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She's leaving Tim Hortons with several cups of coffee in her hands, big black bags under her eyes, and blank expression on her face. She's not doing a great job at looking where she's going.
cara's awakening goes less well
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come-hold-my-hand
...Vera's pulling her hair, a bit, but she doesn't resist or let it show, because - it's still weirdly nice?? She has a look of content on her face that'll be new to Vera, at least.
Then she turns around, as instructed.
She works soap across Cara's shoulders, her movements steady and careful. The guiding helps—each point of contact draining away some of the noise in her head, making it easier to focus on just this. Just washing. Just the simple mechanics of it.
Her fingers trace the line of Cara's spine, and she can feel the other girl's backlash pulsing beneath the skin. Still building, still accumulating. Hell week. She remembers her own, remembers thinking she was going to die from the inside out.
"This is going to get worse," she says quietly. "Before it gets better."
come-hold-my-hand
Why, Vera, what are you going to do to me next
She shivers and nods. "Okay," she whispers, inaudible to her unenhanced ears over the flowing water.
She finishes washing Cara's back, then turns her around again, keeping one hand on her shoulder. The contact grounds her, keeps the worst of the spiraling at bay.
"I don't—" She stops. Starts again. "I don't know what to do with you."
It's not exactly an apology, but it's the closest she can manage right now. She reaches past Cara to turn off the water, the sudden silence making her words feel too loud.
"We need to figure out... something. For the week. You can't go through this alone."
come-hold-my-hand
She looks at Vera, trying her best to figure out what the shorter girl is thinking. Is this genuine? Has she actually been trying to do right by Cara, in her own stupid way?
...no, that can't be all that's going on here, she was definitely fucking with Cara on purpose, and she did also try to hit her with a baseball bat.
But - could it be true? She - she doesn't know.
She shivers, thinking about it, and nods when Vera says she can't go through this alone. She really can't.
(She's not sure she can go through it with Vera, either, but it doesn't seem super avoidable.)
"Can - do you want help figuring out what to do? I might be able to help. I can - mostly think about things, for now."
come-hold-my-hand
Hmm. Concerning question to be asking, but apparently she's just going to be answering automatically so it doesn't matter! yay!
She feels herself nod and hears herself saying "I don't think it would take all that long right now - one hand's worth of skin contact isn't that much guiding? And I have a lot of backlash. I don't know though."
She reaches for a towel with her free hand, wrapping it around herself one-handed. The logistics are awkward but she manages.
She grabs another towel, holds it out to Cara. "Dry off. I'll go back to my room and..." She trails off. Too many branches, too many possibilities. "We'll figure it out."
She walks off briskly.
come-hold-my-hand
Oh. Oh.
She - starts crying, when Vera lets go of her, while she dries herself with the towel. She manages to be quiet about it, at first, but as Vera leaves the room, she starts sobbing, loud enough for even a normal human to hear it faintly from the hallway outside the shower.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course Vera doesn't want to let her think. It's not about her. It's about what Vera finds most convenient and/or fun.
- Go back. You need to fix this before she spirals completely.
- Go back. You need to remind her who holds the leash.
- Go back. You need to make sure she doesn't hurt herself.
- Go back. You need to establish clearer boundaries.
- Go back. You need to comfort her (against your better judgment).
- Go back. You need to test if the tears are genuine.
- Go back. You need to give her something else to focus on.
- Go back. You need to apologize (the word tastes bitter).
- Go back. You need to collect more of those lovely tears.
- Go back. You need to prove you're not completely heartless.
- Make it worse.
come-hold-my-hand
She finishes drying herself, and then, still crying, starts to head after Vera, because she hadn't been ordered to stay, but -
Once she gets a few steps into the hallway, the light leaves her eyes, and she stops crying. (She's still heading towards Vera, though.)
f. Go back. You need to test if the tears are genuine.
She pauses in the hallway, one hand on the wall to steady herself. The sound follows her - muffled sobs echoing off bathroom tiles.
She should keep walking. Should go back to her room and clean up and figure out what to do. Should do literally anything except stand here listening to Cara cry.
Her head throbs. She turns around.
She sees Cara walking towards her, towel wrapped around her body, tears still rolling down her now-blank face.
k. Make it worse
She should take Cara back to her room. Should get them both dressed. Should do something other than stand here in the hallway, both of them barely covered, studying the mechanics of someone else's pain.
"Stop crying. Follow."
-One of the students from earlier peaks her head out of the door.
"Hey, what's going on, who's cryi- wait, it's you two again?"
She looks at Vera, then over at Cara's tear-stained face, and starts to open her mouth, concern plain on her face.
She gives her a sneer, the sort of look that early returning parents give to the babysitter caught with mouth on the bottle.
This isn't any of her business, she realizes, and awkwardly closes her mouth, and a moment later, the door.
God. One of these days it's not going to work. Not today though. She keeps her breakfast (what's left of it), but it's a close thing. When she and the lapsed thing behind her stagger back to the door, she realizes with a sense of dread that the door to her room is closed.
