"T-thank you," she whispers, and now she's really crying, kind of a lot, but her body language suggests that this isn't really a bad thing - she's clinging less intensely, and her heartrate is moving back towards something more normal. Like she feels like it's okay to cry in Vera's arms. 

She holds Cara through it. Doesn't try to stop her crying this time, doesn't tell her to be quiet. Just keeps rubbing those slow circles on her back, keeps her face pressed against Cara's hair.

It's strange. Being trusted like this. Being the person someone feels safe enough to fall apart with.

But Cara is warm against her, and for once her head is quiet enough that she can just be here, in this moment. Without the spiral pulling her somewhere worse.

"I've got you," she says. The words come out awkward, unpracticed. Like she's not sure she's saying them right. "It's okay. I've got you."

This calms the Cara; her heartrate drops back to 'relaxed', the tears slow and then stop, and she sighs. 

"Thank you." I'm sorry, she doesn't say, because - just because she feels like she needs to apologize for taking up space doesn't mean it's true, actually.

They stay like that for a while. She doesn't know how long. Time has gone soft at the edges, measured only in breaths and heartbeats.

Eventually she shifts, just slightly. Not pulling away, just settling into something more sustainable.

"We're a mess," she says. It comes out almost fond. "Both of us."

Her hand has stopped moving on Cara's back, just resting there now.

I've had worse first dates, she doesn't say, because this feels a bit fraught. And because she's not sure it's true. 

She nuzzles Vera gently. 

Oh, right. "should drink some water," she murmurs. "n'salts." 

She makes a noise that might be agreement, but doesn't move. Doesn't want to break whatever this is.

But Cara's right. They've both been crying. Dehydration is a thing.

"Stay here." She untangles herself reluctantly, already missing the warmth. "I'll get it."

She grabs a water bottle from her desk, then hesitates. Salts. She doesn't have electrolyte packets or whatever. But she has-

"Pretzels work?" She holds up a half-eaten bag along with the water. They look stale.

She climbs back onto the bed, pressing her leg against Cara's before she even thinks about it. Contact :)

...She's pretty sure that was an accident, but it's still kinda distressing. 

"I'll take pretzels!" And... ugh. How to phrase this...

"...mind if I grab a salt chew from my backpack? And do you want one?" 

"Yeah, go ahead." She smiles, trying not to make it weird. "And... yeah, I'll take one."

She hands Cara the water bottle first, then the pretzels. Watches her move toward the backpack, tracking the way Cara's shoulders have gone just slightly stiff.

She's not saying anything about that, so. She likes it? Maybe another?

Okay, neat. She grabs a pair of electrolyte tablets, then returns for more ✨ physical contact ✨ (now with guiding!!) 

She hands Vera one of the tabs, takes a loooong swig of water, then passes over the bottle too. 

The pretzels are kinda stale! 

She takes the tablet, chews it. Drinks when Cara passes the bottle.

When Cara settles back against her, she lets out a breath.

"Sorry about the pretzels," she says. It comes out almost like a joke.

She reaches for Cara's hand without thinking about it. Laces their fingers together. The contact is grounding, familiar now in a way that should probably scare her more than it does.

"Tell me the time?" She doesn't actually care. Just needs something to say that isn't I don't want to stop touching you or I don't know what we're doing but I don't want it to end.

"11:02 am." Wince. 

"...when I'm backlashed, can you try not to phrase things like they're... commands?"

The words come out of her all in a rush. Like she's scared to ask.

She freezes. Replays what she just said in her head.

Tell me the time.

Fuck.

"I didn't-" She stops. Takes a breath. "I'd prefer you didn't police my wording, honestly."

She squeezes Cara's hand, harder this time. Deliberate.

She pauses. "Can you- if I do it and don't notice, can you tell me? After, when you're able to. So I know."

...she nods. Leans into Vera.

think of something to say think of something to say think of something to say 

"Do you think you'll end up doing esper stuff professionally? There are a few different ways to make surprisingly decent money without using your powers at all." 

Her voice is soft, but it's got at least some of the cheer she was showing earlier this morning.

She blinks at the topic change. Lets it happen.

"I hadn't really thought about it." She shifts, settling Cara more comfortably against her. "I was just... trying to get through school. Pretending the esper thing wasn't happening."

She's quiet for a moment.

"What kind of money? Without using powers?"

It's not something she'd considered. She'd assumed esper work meant dungeons, meant using her power, meant more backlash piling up until it killed her. The idea that there might be another option feels almost too hopeful to look at directly.

"I'm not sure my power is... useful. For most things."

She perks up very noticeably. "There's three main ways espers make money without using their powers!" 

"First - all espers can detect every other esper on touch. This means that anyone who wants to be sure an esper can't sneak into their government building/diplomatic event/rich person party unannounced will hire a security esper to fistbump everyone who enters. This is obviously a boring job, but it does pay much better than... basically anything does out of undergrad, excluding the hotshot engineering ones. There's only one of us for every fifty thousand people, after all."

She leans into Vera. "Second - espers are also universally immune to being kidnapped by dungeons and have superhuman reflexes and senses, so we make good pilots or driver of the kinds of heavy machinery that it would be very bad if the operator suddenly disappeared. Pays better than security espering does, because it requires more attention, effort, and training." 

She listens, feeling something loosen in her chest. Cara's enthusiasm is almost infectious, the way she lights up talking about this.

"Fistbumping people at parties." She snorts. "Sounds thrilling."

But she's actually thinking about it. A job that doesn't require her power. That doesn't mean more backlash piling up. That might actually let her Exist. Without slowly killing herself.

"Tell me about the third one."

She finds herself leaning into Cara too, matching the pressure. Her hand is still laced with Cara's, thumb tracing absent patterns on her skin.

"The third one is professional guiding - it requires finding someone compatible who's using their power for money, but lots of espers have extremely valuable powers that they make lots of money using, either in industry or in dungeons. And plenty of them could make more money if they had access to someone who could guide away more of the backlash that using their powers creates. Professional guiding requires that you find someone who needs a guide and is compatible with you; a lot of going to esper mixers and checking levels until you find a good match. It's also the type of job where you can make a lot more money if you're not attached to any specific location or staying in your own place very often - there are a few full-time professional guides who alternate between clients on different sides of the world and buy an intercontinental teleport every day they work, though that's super rare for several reasons." She sighs happily (she's going to be an esper!) "I'm interested in doing dungeons, if I get a power for it, but if I don't, I'll probably go into professional guiding." 

Sheeee is going to want to come up with a signal for 'my backlash twigged that phrasing' that is non-disruptive but she will worry about that later, she was obviously going to tell Vera about this anyways.

Professional guiding. The words settle into her brain, rearranging something.

"So you'd..." She trails off, thinking it through. "If we're compatible enough. And I got a job doing security or whatever. You could..."

She doesn't finish the sentence. Can't quite say stay with me out loud. It feels too big, too much like hoping for something.

"That's a thing people do? Long-term?"

Her thumb has stopped moving on Cara's hand. She's very still, like she's afraid of spooking something fragile.

...Huh. It takes her a moment to pick up on the subtext, both because it's so out-of-character for the model of Vera she's got lingering in her head and because the girl seems a bit confused on the practical details. In other circumstances, she'd start with correcting those, but that's... obviously the wrong move here, so she's not going to do that.

She shuffles, wrapping herself around Vera from behind, head pressed into her neck. "It's a thing people do long-term, yeah. I - think it's not a good idea for us to be making concrete plans until we clear your backlash and I finish awakening, so we can both do some emotional processing when we're not magically cursed? But we're definitely compatible enough to be long term esper partners,"  reassuring squeeze, "and given our backlashes and your power, it's really important for us both to have reliable sources of guiding."