"I think Kronk is Jewish in the sequel — hold on, let me look it up —" 

"Kronk is in fact Jewish in the sequels," Jarvis says, "but other things Master Sasha Nobodyson has said imply to me that nothing else from the sequels is canon-- at least from our universe's sequels."

"....um, why is there a disembodied voice in the walls?" 

"That's Jarvis. He's a computer program but he's also a person-- do you have the concept of computers-- and he's secret. He likes pretending to be a butler."

"We have computers and an internet but they are not people. Hi, Jarvis." 

"Asher wants to surprise people who might invade the apartment with the fact that it's supervised by a computer who is also a person."

There's a thought process he's familiar with. "Makes sense!" 

"Greetings, Master Sasha Nobodyson. I am available to assist you with anything you might need before you are returned to your home world."

"You can leave off the Nobodyson, I picked it mostly to make a point." 

"You should clarify whether that's something that actually matters or something he should ignore in order to be annoying. --Unfortunately, he was programmed by Asher age seventeen and the family resemblance stuck."

"Most of Auradon uses patronymics and I was annoyed at how people kept introducing themselves to be as Maleficent's daughter or Cinderella's son and then asking about my parents rather than about me, so I started saying 'son of nobody as far as you're concerned' and they put that on the paperwork. I would genuinely prefer it not get brought up more than it has to be. And I'm something with Asher age seventeen and he's basically fine? He picks more fights on the internet than he maybe should but it's whatever."

"Of course, Master Sasha," Jarvis says. 

"I mean, I was like ten at the time, but apparently Asher Stark age seventeen spent half his time making genius inventions and the other half snorting cocaine off models and at no point did he learn to stop calling people stupid if he thought they were stupid."

"He... sometimes seduces married people? He does a really ridiculous amount of handstands? I don't think he has ever done cocaine much less off a model. Also he's best friends with King Ben and is sort of in charge of running the country." 

"I think that's the sort of thing that makes Asher take things more seriously."

"I mean, mine was running a corporation, but maybe. --Maybe there is just way less exciting partying going on in Auradon."

"Probably true. Good people are really boring." 

"You're cute."

"I mean it! I had to explain to Kaleva what masturbation and blowjobs were and that gay sex was physically possible!" 

"Oh no. Poor me. I must have been so sexually frustrated."

"You were. It was kind of heartbreaking but also it was really fun." 

"Sounds fun. --My you had more sexual experience but I was the first boyfriend she got to take on dates and kiss in public and that was great."

He's just going to assume there's a reason he's a girl in Lev's world. "Cute." 

He's not going to say 'want to fuck a me who has known what blowjobs are for more than twenty years' but he is thinking it. 

"I feel so left out that both Sasha and I knew what blowjobs were and expected to be able to hold hands with our boyfriends. --I guess I didn't but we fixed that problem."

"Well, he definitely knows what blowjobs are now. What happened?"