"...why? Presumably you prefer I not be dead by being eaten. Are you even that hungry?"

He is not.

"Because– okay fucksake, it is apparently only a really bad idea because I really don't want to because I want to rank your preferences highly." Pause. "Sorry for all the swearing."

He shrugs. "I don't mind if other people swear. So it's not in fact a bad idea so you should try to do it a little bit yes?"

"I haven't necessarily ruled it a good idea but here I'm just being petulant and not wanting to derank your preferences despite you asking for it apparently so that's just wonderful, ugh, sec."

Sigh.

"Right," he says. "Do you just want my top preference that seems possibly achievable and probably not contaminated by the weird whatever for you or what."

"I would like you to act as close to whatever you'd be without the weird whatever for me, yes."

"… Okay," he says.

"So, what is it?"

"I was kind of waiting for a task for me to act normally while doing."

"...would you normally need a task?"

"… No but I wouldn't normally be a vampire kinda at a loss of what to do."

"Well you said you had a top preference...?"

"I haven't actually listed my preferences and worked out which is top. That's not a thing I would usually do."

"Ah. Well, um, did we get you more-or-less functional, then?"

"Now, you mean? Yeah. I'm probably more-or-less functional with additional features and some things that I have to watch out for in case I do accidentally go jump off a cliff."

His range of facial expressions might, however, be just a tad more limited than usual.

"...I genuinely do not want you to suffer or hurt yourself or anything like that, for values of those words that include mental contortions to try to figure out how to best please me."

"I mean, that probably helps somewhat but I don't think the mental contortions clause is going to do anything extra."

"Ugh."

"Like, if I genuinely think your stated preferences are not what you would actually prefer, and it works so I want to do what I think you would actually prefer, stating it is just going to make me pay slightly more attention to make sure it actually is what you prefer and that you're wrong about your stated preferences. Not actually stop me outright."

"I have very strong preferences not to be an instrument to someone else's mind control! They are strong enough to override almost every other preference!"

"I'm sorry for imprinting on you or whatever, in that case," he says, keeping his voice very steadily flat.

"That doesn't really help," he sighs.

"Nnnope," he says.

"Do you want me to stay here?"