"I just– yeah," he says, sighing a bit more.

"This is really not informative!"

"I don't have any neat packageable information," he says. "I'm not sure how I want to package it if ever."

"You could start with what you're thinking while you're looking at me like that."

He makes a bit of a frustrated noise. "I don't think I want to package that right now."

"...do you realize that that's kinda terrifying?"

"It does not in fact include 'I have a desire to bite you'," he says, rolling his eyes.

"Then just tell me what it is! I am in fact pretty smart and I cannot act effectively when there's information being withheld from me!"

"I think I like you but I don't really know and I really kinda don't want to– I don't know, just– nngh," he says, finishing with a noise of frustration and looking down.

"Wait so you are in magical vampire love with me?"

"I don't know! I have no fucking clue and I don't think I want to find out because I kinda really don't like it but I really do so please can we just not."

"No! No we can't! We need to figure this out, especially if this is the thing that's making me immune to your being-food thing! Or if you're gonna fall into magic vampire love with everyone you talk to for any extended period of time! And if so the next test should be with someone you'd want to be with anyway to minimise discomfort, maybe."

"Yes but that is currently limited to literally one fucking person because it was approximately zero before I woke up yesterday."

"We need to balance goals and constraints, here. You could live as a literal hermit and never figure any of these things out, this is an option you have, I'm just suggesting what to me look like the least damaging options for getting you to not need to do that."

"Yes right okay um – sorry for snapping – ugh, um." He bites his lip. "I don't know, okay, um, there are a couple of people who wouldn't be literally the worst but I don't know how this thing works or anything so it might turn out that it would actually be terrible with them and I don't know."

"Is this the kind of vampire love where you need my presence?"

"I don't think so but I don't know how I would test that without being far away from you and then probably ending up killing someone because there's no-one to keep me in check and then dying if-when it turns out I actually do."

"...I don't think I've ever heard of magic vampire love that makes you die in the absence of your object of affections but I suppose we can't rule it out. However, it's—probably not likely, and we should figure this out, too. Somehow. Hm. Anyway, uh, you did manage not to kill me even while you were not in magic vampire love with me, the sun seems to make you worse and you're not in the sun, I don't think you're gonna kill anyone else if you stay here."

"I hope not and have at least some confidence that I won't especially if I basically just hide away in my room trying to ignore the world or whatever, I just meant, if I had to get far away, i.e. out of this town or something."

"Oh. Well, uh, we'll run that test later since there's no pressing need for that. If you do fall in magic vampire love with someone else it won't necessarily be terrible even if you're not compatible."

"Yes, because maybe I'll be magic-vampire-lovedly forced to change so we are compatible, won't that be wonderful."

"...no I'd meant because you don't actually need to date everyone you're in love with. I would know. And in any case if that were it you'd have changed to suit me and I don't think you have, you're still awfully unhelpful and give me mixed signals even though you're really adorable, especially when grumpy."

"Because I continue to be conflicted and I really don't like it, hence mixed signals because I can't work out what I even want to send let alone what I should!"

"Doesn't seem to change much from before," he shrugs. "But anyway, I'm just messing with you, sorry. It feels really awkward that you're in magic vampire love with me."

"Yes, and I don't, even–?" He trails off, making a sort of confused gesture.