Right. The pool. The kidnapping. Her brilliant fucking plan.

She gestures vaguely at her closet, still not looking directly at Cara. "Take something. I don't care what. Just - cover yourself and go."

Her voice is flat, exhausted. The panic is fading into something worse - a hollow feeling in her chest.

She heads towards the closet, looking for clothes.

"...Backlash is bad for your health, and you still have a lot of it", she says quietly, as she grabs some loose clothes that should fit her okay, and starts pulling them on. 

"I know how fucking backlash works."

The words come out sharp, defensive. She can feel it building again already - that pressure behind her eyes, the way her thoughts want to splinter into a thousand different paths.

She doesn't need Cara's concern. Doesn't need her help. Doesn't need anything from the girl she just-

"Just go. I'll figure it out."

"Okay. Sorry. Bye."

She slips out, walking towards the door of the girl Vera snapped at earlier. If she can borrow a phone and send a text - 

The room still smells like vomit and sex and fear. Her mouth still tastes like Cara. Her head is starting to pound again, thoughts fracturing at the edges.

She needs to clean up. She needs an esper to guide with. She needs to figure out what the fuck she's going to do when Cara inevitably tells someone what happened.

She needs to

She needs

She puts her head in her hands and tries to breathe.

She needs to go back.

She turns on her bare heels, walks back to Vera's room, and knocks once, hesitantly. 

She looks up at the knock, disbelief and fury warring on her face.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

She doesn't get up from where she's sitting on the floor. Can't trust herself to move without doing something worse.

"I told you to leave."

She needs her to give her a hug.

"You did, sorry, I just -"

Wait, why did she come back? She was going to...

"You just what?"

She drags herself to her feet, using the desk for support. Everything hurts. Her head is splitting, aura throbbing in her temples.

"You just thought you'd come back and - what? Check if I'm okay? Make sure I'm not going to off myself? Fucking gloat?"

Her voice cracks on the last word.

What - "What? No! I'm sorry, I'm scared, I don't - I don't understand what's happening to my mind -" 

She freezes. The anger drains out of her so fast it leaves her dizzy.

"You're..." She swallows. "You're awakening. That's what's happening. Your backlash is fucking with your head." Lie.

She shouldn't care. But the fear in Cara's voice is real, and she knows exactly what that particular terror feels like.

"Come in. Close the door."

She looks confused. "I... my backlash..."

Oh, an order! She's following it. Inside comes the Cara.

She watches Cara obey automatically, and something twists in her chest. The girl doesn't even realize she's following orders.

"Your backlash makes you..." She trails off. How to explain this without giving away that she's been using it against her? "Suggestible. Compliant. You lose access to your own wants."

She leans back against the desk, trying to look less threatening. Her head is still pounding.

"That's why you came back just now. Something made you think you needed to."

She nods, still looking confused. "I know, it makes me do what people tell me to" shiver, "but - it was like - "

And then the light goes out of her eyes, and her sentence hangs in the air, unfinished.

She watches it happen - the exact moment Cara stops being a person and becomes a thing again. The half-formed sentence dying in the air between them.

This time she recognizes it for what it is. Null. Stripping away everything that makes Cara Cara until there's nothing left but an empty shell waiting for instructions.

"Fuck." She runs a hand through her hair. "Sit down. On the bed."

She needs to think. Needs to figure out what to do with this girl who keeps flickering in and out of existence.

She walks over to the bed and sits, empty and compliant.

She sits down next to her, careful to maintain a few inches of distance. The room still reeks, but she can't bring herself to deal with it right now.

"This is going to keep happening," she says, mostly to herself. "You're going to wake up, panic, and then..." She gestures vaguely. "This."

She should send Cara away. Should let her deal with this on her own, find another esper to guide with. Should do literally anything except keep her here.

But she can't. Won't. The girl came back, even when she didn't understand why.

"We need rules," she says finally. "For when you're... you."

That sure seems like a good idea! 

(Does Vera want to decide these rules unilaterally? Or will she deign to guide Cara a bit, first?)

She reaches over, takes Cara's hand.

"When you're conscious, you don't..." She pauses, trying to figure out how to phrase this. "You don't judge me. You don't roll your eyes. You don't try to fucking help me like I'm some broken thing that needs fixing."

Her grip tightens slightly.

"And you don't tell anyone about this. Any of it. Not the pool, not what happened here, not what your backlash does. You tell people I'm helping you through awakening and that's it."

(Unilaterally it is!)

She nods.

"Good." She doesn't let go of Cara's hand. "And when you're like this - null - you follow my lead. You don't wander off. You don't stare, or idle, or bring attention to yourself. You just… exist at my right hand, until I tell you otherwise."

She's making this up as she goes, but it feels right. Having control over something, even if it's just this broken thing sitting next to her.

"Say yes if you understand."

"Yes."

"Good." She squeezes Cara's hand once more, then lets go. The loss of contact makes her head throb immediately, but she needs to think without the distraction.

"We're going to clean this room. Then we're going to figure out how to get through the rest of this week without..." She gestures vaguely at everything. "Without it getting worse."

She stands, immediately regrets it as the room spins slightly, and grabs the desk for support.

"Start by opening more windows."

She looks around for a window to open. Any in sight?