« Back
Generated:
Post last updated:
for a moment i saw myself as inexorably beautiful
cara's awakening goes less well
Permalink Mark Unread

She's leaving Tim Hortons with several cups of coffee in her hands, big black bags under her eyes, and blank expression on her face. She's not doing a great job at looking where she's going.

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera's halfway through the door when she has to sidestep quickly. The coffee cups wobble dangerously in Cara's grip. "Whoa—" She reaches out instinctively to steady one of the cups, then takes a second look at Cara's face. Her hand hovers there for a moment before she pulls it back. "You heading back to campus?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"To the library."

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera shifts her weight, studying Cara's face. The library's the wrong direction for someone who looks like they haven't slept in days, but she doesn't say that. "Want help carrying those?" She gestures at the coffee cups. "I'm heading that way anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

For whatever reason, the only response to that she gets is a confused headtilt.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's stepping closer to get a better look at her, adjusting her elbow-length gloves. "Look at me." What do her pupils look like?

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks on command. Her eyes are - focusing fine, but they aren't moving at all after the initial focus, and - she's not blinking. at all.

(Her eyes are also very slightly bluer than any natural eye should be, if Vera is looking with that kind of detail in mind.)

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera reaches out with one gloved hand and snaps her fingers right in front of Cara's face. No flinch. "Fascinating." She takes one of the coffee cups from Cara's hands and sets it on the sidewalk, then checks for a pulse at her wrist. "When did you last sleep?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Pulse: about 100 bpm. "Wednesday night at about 2." (It's currently Friday morning.)

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera releases her wrist and picks up the coffee cup from the ground. "Thirty-six hours. That tracks." She tilts her head, considering. "You said library. Is that where you were going before, or just what comes out when someone asks?" She starts walking in the direction of campus, slow enough that Cara can follow if she's inclined to. The morning air is crisp, and there aren't many people around yet.

Permalink Mark Unread

She follows Vera. "I'm bringing these coffees to the library. For my study group."

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera glances at the cups in Cara's hands, then at the sky. The sun's been up for at least an hour. "Study group that starts at seven in the morning. On a Friday." She takes a sip of the coffee she's holding—Cara's coffee—and grimaces slightly at how sweet it is. "When did your study group start, exactly? Wednesday night at two?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Gathering time was 6:30. The class is at 8 am." She reaches out to try and take the coffee back from Vera.

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera steps back, keeping the coffee just out of reach. "Which class?" She watches Cara's movements carefully—they're mechanical, predictable. "Because the only 8 AM classes today are in the engineering building, and that's the opposite direction." She takes another sip. "Besides, your study group must be incredibly patient if they've been waiting an hour for their coffee."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The group is for grad level Comparative Dungeon Response Framework Studies, seminar at 8 am, Mondays and Fridays. I didn't leave to get the coffee at the start of the meetup. We met in the library, which is this way." She starts walking a bit faster - she needs that coffee back.

Permalink Mark Unread

"CDRF Studies." Vera matches Cara's pace easily, still holding the coffee. "Interesting. And your professor's fine with you showing up to a grad seminar looking like—" She gestures vaguely at Cara's general dishevelment. "Never mind. Here's what I think happened. You've been awake since Wednesday, you're running on autopilot, and your body's doing whatever it thinks it's supposed to be doing while your brain checked out somewhere around hour twenty-four." She sidesteps a crack in the sidewalk that Cara walks right over. "Tell me, when's the last time you actually felt anything? Pain, hunger, anything at all?" She swivels to face her, and the heel of her steel-clad boot bears down on the top of Cara's foot.

Permalink Mark Unread

She doesn't react to the incoming heel, but the question makes her pause, mouth slightly open, brow furrowed in thought.

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera applies more pressure, shifting her weight forward. The steel heel digs in harder—enough that it should be making Cara at least wince, if not cry out. "That's what I thought." She pulls her foot back and circles around Cara, still holding the coffee. "Blue eyes getting bluer, no pain response, cognitive loops. You know what this looks like to me?" She stops directly in front of her, blocking the path to the library. "Either you're having the world's most boring psychotic break, or you're about three days into something much more interesting."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...the last time I remember feeling something was last night, at around 10 pm. I was hungry. I ate a bag of chips." 

She doesn't react to anything else Vera said. She tries to keep walking, but she can't, foot pinned to the ground. She looks at her foot, and then up at Vera in confusion. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"A whole five hours of nothing before you stopped sleeping." Vera shifts her stance, heel still firmly planted. "Let me guess what happened next. You just kept going. Studying, maybe. Making notes that got progressively less coherent." She leans down slightly, voice dropping. "And now you're telling me you walked out of a coffee shop, headed to a study group that doesn't exist, for a class in the wrong building, and you can't even work out why you're stuck." She lifts her foot abruptly and gives Cara a sharp push backward with her free hand. "Sit down before you fall down."

Permalink Mark Unread

... She sits down heavily, looking up at Vera. "I was stuck because you were standing on my foot." 

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera crouches down in front of her, setting the coffee cup aside. "That's the first accurate thing you've said all morning." She pulls off one of her gloves with her teeth, then reaches out and presses two fingers against Cara's neck, ostensibly checking her pulse again. The contact is brief, clinical, but there's something else there—a sensation like static electricity resolving into ground, or pressure equalizing between two spaces. It's like when she gets her teeth into a particularly crisp Gala and she can hear the crunch. She wants to do it again. She keeps her expression neutral, but her eyes narrow slightly. "Your body temperature's off too. When's the last time you ate something that wasn't chips?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I had lunch at the cafeteria a bit after 1 pm. Cheese pizza and fries." She pauses. "...are you not going to let me take the coffee to my study group?" 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Gold star for observation. Now tell me why you didn't say anything about it. Or pull your foot away. Or, I don't know, react like a normal person would when someone's grinding a heel into their foot." She reaches out, pressing two fingers against Cara's wrist again. She can feel it—that peculiar resonance that only comes from one esper touching another. It's... actually, really nice. Like, really nice. Maybe she'll keep her. "Three days into hell week and walking around like a zombie. You're lucky you ran into me and not someone who'd just call an ambulance."

Permalink Mark Unread

She frowns. "...I was bringing coffee to my study group." 

She pulls out her phone and starts typing something into it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera doesn't let go of her wrist. "Type with your other hand." She tightens her grip slightly, and the pleasant feeling intensifies—not painful, just... present. Insistent. "What, telling your study group you'll be late? Or are you finally googling 'what is hell week' like you should have done days ago?" She leans in closer, voice dropping. "Here's a fun fact: most awakening espers die if they're left alone. The lucky ones just end up brain-damaged. So whatever automated response you're about to send, maybe add 'also I'm having a medical emergency' to it."

Permalink Mark Unread

She switches to her other hand and types up and sends to a group text chat:

I can't bring the coffee sorry

also I'm having a medical emergency

Permalink Mark Unread

She didn't know what she expected. This girl is a doll. She would win "most suggestible coed 2030" at a sorority frosh hazing.

×

QR Code Content:

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

texts quickly start appearing on Cara's phone.

What the fuck?

    Are you okay? Should we come find you?

       Cara, do you need us to call 911?

I'll tell Prof Meadows when seminar starts - you TA for her, right? she can find someone to fill your shift.

Permalink Mark Unread

She stares with a vacant look on her face at the first 3 messages.

Then, when the fourth one comes in, she slowly starts typing "I TA for Prof Meadows, yes"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good girl." Vera's smile is sharp. She plucks the phone from Cara's hand and glances at the screen, then pockets it. "Now stand up. We're going somewhere" with fewer witnesses "else". She pulls Cara to her feet by the wrist she's still holding, and the contact sends another wave of that pleasant tingling sensation up her arm like a nascent heart attack. "The athletics complex is mostly empty this time of morning. Perfect place to cool off." She starts walking, not bothering to check if her Eurydice is following—the grip on her wrist ensures she doesn't have much choice. "You're in luck. I can make it stop."

Permalink Mark Unread

She doesn't seem to have anything to say about that, but she's predictably very easy to lead wherever Vera wants to take her.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's going to drop the phone in the pond on the quad on the way over (§ 12.1-21-05). Vera really appreciates the complete lack of eye contact or interest in the docile thing she's pulling around from the other people up this early. Sometimes, atomization has benefits!

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

She turns her head to look at the phone falling into the pond, but doesn't otherwise react.

She does stumble, as they step down from a curb, and starts falling forward. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera yanks back on Cara's wrist, hard enough to arrest the fall but not quite hard enough to pull her upright. She lets her hang there for a moment, suspended at an awkward angle, before stepping forward and using her other hand to push her back to standing. "Careful. Can't have you cracking your skull before we get you somewhere safe." The athletics complex looms ahead, all glass and concrete in the morning light. She swipes her student ID at the side entrance. "Lucky for you, I have pool access."

Permalink Mark Unread

In the moment she's hanging by her wrist, Cara does adjust her weight a bit to increase her stability, but (predictably) she does not otherwise react to the incident.

Followfollow.

Permalink Mark Unread

The hallways echo with their footsteps—Vera's measured clicks and Cara's shuffling gait. The building smells like chlorine and industrial cleaner. She leads them past the main pool area, down a side corridor lined with team photos dating back decades. The women's swim team locker room door has a keypad lock; Vera punches in the code without hesitation.

"Empty until afternoon practice." She pushes Cara through the door ahead of her. The room is all white tile and metal lockers, benches running down the center. A doorway at the far end leads to the showers. Vera finally releases Cara's wrist and begins fiddling with a combination lock (§ 12.1-22-03), watching to see if the girl will stand there like furniture or actually move on her own.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sheee is going to stand there like furniture.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, ok then. The locker swings open, revealing a spare swimsuit and towel. Vera pulls out both, then turns back to study her new acquisition. She walks a slow circle around Cara, noting the slack posture, the thousand-yard stare. "Strip." The word comes out casual, like she's asking about the weather.

Permalink Mark Unread

"And put this on." She tosses her a one-piece swimsuit. It's surprisingly pale and frilly and has little trailing bits. "We're going swimming."

Permalink Mark Unread

She obediently removes all her clothes, pulling her dress and bra off over her head, and then shimmying out of her biker shorts. She makes no effort to hide her exposed body. (If Vera hadn't already noticed that that Cara is trans, well, she does now.)

She does her best to fit herself into the provided swimsuit, too.

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera watches with clinical interest, making no comment. She waits until Cara's done struggling with the suit before stepping forward to adjust the straps properly. Her fingers are cold even through the gloves. "Turn around." She ties the back ties tighter than strictly necessary. "There. Now you look like a proper little synchronized swimmer." She heads for the door that leads to the pool deck. "Come along. The water's going to be freezing, but I don't think you'll mind."

Permalink Mark Unread

It does seem unlikely that she'd mind, huh.

Cara follows Vera through the pool doors.

Permalink Mark Unread

The pool stretches out before them, Olympic-sized and mirror-still in the morning light. The air reeks of chlorine. Vera walks to the edge and dips a toe in, then glances back at Cara. "Jump in. Deep end." She gestures to the far side where the depth markers read 12 feet. "And try to touch the bottom when you get there."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara obediently walks over to the far end of the pool, jumps in, and starts trying to swim downward. 

She doesn't react to the extreme temperature change at all, but she's also... clearly not a swimmer. Her technique is terrible, to the point where it's not super obvious if she'll reach the bottom of the pool before she starts actively drowning.

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera watches for a few seconds, counting. The flailing is almost artistic in its inefficiency. She pulls off her boots and gloves in quick, practiced movements, stripping down to shorts and bandeau, then dives in with considerably more grace. The water is shockingly cold but she doesn't let it show on her face. She grabs Cara around the waist from behind and kicks them both to the surface, hauling the girl to the edge of the pool.

"Hands on the edge. Hold yourself up." She keeps one hand on Cara's shoulder, treading water. "Now tell me—can you feel my hand? Can you feel the cold?" The contact tingles, that same electric sensation amplified by the water and skin-to-skin contact.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara mechanically stabilizes herself on the pool edge, as instructed, and then frowns, concentrating... 

"...no. and no."

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, she'll just give her a little dunk, then.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is now underwater.

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera moves her hand from Cara's shoulder to the back of her neck, fingers splaying against wet skin. The sensation intensifies—like sparks traveling up her arm, settling warm in her chest. She could get used to this. "Your brain's shutting down everything it thinks is unnecessary. Pain, temperature, probably hunger too. Just keeping the basic motor functions running."

She uses her grip to turn Cara's head, examining her profile. "Here's what's going to happen. You're going to stay perfectly still while I figure out exactly how broken you are. Then we're going to see if I can fix it." Her thumb traces along Cara's jaw. "Or at least make it interesting."

Permalink Mark Unread

She cannot acknowledge the order in any way while staying perfectly still, so she does not.

She also can't breathe, but that's the kind of problem that will resolve itself on its own, one way or another.

Permalink Mark Unread

She counts. Ten seconds. Twenty. The girl's not even twitching (§ 12.1-17-03). Vera slides her hand around to grip the back of Cara's neck more firmly and lifts, pulling her face clear of the water. "Breathe." She waits for the inevitable gasping inhale before continuing. "Good. You follow orders perfectly when your brain's this fried. That's fun." She shifts her grip, fingers threading through wet hair. "Say my name."

Permalink Mark Unread

"V-Vera Hale." (she coughs)

Permalink Mark Unread

Um.

×

QR Code Content:

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Well. It could be awkward if she actually was having a. Unknown medical emergency. "Do you have a family history of... sleepwalking or something." She's not a premed?? How did she get into this situation.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not to my knowledge."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Right. Well." She lets go of Cara's neck and leans back against the filter. She feels a twinge of obligation for the thing in front of her as the tingling sensation fades, leaving her feeling oddly bereft. A soft of conditioning for her. "You're manifesting. Congratulations, you're going to be an esper." She stands, water dripping from her legs onto the pool deck. "The good news is, I can fix this. The bad news is, you're going to be stuck with me for the next four days minimum." She pauses, and tilts her head. "Could be good news. It takes all kinds. You can say thank you, now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you." Her voice sounds raspy.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Your voice sounds terrible. Drink some water."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara obligingly drinks a mouthful of pool water.

Permalink Mark Unread

There's a bark of laughter. "Jesus. Not that water." She hauls herself out of the pool in one smooth motion, water streaming off her skin. "Get out. We're going to the locker room where there's a drinking fountain. And towels."

Permalink Mark Unread

She's slow-moving, getting out of the pool, but she does make it on her own, after a bit. 

Follow follow.

Permalink Mark Unread

Push.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

- She slips on the pool floor, pitching forward - 

Permalink Mark Unread

She idly wonders if the girl is as blue on the inside as she is on the outside.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara does fall somewhat more gracefully than a crash test dummy - she folds her body inward, knees hitting the ground first, then palms.

Knees bleeding, she turns to look back up at Vera.

Permalink Mark Unread

Guess not. She crouches and reaches down running her finger along the skinned knee, bringing it to her lips.

×

QR Code Content:

×

QR Code Content:

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Blank stare.

Permalink Mark Unread

The blood tastes like copper and chlorine and something else—that alluring tang that comes with compatibility. She stands, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Up. We're getting you cleaned up." She grabs Cara under the arms and hauls her to her feet, noting how the girl's weight shifts automatically to compensate. Still some reflexes in there, at least. "Your eyes are changing color, by the way. Turning this pretty aqua. Shame you can't appreciate it."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is very cooperative with being pulled up! She leans on Vera once upright. 

Permalink Mark Unread

The weight against her shoulder sends another jolt of that electric compatibility through her system. She shifts her grip, one arm around Cara's waist now, and starts walking them toward the locker room. "You know what's interesting? You're still in there somewhere. Still processing, still following instructions." She pushes through the door with her hip. "Makes me wonder what else you'd do if I told you to."

The drinking fountain is right there by the entrance. She maneuvers them over to it, pressing the button with her free hand. "Drink. Real water this time."

Permalink Mark Unread

It's a good question, isn't it? 

Cara drinks water from the fountain, gulp gulp gulp swallow breathe, gulp gulp gulp swallow breathe, gulp gulp gulp swallow breathe, gulp gulp gulp swallow breathe...... 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stop." She pulls Cara back from the fountain by the shoulder. "Christ, you'd drown yourself on dry land if I told you to breathe underwater." She grabs a handful of paper towels from the dispenser and starts roughly patting the water off Cara's face and chest. "We need to get you somewhere I can actually work on this. My apartment's not far." She tosses the wet paper towels in the trash and starts steering Cara toward her locker again. She's already running through possibilities in her head. How much can she push her?

Permalink Mark Unread

On second thought: "How long can you hold your breath for?"

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Follow follow. "I don't know." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course you don't." She pulls Cara back to her feet, keeping one hand on her arm. "Let's find out. Back to the pool." She starts walking them back out to the pool deck, her grip firm. "You're going to do exactly what I tell you, when I tell you. No more, no less. Understand?" The contact is making her skin hum, that pleasant electric sensation growing stronger. She wonders if Cara can feel it at all through the fog of her backlash, or if she's too far gone to register anything but direct commands.

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods, shivering. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She stops at the edge of the pool, positioning Cara right at the lip. The water reflects the morning light, deceptively peaceful. "Good. When I push you in, you're going to sink to the bottom and stay there. Hold your breath as long as you can. When you can't anymore, exhale completely and stay down. Don't come up until I pull you up." (§ 12.1-17-02.1) She shifts her grip to Cara's shoulders, feeling that electric thrill intensify. "Ready?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods again. "Yes." 

Permalink Mark Unread

She doesn't give her time to reconsider. One hard shove sends Cara tumbling backward into the pool with a splash. Vera watches as the girl sinks like a stone, those pretty blue eyes still open and staring up through the water. She starts counting again, pacing along the edge of the pool, tracking the shadow on the bottom.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's got her instructions! She sinks to the bottom. 

The seconds pass by. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50... 

at about 55 seconds, she shoves the air out of her lungs. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Fifty-five seconds. Not bad for someone who doesn't know. The bubbles rise to the surface in a rush, and Vera watches them pop, one by one. She keeps counting. Sixty. Seventy. The shadow at the bottom hasn't moved.

At ninety seconds, she sets her feet and dives in. The water hits like ice against her skin, but she keeps her focus entirely on the figure below. Cara's eyes are still open, still that impossible blue, staring at nothing. her lips seal around the girl's, and she exhales into her lungs, hand caressing the turn of her jaw. It's thrilling. Vera wraps an arm around her waist and kicks hard for the surface.

Permalink Mark Unread

She wasn't ordered to start breathing again, so she's trying very hard not to inhale, even once they surface.

This is okay, she thinks to herself. 

Permalink Mark Unread

They break the surface and Vera has to suppress a laugh. Of course she's not breathing. "Breathe," she commands, hauling them both to the edge. She keeps one arm wrapped around Cara's waist, the contact singing through her nerves. "In and out. Normal rhythm." She maneuvers them to the shallow end, where she can stand and still support Cara's weight. "Look at you. Perfect little doll. Do you even know what's happening to you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She resumes normal breathing, and slowly nods at the question. 

"I... think I do." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh? Tell me what you think is happening." She shifts her grip, one hand splayed across Cara's stomach, the other still supporting her weight. The contact is intoxicating—she can feel the backlash draining away with every second of skin against skin, nails digging into soft midsection. "Be specific. Use your words." She leans in closer, breath warm against Cara's ear.

Permalink Mark Unread

She thinks for a long time, and then says in her eerily flat voice: "I'm awakening as an esper. My backlash makes me... easy to boss around. It's doing something else to me, too, that I can't explain. You noticed something what's up with me at the coffee shop this morning, took a closer look, and made some incorrect conclusions about what was wrong with me but did correctly identify that I'm awakening as an esper and informed me. You're also an esper,  we are compatible, and you've been guiding me. You've essentially kidnapped me; you destroyed my phone, and you've been - doing other things to me, too." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Kidnapped is such an ugly word. I prefer 'rescued.'" She tightens her grip, pulling Cara flush against her in the water. "And you're welcome, by the way. Without me, you'd have wandered into traffic by Tuesday." She traces a finger along Cara's collarbone, considering. "The thing you can't explain—that would be the part where you're losing pieces of yourself. Bit by bit. Like watching paint dry in reverse." She smiles against Cara's ear. "Lucky for you, I can give you some of those pieces back. When you're ready."

Permalink Mark Unread

She doesn't want to get them back.

...she tilts her head. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, that's interesting." She runs a hand through Cara's wet hair, tugging slightly. "The pieces of you that are left don't want the rest back. Do you even remember what you're missing? Or is it just..." She waves her free hand vaguely. "Gone. Like it never existed in the first place." She starts walking them toward the edge of the pool, keeping Cara pressed close. "Come on. Out of the water. I want to see how far this goes."

Permalink Mark Unread

She gets out of the water. "...I think I have all my usual memories."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Memories, sure. But what about the rest?" She helps Cara out of the pool, then grabs a towel and starts drying her off with rough, efficient movements. "What do you want right now? Not what I tell you to want. What do you want?" She pauses, hands still on Cara's shoulders through the towel. "Can you even tell the difference anymore?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She frowns, her brow furrowed. 

No response.

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's what I thought." She wraps the towel around Cara's shoulders, then starts walking her back toward the locker room. "You're hollowed out. Like a chocolate Easter bunny—looks fine from the outside, but..." She raps her knuckles gently against Cara's temple. "Nothing but air in there. Well, not nothing. You can still follow instructions. That's something." She pushes through the locker room door. "Sit on the bench. I'm getting dressed, and then we're leaving."

Permalink Mark Unread

She really hopes that she's right about the situation that she's in. It would be, pretty bad, if she was wrong about how susceptible this one was. And probably a good idea to avoid too many witnesses. She can get the girl to aspirate in the privacy of her own single.

She's just gonna get a sundress that'll dry out fast on and get her inside as soon as posisble.

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits obediently.

Permalink Mark Unread

She steps out the door, beckoning to the tranquil girl. "Follow."

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

She stands and follows, swaying.

Permalink Mark Unread

She slips an arm around Cara's waist to steady her, the contact sending that pleasant buzz through her nerves again, a mild vasovagal stim. "There we go. Nice and easy." The morning air is crisp against their damp skin as they exit the rec center. A few early joggers pass by, but no one gives them a second glance—just two girls heading home after a swim. She keeps her voice conversational. "You're lucky I found you first. Another hour and campus security would've hauled you to the med center. They'd have no idea what they'd gotten their hands on."

She's going to go in through the always-open fire door in the back to avoid interacting with any vigilant (ha) front desk denizens, if her new toy can make it up some stairs.

Permalink Mark Unread

The stairs might in fact be a struggle for her, because she won't pace herself. Does Vera set a manageable pace for a sleepdep'd, starving grad student? 

Permalink Mark Unread

She doesn't, actually. She takes the stairs at her normal clip and watches with clinical interest as Cara struggles to keep up, breath coming in harsh gasps by the second landing. "Stop wheezing," she says mildly, not slowing down. "It's only three more flights." The fire door slams behind them with a metallic clang. She can feel Cara starting to stumble through their connected arms, but she just tightens her grip and keeps going. If the girl collapses, well—that could be interesting too. "Keep your feet under you. I'm not carrying you."

Permalink Mark Unread

She stops wheezing, switching to controlled breathing, but at "keep your feet under you", she grabs the railing with her other hand and slows down.

Permalink Mark Unread

She yanks Cara's arm hard enough to pull her off the railing. "I didn't say stop. I said keep your feet under you." She keeps moving, dragging the girl along. "You can breathe and walk at the same time. Multi-tasking. Very advanced concept, I know." Another flight, another turn. She can feel Cara's pulse hammering through their connected arms, rabbit-quick and getting faster. "Two more floors. Don't pass out."

Permalink Mark Unread

She attempts to keep pace, but she stumbles as they turn the last corner, falling backwards -

Permalink Mark Unread

She catches Cara's arm before she can hit the stairs, yanking her upright with a sharp jerk. "No." The word comes out flat, annoyed. "I said don't pass out. That includes falling." She hauls Cara up the last flight, practically lifting her off her feet on the final steps. The fifth floor hallway stretches out before them, mercifully empty at this hour. She doesn't let go of Cara's arm as she fishes out her key card. "Room 517. Almost there. Try not to collapse in the hallway—I'd rather not explain you to the RA."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. Stumblefollow.

Permalink Mark Unread

The lock beeps green. She shoulders the door open and pulls Cara inside, kicking it shut behind them. The room is sparse—single bed, desk covered in chemistry textbooks and molecular models, a small fridge humming in the corner. She maneuvers Cara to the bed and pushes her down onto it. "Sit. Stay." The contact as she lets go leaves her fingers tingling, that pleasant buzz already fading. She steps back, considering. "You're soaked. And bleeding." She grabs a towel from her closet and tosses it at Cara's face. "Dry yourself off while I figure out what to do with you."

Permalink Mark Unread

She does her best to towel herself off while seated on the bed, though this does limit the amount of surface area she can effectively towel. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara's halfhearted attempts with the towel, then sighs. "Stand up. Arms out." She grabs the towel back and starts drying Cara off properly, rough and efficient. The contact sends that pleasant buzz through her again, stronger with the increased surface area. She can feel the backlash sloshing between them like water finding its level, her head buzzing. "Your knees are still bleeding. And you smell like chlorine."

Is she really going to put her in the shower after she just dried off. Probably not.

"Take it off and lay on the bed. It's probably better to do this somewhere other people won't see."

Permalink Mark Unread

Getting out of the swimsuit is a bit of a struggle because Vera tied it so tightly, but she manages, and then lies down.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara struggle with the knots, making no move to help. When the girl finally manages to get free and lies down, Vera moves to sit on the edge of the bed, running a finger along one of the raw scrapes on Cara's knee. The blood is already starting to clot. "You really did a number on yourself." She presses down slightly, watching fresh red well up. "This is going to sting."

She leans down and drags her tongue across the wound, tasting copper and chlorine and that electric compatibility. She looks up, studying Cara's face. "Better?"

Permalink Mark Unread

No response.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nothing? Not even a twitch?" She shifts to straddle Cara's thighs, settling her weight down, dress spread around her like the petals of a lily. The skinship makes her heart sing. "You really are hollowed out." She traces a finger along Cara's collarbone, watching for any reaction. "Let's see what else you'll let me do."

She leans down, pressing her mouth to the curve of Cara's clavicle, feeling the pulse there against her lips. "Your heart's still racing. That's something, at least." She bites down, not hard enough to break skin, not on anything too vital, but enough to see a flush of red that she could have, if she tried just a little harder. "Still nothing? God, you're perfect like this."

Permalink Mark Unread

Perfect and stationary. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits back slightly, studying Cara's vacant expression. The guiding is working—she can feel lanugo hair standing on end, that pleasant electric flow—but the girl underneath her might as well be a mannequin. "You know what? Let's make this more interesting." She shifts her weight, then leans down to whisper directly in Cara's ear. "When I kiss you, you're going to kiss back. Just mirror what I do. Nothing more, nothing less."

She presses her lips to Cara's, gentle at first, testing. The compatibility sings through the contact, stronger now with saliva in the mix. She deepens it slightly, one hand tangling in that blue hair, waiting to see if her new doll can follow even this simple instruction.

Permalink Mark Unread

She can! Her mouth opens symmetrically, leaning into it -

Permalink Mark Unread

Perfect. She pulls back after a moment, watching Cara's mouth close in perfect synchrony with hers. Her head is pleasantly buzzing. "Good girl." She traces a thumb along Cara's lower lip. "Now open your mouth and stick out your tongue. Just a little."

She waits for Cara to comply, then presses her own tongue against it, not kissing, just contact. The compatibility practically sparkles at this direct exchange, and she has to suppress a shiver. "Hold still. Don't move until I tell you." She counts to five in her head, savoring the sensation, before pulling back. "Close your mouth. Swallow."

She is getting a little frustrated that she has to keep pulling away to direct the thing, though.

Permalink Mark Unread

The thing's backlash levels are dropping - she can taste it in the guiding contact, the slight lessening in intensity as they draw closer to each other.

Permalink Mark Unread

She can feel it too—that gradual equalization, like water finding its level between two vessels. Which means she needs to be careful. Too much guiding and Cara might start getting pieces of herself back, might start wanting things again. And where's the fun in that?

She climbs off Cara and stands, smoothing down her dress. "Sit up. Edge of the bed."

Permalink Mark Unread

-She does.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Tell me about what you were doing when whatever happened to you, happened." When she awakened, she means.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I was chatting with friends online." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"And then what?" She circles around to stand behind Cara, running fingers through that blue hair, still damp with chlorine. "Walk me through it. When did you first notice something was wrong?" She leans down, breath warm against Cara's ear. "Be specific. I want details."

She's genuinely curious now—how long has this girl been wandering around campus in this state? Hours? Days? And nobody noticed, or nobody cared enough to do anything about it. Typical.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Someone asked me to help them on a project. I worked with them on it until my alarm went off and told me to take my meds, which I did, and then my calendar told me to go to my study group, so I did. After spending 30 minutes there, people talked about getting coffee, and someone asked if someone could go pick up orders. I went to get the coffee. You found and kidnapped me." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Asked. Told. Asked." She twists a strand of blue hair around her finger. "Not a single decision in there was yours, was it? Just following one instruction after another." She tugs sharply on the hair. "How long? When did you start just... obeying everything?"

She moves around to face Cara again, tilting the girl's chin up with one finger. "And your friends sent you for coffee while you were like this? Either they didn't notice or they didn't care. Which do you think is worse?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"11 pm last night." no answer. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thirteen hours." She lets out a low whistle. "And you've been wandering around campus all night like this. Following your little alarms and calendar notifications." She drops her hand from Cara's chin. "Did you sleep? Or did you just... sit somewhere until the next instruction came along?"

She walks to her desk, picking up a pen and twirling it between her fingers. "You know what's really funny? In all that time, I'm the only one who noticed. The only one who cared enough to do anything about it." She taps the pen against her lips. "Even if what I'm doing is arguably worse."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't sleep." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course you didn't." She sets the pen down and returns to stand in front of Cara. "No one told you to, so why would you?" She reaches out and brushes a thumb under one of Cara's eyes, noting the shadows there. "You're exhausted. Starving. Completely hollowed out. And you'd keep going until you collapsed if I let you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sure seems like that, huh. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She drops her hand and steps back. "Well. That's a decision I get to make now, isn't it?" She moves to her mini-fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. "Here's what's going to happen. You're going to drink this. All of it. Then you're going to lie down and sleep for..." She checks her phone. "Four hours. When you wake up, we'll see how much of you is left."

She presses the bottle into Cara's hands. "And if you're very, very lucky, maybe I'll even let you have an opinion about what happens next."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara drinks the bottle of water, and lies down on the bed and closes her eyes. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara settle onto the bed, then pulls her desk chair over to sit beside it. Four hours. She sets an alarm on her phone, then leans back to observe. She reaches out to brush a strand off Cara's forehead, letting her fingers linger.

In practice, it's easiest for her to steer when her companion is asleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

Perhaps unfortunately for Vera:
1. Cara has not used the bathroom in 11 hours
2. Vera has instructed Cara to drink a lot of water in the past few hours

A few minutes after she falls asleep, she wets Vera's bed.

Permalink Mark Unread

She jerks her hand back as the smell hits her. "Oh, for fuck's sake." She stands abruptly, chair scraping against the floor. Of course. Of course the hollowed-out little puppet wouldn't think to mention needing the bathroom. Why would she? No one told her to.

She stares down at Cara's sleeping form, jaw clenched. Her sheets. Her mattress. She closes her eyes, counts to five, then opens them again. Fine. This is what she gets for not thinking through the logistics of keeping a human pet.

"Wake up." She shakes Cara's shoulder, not gently. "Get up. Now."

Permalink Mark Unread

-she starts awake at the shake, the blank look in her eyes returning as they open. Up she gets.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stand there." She points to a spot by the door, away from the mess. "Don't move." She strips the sheets off the bed with sharp, irritated movements, bundling them into a ball. The mattress underneath is soaked through. Of course it is.

She grabs her laundry basket and shoves the sheets in, then turns back to Cara. "You're going to the showers. Now." She grabs a clean towel from her closet and throws it at the girl, hard enough that she stumbles. "And next time you need to piss? You tell me. I don't care if I have to teach you to bark like a dog to get my attention."

Permalink Mark Unread

The towel falls to the floor, since she'd been instructed not to move, but when given the showers order she does pick it up.

She looks around. "Where?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Down the hall. Third door on the left." She grabs Cara's wrist, squeezing hard enough to leave marks. "And if anyone asks what happened to you? You don't remember. You were sick. You're fine now." She releases her with a shove toward the door. "Go. Wash everything. Use soap. Don't come back until you're clean."

She needs to deal with this mattress. And figure out what the hell she's going to do with a broken toy that requires this much maintenance.

Permalink Mark Unread

She pauses for a second. "On second thought, wash yourself. Not everything."

Fucking genies.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara stumbles the hallway. She's not the only one in the showers, but this early in the morning, nobody talks to her. She washes herself slowly, methodically, using the soap everywhere.  It's rough on her skin and hair. 

It takes her about a half hour.

Permalink Mark Unread

While Cara's gone, she strips the bed completely, bundling the mattress protector—thank god she had one—into the laundry basket with the sheets. The mattress itself is salvageable, barely. She flips it, sprays it down with the enzyme cleaner she keeps for lab accidents, and cracks the window to let it air out.

Then she sits at her desk and starts making a list. If she's keeping this thing, she needs to be smarter about it. Basic maintenance schedule: bathroom breaks, food, water. Like having a very stupid, very breakable pet. One that feels incredible to touch and that she can mold however she wants.

She checks the time. Thirty-two minutes. The door opens.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's still wet, holding a mostly dry towel, and she looks dead on her feet. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Close the door." She stands and crosses to Cara, plucking the towel from her hands. "Your hair is still soaked." She starts toweling it roughly, not particularly careful about pulling. "Did you at least remember to use conditioner after that soap? No, of course you didn't. I didn't tell you to."

She drops the towel and runs her fingers through the damp tangles, feeling that pleasant buzz of compatibility again as she cups her face. "Sit on the floor. Right here." She points to a spot by her desk chair. "I need to figure out what to do with you, and I think better when I can touch you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Floor time. She sits, drooping a bit. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits in her desk chair and cards her fingers through Cara's damp hair, working out tangles with little care for whether it hurts. The contact hums between them as she brushes her scalp, that sweet compatibility singing through her nerves.

"Here's the problem," she says conversationally. "You're in hell week. That means you need constant guiding or you'll just... stay like this. Maybe get worse." She tugs a particularly stubborn knot free. "And I have classes. A life. Things that don't involve babysitting a broken doll."

She leans back, keeping one hand resting on Cara's head. "So. Options. I could dump you at the campus health center. They'd figure out what you are eventually. Ship you off to some facility." Her fingers tighten briefly. "Or I could keep you. But that means you need to be a lot less high-maintenance than you are right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

Those do seem to be the facts of the matter! Cara (unsurprisingly) does not respond. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She drums her fingers on the arm of her chair, thinking. "Let's start simple. When you need to use the bathroom, you tell me. Say 'I need to use the bathroom.' Try it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I need to use the bathroom", the doll says in a monotonous voice. If there's any semantic intent or understanding behind it, it's neither visible nor audible. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good girl. Same thing for being hungry or thirsty. 'I need food,' 'I need water.' Practice those too." She threads her fingers deeper into Cara's hair, scratching lightly at her scalp. The contact feels so nice she has to suppress a shiver. "And when I'm not here, you stay in this room. You sit on the floor by the bed. You don't leave, you don't touch anything, you don't answer the door. Understood?"

She's already thinking ahead. She'll need to set up some kind of feeding schedule, maybe leave water bottles within reach. The bathroom situation is trickier. Maybe she can train her to hold it for longer periods. Or just invest in some rubber sheets.

Permalink Mark Unread

Instead of her normal lifeless obedience, Cara says "...I don't think I can?" 

Permalink Mark Unread

She pauses, fingers stilling in Cara's hair. That's interesting. She leans forward slightly, studying Cara's face. "You don't think you can what? Be specific."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Tell you when I need to go to the bathroom, or need food, or water."  Her face is mostly the usual blank, but her brow is slightly furrowed. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh." She blinks, then laughs—a sharp, delighted sound. "You can't tell when you need things. That's part of it, isn't it? No access to your own wants." She cups Cara's face between her hands, tilting it up to study her more closely. "You literally don't know you need to piss until it's already happening."

She releases her and sits back, tapping a finger against her lips. "Alright. New plan. Every two hours, you use the bathroom whether you think you need to or not. Every four hours, you drink water. Every six, you eat something." She pauses. "Can you keep track of time? Or is that gone too?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's been more than 6 hours since I last ate."

She looks around for a wall clock.

Permalink Mark Unread

WHY is she like this.

Permalink Mark Unread

Probably it's the backlash.

(But who knows? Maybe she's just like this all the time.)

Permalink Mark Unread

 

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

OK. She's normal, she's fine.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am going to get you food. What do you... eat."

How the turn tables.

Permalink Mark Unread

She lists out some meals she's had recently. Seems like she eats: a variety of carb-heavy breakfasts, lots of variety in frozen potato product™, a mixture of fake meat / beans / cheese for proteins.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course you're vegetarian with your blue hair and pronouns." She stands, grabbing her keys from the desk. "Fine. I have leftover pad thai in the fridge. That'll have to do." She pauses at the door, looking back at Cara sitting obediently on the floor. "Actually, no. Stand up. Go to the bathroom first. Third door on the left, remember? Use it, wash your hands, then come straight back here and sit in exactly the same spot."

She watches Cara for a moment longer, then adds, "And don't talk to anyone in the hall. If someone talks to you, you ignore them. Understood?"

Permalink Mark Unread

There is, for the record, a wall clock. It has ornate filigreed bronzed hands and a cracked plastic dome. The pad thai probably exists also, if she wants to look for it.

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods, then gets up to head to the bathroom, still naked.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

"Put on a swimsuit or clothes or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

-she looks around for some clothes to put on.

Permalink Mark Unread

Fluffy sleeved pink robe.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara dons the robe and then departs, presumably bathroomwards.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara leave, then heads to the communal kitchen. The pad thai is exactly where she left it, still in its takeout container. She dumps it onto a plate and throws it in the microwave, drumming her fingers on the counter while it heats. Three minutes. Four, to be safe.

She grabs a fork and heads back to her room, setting the plate on her desk. She glances at the door, then sits back down in her chair to wait.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara returns from the bathroom about 5 minutes later, and sits down where she remembers having sat before, the fluffy pink robe pooling around her.

Permalink Mark Unread

Does she smell weird

Permalink Mark Unread

Nope! (The ends of the sleeves look like they got a bit wet?)

Permalink Mark Unread

She picks up the plate and holds it out. "Eat. Take small bites. Chew completely before swallowing." She watches for a moment, then adds, "Use the fork."

While Cara follows the instructions, she reaches over to roll up the damp sleeves, fingers lingering against the skin of her wrists. The contact sends that pleasant hum through her nerves again. She keeps one hand there, ostensibly to keep the sleeve from falling back down.

Permalink Mark Unread

Small bite onto fork, fork into mouth, chew, swallow. Repeat until food is gone.

Permalink Mark Unread

Great. Well, she has to go to class now. She strips and swaps to something more appropriate efficiently, donning wide black pants with lots of buckles, a black cotton blouse, and stompy steel toed boots.

"I'll be back in an hour. Don't break anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits still, facing the clock.

Permalink Mark Unread

She actually does go to class. Organic chemistry waits for no one, not even newly-manifested espers with fascinating backlashes.

Permalink Mark Unread

The clock ticks. Cara's eyes watch it.

Permalink Mark Unread

The dorm room settles into stillness around Cara's motionless form. Dust motes drift through the morning light streaming from the window, their lazy spiral dance the only movement in the space. The radiator beneath the sill clicks intermittently, expanding and contracting with barely audible metallic pings that punctuate the silence at irregular intervals.

Vera's bed is unmade, comforter twisted into valleys and peaks that cast small shadows across the mattress. A chemistry textbook lies open on her desk, pages slightly bent where she'd been leaning over it earlier, the white paper yellowed at the edges under the harsh fluorescent desk lamp she'd forgotten to turn off. The lamp hums with a frequency just below conscious hearing, a whisper from atc crawling into her ears.

On the windowsill, a dying spider plant droops brown-tipped leaves toward the floor. Its soil has pulled away from the edges of the pot, creating a narrow moat of empty space around the compacted earth. Water stains on the wood beneath suggest this neglect is habitual.

The institutional carpet shows traffic patterns worn into its beige fibers. There are threadbare paths between bed and door, bed and desk, door and bathroom. Small debris has accumulated in the less-traveled corners: a hair tie, a pen cap, several dust bunnies that shift slightly each time the heating system cycles on.

The clock's second hand moves with mechanical precision. The minute hand lurches forward in barely perceptible increments. The hour hand might as well be stationary.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...and so we see that the nucleophile attacks the electrophilic carbon, displacing the leaving group in a concerted mechanism..."

Someone's stomach growls audibly. A phone buzzes on silent mode, its vibration carrying through the wooden desk surface. Outside, a maintenance vehicle beeps as it backs up, the sound filtering through sealed windows designed to keep the world at bay.

The clock on the wall ticks steadily toward the end of the period.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara would be getting sore from sitting in one place without moving this long. Her hair is drying out, but she should really change. There are clumped strands of pink fiber clinging to the damp creases and folds of her legs and belly, under her arms and in her elbows. Her eyes and nose are irritated - there's some kind of chemical offgassing from the mattress. The sun is very bright.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

"The stereochemistry here is particularly important to understand. Note how the configuration inverts completely..." A student in the third row clicks their pen repeatedly, fascinated by the catch of the latching mechanism.

Click, click, pause, click, click, pause

-until someone behind them clears their throat pointedly. The clicking stops. Papers rustle as notebooks close and laptops hibernate. The heating system cycles on with a mechanical wheeze.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Everyone is intolerable. Thank god that's over.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Her butt is patterned with the stippled twill of the carpet, and her arm has an awkward red weal from pressing up against the sharp corner of the pine desk.

The keycard lock beeps twice and the door opens.

×

QR Code Content:

 

Permalink Mark Unread

She careens in, catching the edge of the doorframe with her hand to do a little swing to redirect her momentum, and tosses a loose binder onto the desk where it clatters against the lamp.

"I'm home! Did you miss me?"

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara hasn't moved from where Vera left her. She's looking at the clock, and doesn't turn to look at the door, when it opens. 

She stares at Vera when addressed, but she doesn't seem to have an answer to the question. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course you didn't!"

She giggles and crosses to Cara in two quick steps.

"Stand up."

She doesn't wait for compliance, before hooking a finger under Cara's chin, tilting her face up. The contact sends that familiar pleasant buzz through her nerves. "Do you want to hear about Nucleophilic Substitution?" The capital letters are audible. The transom creaks and the door closes.

Permalink Mark Unread

She tries to stand up, but then puts weight on a leg that's fallen asleep, and topples towards Vera. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She steps back, letting her fall. "If the nucleophile or the molecule undergoing attack have too many substituents or substituents which are too bulky, you can't have a reaction, which makes sense in retrospect."

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

She tries to catch herself, but doesn't do a very good job.

She stays on the ground once she hits it.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you know anything about steric hindrance?" She toys with the girl's face with her boot.

×

QR Code Content:

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

"No." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"What does the name mean to you?"

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

"... nothing?" 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, it's when molecules can't get close enough to react because they're too bulky." She presses the toe of her boot against Cara's cheek, not hard enough to hurt, just enough to squish the skin. "Kind of like how you can't get your shit together enough to stand up properly."

She shifts her weight, considering. "You know what? I changed my mind. Lick it." She taps the leather against Cara's lips. "The boot."

Permalink Mark Unread

She licks the boot methodically, with long strokes of her tongue.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's kinda wondering whether she could keep the girl in this state for an extended period, as long as she just didn't touch her. She probably has enough dental dams.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

The girl certainly doesn't seem to be likely to object. Lick lick lick.

Permalink Mark Unread

Just a little kick in the teeth :) As a treat for her.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, she wasn't told to stop licking, so she doesn't.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cute face. 

×

QR Code Content:

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

The sun is very bright.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

She glances up at the clock, then back to the boot, which at this point is coated with her saliva.

Her arms and legs are shaking.

Permalink Mark Unread

The clock says it's been an hour and fifteen minutes.

×

QR Code Content:

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Licking. Trembling. Her eyes are drooping.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did I say that you could pass out?"

×

QR Code Content:

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

"no."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you want to?"

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

...she looks up at Vera, but has no reply.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's very cute how she can't tell. She's going to make the bed now, though. She's not a monster, just a sadist[citation needed].

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara tries to follow the boot, but her mobility seems to be suffering. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Scooping her up and tucking her into bed.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is now in bed! 

She shuffles until she can see the clock. Her eyes are barely open. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I forgot to tell you to sleep while I was gone so you're going to sleep now. Rest up, doll."

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Out like a light.

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls the covers up to Cara's chin and watches her for a moment. The girl's breathing evens out immediately, mechanical as a metronome. Her face goes slack in a way that normal sleep doesn't quite manage.

Vera settles at her desk with the chem textbook, but her attention keeps drifting. She drums her fingers against the wood, considering. She's already feeling pretty qwoppy about the whole thing, but at this point, what is she going to do about it?

Permalink Mark Unread

It's a stormy January afternoon, and though her lord is well-protected in a fine winter outfit, Cara's simple maidsgarb offers her scant protection from the harsh winds. 

Still, she was ordered to follow, and follow she does, down the poorly-trodden path towards the center of the woods.  (She does not shiver. If Lord Vera looks back, and sees her shivering, she will surely be punished. She will endure.)

"Stop", says her lord, and Cara stops, at the near bank of the green river. (She has to try harder not to shiver, here, but surely they will not remain here for too long - Lord Vera is a busy woman, after all.)

"Remove your clothes", her lord orders, and when Cara freezes in shock, she is slapped for her impudence. "Now." 

She stumbles at the force of the blow. She knows better than to take time to recover - that was a warning. Her next punishment will be much worse.

She strips, quietly, efficiently, the tears running down her face masked perfectly by the rain drenching her body. She does not let herself shiver, though she feels the cold seeping into her bones, and she is frightened. She places her clothes gently on the ground, once she has them removed. They aren't her property to discard carelessly, after all.

Her lord looks her up and down, smirking. "Good. Now. Climb this tree." She points to a pine tree with a trunk reaching out perilously over the river.

Cara climbs. The bark is rough against her bare skin, and the freezing rain makes for slow and painful going. She only makes it ten feet out from the shore before she hears her lord shout "Stop!" in that loud, commanding voice that brokers no rejection or negotiation.

"Hang from the branch", her lord says, and Cara knows that this time, she is being disposed of. Still - she obeys. What else can she do? She drops to her knees, grabbing the branch with both arms, and then, still clinging onto it tightly, slides her legs off.

Her lord doesn't give her any more orders, just watches and waits. 

It's so cold. She's so scared. She lets herself shiver, now, and lets out a sob, too.

Eventually, her arms are shaking too much to hold on, and a gust of wind sends her tumbling into the freezing water below.

Permalink Mark Unread

She flips a page in her textbook, the sound sharp in the quiet room. The girl's breathing has taken on an odd quality - not quite the rhythm of normal REM sleep, something else entirely. She glances over, notes the way Cara's fingers twitch against the sheets.

The equations on the page blur together. She pushes back from the desk, chair legs scraping against linoleum, and pads over to the bed. Reaches out, then stops, hand hovering an inch from Cara's shoulder. The girl's face is slack, but there's movement behind her eyelids, rapid and frantic.

What should she do next?

  1. Wake her up and guide her. You can still fix this.
  2. Maybe let her dream a little longer?
  3. Bathroom, now.
Permalink Mark Unread

c. Bathroom, now.

She scoops up a hand towel from a drawer and trots over to the bathroom, turning on the left faucet. She waits for it to run cold enough that her wrist aches when she dips her fingers in it, and then fills the towel till it's bloated with freezing liquid.

Permalink Mark Unread

When she gets back into the room, she folds it, and drops the towel over the girl's face. It covers her eyes, mouth and nose.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

The dream ends. Her eyes open, under the washcloth. She doesn't move. (She can't breathe).

Permalink Mark Unread

She's going to go back to studying for a bit.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara tries to breathe, but there's water in the way. 

She passes out.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches. Counts seconds. At one hundred and fifty, she peels back a corner of the towel. Just enough to see one eye, wide and glassy. "Breathe through your mouth. It's just a little water."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is not conscious! Her body is trying to breathe for her, but it doesn't seem to be working out super well?

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls the towel off entirely and tosses it toward the corner. Then she waits.

Permalink Mark Unread

She gasps once, twice, and then startles awake.

Permalink Mark Unread

Kiss!

Permalink Mark Unread

She is sure being kissed right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls back after a moment, thumb brushing against Cara's jaw. The contact feels like coming home after a long day.

"Better?" Her voice is soft, would be almost gentle if it weren't so predatory.

Permalink Mark Unread

Headtilt. No answer.

Permalink Mark Unread

She traces a finger along Cara's collarbone, watching the way her eyes track the movement without really focusing. The touch leaves a trail of that pleasant guiding sensation.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara continues to not react to the guiding, of course.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's kinda getting into it, fingers digging into her soft skin and leaving red raised weals of nail tracks in her sides.

Permalink Mark Unread

Conveniently, the body of an awakening esper heals quickly - a side effect of the same arcane system that gives espers symmetrical, well-muscled, proportioned-to-their-taste bodies, and gives them the eye and hair colors they want the most. 

(Of course, that's a slow process, taking place over the course of a week. For now, it is easy to leave marks on Cara - she just lets it happen.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She settles back on her heels, considering. The girl's eyes have that glassy quality again, pupils dilated in the dim light from the desk lamp. She pulls down the blinds and reaches over to click it off, leaving them in darkness broken only by the hallway light seeping under the door.

"You know what? Let's try something different." She stands, padding over to her desk drawer. The rustle of plastic. A lighter's click.

Permalink Mark Unread

...She looks at the clock and then stands up, heading towards the door.

Permalink Mark Unread

She kicks out and trips the girl but doesn't otherwise move to stop her.

Permalink Mark Unread

-she stumbles, but doesn't fall. When she rights herself, she turns to look at Vera in confusion. "...It's been two hours?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"So go?"

Permalink Mark Unread

she leaves.

Permalink Mark Unread

The room smells like sweat and fear and something else. She sits on the edge of the bed, runs a hand through her hair. The sheets are still warm.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's been gone a while.

Permalink Mark Unread

She should probably be tracking her down. Making sure she hasn't collapsed in a stairwell somewhere. But the dorm room is quiet, and her textbook is open on the desk, and there's a part of her that wants to see how long the girl will keep following that last instruction.

She checks the time on her phone. Flips to the next page. The chemical structures blur together.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah she's not coming back on her own. 

...Is that the sound of someone talking in the hallway that she can hear with her esper hearing? An "Are you okay?", perhaps?

Permalink Mark Unread

She closes her textbook with a sigh. The voices in the hallway are getting louder—concerned, questioning. She slips her feet back into her boots and heads for the door.

The hallway is lit by harsh fluorescents. There's a small cluster of people around a figure slumped against the wall near the communal bathroom. Of course.

"She's my"

  1. "My roommate" - Simple. Clean. No one questions why I know where she is at all hours or why I'm the one handling her... episodes. Plus it's technically true, which makes the lie easier to maintain.
  2. "She's my responsibility" - Vague enough to shut down follow-up questions, but heavy enough that people don't push. Implies authority without having to explain where it comes from. Perfect for when someone's being nosy.
  3. "My study partner" - Academic, boring, explains the time we spend together. If anyone sees her coming and going from my room at weird hours, well, we're cramming for exams. College students do stupid things for their grades.
  4. "She's mine" - Honest. Direct. Let them wonder what exactly that means. It could be fun to watch people try to figure out if we're dating or if it's something else entirely. The ambiguity is delicious.
  5. "My pet project" - Technically accurate - I am studying her responses, aren't I? Sounds altruistic to anyone listening, like I'm tutoring some struggling freshman. But we both know what kind of project she really is.
  6. "My sister" - Family explains everything and nothing. Why I'm protective, why I know her so well, why I'm the emergency contact. People don't question family dynamics too closely - every family has their weird shit. This causes more trouble than it's worth if she sticks around - don't say it.
Permalink Mark Unread

f. "My sister,"

Permalink Mark Unread

fuck fuck fuck

She pushes through. "I've got her."

She can roll this back later? Maybe?

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara looks up at Vera.

The people around her look confused and worried. "Is she okay? She wasn't responding to our questions."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She gets these episodes sometimes. Blood sugar thing." She crouches down, slides an arm under Cara's shoulders. The contact sends that pleasant guiding sensation through her palm. "Thanks for looking out for her. I'll get her sorted."

Permalink Mark Unread

The small crowd shifts, uncertain. One of them, a girl from class, she thinks, frowns. "Should we call-"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, really, it's fine. Happens all the time." She helps Cara to her feet, keeping her voice light, casual. Nothing to see here. "Come on. Let's get you some orange juice."

Permalink Mark Unread

She gets up obediently, putting plenty of weight on Vera.

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera gets some odd looks, but nobody moves to stop her.

With her esper senses, she does hear one of them mutter "They really don't look like sisters..."

Permalink Mark Unread

She steers them down the hallway, keeping her arm firmly around Cara's waist. The fluorescent lights cast harsh shadows as they walk.

"Almost there," she says, comfortingly. Her fingers find the edge of Cara's robe where it's slipped, skin against skin. Buzz.

Permalink Mark Unread

She follows obediently, of course.

Her steps are noticeably more stable than they were a few hours ago - seems like the food and nap did her some good.

Permalink Mark Unread

(The students return to their busy lives.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She kicks the door shut behind them once they're back in the room. The lock clicks.

"Sit." She gestures at the bed, then moves to her desk drawer. There's rustling as she digs through it, finally pulling out a small glass bottle. The label's been peeled off.

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits on the bed, glancing up at the clock before looking back to Vera.

Permalink Mark Unread

She uncaps the bottle and takes a swig, then wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. The liquid burns going down. She sets it on the desk and crosses to the bed, standing close enough that Cara has to tilt her head back to maintain eye contact.

"Open your mouth."

Permalink Mark Unread

She obediently opens wide.

Permalink Mark Unread

She leans down and releases her accumulated spit, watching it land on Cara's tongue. Her thumb brushes the corner of the girl's mouth, the contact sending that familiar buzz through her fingertips.

"Swallow."

Permalink Mark Unread

She swallows, trying to keep her mouth open as much as possible during the process.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yay! Guiding!

Permalink Mark Unread

She's being guided! She still has a lot of backlash.

Permalink Mark Unread

She traces her thumb down to Cara's chin, tilting it up. The room is quiet except for their breathing and the distant hum of the heating system.

"Good girl."

Permalink Mark Unread

She's very obedient!

Permalink Mark Unread

She steps back, considering. The girl's eyes are still that vacant, glassy quality - not quite there, not quite gone. She picks up the bottle from the desk and takes another swig, swishing it around her mouth.

"Stand up. Turn around."

Permalink Mark Unread

She stands and turns, her back to Vera.

Permalink Mark Unread

She moves closer, runs her fingers along the back of Cara's neck where the hair is short and downy soft. The touch is light, clinical.

"Eyes closed. Count to thirty. Then turn around."

Permalink Mark Unread

Under her breath, she murmurs "One, two, three..."

Permalink Mark Unread

She moves silently to her desk drawer, pulls out a small glass vial. The liquid inside is clear. She uncaps it, tilts it back, holds it in her mouth. The burn is different from the alcohol - sharper, chemical.

She waits.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty."

She turns around, eyes still closed.

Permalink Mark Unread

She steps forward, close enough that Cara would feel her breath if she weren't holding it. Close enough to see the flutter of pulse at her throat. She leans in and presses her mouth against Cara's, releasing the liquid in a slow trickle.

Her hand comes up to grip Cara's jaw, keeping her in place.

Permalink Mark Unread

It burns in her throat. (She doesn't react, of course.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls back just enough to watch Cara's throat work as she swallows. Her thumb traces the line of her jaw, feeling the muscles move under skin.

"Now open your eyes."

Permalink Mark Unread

Vacant, as usual.

Permalink Mark Unread

She studies those empty eyes for a long moment.

"Chemists call it diethyl ether, as if naming it could tame it. As if syllables could contain what burns like winter lightning on the tongue. I know its history: the sweet sleep it once brought to surgical tables, the gentle drift into nothingness before they found safer ways to steal consciousness. Now it lives in laboratories, patient in its glass prisons, waiting. A few drops would kiss like fire. A sip would pull you under—not forever, just long enough. Just enough to float away from this particular moment, this particular choice, this particular weight of being a Person.
It promises temporary erasure without permanent consequence. A chemical vacation. The burn would fade, the dizziness would pass, but for those precious minutes you could be anywhere else, anyone else.
Even the bottle feels significant in my palm - cool glass holding something that could remake the next hour of a life. Not death, just... distance. A chemical intermission.
Sweet ether. Honest ether. It won't lie to me about what it is or what it will do. Unlike everything else, it keeps its promises: burn, float, return. Simple as breathing. Simpler than breathing.
Just this once, to see what temporary feels like."

She drops her hand. "Sit back down. Cross your legs."

Permalink Mark Unread

She obeys, though she sure seems woozier than she did when she stood up!

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara's unsteady descent to the bed, the way her body lists slightly to one side before correcting. The ether's working exactly as advertised - that beautiful chemical distance already creeping in at the edges.

"Look at me." She waits for those glassy eyes to find hers. "You're going to stay right there until I tell you otherwise. Hands on your knees. Back straight."

She crosses to her desk, considering.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hands go to her knees. She straightens her back and tries very hard not to droop, though the ether is making that harder every second.

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls out her phone and sets a timer. Twenty minutes. The ether won't last much longer than that, not at that dose. She sets the phone on the desk where she can see it, then moves to stand behind Cara.

"Count backwards from one hundred. Out loud. Slowly." Her fingers brush the nape of Cara's neck, just enough contact to keep the guiding flowing. "If you lose track, start over."

Permalink Mark Unread

"One Hundred. Ninety-Nine. Ninety-Eight. Ninety-Seven. Ninety-Six. Ninety-Fiii... Ninety-Five. Ninety-Four. Ninety-Threeeeeeeeee. Ninety-Twooooooooooooo...."

She appears to be struggling.

Permalink Mark Unread

She circles around to face Cara, watching her struggle with the simple task. Those stretched-out numbers, the way her mouth can't quite form the shapes right anymore. Perfect.

"Start over." She keeps her voice level, clinical. "From one hundred. And if you slur again, start over."

The timer shows seventeen minutes left. Plenty of time.

Permalink Mark Unread

"One hundred, Ninety N-niiiine, N- One hundred, Ninety-Nine, Nineeeeety Eii. One Hundred, Ninetyyyyyy - One Hunnnnnd - One Huuuundre - One Hundred, Ninety Nine, Ninety Eight, Ninety Seveeeeeee"

Permalink Mark Unread

She reaches out and presses two fingers to Cara's lips, stopping the slurred counting.

"Shh." She keeps her fingers there for a moment, watching those vacant eyes try to focus. "New game. Blink once for yes, twice for no. Understand?"

Permalink Mark Unread

There's a noticeable pause before she blinks once.

Permalink Mark Unread

She withdraws her fingers slowly, dragging them across Cara's lower lip as she goes.

"Good. Are you dizzy?" She watches those unfocused eyes, waiting. The timer shows twelve minutes. The ether should be peaking right about now.

Permalink Mark Unread

One blink for yes.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you know where you are?"

She circles around behind Cara again, letting her fingertips trail across the girl's shoulders. The contact is light but constant - just enough to keep the connection alive while she waits for an answer.

Permalink Mark Unread

Looooong pause.

...Two blinks.

Permalink Mark Unread

She pauses her circling, fingers stilling on Cara's shoulder. Interesting.

"Good girl. Being honest." She moves to stand in front of Cara again, tilting her chin up with one finger. "Do you know who I am?"

The timer shows ten minutes. Still plenty of time to play.

Permalink Mark Unread

Blink. Blink.

Permalink Mark Unread

She lets out a soft laugh. "No? That's alright." Her thumb strokes along Cara's jaw, maintaining that gentle contact. "I'm the one taking care of you right now. That's all you need to know."

She glances at the timer. Eight minutes. The ether should be starting its slow fade soon.

"One more question, and then we'll be done with this game. Are you feeling scared?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Loooong pause, and then she. Shrugs.

Permalink Mark Unread

"No?" Her thumb traces along Cara's jawline, considering. "That's alright. I'm Vera. Your sister, remember?"

She lets that sink in for a moment, watching those unfocused eyes. The ether's doing its job beautifully - that perfect chemical fog making everything negotiable.

"Say it. Say 'Vera is my sister.'"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Veerraaaa is myyy siiiiisssssssssssster."

Permalink Mark Unread

She can:

  1. Still make it out of this in a normal way
  2. Make it worse

b. Make it worse

...Fine

Permalink Mark Unread

She's going to kiss her again, because doing it while she was dazed and unresponsive wasn't enough for her.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, now she's drugged! 

And is actively participating in the makeout. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls Cara closer, one hand tangling in her hair, the other at the small of her back. The kiss is thorough, methodical - she's cataloguing every response, every slight shift in pressure.

The timer on her phone goes off. Seven minutes left.

She breaks away, breathing slightly harder, and watches Cara's face. Those eyes are still glassy, still vacant, but there's something else there now. Something that responds when touched.

"You're very good at following instructions," she murmurs, thumb stroking along Cara's cheekbone. "I wonder what else you'd do, if I asked nicely."

Permalink Mark Unread

Right now? Stare blankly.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just... say something sexy or whatever. Yes and."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh Vera, please use me, I'm yours to command," 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Kinda formulaic. Can you, like, try harder?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She's grabbing Vera's arm now "P-please, please save me, you can do a-anything you want to me, hurt me, fuck me, break me, j-just help me, you're my only hope," 

Permalink Mark Unread

She lets out a soft laugh, genuinely delighted. "Better than I expected." She traces a finger down Cara's throat, watching the way her pulse flutters beneath the skin. "You're quite the actress when you're not thinking too hard."

The timer shows five minutes. The ether will be fading soon, that perfect chemical fog starting to lift at the edges. She needs to decide how she wants this to end.

She steps back, considering. "Take off your robe. Fold it neatly. Put it on the desk."

Permalink Mark Unread

Robe comes off, gets neatly folded, placed on desk.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good." She circles Cara slowly, appraising. The girl's movements are still slightly unsteady from the ether, but precise in following instructions. Perfect.

She reaches out and runs a finger along Cara's shoulder blade, maintaining that careful contact. The timer shows three minutes. She needs to decide how to wrap this up.

"Lie down on the bed. On your back. Arms at your sides."

Permalink Mark Unread

She does.

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits on the edge of the bed, one hand resting lightly on Cara's ankle.

"Close your eyes. When the timer goes off, you're going to get dressed and go back to your room. You'll sleep for exactly eight hours. When you wake up, you'll remember that I helped you, that you feel better now. You'll remember that you should come find me if you need help again."

Two minutes left. She watches Cara's chest rise and fall, the slight tremor in her fingers starting to still as the ether fades.

"You'll remember that I'm very kind."

This will definitely work.

Permalink Mark Unread

She waits obediently for the timer to ring.

Permalink Mark Unread

The timer chirps. She lifts her hand from Cara's ankle and stands, moving to lean against her desk.

"Go on then. Time's up."

Permalink Mark Unread

She stands up, puts on the robe, and walks towards the door.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara move with mechanical precision, each action following the last like dominoes falling. Perfect compliance. The girl's movements are still slightly unsteady from the ether, but purposeful.

"Wait." She keeps her voice casual, almost lazy. "You forgot something."

Permalink Mark Unread

She freezes. 

She doesn't want to leave. She needs Vera. Vera is the only one who can help her, guide her, even if she's confusing and mean and kind of terrible at kidnapping??? Most espers die if they're left alone during awakening! She doesn't want to die!!

Permalink Mark Unread

She pushes off from the desk and walks over, slow and deliberate. Stops just behind Cara, close enough that she can feel the warmth radiating off the girl's back.

"Say thank you." Her breath ghosts across the shell of Cara's ear. "For being so very kind."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you for being so kind."  

Permalink Mark Unread

"Better." She steps back, leaving Cara standing there in her robe, facing the door. "Now you can go. Sweet dreams."

"Wait. Did I forget to tell you something."

Fuckkkkkk

Permalink Mark Unread

"....I don't know?" 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Right. Because I didn't actually tell you where to go." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "Your room number. What is it?"

This is what she gets for being clever with chemicals instead of just using her power properly from the start. Amateur hour.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not in a dorm." But she rattles off an address to a nearby apartment building.

Permalink Mark Unread

She pauses, considering. The ether's almost worn off now.

  1. Have Cara get on her knees and give Vera a foot massage while praising her power and dominance. This reinforces the power dynamic without crossing lines.
  2. Make Cara recite mantras like "I belong to Vera" or "Vera knows what's best for me" over and over until they sink in. Repetition will help imprint the ideas.
  3. Order Cara to bring Vera gifts or tributes that symbolize her devotion and submission, like personal treasured possessions. Giving up precious items shows commitment.
  4. Have Cara write lines or keep a journal professing her loyalty and need for Vera's guidance. The act of writing makes it feel more real.
  5. Make Cara perform acts of service like cleaning Vera's room or doing her chores. Serving Vera's needs becomes her purpose.
  6. Have Cara give Vera complete control over things like what she wears, eats, or how she styles her hair. Vera dictates every aspect of her routine.
  7. Instruct Cara to defer to Vera for all decisions, coming to her for permission and approval before acting. Vera must authorize everything.
Permalink Mark Unread

  1. Make Cara practice begging for her help and thanking her profusely, saying things like "Please Vera, I need you, I'll do anything. Thank you for being so kind and wise." Cara should adopt a desperate, worshipful tone.
  2. Instruct Cara to address her with honorifics and titles that emphasize her authority, like "Master Vera" or "Wise One". Cara must use these every single time she speaks to her.
  3. Make Cara share vulnerable facts about herself, like insecurities and embarrassing moments. Then she can thank her for accepting and wanting her despite her flaws and weaknesses.
  4. Instruct Cara to reflexively flinch and cower whenever Vera makes a sudden movement, as if expecting a blow. Vera can then soothe her and murmur that she has no reason to fear, as long as she's perfectly obedient.

There are a lot of choices. She needs to pick one. Her head hurts.

Permalink Mark Unread

While Vera considers these options, Cara starts moving towards the door again.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stop." The word comes out sharper than she intended. She pushes off from the desk, closing the distance between them in two quick strides. Her hand catches Cara's wrist, not hard, just enough to halt the movement.

"You're not leaving yet. I haven't decided—" She cuts herself off. Too many options spinning through her head, and the backlash is starting to make itself known. A dull ache behind her eyes.

She needs to pick something. Anything. Before this gets worse.

"Sit back down. On the floor this time. Right here?" She points to a spot at her feet.

Permalink Mark Unread

-She sits down at Vera's feet.

Permalink Mark Unread

The contact helps. Just her hand on Cara's wrist, and already the pressure behind her eyes eases slightly. She lets go, then sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at the girl on the floor.

"Good." She reaches out, lets her fingers rest against Cara's temple. The touch is light but deliberate. "Just... stay there for a minute."

She needs to think. Needs to pick one thing, commit to it, instead of drowning in possibilities. Her head is swimming.

"Tell me something true about yourself. One thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't talk to my parents anymore." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...transphobia." 

Permalink Mark Unread

Her fingers still against Cara's temple. That wasn't what she expected. Something personal, unprompted.

"Hm." She lets the silence stretch for a moment, then shifts her hand to card through Cara's hair. The motion is almost gentle. "And you live alone in that apartment."

It's not a question. The pieces are clicking together - no dorm, no mention of roommates, that particular flavor of exhaustion she'd noticed earlier.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's sufficiently non-question-y that Cara doesn't answer!

Permalink Mark Unread

Her sad little meow meow. Her scrungly wungly guy.

Permalink Mark Unread

Soooo scrungly.

Permalink Mark Unread

Soaks her in milk and throws it against the wall.

Permalink Mark Unread

Splat!

Permalink Mark Unread

OK. OK. Focus.

Her head swims and she throws up.

Permalink Mark Unread

It doesn't get on the floor! Because there's an esper right at her feet to get vomited on instead. (Most of it lands on the pink robe.)

Permalink Mark Unread

Her fucking robe!

Permalink Mark Unread

Also the Cara! 

But mostly the robe, yeah.

Permalink Mark Unread

She freezes, looking down at the mess. The smell hits her immediately - acidic, sharp. Her stomach turns.

"Fuck." She shoves Cara away from her, stumbling back. "Fuck, that's—"

Too many choices, too many branching paths, and now this. Her hands shake as she grabs tissues from her desk, trying to clean the worst of it off.

"Get—get me a towel. From the bathroom." She points toward the door. "Now."

Permalink Mark Unread

She goes and grabs a towel from the bathroom, holding it out to Vera as she comes back.

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks down at the mess. At Cara, standing there covered in her vomit, still staring with those vacant eyes. The room reeks.

Deep breath. The nausea is overwhelming and she's starting to think about what went wrong.

  1. "Take off the robe. Carefully. Don't get any more on the floor."
  2. "Give me the towel."
  3. "I think I'm going to pass out."
  4. "How much water can you aspirate?"
  5. "H"
  6. "Can I hug you"
  7. "Can I hug you"
  8. "Can I hug you"
  9. "Why is it so bright in here"
Permalink Mark Unread

Cara stares blankly at her.

Vera looks so overwhelmed... she wants to give her a hug.

Permalink Mark Unread

She takes the towel with shaking hands. Wipes at the worst of it, trying not to breathe through her nose.

"Take it off." The words come out steadier than she feels. "The robe. Just—drop it there."

She needs to focus on one thing. One simple thing. Not the smell, not the mess.

She falls down and hits her head on the bed.

Permalink Mark Unread

She takes the robe off and drops it where Vera pointed. 

Permalink Mark Unread

The impact sends a sharp spike of pain through her temple. She stays down, curled on her side on the floor, pressing her face against the cool vinyl.

"Fuck." Her voice comes out muffled. "Just—help me up. Onto the bed."

The room spins when she tries to lift her head. She needs the contact. Needs to guide and be guided before this gets worse.

Permalink Mark Unread

She crouches down, slides her arms underneath Vera's, and tries to pull her up into the bed. 

Permalink Mark Unread

The contact helps immediately. The spinning slows, the nausea recedes just enough that she can help push herself up with Cara's support. She collapses onto the bed, pulling Cara down with her.

"Just—stay." Her arms wrap around the other girl, skin against skin. The guiding flows between them, easier now without barriers. "Don't move."

She buries her face against Cara's shoulder, breathing shallow. The smell of sick is still there but it matters less than the relief spreading through her body

  1. hold on
  2. guide
  3. breathe
Permalink Mark Unread

She stays still, lying on top of Vera, guiding away her backlash. 

Permalink Mark Unread

The choices narrow down to just this: holding on. Her head clears gradually, the pressure behind her eyes easing as Cara's weight anchors her to the bed. The guiding flows steadier now, pulling the excess away.

She keeps her eyes closed, fingers tracing idle patterns on Cara's back. The smell doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters except the contact and the blessed simplicity of not having to choose anything at all.

"Good," she murmurs against Cara's shoulder. "Just like that."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is getting a good grade in blanket! She stays where she is.

Permalink Mark Unread

Minutes pass. Maybe longer. The world narrows down to skin and breath and the steady drain of stress flowing away. Her headache fades to a dull throb in her temples. She's still gross, but in this moment, she can push that away. Just for a bit.

Eventually she shifts, just enough to press her lips to Cara's neck. Not quite a kiss. Testing.

"You're being very good," she says quietly. The words come easier now, when there's only one path forward. "I'm feeling much better."

Her hand slides up to tangle in Cara's hair, keeping her close. The awakening backlash is still there, thrumming beneath Cara's skin, but manageable now. Controlled.

"Tell me what you need."

Permalink Mark Unread

There's a pause, and then - "I don't know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course you don't." She says it like it's obvious, like it's expected. Her fingers tighten slightly in Cara's hair. "That's not your job right now."

She shifts beneath Cara, adjusting their position so she can see her face properly. Those blank eyes, that perfect emptiness. It's exactly what she wanted, and now that she has it...

"Kiss me," she says, making it simple. One clear instruction. "Just that."

Permalink Mark Unread

Kiss. She doesn't break it off, but doesn't escalate it either, though her mouth opens slightly, as though to invite Vera to. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She takes the invitation, deepening the kiss. There's a sour and bitterness to the fluid exchange, bile and hydrochloric acid, and she can feel the pressure draining away. It's perfect. Simple. No choices to make except this.

When she finally pulls back, she's breathing harder. Her hand is still tangled in Cara's hair.

"Good girl." The words come out rougher than intended. She clears her throat. "That's... helping. Both of us."

She should probably let Cara rest. Should probably clean up. Should probably do a lot of things. But right now, with Cara warm and pliant against her, she doesn't want to move.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara will certainly make that easy for her! 

Permalink Mark Unread

They lie there for a while. Five minutes. Ten. She can feel her thoughts settling, narrowing back down to something manageable.

Eventually she shifts, pressing her forehead against Cara's shoulder. "We should... probably clean up." The words come out reluctant. "You need to wash. And I need a new robe."

She doesn't move yet, though. Just traces lazy circles on Cara's back with one finger.

"When I let go, you're going to get up and go to the bathroom. Not a shower, yet. Use my soap." A pause. "Then come back here."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara doesn't do anything about this! (Presumably because Vera hasn't let go of her yet.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She lets out a soft huff of laughter against Cara's skin. Right. Of course.

"So literal," she murmurs. Then, reluctantly, she loosens her grip and shifts away, creating just enough space between them. The loss of contact aches immediately, but it's manageable now.

"Go on, then."

Permalink Mark Unread

Vera's command is drowned out by Cara yelping loudly in pain.

She - it was just - 

Permalink Mark Unread

what the fuck

Permalink Mark Unread

Um. um um um um 

Well. This is sure fucked! And her knees and her foot and her throat and her head hurt...

She needs - to work with Vera for now, probably, this is not going to go well if she doesn't.

"Please - wait - I don't -" 

Permalink Mark Unread

She freezes. The shift is immediate, unmistakable - the way Cara's body tenses, the sharp clarity in her voice. That's not vacant obedience anymore.

Fuck.

  1. Panic!
  2. Panic!
  3. Panic!
  4. Stop her.
  5. Panic!
  6. Panic!
  7. Panic!
  8. You know what you have to do.
  9. Panic!
  10. Panic!
  11. Panic!
  12. Buy yourself more time.
  13. Panic!
  14. Panic!
  15. Panic!
  16. What does being compatible mean, exactly?
  17. Panic!
  18. Panic!
  19. Panic!
  20. Panic!
  21. You're stronger than her.
  22. Open her mouth.

"Don't move." It comes out sharper than intended, but she's already scrambling to sit up, reaching for Cara. Her mind races through options, but they all require her to make decisions and there are too many branches spreading out from this moment.

She settles for contact, her hand finding Cara's shoulder. "Just - breathe. You're okay. I've got you."

The words feel wrong in her mouth. Too gentle. Too reassuring. But what else can she say? Sorry I drugged you and made you say I was your sister while you were dissociating from supernatural backlash?

Permalink Mark Unread

She freezes - augh - and then starts breathing shakily, faster and faster, as her mind races.

Is Vera going to kill her? Will she be able to do anything about it? She can't move, she can't even talk, she's so so so scared - 

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay okay okay okay she's just going to

Cara needs to stop hyperventilating it's too loud can she just stop her

  1. Panic! Hold her down.
  2. Panic! Press your pillow over her face.
  3. Panic! It's easy to stop her from breathing.
  4. Panic! You can carry her out in a bag.
  5. Panic! Your car is in a public place. That won't work.
  6. Panic!
  7. Make it worse.
Permalink Mark Unread

g. Make it worse?

Permalink Mark Unread

She picks up a baseball bat from where it was lying on the ground and hits her as hard as she can.

Permalink Mark Unread

She misses and jams her arm on the bat and falls off the bed and starts crying.

Permalink Mark Unread

what the actual fuck this girl just tried to fucking kill her with a baseball bat she's going to die she's going to die she's going to die 

she stays still on the bed, hyperventilating for what feels like an eternity, and then - 

Permalink Mark Unread

the light leaves her eyes as quickly as it came, and her breathing slows.

Permalink Mark Unread

… is she ok

Permalink Mark Unread

She's not moving except to breathe, and not making facial expressions! Her heartrate is still elevated. She does not seem otherwise damaged.

Permalink Mark Unread

ok

Permalink Mark Unread

Her heartrates slows. Her breath remains steady. (Her backlash ticks back up.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She's going to pick up a towel and her shampoo and she's going to wrap them around herself and she's going to go take a shower right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

And she won't do anything.

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits on the floor, cradling her bruised arm, still crying. The baseball bat lies next to her where she dropped it. Her room smells like vomit and fear and her arm hurts and there's a naked girl on her bed who won't do anything unless she tells her to.

She needs to clean up. She needs to shower. She needs to figure out what to do about Cara. She needs to—

Too many things. Too many choices branching out from this moment.

She crawls back to the bed and reaches up to touch Cara's ankle again. Just that small point of contact, and the noise in her head quiets a little.

"Stay there," she whispers. "Just... stay."

Permalink Mark Unread

She stays, her backlash draining very slowly through the trickle of contact. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She stays like that for a while, sitting on the floor with her hand on Cara's ankle. The tears slow, then stop. Her breathing evens out. The panic recedes to something manageable.

Eventually she pulls herself up onto the bed, curling against Cara's side. More contact. Better guiding. The smell is awful but she can't bring herself to care right now.

"We're going to lay here for a bit," she says quietly. "Then I'm going to clean us up. Then we're going to figure out what to do about... this."

She doesn't specify what 'this' is. There are too many things it could be.

Permalink Mark Unread

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 

Okay okay okay focus Cara, normal breathing, normal normal normal.

She was told to stay, so she's staying.

If she startles Vera, she might just die to baseball bat! Scary!

Which means....

Moving as little as possible, she whispers "Sorry for scaring you."  please don't kill me I'll be good I promise I promise 

Permalink Mark Unread

She glares at her.

Permalink Mark Unread

Fear!! She shuts up. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Poke.

Permalink Mark Unread

Flinch.

Ugh. What was the last thing Vera said?

"...I can probably help with the cleanup. If you want." She's still whispering.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is conscious and scared. She's offering to help clean up. She needs to decide what to do with her - she's seen her at her worst, knows (?) that she drugged her, knows that she tried to hit her with a bat. But she's also in hell week and needs guiding.

  1. Accept her help and try to establish some kind of normal dynamic
  2. Send her away immediately
  3. Keep her here but maintain control
  4. Apologize (ugh)
  5. Pretend nothing happened
  6. Use my power to make this easier
  7. Just focus on the practical cleanup
  8. Ask what she remembers
  9. Threaten her to keep quiet
  10. Try to establish ground rules
Permalink Mark Unread

Well. Vera is just. Staring at her in confusion, face still stained with tears. 

 

 

 

This is getting kind of unbearable, actually?

 

 

 

 

"...Are you okay?" she asks, after what feels like an eternity (it's been 35 seconds). 

Permalink Mark Unread

k. Explore

"Are you still backlashed?”

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara nods hesitantly. "Yes." 

I'm awakening, I'm going to be backlashed all week even if you drain some of it away. Do you not know how this works? 

Permalink Mark Unread

She forces herself to sit up properly, wiping at her face with the back of her hand. Right. Hell week. Of course.

"Okay. We need to..." She trails off.

Permalink Mark Unread

Uh. Is she asking Cara for help finishing that? Ugh. 

She scrunches up her face in thought.

"Wash your robe, wash me, maybe clean up anything that got on the bed... Um, air out the room, maybe?"

...Vera looks terrible. And now that she's paying attention, she can indirectly sense the other girl's backlash (...which is weird, you get backlash from using powers, when did she...), the new feeling (guiding, she's feeling guiding, she will get to be an esper if she survives ) more intense than it was this morning.

"...and get your backlash guided away, I think?" she finishes softly.

Permalink Mark Unread

She closes her eyes. The fact that Cara is being helpful when she should be... whatever she should be... is making everything worse somehow.

"Yeah. That." She opens her eyes again, looking at nothing in particular. "I'll... we should shower. Together. It's more efficient."

The words come out flat. She's too tired to make them sound like anything else.

Permalink Mark Unread

Man. She sounds exhausted, too. Poor Vera...

(...Poor Vera??!?? What the fuck, brain, this girl KIDNAPPED AND TRIED TO MURDER ME, 

Well, okay, actually it's simple, her brain replies. Surviving means getting a good grade in awakening esper, and that means. Making sure her rescuer - her kidnapper - Vera is happy with her, and not panicking. Vera panicking is very bad

And the easiest way for Cara to make sure she's focused on keeping Vera happy is to let herself care about Vera. She's good at caring about people, even when they're not necessarily treating her well. It's an important skill.)

Sigh. She nods at the suggestion. "Do you want to do that now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She stands up, swaying slightly. Everything feels heavy and slow. Grab towels first, or clothes, or should she open the window, or—

"Yeah." She cuts off the spiral before it can get worse. One thing at a time. "Come on."

She reaches down to take Cara's hand, pulling her to her feet. The contact helps immediately, that familiar drain of pressure easing just enough to think straight.

"Bring the robe. We'll deal with it after."

Permalink Mark Unread

Up she gets. She'll grab the robe with her other hand, but she keeps in contact with Vera as much as possible, trying to keep the guiding bandwidth high. 

She does her best to keep Vera steady, without making it obvious - she noticed that swaying.

Permalink Mark Unread

The bathroom is just down the hall. She doesn't let go of Cara's hand, even when they have to navigate the narrow doorway. The fluorescent light is too bright, making her squint.

She turns on the shower, testing the temperature with her free hand. Hot. Not scalding, but close.

"Just... drop it in the corner." She gestures vaguely at the robe. "We'll rinse it after."

She steps under the spray, tugging Cara with her. The water runs pink at first, then clear.

Permalink Mark Unread

She drops it automatically, which makes her brain flinch, but she manages to keep it off her face. It's better if Vera doesn't know that it bothers her.

The water is a bit too hot for her, but she doesn't pull away. Vera wants her here. And she can do more guiding with increased skin contact...

Permalink Mark Unread

She leans back against the tile wall, pulling Cara with her. The water cascades over both of them, and she closes her eyes, letting the heat and the contact work together to clear her head.

After a moment, she reaches for the shampoo. Her movements are mechanical, automatic. Lather, rinse. She doesn't think about how Cara's hair feels under her fingers, or how compliant she's being, or how this morning she was just another student in the hallway.

"Turn around," she says quietly. "I'll get your back."

Permalink Mark Unread

...Vera's pulling her hair, a bit, but she doesn't resist or let it show, because - it's still weirdly nice?? She has a look of content on her face that'll be new to Vera, at least.

Then she turns around, as instructed.

Permalink Mark Unread

She works soap across Cara's shoulders, her movements steady and careful. The guiding helps—each point of contact draining away some of the noise in her head, making it easier to focus on just this. Just washing. Just the simple mechanics of it.

Her fingers trace the line of Cara's spine, and she can feel the other girl's backlash pulsing beneath the skin. Still building, still accumulating. Hell week. She remembers her own, remembers thinking she was going to die from the inside out.

"This is going to get worse," she says quietly. "Before it gets better."

Permalink Mark Unread

Why, Vera, what are you going to do to me next

She shivers and nods. "Okay," she whispers, inaudible to her unenhanced ears over the flowing water.

Permalink Mark Unread

She finishes washing Cara's back, then turns her around again, keeping one hand on her shoulder. The contact grounds her, keeps the worst of the spiraling at bay.

"I don't—" She stops. Starts again. "I don't know what to do with you."

It's not exactly an apology, but it's the closest she can manage right now. She reaches past Cara to turn off the water, the sudden silence making her words feel too loud.

"We need to figure out... something. For the week. You can't go through this alone."

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks at Vera, trying her best to figure out what the shorter girl is thinking. Is this genuine? Has she actually been trying to do right by Cara, in her own stupid way?

...no, that can't be all that's going on here, she was definitely fucking with Cara on purpose, and she did also try to hit her with a baseball bat.

But - could it be true? She - she doesn't know. 

She shivers, thinking about it, and nods when Vera says she can't go through this alone. She really can't.

(She's not sure she can go through it with Vera, either, but it doesn't seem super avoidable.)

"Can - do you want help figuring out what to do? I might be able to help. I can - mostly think about things, for now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is that because I'm touching you? How soon would you backslide, if I stopped?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Hmm. Concerning question to be asking, but apparently she's just going to be answering automatically so it doesn't matter! yay!

She feels herself nod and hears herself saying "I don't think it would take all that long right now - one hand's worth of skin contact isn't that much guiding? And I have a lot of backlash. I don't know though."

Permalink Mark Unread

She reaches for a towel with her free hand, wrapping it around herself one-handed. The logistics are awkward but she manages.

She grabs another towel, holds it out to Cara. "Dry off. I'll go back to my room and..." She trails off. Too many branches, too many possibilities. "We'll figure it out."

She walks off briskly.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh. Oh

She - starts crying, when Vera lets go of her, while she dries herself with the towel. She manages to be quiet about it, at first, but as Vera leaves the room, she starts sobbing, loud enough for even a normal human to hear it faintly from the hallway outside the shower.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course Vera doesn't want to let her think. It's not about her. It's about what Vera finds most convenient and/or fun. 

Permalink Mark Unread


  1. Go back. You need to fix this before she spirals completely.
  2. Go back. You need to remind her who holds the leash.
  3. Go back. You need to make sure she doesn't hurt herself.
  4. Go back. You need to establish clearer boundaries.
  5. Go back. You need to comfort her (against your better judgment).
  6. Go back. You need to test if the tears are genuine.
  7. Go back. You need to give her something else to focus on.
  8. Go back. You need to apologize (the word tastes bitter).
  9. Go back. You need to collect more of those lovely tears.
  10. Go back. You need to prove you're not completely heartless.
  11. Make it worse.

Permalink Mark Unread

She finishes drying herself, and then, still crying, starts to head after Vera, because she hadn't been ordered to stay, but - 

Permalink Mark Unread

Once she gets a few steps into the hallway, the light leaves her eyes, and she stops crying. (She's still heading towards Vera, though.)

Permalink Mark Unread

f. Go back. You need to test if the tears are genuine.

She pauses in the hallway, one hand on the wall to steady herself. The sound follows her - muffled sobs echoing off bathroom tiles.

She should keep walking. Should go back to her room and clean up and figure out what to do. Should do literally anything except stand here listening to Cara cry.

Her head throbs. She turns around.

Permalink Mark Unread

She sees Cara walking towards her, towel wrapped around her body, tears still rolling down her now-blank face.

Permalink Mark Unread

k. Make it worse

She should take Cara back to her room. Should get them both dressed. Should do something other than stand here in the hallway, both of them barely covered, studying the mechanics of someone else's pain.

"Stop crying. Follow."

Permalink Mark Unread

She's already stopped crying.

She follows.

Permalink Mark Unread

-One of the students from earlier peaks her head out of the door. 

"Hey, what's going on, who's cryi- wait, it's you two again?"

She looks at Vera, then over at Cara's tear-stained face, and starts to open her mouth, concern plain on her face.

Permalink Mark Unread

She gives her a sneer, the sort of look that early returning parents give to the babysitter caught with mouth on the bottle.

Permalink Mark Unread

This isn't any of her business, she realizes, and awkwardly closes her mouth, and a moment later, the door.

Permalink Mark Unread

God. One of these days it's not going to work. Not today though. She keeps her breakfast (what's left of it), but it's a close thing. When she and the lapsed thing behind her stagger back to the door, she realizes with a sense of dread that the door to her room is closed.

Permalink Mark Unread

Can she... break in. Can she explain this to the RA. Can she

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh. It's open, actually. She needs a break from this situation, probably. "Get inside."

Permalink Mark Unread

Inside goes the Cara.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's going to get dressed all normal like and go to class which she is LATE for.

Permalink Mark Unread

She slides into her seat fifteen minutes late, hair still damp from the shower. The professor doesn't pause in his lecture about reaction mechanisms, but she catches the disapproving glance. Her notebook is back in her room. Her pen is back in her room. Everything useful is back in her room with

She borrows a pen from the girl next to her with a tight smile.

Permalink Mark Unread

"…and as we can see from the electron-withdrawing groups, the nucleophile will attack from the less hindered side, resulting in…"

The chalk squeaks against the blackboard. Someone in the back row coughs. The radiator under the window clicks and hums.

Permalink Mark Unread

She tries to focus on the diagrams, on the arrows showing electron movement, but her mind keeps drifting. Is Cara still standing where she left her? Did she sit down? Did she

Stop. Focus. SN2 reactions. Backside attack. Inversion of stereochemistry.

Her hand moves across the borrowed paper, taking notes that she'll probably never look at again. The familiar rhythm of it helps, just slightly.

Permalink Mark Unread

Her benchmate already read the chapter before the lecture and is bored bored bored.

She glances over at Vera's notes. The handwriting is shakier than usual, letters trailing off at weird angles. And is that a drop of water on the page?

She slides a crinkly half-full pack of tissue over without saying anything, miming a wipe of her nose.

Permalink Mark Unread

She takes a tissue automatically, wipes at her face. When did she start crying again?

The professor drones on about leaving groups and transition states. The words wash over her like static. She should be taking notes. She should be paying attention. She should be

Back in her room. Making sure Cara hasn't done something stupid. Making sure she's still breathing.

Her pen creaks, switch-spring buckling under the pressure of her grip.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Miss Hale."

The nasal voice cuts through her spiraling thoughts like a blade. She looks up, realizing the entire class is staring at her.

"Perhaps you'd like to share with us the major product of this reaction?"

He gestures to the board where a complex molecule waits, half-finished arrows pointing into the blankness of space.

It's not usual for lecturers to pay attention to their undergrads like this but, well. She does draw some attention to herself.

Permalink Mark Unread

She stares at the board. The molecules swim in front of her eyes, carbons and hydrogens rearranging themselves into shapes that almost make sense.

"I… the nucleophile attacks from…"

The words stick in her throat. She knows this. She's known this since high school. But her brain feels like is wrapped in four layers of wool scarf, everything muffled and distant.

"The backside," she finally manages. "Inversion."

It's not a complete answer, but it's something.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Correct, though I'd appreciate more attention to the specifics of the mechanism."

He turns back to the board, chalk in hand, and continues the lecture. The moment passes, but Vera can still feel eyes on her from around the room.

"…which brings us to the concept of neighboring group participation…"

Permalink Mark Unread

She tries to sink lower in her seat. Her hands shake as she attempts to copy down the new diagrams, but the letters keep blurring together.

Neighboring group participation. Like how Cara's backlash participates with hers, creating new pathways, new possibilities for reaction. Like how touch creates conductance between two isolated systems. Mac charger skin fuzzies.

Stop thinking about her. Focus on chemistry. Focus on anything else.

The broken pen leaks ink across her palm.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just tired," she whispers. "Had a long night."

The understatement of the century. She turns back to the board, but the equations might as well be hieroglyphics now. All she can think about is Cara standing in her room, vacant-eyed and compliant, waiting for instructions that might never come.

What if she just. Forgets to come back?

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara would sit there quietly until she died, probably. Vera ordered her to stay put and destroyed her phone - nobody who notices that she's missing would be able to find her in time.

Permalink Mark Unread

The lecture ends. Finally. She shoves a borrowed pen back at her neighbor without looking, gathers her ruined notes, and practically runs for the door.

The hallway is crowded with students heading to their next classes. She weaves between them, ignoring the occasional "watch it" when she clips someone's shoulder. Her room is three buildings away. Five minutes if she walks fast. Three if she runs.

She runs.

Permalink Mark Unread

When the door bursts open, Cara is exactly where Vera left her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

(The room hasn't been properly cleaned since Vera threw up, but as Cara doesn't have agency or a working sense of smell, this is going to be a problem for only one of them.)

Permalink Mark Unread

The smell hits her first. She gags, covering her nose with her ink-stained hand. Right. The vomit. The blood. Everything she'd meant to clean up before

Cara sits on the bed like a mannequin someone forgot to pose properly. Still wrapped in just a towel. Still waiting.

She closes the door behind her and leans against it, trying to breathe through her mouth. The room spins slightly. Too many choices. Clean first? Get Cara dressed? Touch her to guide? Open the window? Tell her to move? Tell her to

"Stand up," she says, because she has to start somewhere.

Permalink Mark Unread

Up she goes! Her towel loosens dramatically, but stays in place. 

Permalink Mark Unread

The window. She needs air. She stumbles over to wrench it open, gulping in the cold morning. Her head clears marginally. Behind her, fabric rustles.

Permalink Mark Unread

There's a convenient Cara there, awaiting further orders.

Does she need guiding? Or help cleaning? 

Permalink Mark Unread

She turns back from the window, takes in the scene properly. Cara standing there. The towel. The mess. Everything.

"We need to..." She trails off. Rubs her face with both hands. "Clothes. You need clothes. Go to my closet. Pick something that fits. Put it on."

One thing at a time. She can't think about the rest of it right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

Or

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stop."

"Drop the towel."

Permalink Mark Unread

She starts moving toward the closet and then stops before really getting anywhere, dropping the towel from her body.

She's naked now.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's true.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's also very backlashed! 

She'll feel soooo nice to touch.

Permalink Mark Unread

She crosses the room in three quick steps, grabs Cara by the throatshoulders.

"Just-" Her voice cracks. She clears her throat, tries again. "Just stand still for a minute. Let me think."

She can feel her thoughts settling, narrowing down from infinite branches to something more manageable. Her hands shake where they rest on Cara's bare shoulders.

×

QR Code Content:

Permalink Mark Unread

Silly Vera! Cara was already going to do that~

Permalink Mark Unread

Right. Of course she was.

The guiding helps. It always helps. Contact. Just the two of them in this awful-smelling room with too many things that need fixing.

She doesn't let go. Can't quite make herself.

Her mouth opens

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara opens her mouth as well.

Permalink Mark Unread

She doesn't have words. Just need. She leans in, catches Cara's mouth with hers. It's not gentle - more desperate than anything, seeking a deeper connection.

The taste is clinical - toothpaste and nothing else. Like kissing a mannequin that happens to be warm.

She pulls back after a moment, breathing hard. Her hands are still on Cara's shoulders, thumbs pressing into her collarbones.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is responsive, when kissed, but doesn't otherwise react. The only change Vera might observe in her at all is a minute increase in the intensity of the guiding sensation, as Cara's backlash level moves slowly towards hers.

Permalink Mark Unread

She stays like that for a moment, forehead resting against Cara's shoulder. The guiding flows between them, steady now. Manageable.

"Okay," she says, mostly to herself. "Okay. We're going to-"

Permalink Mark Unread

Going to what, Vera? What's the plan? Have you decided?

Permalink Mark Unread

Um.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara could help with this! She's good at plans! 

Well. Not right now, she isn't. Whoopsie.

Permalink Mark Unread


  1. Blush and avert her eyes, apologize for the kiss and invading her space.

  2. Make deliberate eye contact to keep her gaze above her neck. Stammer an explanation for her behavior. There is one, right?

  3. Lose her train of thought staring at the curve of her bare shoulder. Shake herself and refocus. Roll again.

  4. Run her hands down Cara's arms, goosebumps rising in her wake. Cara shivers under her touch.

  5. Get distracted tracing Cara's collarbone with a fingertip. The light fixture flickers - or was that just her imagination?

  6. Press open-mouthed kisses to Cara's neck and shoulder, tasting the clean dampness of her skin.

  7. Nuzzle into the crook of Cara's neck, inhaling the scent of her. Is that lavender? No, it's her body oil.

  8. Notice an odd spot on the ceiling. Blink and refocus on the expanse of bare skin in front of her.

  9. Guiltily consider stopping… but only briefly.

  10. Feel her stomach growl. Was that Cara's too? When did they last eat? Maybe they should get food first… She won't let her starve? Probably?

  11. Fixate on a hangnail, picking at it anxiously. Resist the urge to bolt.

  12. Cara's lips are so soft…

  13. Wait, what was that noise? Pause and listen intently.

  14. The room feels warm. She should open a window. But then Cara would get cold… She's very naked…

  15. Briefly imagine how awkward this could be in the morning. Push that thought away to deal with later.

  16. She always has at least one more option.

  17. She could make it worse.

Permalink Mark Unread

The crowd awaits with baited breath.

Permalink Mark Unread

n. She should open a window.

She pushes away, opens the window, breathing heavily. Does she actually want to do this?

Permalink Mark Unread

It sure seems like she wants to do something. What, exactly, might still be a mystery.

(Cara will get cold, with the window open, but she won't do anything about it, besides maybe suffer in silence.)

Permalink Mark Unread

g. Nuzzle into the crook of Cara's neck, inhaling the scent of her.

She likes when the thing smells like her. Maybe more than she ought to.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yay, skin contact! The guiding resumes.

Permalink Mark Unread

She grinds her teeth.

q. She could make it worse.

She won't.

p. She always has at least one more option.

And that is?

… Take a wild guess, sweetcheeks.

There is something very wrong with me, she thinks, as she sinks her teeth into Cara's shoulder, hard.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara's blood tastes salty on her lips, enhanced greatly by the source being a heavily backlashed compatible esper.

(The girl doesn't react, of course. It's like biting a doll. a disturbingly lifelike doll.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls back, blood on her teeth. She watches the roughed up skin with a sort of detached fascination.

"Down," she says finally. Her voice comes out rougher than intended, husky with a hint of growl.

One task at a time.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's not actually obvious to Cara what Vera wants of her, actually! She tilts her head in confusion.

(Her shoulder is bleeding still.)

Permalink Mark Unread

"On your knees."

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh!

She can do that.

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks down at Cara kneeling on the carpet. The blood from the bite is running down her shoulder in a thin rivulet, following the curve of her collarbone. The room still reeks. The window's still open. Everything is still wrong.

But this helps. Having her like this, looking up with those empty eyes. It narrows things down.

She reaches down, threads her fingers through Cara's hair. "Unbuckle my belt."

Permalink Mark Unread

She can do that, too.

Permalink Mark Unread

"And the top button."

She's really feeling remarkably clear, given the circumstances. Maybe she should?

Permalink Mark Unread

She undoes the button.

This feels nice, actually. She's doing what she's told, and it's going to make Vera so happy!

Permalink Mark Unread

She tugs down her zipper, hooks another finger in the elastic of her panties, pulling them to the side for her doll.

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks up obediently. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mouth, cunt, now."

Permalink Mark Unread

She can do that.

(And she's pretty good at it, too.)

Permalink Mark Unread

And for her part, she's going to press the thing's head closer against her, a slight gasp escaping her lips.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is really going at it! For a doll with no agency, she sure can use her tongue well. 

She loves doing this, loves serving her master like this, loves being a perfect little doll, used and ordered around by her Vera... 

Permalink Mark Unread

She's going to use this. Fingers tightening in Cara's hair, breath coming faster now.

Just this. Just the feeling of Cara's mouth on her, the mechanical perfection of someone following orders without thought or hesitation. No choices to make except whether to pull her closer or push her away.

She rocks her hips forward, chasing the sensation.

Permalink Mark Unread

The sensation continues to mount! Cara's body sure seems like it knows what it's doing here, and the guiding makes it feel better than anything Vera has ever experienced before. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Her legs are trembling. She grips Cara's hair tighter, using her as an anchor. The room spins slightly - too much sensation, too much everything.

"Don't stop," she gasps out, even though she knows Cara won't. Can't. Not without being told.

Permalink Mark Unread

She sure can't! 

She can get a bit more creative with her tongue, though. 

Permalink Mark Unread

The world narrows down to just this point of contact, just the relentless motion of Cara's tongue and the way her body responds without her permission. She's close, so close, and she can't think about anything else.

"Fuck," she breathes, and then she's coming apart, hips jerking forward as the pleasure crashes over her. Her fingers tighten painfully in Cara's hair, holding her in place through the aftershocks.

When she finally releases her grip, she's breathing hard, legs shaky. She looks down at Cara, still kneeling there with that vacant expression, face wet with Vera's arousal.

Permalink Mark Unread

She smiles faintly, looking down at the girl between her legs.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara is decent at controlling her reactions and has a few seconds warning, and so by the time Vera's eyes meet hers she's mostly managed to return her face to something passing neutral.

Internally, she's squashing a debate on how to internalize what just happened to her in favor of figuring out how best to stay a person keep Vera calm, happy with her, and guided. The smile is a good sign! 

Permalink Mark Unread

She reaches down, traces a thumb across Cara's wet lips. The gesture is almost tender, if you ignore the context.

"Good," she says quietly. "You did good."

The praise feels strange in her mouth. She's not sure why she said it.

Permalink Mark Unread

WELP 

She blushes visibly at the praise.

Permalink Mark Unread

Um. Well,

  1. Panic!
  2. You're stronger than her.
  3. Panic! It's easy to stop her from breathing.
  4. Panic!
Permalink Mark Unread

ughughugh she needs do something before Vera spirals...

 

 

Cara licks her lips, and presses her face against Vera's legs. 

"That was niiice", she murmurs, sighing happily.

Permalink Mark Unread

She jerks back like she's been burned, stumbling slightly as she pulls away from Cara's touch.

k. Panic!

"Don't—" The word comes out sharp, panicked. She backs up until she hits the desk, gripping the edge hard enough that her knuckles go white.

The girl's still conscious. Still aware. Still capable of having opinions about what just happened.

Her chest feels too tight. The room is too small.

Permalink Mark Unread

She suppresses an eyeroll, because as stupid as it is, Vera looks scared. Probably she shouldn't reach out, even though the guiding would probably help the poor thing, but - 

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. You're safe. I'm not going to hurt you." a short pause. "...breathe with me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stop fucking talking."

The words come out strangled. She's pressed back against the desk like a cornered animal, eyes darting between Cara and the door.

"You're not supposed to-" She cuts herself off, breathing too fast, too shallow. Her hands shake where they grip the desk edge.

This isn't how it's supposed to work. The girl is supposed to be empty, vacant, safe. Not kneeling there naked with blood on her shoulder and concern in her voice like she's trying to help.

Permalink Mark Unread

ARRRRRRGHHH.

Now she rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed.

(Then she closes her eyes and starts breathing slowly, both because most people find that calming, and because it'll make it easier to avoid doing something else that Vera will make her regret.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara's exaggerated breathing with growing rage. The eye roll. The attitude. Like she's dealing with a child having a tantrum.

"Get out."

The words are quiet, flat. She can't look at her anymore. Can't stand the sight of her kneeling there, naked and bleeding and judging her.

"Get your clothes and get the fuck out of my room."

Permalink Mark Unread

Fuck.

Her eyes snap open, and she looks around for her clothes. 

... her clothes aren't here. They're back at the pool.

She opens her mouth to - but she can't talk, was ordered not to, so she just looks at Vera helplessly. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Dial-up noises

She slaps her?

Permalink Mark Unread

She flinches, backing away, and points at her mouth, a pleading look on her face. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can talk. Jesus."

She's still pressed against the desk, hands white-knuckled on the edge. The brief contact from the slap makes her skin crawl.

Permalink Mark Unread

Thank fuck. Okay, okay,

"T-thanks. ... My clothes aren't here," you "I left them back at the pool."

She's trying her best to be small and nonthreatening. (It helps that she is actually rather scared of Vera.)

Permalink Mark Unread

Right. The pool. The kidnapping. Her brilliant fucking plan.

She gestures vaguely at her closet, still not looking directly at Cara. "Take something. I don't care what. Just - cover yourself and go."

Her voice is flat, exhausted. The panic is fading into something worse - a hollow feeling in her chest.

Permalink Mark Unread

She heads towards the closet, looking for clothes.

"...Backlash is bad for your health, and you still have a lot of it", she says quietly, as she grabs some loose clothes that should fit her okay, and starts pulling them on. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know how fucking backlash works."

The words come out sharp, defensive. She can feel it building again already - that pressure behind her eyes, the way her thoughts want to splinter into a thousand different paths.

She doesn't need Cara's concern. Doesn't need her help. Doesn't need anything from the girl she just-

"Just go. I'll figure it out."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Sorry. Bye."

She slips out, walking towards the door of the girl Vera snapped at earlier. If she can borrow a phone and send a text - 

 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

The room still smells like vomit and sex and fear. Her mouth still tastes like Cara. Her head is starting to pound again, thoughts fracturing at the edges.

She needs to clean up. She needs an esper to guide with. She needs to figure out what the fuck she's going to do when Cara inevitably tells someone what happened.

She needs to

She needs

She puts her head in her hands and tries to breathe.

Permalink Mark Unread

She needs to go back.

She turns on her bare heels, walks back to Vera's room, and knocks once, hesitantly. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks up at the knock, disbelief and fury warring on her face.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

She doesn't get up from where she's sitting on the floor. Can't trust herself to move without doing something worse.

"I told you to leave."

She needs her to give her a hug.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You did, sorry, I just -"

Wait, why did she come back? She was going to...

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"You just what?"

She drags herself to her feet, using the desk for support. Everything hurts. Her head is splitting, aura throbbing in her temples.

"You just thought you'd come back and - what? Check if I'm okay? Make sure I'm not going to off myself? Fucking gloat?"

Her voice cracks on the last word.

Permalink Mark Unread

What - "What? No! I'm sorry, I'm scared, I don't - I don't understand what's happening to my mind -" 

Permalink Mark Unread

She freezes. The anger drains out of her so fast it leaves her dizzy.

"You're..." She swallows. "You're awakening. That's what's happening. Your backlash is fucking with your head." Lie.

She shouldn't care. But the fear in Cara's voice is real, and she knows exactly what that particular terror feels like.

"Come in. Close the door."

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks confused. "I... my backlash..."

Oh, an order! She's following it. Inside comes the Cara.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara obey automatically, and something twists in her chest. The girl doesn't even realize she's following orders.

"Your backlash makes you..." She trails off. How to explain this without giving away that she's been using it against her? "Suggestible. Compliant. You lose access to your own wants."

She leans back against the desk, trying to look less threatening. Her head is still pounding.

"That's why you came back just now. Something made you think you needed to."

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods, still looking confused. "I know, it makes me do what people tell me to" shiver, "but - it was like - "

Permalink Mark Unread

And then the light goes out of her eyes, and her sentence hangs in the air, unfinished.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches it happen - the exact moment Cara stops being a person and becomes a thing again. The half-formed sentence dying in the air between them.

This time she recognizes it for what it is. Null. Stripping away everything that makes Cara Cara until there's nothing left but an empty shell waiting for instructions.

"Fuck." She runs a hand through her hair. "Sit down. On the bed."

She needs to think. Needs to figure out what to do with this girl who keeps flickering in and out of existence.

Permalink Mark Unread

She walks over to the bed and sits, empty and compliant.

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits down next to her, careful to maintain a few inches of distance. The room still reeks, but she can't bring herself to deal with it right now.

"This is going to keep happening," she says, mostly to herself. "You're going to wake up, panic, and then..." She gestures vaguely. "This."

She should send Cara away. Should let her deal with this on her own, find another esper to guide with. Should do literally anything except keep her here.

But she can't. Won't. The girl came back, even when she didn't understand why.

"We need rules," she says finally. "For when you're... you."

Permalink Mark Unread

That sure seems like a good idea! 

(Does Vera want to decide these rules unilaterally? Or will she deign to guide Cara a bit, first?)

Permalink Mark Unread

She reaches over, takes Cara's hand.

"When you're conscious, you don't..." She pauses, trying to figure out how to phrase this. "You don't judge me. You don't roll your eyes. You don't try to fucking help me like I'm some broken thing that needs fixing."

Her grip tightens slightly.

"And you don't tell anyone about this. Any of it. Not the pool, not what happened here, not what your backlash does. You tell people I'm helping you through awakening and that's it."

Permalink Mark Unread

(Unilaterally it is!)

She nods.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good." She doesn't let go of Cara's hand. "And when you're like this - null - you follow my lead. You don't wander off. You don't stare, or idle, or bring attention to yourself. You just… exist at my right hand, until I tell you otherwise."

She's making this up as she goes, but it feels right. Having control over something, even if it's just this broken thing sitting next to her.

"Say yes if you understand."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good." She squeezes Cara's hand once more, then lets go. The loss of contact makes her head throb immediately, but she needs to think without the distraction.

"We're going to clean this room. Then we're going to figure out how to get through the rest of this week without..." She gestures vaguely at everything. "Without it getting worse."

She stands, immediately regrets it as the room spins slightly, and grabs the desk for support.

"Start by opening more windows."

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks around for a window to open. Any in sight?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah there are two by the desk.

She's busy working what mantra would be best for the occasion.

Permalink Mark Unread

She'll head over to the desk and open both the windows there.

Permalink Mark Unread

Good girl!

Permalink Mark Unread

But will she get a treat for it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Fingers in her mouth Friday it is.

Permalink Mark Unread

Mmmm, guiding...

Permalink Mark Unread

Ugh. She should really focus, but it's nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

It is! One of the best sensations. 

 

Is Vera looking at Cara, perchance?

Permalink Mark Unread

"Clean the mess," she says, her other hand gesturing vaguely at the vomit-stained carpet. "There's cleaning supplies under the sink in the bathroom."

She doesn't remove her fingers, just stands there using Cara's mouth as an anchor point while she tries to think through what comes next.

Permalink Mark Unread

???Waugh!

She - fails to suppress the change in body language, as she comes back into focus.

She looks over at the bathroom door, and then at Vera, and then back at the bathroom again.

Permalink Mark Unread

She withdraws her fingers immediately, wiping them on her jeans. Of course. Of fucking course she's back.

"What?" Her voice comes out defensive, sharp. "You need to clean. That's what you do when there's a mess."

She can't look at Cara's face. Can't handle whatever expression is there - confusion, disgust, fear. Instead she stares at the wall past her shoulder.

"Unless you want to leave it there to really complete the ambiance."

Permalink Mark Unread

...if she tried to jump out the window - Espers are stronger and have fast reaction times, she wouldn't make it. 

She wants to scream, but it doesn't seem like it will be very useful. She wants to cry, but that will just make Vera mad. And it's not like she's going to exist long enough to get to say anything real, so.

She turns away and walks off to the bathroom, misery radiating from her body language - 

Permalink Mark Unread

- until it's gone, along with the rest of her.

Vinegar. Water. Washtowels.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara flicker out again, like someone turning off a light switch. There and then not. Person and then thing.

She sits down heavily on the bed, puts her head in her hands. The room still spins slightly but it's manageable now. Everything is manageable when she doesn't have to look at Cara's face.

She should be planning. Should be figuring out how to handle the rest of the week, how to keep Cara stable enough to survive awakening, how to explain any of this if someone asks. But all she can do is sit here and listen to the sound of cleaning supplies being gathered in the bathroom, mechanical and efficient.

At least when she's null, she's useful.

Permalink Mark Unread

Soooo useful! Does whatever you tell her to.

Vinegar goes onto the carpet, mixed with water, everywhere the vomit touched. Then blot it with the rags, gently, repeatedly.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara work with a detached sort of fascination. The methodical movements, the complete absence of complaint or hesitation. Just pure obedience.

This is what she wanted, isn't it? Someone who does what they're told without questions or judgment or those awful concerned looks.

Her head throbs. She needs more contact, but she can't bring herself to move from the bed. Can't bring herself to touch the empty thing scrubbing vomit from her carpet.

"When you're done with that," she says, voice flat, "come here."

Permalink Mark Unread

She does a thorough job, so it takes her a few minutes, but eventually she finishes and comes to Vera.

(The shirt she borrowed is stained on the right shoulder with blood. Deeply inconsiderate of her.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She reaches out automatically, pulling Cara down to sit next to her on the bed.

She notices the blood on the borrowed shirt. Her bite mark. Right.

"Take off the shirt," she says, because she can't stand looking at it. "You're getting blood on my clothes."

As if that's the problem here. As if any of this makes sense.

Permalink Mark Unread

She struggles a bit with removing it (on autopilot, she still tries to take off shirts in a way optimized for oversized unisex tshirts, which works poorly for women's clothing), but it doesn't take too long for her to figure it out.

Now there is a topless Cara sitting next to Vera on her bed, holding a bloodied borrowed shirt.

Permalink Mark Unread

She takes the shirt from Cara's hands and tosses it onto the floor with the rest of the mess she'll deal with later. Her fingers find the bite mark on Cara's shoulder, tracing the edge where the skin is broken.

"This needs to be cleaned," she says, though she makes no move to do anything about it. Just keeps touching the wound she made, feeling the slight warmth where blood is still seeping.

Permalink Mark Unread

It actually might not! Awakening espers are harder to infect, in addition to healing faster than normal.  

But Vera might not know this, and Cara isn't available to correct her at the moment~

Permalink Mark Unread

She leans down and runs her tongue over the wound, tasting copper and salt. The blood is still warm.

"There," she says, pulling back. "Cleaned."

She knows that's not how it works. Knows she's probably making it worse. But the taste lingers on her tongue and she can't bring herself to care.

Permalink Mark Unread

The scrap of guiding is probably good for Cara, at least.

(Though, happily for Vera, it's not enough to risk waking her up.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls Cara closer, arranging her like a doll until she's lying with her head in Vera's lap. The position gives her easy access to touch - hair, shoulders, the curve of her spine.

"Stay like this," she says quietly. "Just... be still."

She cards her fingers through Cara's hair, the repetitive motion soothing. The room still smells terrible, but with the windows open it's getting better. The carpet's mostly clean. Everything is under control.

She can pretend, for a little while, that this is sustainable.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara's good at staying still! She barely breathes.

Permalink Mark Unread

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa she can't move

-actually, that's useful, probably? She can't give away the game on accident by moving. This gives her time to think.

What does Vera want? 

...Deeply unclear, honestly. She gets the feeling that Vera doesn't really have a good answer to this, which is part of the problem.

How can Cara best avoid making Vera mad at her? Don't be nice to her, don't be concerned about her, don't be annoyed at her, don't act like this is a fun sexy hangout and not a deeply fucked up kidnapping, don't panic... 

...Don't be a person, really.

Permalink Mark Unread

She keeps running her fingers through Cara's hair, the motion automatic now.

"This is nice," she says, mostly to herself. "When you're quiet. When you're not..." She trails off.

When you're not looking at me with those eyes that see too much. When you're not trying to help. When you're not real enough to judge what I'm doing.

"We need to figure out logistics," she says instead. "You can't go back to your apartment like this. Not during hell week. You'd die."

(She hasn't noticed.)

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes, Vera, I've noticed you like me more as warm furniture, she doesn't say, both because it would be unwise and also because she can't.

..."We", huh. Somehow Cara doubts this is going to be very collaborative. That's okay, she can be a sounding board. 

At least the feeling of Vera's hand in her hair is nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You'll stay here," she decides, the words coming out before she's really thought them through. "I have classes, but you can wait. While I'm gone."

She pauses, considering the logistics. A naked girl in her dorm room all day. That won't raise questions at all.

"I'll get you clothes. Books, maybe. Something to do when you're..." She gestures vaguely. "Aware."

Her fingers catch on a tangle in Cara's hair, and she works through it carefully, methodically.

"And we'll need to establish a schedule. For guiding."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara's never had an experience remotely like this before! She tries to lean into clinical fascination, poking what's happening here at a distance. It's easier than trying to grapple with the facts of the situation, especially when she's so powerless. And it's safer than poking the limits of what's allowed.

She wonders when Vera will remember that she needs food and water, or notice that her old order about the clock seems to have been overriden. Maybe something to mention, if she's allowed to speak again.

Books? She's not really much of a reader, hasn't been since learning how to talk to people, but... she's not going to get to be a person while Vera is gone, so this kind of seems pointless? (...but surprisingly thoughtful, given the givens.)

Guiding schedule, huh. This seems important. What's Vera thinking?

Permalink Mark Unread

"Morning and evening," she says, working through the tangle. "Before I leave for classes, when I get back. More if you need it, obviously. You'll need more during hell week."

She's planning this like it's a lab schedule. Times and procedures and expected outcomes. It helps, having a framework.

"We'll need to be careful about the type of guiding. Can't have you waking up every time." She pauses, considering. "Though I suppose if you're null most of the day anyway..."

The tangle finally comes free. She smooths the hair down, then starts again from the roots.

"Are you hungry? You should eat something. When did you last eat?"

She doesn't actually wait for an answer, because of course Cara can't give one.

Permalink Mark Unread

Can't have her waking up, huh. Well. Maybe it'll make the time pass faster. Maybe she'll die.

 

Oh, hey, Vera did remember she needs to eat. Um.

"...hard to tell if I'm hungry. I last ate when you fed me that pad thai, which was..." she can't see the clock from here, and she was told to stay still. "I dunno. A few hours ago?"

She tries to keep her voice as monotonous as she can.

Permalink Mark Unread

She startles slightly at the voice. Right.

"That was..." She glances at the clock. "Six hours ago. You need food."

She doesn't stop playing with Cara's hair, though. The contact is too necessary right now.

"I have granola bars in the desk. Bottom drawer. When I tell you to move, you can get one." She pauses. "Get two. You're awakening, you need the calories."

But she doesn't tell her to move yet. Just keeps running her fingers through her hair, thinking through logistics that feel increasingly impossible.

Permalink Mark Unread

Wow, two granola bars. Truly she is blessed on this day.

(She's so glad that Vera's orders aren't preventing her from being snarky inside her own head. That would have been terrible.)

She can't tell if Vera wants her to acknowledge the order or not... So she doesn't, because her current strategy is "be furniture". 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Go. Get them."

She lifts her hand from Cara's hair reluctantly. She watches her carefully, looking for signs of resistance or attitude. Any indication that she's going to be difficult about this.

"And then come back here. Same position."

Permalink Mark Unread

No attitude or resistence here, no ma'am. She gets up, opens the bottom drawer of the desk, grabs 2 granola bars, and then returns, keeping her face as blank as she can.

Then she lies back down in the bed, head placed in Vera's lap. She could eat the granola bars, even though she wasn't ordered to, but it's not what furniture would do, so she'll just keep holding them in her left hand. 

(...this sucks.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara lie there with the granola bars just... held. Like she's waiting for permission. Which she probably is.

Good. That's what she wanted, right? Perfect obedience. No judgment. No person there to see what she's doing.

Her hand finds Cara's hair again, automatic.

"Eat them," she says, because apparently she has to spell out every single thing. "Both of them."

She leans back against the headboard, suddenly exhausted. It's been such a long fucking day, and it's only afternoon.

Permalink Mark Unread

She opens the first granola bar and starts eating it methodically. (She tries not to think about how Vera could have just as easily told her to jump out the window. She won't be that lucky.)

Eating with her head in Vera's lap is kind of weird. She does her best to keep crumb spillage to a minimum.

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara eat, mechanically, carefully. Like she's performing a task rather than feeding herself. Which she is, really. Just another command to follow.

A crumb falls onto her lap. She brushes it away absently.

"After this," she says, thinking out loud, "we should probably get you actual food. And water. And..." She trails off. Too many things. Too many decisions.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?"

Yes or no questions with clear solutions.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh, real food, okay, that's good.

Hmmm. Does she need to use the bathroom? Not obviously... 

"I don't think so?" she says, a bit hesitantly.

(She finishes off the first granola bar, and opens the second one.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She pauses. "You don't think so?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Welp. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She should at least answer usefully. "The backlash makes it hard to tell, unless it's urgent."

Munch munch the granola. Her face is still turned away from Vera, which is probably for the best.

Permalink Mark Unread

"What does that even mean? Either you do or you don't."

She's getting irritated again. Every simple question turns into something complicated. Even basic biological functions apparently require analysis.

"Just go. Use the bathroom. Then come back."

Better to just make it a command. Remove the uncertainty entirely.

Permalink Mark Unread

She opens her mouth to answer, but as Vera continues, she re-interprets the question as rhetorical, leaving her space to choose whether to answer or not (huh. interesting). She doesn't. Furniture doesn't explain its backlash.

 

She goes to the bathroom, relieves herself, and throws out the granola wrappers. She doesn't remember seeing any bleach in the bathroom cabinet, but she didn't look that hard. Come on, Cara, it's not that bad.

She washes her hands, then comes back to Vera, moving to settle back into the position she was just in.

Permalink Mark Unread

She lets Cara settle back into position, hand automatically finding her hair again. The routine of it is almost soothing. Pet the broken thing. Feel better. Simple.

"I need to get you clothes," she says, thinking out loud again. "Can't have you naked all week. People would notice."

She traces idle patterns on the nape of Cara's neck, considering logistics.

"What's your size? For everything. Clothes, shoes, whatever."

Permalink Mark Unread

She has clothes back at her room, but whatever. 

"Medium shirt, 28A bra, 26 for pants. Medium dresses usually fit me. Size 9 shoes." She wonders what kind of clothes Vera will buy for her.

Permalink Mark Unread

She files the information away mechanically. Of course Cara's tiny. Everything about her is small and breakable.

"I'll order something online. It'll be here tomorrow." She pauses, considering. "You can wear my clothes until then. They'll be big but..."

She trails off. But what? But it's better than nothing? But she likes the idea of Cara wearing her things?

"We need to talk about what happens when I'm in class," she says instead. "You can't just... be null all day. You'd probably die or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

...she is going to wait and see if Vera is actually looking for her to say something, or not. She's been learning that "We" can mean a lot of things.

(She probably could stay 'null' while Vera is gone, is the thing. She's not sure if that's better than being kept and conscious, and she's not sure if it matters, practically, because - the backlash builds up really fast, when she's not being guided.)

Permalink Mark Unread

The silence stretches. She's waiting for input, apparently, but Cara's not giving any. Smart. Learning the rules.

"You'll need to be conscious at least some of the time," she decides. "To eat. Drink water. Not... atrophy or whatever."

She keeps playing with Cara's hair, thinking through the logistics.

"I'll leave you instructions. Things to do while I'm gone. Nothing complicated." She pauses. "And you'll follow them. Even when you're aware."

It's not really a question.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's definitely learning, yeah. 

She thinks. This all seems pretty survivable, which is definitely an improvement from the baseball bat situation. She doesn't have any idea what will happen when the week ends, but that's a problem for future Cara (and future Vera). 

...Oh, actually, there might be problems before that. Prof Meadows will start looking for her, probably by Sunday, if she doesn't hear back.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Actually - do you have commitments? Classes? Work? People who'll notice you're gone?"

She hadn't thought about that. Too focused on the immediate problem of keeping Cara alive and contained. But of course she has a life. Had a life. Whatever.

"We need to handle that. Can't have people looking for you."

Her fingers tighten slightly in Cara's hair, not quite pulling but close.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have classes, and I TA for Prof Meadows, though she might assume I'm in the hospital. I had some plans for this weekend."

This could get complicated. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Text her. Tell her you're awakening and you've found someone to help you through it. That you'll be out for the week."

She doesn't let go of Cara's hair, but she shifts slightly to dig her phone out of her pocket with her free hand. Her own phone. Cara's is still... somewhere in pieces.

"Use mine. I'll delete the messages after." She unlocks it and holds it where Cara can see. "Make it sound normal. Like you would normally text."

A pause.

"And cancel your weekend plans. Same excuse."

Permalink Mark Unread

Well. Prof Meadows won't respond to a text message. Might not even see it.

She could volunteer that info. Maybe she will later.

For now, she takes the phone from Vera, goes onto the school website to look up Prof Meadows' cell number, and then starts typing out "Hey, this is Cara! I'm really sorry about not getting back to you sooner, but I broke my phone! I'm actually having an esper awakening right now and will not be able to make it to class or to my shifts this week; I'm staying with a friend of mine who's helping me through it."

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara type, reading over her shoulder. The message is... fine. Normal enough. Though the exclamation points feel somehow mocking given the circumstances.

"Good enough." She doesn't take the phone back yet. "Now your weekend plans."

She shifts slightly, her fingers pressing into the nerve clusters at the base of the back of her neck. The casual touch keeps her grounded.

"And if anyone asks follow-up questions, you tell them you're fine but need to focus on not dying. People understand awakening is serious."

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh wow. She tries not to widen her eyes. 

Okay. Well. First, she texts Aunt Rachel. She has a phone call with her planned tomorrow, after all.

"Hey, Aunt Rachel! This is Cara, texting from a friends' phone. I can't make our phone call tomorrow, sorry, I'm awakening as an esper! I'll tell you all about it next weekend, okay?"

(She glances at Vera before she sends it.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara type, reading over her shoulder. The message looks normal enough. Apologetic but not overly so. Nothing that would raise suspicion.

"Good. Send it." She pauses, thinking. "Who are your weekend plans with? How many people need to know?"

She's already calculating the risk. Every person who needs to be told is another potential problem, another chance for someone to ask questions or want to check in.

Permalink Mark Unread

She closes her eyes and focuses, counting things off on her fingers. "Um.... Tonight I have dinner plans with Jen, and then after that we were going to Kaz's party together. Tomorrow I have brunch with Sara, my IR413 study group, a movie night I host for some scattered EU online friends, the call to Aunt Rachel I just cancelled, and then... oh, Ryan's birthday, right. Sunday... I don't actually remember for sure? I know I wanted to do something with Reve and go to karaoke with Stella, but without my calendar I don't know for sure what all I have."

Permalink Mark Unread

She stares at Cara. That's... so many people. So many fucking people who will notice she's gone.

"Jesus Christ. Do you just never sleep?"

She pinches the bridge of her nose, trying to think through the logistics. Every single one of those people is a potential problem.

"Okay. Group text. Tell them all at once - awakening, can't make anything this week, you'll catch up with them later. Keep it simple."

She pauses, considering.

"And then you're going to delete all their numbers from my phone after. I don't want them trying to check in."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I sleep, but sometimes not a lot", she says quietly.

And, hmm, obvious problem there. "I don't know most of their phone numbers, though I could look up... Ryan's and Sara's? But the others I chat with online."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fuck." She runs her free hand through her hair, frustrated. "Of course you don't. Nobody memorizes numbers anymore."

She thinks for a moment, then sighs.

"Fine. Look up the ones you can. Text them individually if you have to. Same message - awakening, can't make it, you'll be in touch later."

She pauses, considering the online friends.

"The online people... they don't know where you live, right? They can wait. They'll assume you're busy or your internet's down or whatever."

Her fingers tighten slightly.

"After you send these, you're done with the phone. No more contact with anyone until this is over."

Permalink Mark Unread

"-Jen, Kaz, and Stella are local - Jen and Reve and Stella all know where I live. We usually use discord to talk, and I can't think of a way to get their numbers."

She looks up Ryan and Sara's numbers from the registry (the two of them are TAing, so their contact info is public to students), and texts them both at once "Hey, this is Cara on a friends' phone! Sorry, I have to cancel our plans this weekend, I'm awakening as an esper. But don't worry! I'm being taken good care of 💙. I'll tell you all about it next weekend! Happy early birthday, Ryan."

Permalink Mark Unread

She watches Cara add the heart emoji and fights the urge to delete it before sending. Too cheerful. Too... normal. Like this is just any other weekend plan cancellation.

"The local ones are a problem." She drums her fingers against Cara's neck, thinking. "They might come looking if they're worried."

She takes the phone back, scrolling through the sent messages to make sure they're acceptable.

"You'll have to risk it with them. If they show up here..." She trails off. Too many possibilities. Too many ways that could go wrong.

"If anyone knocks, you don't answer. You stay quiet. You stay still. Understood?"

Permalink Mark Unread

The phone buzzes. In the SMS conversation that has is the message with Aunt Rachel, there's a reply:

Oh my god! Carbar are you okay?

Oh look, there's another.

 Who are you staying with? Is it someone I know?

And another.

Do you need anything? 

buzz.

Do they need anything? 

buzz buzz.

Should I fly home early? Skip the conference?

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods her understanding, and then looks at the phone when it starts buzzing.

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks at the messages pouring in, her jaw tightening with each buzz.

"Fuck. Of course she's..." She trails off, reading through them. Caring aunt. Worried. Ready to drop everything and come back.

She shoves the phone at Cara.

"Tell her you're fine. You're with a friend from school - someone she doesn't know. You don't need anything. She should absolutely not come back early." She pauses, thinking. "Make it convincing. She needs to believe you're actually okay."

Her fingers drum against Cara's neck, agitated.

"And tell her you need to focus on managing the backlash so you'll be out of contact for a few days."

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay, Cara, time to make a choice, are you cooperating or defecting here.

(She reaches her hand out for the phone, on autopilot, and starts typing the beginning of a message that will work either way.)  

Well okay. What does defecting even look like?

Vera's instructions are, not good, because there is not a way to make Aunt Rachel reassured when the facts on the ground are "I am in a medically dangerous state, staying with someone you don't know, and I won't be in contact for days." She'll get too worried, and want to be nearby.

Defecting looks like... angling for that, and also for her other friends getting conflicting useless information, which leads to - confused concern, possibly a manhunt, the people she loves doing their best to find an unstable esper who has her captive.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay! Cool. Cool cool cool. Cooperation it is.

Permalink Mark Unread

She finishes typing out

"omg Aunt Rachel it's okay! (Take a deep breath? 💙) I've got a new friend looking after me - I'll tell you about her later, but she's been really great at helping me through this, she noticed something was wrong before anyone else and explained to me what was going on. We're both fine, you super don't need to come back early, please enjoy the conference and take those notes for me, okay?")

but before sending it, she says "...I can't do everything you asked. If I tell her I'm not going to be able to talk to her at all for a few days, she's going to have a lot more questions, and if she doesn't get answers to them she's going to worry, maybe enough to come back here. I can definitely make sure she doesn't, but not without being able to message her at least a bit more over the week."

Permalink Mark Unread

She reads the draft over Cara's shoulder, then looks at her face. Trying to gauge if this is manipulation or just... truth.

The message is better than what she would have written. More natural. The kind of thing that might actually reassure someone.

"Fine," she says after a long moment. "But I read everything before you send it. And if she asks anything specific about me, you keep it vague. She doesn't get my name, doesn't get details."

She shifts her grip, fingers pressing harder against Cara's neck. Not quite painful, but present.

"Send that one. We'll deal with follow-ups as they come."

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. She can do that. She nods and presses send.

"If she asks for things you don't want shared, I'll make something plausible up and you can veto it and substitute?" 

(She tries not to shudder at the feeling of the fingers on her neck. She knows that contact is the only thing keeping her here.)

Permalink Mark Unread

"That works." She watches the message send, then takes the phone back, setting it on the nightstand where she can see it but Cara can't easily reach.

She loosens her grip slightly, letting her hand rest more naturally against Cara's neck. The immediate crisis handled, she feels the exhaustion creeping back in.

"We still need to get you actual food. And..." She gestures vaguely at Cara's state of undress. "Something to wear that actually fits. But not now. Now we wait and see if your aunt buys it."

She leans back against the headboard, pulling Cara with her into a position that's almost comfortable. Almost normal, if you ignore everything about how they got here.

Permalink Mark Unread

She follows easily, doing her best to keep skin contact amounts high without being noticeable about it. Vera has a lot of backlash, and while Cara doesn't really understand what her backlash it, she's kind of scared of it. (She feels like she's missing something, here, but whatever.)

Cooperate. "...I have a few suggestions on ways to minimize confusion/suspicion with people who aren't Aunt Rachel. If that's ok?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She closes her eyes, leaning back against the wall, rubbery layered paint sticking to her damp skin.

"Fine. What."

The word comes out flat, tired. She's too exhausted to even be properly irritated about Cara having opinions. At least she's asking permission this time instead of just... being a person with thoughts and feelings and judgment.

Her hand stays on Cara's neck, thumb tracing idle circles. The contact helps, but not enough.

Permalink Mark Unread

She tries to keep her sigh of relief muted. (She does a mediocre job of this.)

"The first one is that we should email Prof Meadows the thing we texted her. She is - well known in the department for being difficult-to-impossible to reach by phone. She won't need ongoing management after doing that."

She takes a deep breath.

"The second is that the best way to tell everyone who'll worry about me at once that I'm going to be unavailable is by posting to my twitter and facebook and then cancelling all my calendar appointments. Which - is a bit tricky, with my phone destroyed, but it's still possible."

Permalink Mark Unread

She opens one eye to look at Cara. Of course she has multiple social media accounts. Of course this is more complicated than it needs to be.

"You're not getting access to social media." The words come out immediate, reflexive. Too many ways that could go wrong. Too many people she could message, too many ways to signal for help.

She shifts against the headboard, thinking through options.

"The email is fine. We'll do that. But the social media..." She trails off, then sighs. "What would you normally post? Word for word. I'll type it myself."

She doesn't trust Cara with her own accounts. Doesn't trust her not to slip something in, some cry for help disguised as normal text.

Permalink Mark Unread

She gulps. "...I will tell you, but. We can't log in to my social media accounts with my phone destroyed, I have 2FA enabled on them. We'd need to go get my laptop, or get someone else to use my laptop. I can explain how either would work."

Permalink Mark Unread

Meanwhile, Aunt Rachel is texting them back!

Okay, Okay, deep breaths taken, sorry. Are you sure you don't need anything? What about your classes? And oh, is your backlash bad? Do you need anything to help with that? 

I love you so much, dear 💙

Permalink Mark Unread

The phone buzzes. She glances at it, then back at Cara. Too many problems converging at once. Her head throbs.

"Your laptop. Of course." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "Where is it? Your apartment?"

The idea of going to Cara's apartment makes her skin crawl. Too many variables. Too many things that could go wrong. But the alternative is leaving all these loose ends, all these people who might come looking.

She picks up the phone, shows Cara the messages from her aunt.

"Deal with this first. Tell me what to type."

Permalink Mark Unread

She likes cooperating with Vera. This is nice. Safe. Easy.

Absentmindedly, she shifts a bit closer against her, getting a bit more skin contact in.

"Yeah, it's at my apartment."

She reads the messages and says "I would reply:

Yes, I'm fine! My friend (whose phone I am borrowing, by the way, so no embarrassing stories, okay?) is taking good care of both of us. My classes will be fine, I've already let Prof Meadows know, and she'll email the other faculty for me. My backlash is embarrassing enough that I want to keep it private, at least for now, sorry. I love you so much - have a great time in BC, okay?

Permalink Mark Unread

She types it out exactly as Cara dictates, though her fingers hesitate over 'embarrassing.' That's... actually clever. Gives a reason for privacy without raising suspicion.

She hits send, then sets the phone aside.

"Your apartment." The words taste sour. "We'll have to go get… do you have any medication? Tonight, probably. When there's less chance of running into your friends."

She's already calculating the risks. Cara will need clothes anyway. They could grab those too. Make it one trip, minimize exposure.

"You live alone, right? No roommates who might be there?" She said it before but she was deeper down, maybe less reliable.

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods at the medication question. "I do have meds, yeah. HRT, and ADHD meds, and yes, I live alone - there won't be anyone there. We could leave a note on the door if anyone comes by, but it'll be less effective than the social media posts." Pause. (The guiding feels so nice...)

She knows there's something she's not thinking of, ugh.

Oh! Maybe it's - "Um. My apartment key is with my clothes in the pool locker room."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of fucking course it is." She closes her eyes, exhausted. Every simple thing turns into three more problems.

"Fine. We go to the pool first, get your things, then your apartment." She pauses, calculating. "Late. After midnight. Less chance of running into anyone."

Her fingers tighten slightly on Cara's neck. The logistics are making her head spin, but she forces herself to focus.

"Until then, you stay here. You don't answer the door. You don't make noise. If you need to move around, you do it quietly." She shifts against the headboard. "And you stay close enough that I can touch you. I need..." She trails off. Doesn't finish the sentence.

Permalink Mark Unread

She opens her mouth and then - right, Vera told her not to make noise until then. Ugh. 

She nods. 

 

She... needs to make sure that email gets out sometime tonight, but she's not in a rush. She'll just... curl up against Vera, and close her eyes. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She feels Cara settle against her, warm and quiet and finally, finally compliant. The weight of her is almost comforting.

The phone buzzes again. She ignores it. Whatever Aunt Rachel wants to say can wait.

She lets her eyes close, keeping one hand on Cara's neck, thumb tracing idle patterns. The guiding helps her head clear, bit by bit.

Just a few hours. Then they'll deal with the pool, the apartment, the laptop. All the loose ends that need tying up. But for now, she can pretend this is sustainable. That she hasn't completely fucked everything up. Everything's turning up Vera.

"Sleep if you can," she murmurs. "It's going to be a long night."

Permalink Mark Unread

Is it the command that puts her out, or the guiding and exhaustion of the day? Either way, she's out like a light. 

... She's snuggly, while asleep. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She doesn't sleep. Can't, really, with Cara's weight against her and the list of things that could go wrong spinning through her head. But she dozes, drifting in and out while the afternoon light fades to evening through the open window.

Cara shifts in her sleep, pressing closer, and Vera finds herself adjusting automatically to accommodate her. It's... not terrible. The constant contact keeps her thoughts from fracturing too badly.

She checks the phone periodically.

Permalink Mark Unread

From Aunt Rachel:

Okay, okay, I'll try not to worry too much or pry. I love you so much, Carbar 💙 Please be safe, and keep me posted, especially if you need anything?

(and then, 30 minutes later)

(To the owner of this phone: Thank you for taking care of my little Cara.)

From the group text with Ryan and Sara:

Ryan: lol Cara u can just say u cn't make my birthday u don't need 2 come up with the world's least plausible excuse for why??

(15 minute gap)

Sara: Well, Prof Meadows made me cover for her this afternoon, said something about a medical emergency. And about not being able to contact her.

Ryan: wait rly? fuck now i feel lk an a-hole

Ryan: Cara r u ok?

(hour gap)

Sara: ...Cara??

Permalink Mark Unread

She reads through the messages, jaw tightening with each one. Ryan and Sara are going to be a problem. They're already comparing notes, already suspicious.

She types a response to the group text first, trying to channel Cara's voice:

Sorry! Was sleeping. And Ryan it's not an excuse, I really am awakening :( Sara thanks for covering, you're the best. I'm okay, just exhausted and dealing with backlash. Will make it up to you both when I'm through this!

She hesitates over Aunt Rachel's messages. The thank you makes something twist in her stomach. She doesn't respond to that one.

To the first one, she types:

Will do! Going to rest now. Love you too

She sets the phone aside, checking the time. 8:47 PM. A few more hours before they can risk the pool.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sara: Np but she better find someone else for Monday, I'm going to be swamped. 

Sara: What's your backlash like, anyways? 

Ryan: Sara u cant just ask ppl what theyre backlash is 

(Aunt Rachel responds with a bunch of blue heart and butterfly emojis)

Permalink Mark Unread

She stares at Sara's question. Of course she'd ask. Of course she'd want details.

She types back:

It's honestly kind of embarrassing to talk about. I'll tell you guys all about it after, promise!

That should buy them time. People don't push when you say something's embarrassing.

She glances down at Cara, still sleeping against her. The girl hasn't moved in over an hour, just breathing steady and warm against Vera's side. It would be peaceful if she didn't know what was coming - the pool, the apartment, trying to navigate all of this without getting caught.

She sets an alarm for 11:30. Late enough that campus should be mostly empty, early enough that they won't look too suspicious if someone does see them.

For now, she just has to wait.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cara seems to be having some kind of nightmare, actually? She's clinging to Vera a lot more than she was 10 minutes ago, and she looks scared

"sorry", she whispers.