The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

It sounds hard to get your quiet contemplation hours in, what with all the stress and hubbub of despotism.

Maybe you should hang up the crown for a few months; give your majordomo a stretch to their wings? 

Who's the majordomo in this scenario, Sabina or Togomor?

If those are the options, definitely Sabina. 

I don't think either are really qualified to take my place and maintain or continue my schemes. Maybe when I have a simulacrum.

Are those allowed?

I don't know if the spell is banned or not, but the Everdawn Pool can create these blood simulacrum thingies.

The anniversary remaster edition of CotCT claims that you can only have seven at a time, and the pool is a greater artifact, so I say it should be allowed. 

What happens when there's two of you?

Do you try and stuff each other in full plate?

Um, rude.

Do you think I have a completely one-track mind?

I don't think you have a one-track mind, but I have total faith in your ability to compensate.

And, frankly, I'm offended that you think a simulacrum with half my BAB and CL could make me do anything.

Now, I might stuff her in armor. And knife her up.

I think that a simulacrum of me, treated well, could be as close a friend and confidante as anyone on Golarion, buuuut, since I get seven, I figure it's fine if I pick one or two we're all mean to.

I could even kill her, and that'd be the end of the line for her because she wouldn't have a soul, and then I could just create a replacement to round out the seven.

That'd be a little wasteful - the Everdawn Pool needs time to gather power - but it'd be a missed opportunity if I didn't ever do it even once.

Aren't you worried about waking up after the ~spell is ~cast and realizing that you're the simulacrum? 

Why would I be? I'm not going to physically split my brain in half, and it's not like my soul is going anywhere. I'm the original; a simulacrum is a copy.

...This doesn't sound right to me, but I don't know enough to confidently dispute it.

Could you do me a personal favor and not do anything to the simulacrum that you wouldn't want done to you?

That would be really limiting. 

There are a lot of things that I'd find it fun or... cathartic... to do to someone who looks like me and has my memories and thinks like me, precisely because I'd find them intolerable. And even setting everything of that class aside, there are a lot of things I wouldn't want done to me because there's only one of me, but which I'd be more open to if I had more. 

If you torture or murder an Ileosa, it'll make me feel sad. 

Maybe briefly. But I doubt you'd be deeply affected, for the same reason that it doesn't matter to you when the nameless and interchangeable NPCs die. 

Besides, all else being equal, wouldn't you say that it's Gooder to torture an Evil person than a Good one? Who's to say that spending all my time torture-murdering evil clones of myself isn't my first step on the road to redemption?

I don't think that killing someone who doesn't get an afterlife is likely to prove redemptive. 

It's better than killing someone who has an afterlife, isn't it?

I mean, I wouldn't prefer having my soul eaten over the ministrations of Hell, which is part of why killing a copy of me would be hawt, but most of the people I kill or get killed would very much prefer cessation of existence to eternal torment.

Most people go to perfectly pleasant afterlives.

Well, lucky most people, then.

You could join Team Good and collect the bennies. It's not an exclusive club. Even if you successfully complete your immortality ritual (which you won't, since we'll stop you), you'd still die of something someday.

Even if you're completely selfish, which I don't think you are, Good is ultimately more rewarding than Evil is. As long as you can pass the marshmallow test, which I think you can.

Have I ever told you that my first kiss was a petitioner from Elysium? Even if I weren't soul-sold, I'd still be irrevocably damned, and even I weren't damned, I'd still have no interest in being sorted Chaotic Good and paying the slobbery favor forward to some kid down the road who gets bored of the dinner conversation and wanders away to make out with the Loyalty Day decorations. 

It's immortality on the Material Plane or bust.

Oh.

Wow. 

That sucks. 

You're a lot of fun to talk to when you're not trying to be the redeeming Sarenite, which I don't think you're very good at anyway.

You don't always understand me, but you want to understand me, the same as I want to understand you, which puts you in a camp with, like Sabina and no one else.

But then I mention something Eeeevil about me and the curiosity dies.

It feels like you're so fixated on what you'd like to change about me, you don't want to hear about what you'd be changing it from. It's frustrating, sometimes.