deliberately immersing himself in the universe of his senses, not even thinking about what it is he's trying not to think about, just being as present as possible.

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I know you will. You're so good - I love you so much -

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He wants to say it back but he wants it to be true and it takes a moment, it takes effort, it takes shivering and squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face against a pillow and reaching very deliberately into his memories of trust songs and positive soul contact and Maitimo's utterly adorable knife-wielding practices—

I love you too, and I will love you forever.

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And a while later, I'm done. You can rest now, if you'd like.

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Done as in done? he asks, because it's important to make sure, once he's out of this state of expecting/accepting that Maitimo will hurt him he doesn't think he'll be able to get back in today and he wouldn't want to take it away before Maitimo is finished with it.

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Yes. Kiss. I had a lovely time and am entirely satisfied.

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Good.

So he relaxes, deliberately but without lying to himself: they're done, he's safe now, it's okay. And it works. Slowly, but it works.

After a minute he's comfortable enough to snuggle up close and just stay that way, cuddly and content. The fear and pain are still with him but they're - not bothering him, somehow, they're just background noise, waiting to be dealt with at his convenience.

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And he sends him impressions. You are so fascinating, you are so delightful -

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I have this silly smug urge to say 'I win' - I love you so much and I love that you love my mind the way you do and it's so good when you show me how you feel, it's so amazing and affirming and it makes me feel so loved and cherished and appreciated for the glorious miracle I am.

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You win. You definitely win. Oh, dear, you were lovely.

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Snuggle. Delighted laughter.

How closely were you listening when you left me alone - did you catch me laughing at myself for thinking I'd be disappointed if you were done already -

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I was listening to everything, you're the most interesting thing in the world -

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Awwwwwwwww aww aww that's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about him and he needs to be kissing Maitimo right now, he doesn't even care that it still makes his pulse jump and his hands shake with lingering fear, it is time for kisses.

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Love you forever.

And then he has to stop and cuddle up and let himself shake for a bit. But he's still grinning and still in love.

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He'll be patient.

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