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Taliar in Evil Arda
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...That was either an astonishingly badly targeted attempt to upset me or an astonishingly well-targeted attempt to get me thinking about a fundamentally appalling subject in a non-appalled way, says Taliar. Which is it, I want to know whether to be affectionate and vindicated or affectionate and mildly unsettled...

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I wasn't trying to get you intrigued but it was important to me to convey clearly the appeal as I experience it -

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You definitely succeeded at that, he says. It turns out that he mostly feels affectionate. I love you. It seems like everything I learn about how your mind actually works, even the otherwise appalling things, gives me a deeper appreciation for who you are as a person, and I find it hard to be upset when I'm busy being fascinated and in love...

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People are so interesting to me, and so beautiful -

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Yes, exactly - a very familiar perspective, even if they take it in very different directions sometimes.

He loves Maitimo, he loves finding out about how Maitimo's mind works. Maitimo has such a fascinating beautiful mind. Sometimes the way he thinks is delightful and sometimes it's kind of scary but it's always... Taliar always ends up loving him, even the scary parts.

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I would understand different things about you if I watched you under mind control and I would find them addictive and fascinating and delightful and then it would wear off and I could - try to articulate it, of course, and also just hold you and bask in how much more you are when you're whole.

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...you're beautiful and a little scary and - I love you so much, I love the way you think, the way you work - and this is surprisingly non-upsetting to contemplate...

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I love you and I want you and this is part of what that means to me but - I want you to feel sure of me, I want you to feel safe...

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I did say I trust you with the strategic experiments. I still do. And... I think I could be okay with, um, non-strategic experiments. As long as they all met my soul's standards for consent - that's what I'd need, to feel safe. I have to say, this is not at all what I expected to come out of my impulsive ill-advised flirting...

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I mean, I didn't really form expectations, I just said it because - it was so obvious, and I am sometimes impulsive and drawn to playing with fire... but if I'd stopped to think about it I would definitely not have guessed that I would end up actually being open to the possibility of mind-control sex.

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I am very convincing and you are very curious and I love you so much. 

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I love you too.

Snuggle. Happy affectionate snuggle.

Should we design experiments?

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Yes. Definitely yes.

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He giggles affectionately. Is it weird that he finds Maitimo's enthusiasm endearing in this context? Probably, but he likes finding Maitimo's enthusiasm endearing.

Okay, so the relevant standard of consent is approximately 'I agree to specific things in advance every time', which is what makes it tricky to arrange one where I'm not expecting it, but that's the most strategically important experiment to make, a defense against mind control is hardly reassuring if it fails when I'm caught off-guard. The two obvious ideas are 'try something while I'm asleep' and 'read my mind and wait until I am not in fact expecting it'... the first one's probably easier, I think?

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Probably - I don't have anything instantaneous -

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So, asleep. But for non-strategic purposes that experiment should be last because 'someone trying to mind-control me while I'm not expecting it, in order to figure out if I will be safe from getting caught-off guard by the Enemy' is exactly the sort of circumstances under which my soul might pick up a permanent Absolutely No Mind Control Ever power if it was inclined to do that. In which case I guess the question is, what else do you want to do before then?

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I'm curious what happens if I sing you something mind-controlling while holding your soul, I don't know if you need to process it for it to work -

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...that's a fascinating question, I'm fascinated... but how would we even tell if I was being successfully mind-controlled, the effect would be tiny compared to the effect of soul-touching...

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Doesn't wear off instantly. Usually you get the length of exposure after it stops before it fades.

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Huh. Okay, that one's worth trying, it can go on the list. He imagines a list with the soul-touching experiment first and the while-sleeping experiment last and a blank space in between. What else?

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What interests you?

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My curiosity is interested in what kinds of mind-controlling songs there are and what they all feel like and what they'll let you see in me... I don't know what to call the part of me that's interested in the way you sound when you talk about mind-control sex but it's something between 'you sound so thrilled, I want to give you that' and 'I really liked what you said about basking in how much more I am when I'm whole'...

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So, a few just standard runs, where I sing you some things and try to nudge you from there into an interesting state and fuck you once I have what I want, and tell you all about it afterwards?

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Yeah, that sounds about right.

Wow, he kind of can't believe he's agreeing to this. He feels all nervous and fluttery when he thinks about it. But - he wants to give Maitimo things that will make him happy, and this will definitely make Maitimo happy. And he isn't sure what the name is for the way he feels when he remembers Maitimo saying 'and also just hold you and bask in how much more you are when you're whole,' but it's a good feeling, it's something he wants very much. And he's curious. And he trusts Maitimo, 'nervous and fluttery' isn't at all the same thing as 'frightened for his safety', it's almost a nice feeling in its own way.

Trusting Maitimo feels weird. It doesn't run on quite the same rules as trusting anyone else. There's the way he trusts most people he's close to back home, which is 'this person isn't going to hurt or betray me because that's not the sort of person they are'; and there's the way he trusts Esarkan, which is 'when he inevitably does things that lead to me being hurt or in danger, it'll turn out that I would've agreed with his reasoning if he'd bothered asking me first, and we both know this so he doesn't bother asking me first'; and then there's Maitimo, and he can't figure out what the summary should be, it's not that Maitimo is categorically unwilling to do things that will hurt him and it's not that all of Maitimo's priorities are things Taliar agrees with almost perfectly, but there is something there, some solid foundation, he just can't figure out what it's made of...

Maitimo wanting him to feel safe is definitely a big part of it. It's something like... he feels confident that, although Maitimo sometimes wants things that will end up hurting him, Maitimo does not want him hurt, and can cooperate in good faith toward making sure that he only hurts Taliar in ways Taliar is warned about and can handle. It's a weird new way to trust someone, but it works, it feels comfortable and secure.

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