And right before he comes, a screen of pink-violet text appears floating before his eyes:

Ariel Samuel Kaltmann

"The Erogamer"

LVL: 1 (0 / 200)

 

Stats

DOM: 20 / 470

SUB: 20 / 630

 

BOD: 27 (+)

LST: 29 (+)

SED: 15 (+)

FUK: 32 (++)

PRV: 34 (++)

ERO: 10 (+)

 

Stat Points: 5

Money: $800

 

Status Effects: 'Thirsty'

Description: Ariel Samuel Kaltmann is the only son of Abraham and Sarah Goldbaum, both of whom are now tragically if irrelevantly deceased. Raised in a dilapidated mansion by a woman who would make a CPS agent turn to God for answers, Ari has grown up to be a surprisingly well-adjusted nymphomaniac. Lacking any demons or dragons to slay outside of his well-stocked library of video games, he currently lives in his best friend's penthouse apartment, mooching guiltily off her near-infinite funds and supplementing his frugal lifestyle with occasional camwhoring. This last, plus his near-inexhaustible desire for sex, has drawn the all-seeing eye of the Erogame.

 

Skills

Erogamer's Body (Lvl MAX): The biological ability to live your life as an erogame. Venereal disease doesn't exist for you, or periods or pregnancies or yeast infections. Arbitrarily large appendages can fit inside any of your orifices. You heal from all marks with a good night's sleep, ready for the next day's adventures. Other aspects of this skill depend on the BOD stat.

Erogamer's Soul (Lvl MAX): A different player might have received an Erogamer's Mind skill to unlock their potential and allow them to play the game as it is meant to be played. Either you really didn't want that, or your mind was already porny enough to impress the Erogame. This core skill only prevents your mind from being fundamentally and permanently damaged by extreme sexual experiences, and allows you to make voluntary use of the FUK, SED, LST, and PRV stats.

Erogamer's World (Lvl MAX): The consent of reality to live your life as an erogame. People are never too preoccupied to consider sex or romance, not while you're around. Bystanders won't ignore what you do, but they're unlikely to actually stop you. Those who do decide to involve themselves are drawn into the logic of the Erogame. If you go far enough that an authority sees no choice but to intervene… they won't treat you as a simple criminal. Other aspects of this skill depend on the ERO stat.

 

Perks

Au Naturel: You can be naked wherever you want, without risking arrest or (unwanted) negative social consequences. People will notice, and might be shocked or even object, but they will only do it in ways that enhance the eroge aspect of the scene, and you will only be stopped if you would want to be.

 

Info // Status Effects

Thirsty: Your effective LST and PRV are increased by 1 while you're as horny as you are.

 

Info // Character Stats

LVL / Level: The quantified totality of your potency as an erogame character. The effect of this characteristic goes beyond just the 5 extra stat points you get per level, and the additional perk point you receive every 5th level.

BOD / Body: Your physical attractiveness, and other biological capabilities. At higher levels, your body becomes able to enact more exotic erogame events.

LST / Lust: The intensity of your sexual urges, and how easy it is to get you going.

SED / Seduction: Your ability to seduce others, to pique their interest and arouse their desire.

FUK / Fucking: Your ability to perform in bed and give others pleasure… or other sensations.

PRV / Perversion: Your descent into the world of naughtiness, fetish, deviance, and corruption.

ERO / Erogame Logic: The extent to which the world will bend---or can be bent by you---to create romantic and sexual situations in defiance of probability. Or at higher levels, physics.

DOM / Dominant Energy: Based off SED and FUK, fueling skills that invoke your dominance, sadism, or mastery.

SUB / Submissive Energy: Based off LST and PRV, fueling skills that invoke your submission, masochism, or service.

 

Info // Character Stats // Level

At LVL 1, and 0% progress toward the next level, you're at the very start of your new life, a world of untapped possibilities lying ahead of you.

You can increase your level by completing the quests the Erogame offers you, or by causing romantic and sexual events to happen to you or around you. The more difficult the challenge, the greater the rewards.

 

Info // Character Stats // Body

A BOD of 27 represents that... you're incredibly hot, let's be honest with everyone here, you can't even pretend you don't know it. You're not, mind, the literal hottest person on Earth—yet. Growth mindset. Although why you haven't decided to take better care of your appearance to get even hotter is anyone's guess, it's not like it's hard.

You can increase this stat through exhibitionism, and other acts that invoke the pure beauty and power of your physical form.

 

Info // Character Stats // Lust

You're probably one of the horniest people around wherever you go. If you had your way, you'd have sex at least once a day, probably more often. With a LST of 29, you're always checking people out, and you could... well, you know you could actually have sex daily if you really tried. With a body and a face like yours, you could at the very least use one of those sex apps, come on.

You gain in this stat while experiencing sexual urges that are unusually intense or that go on unusually long.

 

Info // Character Stats // Seduction

Your seduction skills are... clearly lacking, a 15 only slightly above average. You prefer the direct approach, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's still not the most precise instrument for this job, even if coupled with those abs it may often be sufficient to get you laid. But there's more to sex than just "get laid" and you could very much find different heights if you expanded a bit your horizon of approaches.

You can increase this stat by arousing the romantic interest or sexual desire of others, and successfully pursuing them or being caught.

 

Info // Character Stats // Fucking

Your FUK of 32 is only a formalization of something you already know: you're a professional. You're not only good in bed, you're good enough to be—and have been—paid for it. For some unthinkable reason, you stopped, and now reduce yourself to doing cam shows. It's enough to get some ice cream money, but it could be more.

How do you increase this stat? Take a fucking guess.

 

Info // Character Stats // Perversion

At 34, PRV is your highest stat, surpassing even your skill in bed. Not for no reason—you're probably among the kinkiest people on the planet, and there's very very little you wouldn't be up to. Not that you've actually pushed this any; it's just who you are, as a person. But there are waters you haven't dipped your toes into, waters deep enough most people don't even know they exist. You could dive. Will you?

You can increase this stat by looking for opportunities to get even kinkier. 

 

Info // Character Stats // Erogame Logic 

At an ERO of 10, your life has become an erogame taking place in a mostly realistic setting. What happens to you might seem unlikely to others, but it won't break their belief in a sane universe… yet. Witnesses will reach for explanations other than the Erogame, but they'll still notice the unusual events.

If you keep pushing probability to its limits, then probability will learn to be a bit more flexible down there, relax and take it in and not protest so much.

 

Info // Character Stats // Dominant and Submissive Energy

If this were a different game, you'd have mana and hit points.

 

And they'd refill just from you sitting around on your ass doing nothing.

 

 

 

 

Lol

Ari comes, in possibly the most confusing orgasm of his life.

Then he reads the wall of hot-pink text floating before his eyes.

"...I put plenty of work into my appearance!" he eventually says. "I acknowledge that's a stupid thing to get hung up about, here, but I do!"

His hand still sticky with cum, he grabs a pencil and scribbles down some notes on the content of the message (notably, his parents' names), then stares at his own stats.

"I guess I should... test this out?" he wonders aloud. Hesitantly, he pokes at the +LST button.

As soon as he comes, a window appears:

You have lost the status "Thirsty".

Another window appears overlaying the stats screen when he tries to add to his LST:

WARNING

Your LST stat cannot currently be raised using Stat Points. Please complete the Stat Advancement Quest first.

"Stat Advancement Quest? I have to go on a quest to get hornier? ...That fucking rules."

He considers for a moment, then pokes +SED. "You basically told me to do this one, I'm gonna be very disappointed if you don't let me."

It absolutely lets him! He now has 16 SED.

After some further consideration, he puts the rest of his points into SED as well. He's probably going to need it. (Besides, his gamer soul itches at his current unbalanced build. SED is clearly not an appropriate dump stat.)

Now he has to figure out what to do next.

He's really bad at that.

"Uh," he tries, "do I have any quests right now?"

Seems like a good moment for these two to appear!

Quest available: Love Is Just A Game

Go try your newly minted seduction powers out: seduce someone who is not visibly looking to be seduced within two hours of meeting them.

Success: +200xp, +1 SED
Failure: 'Shame' status effect, 2 days
Time Limit: 12 hours from quest start
Accept: Y/N

Quest begun: Coming Strong

You must prove your readiness before you can finish advancing the LST stat to 30!

Come ten times on a single day, at least seven of which must be by having sex with someone who didn't initially seek you out, to at least five different types of sexual stimuli (different people doing the same thing to you do not count as different stimuli).

Success: LST 30, +5,000xp
Failure: Continues until completed

"I like these quests. These are good quests."

Ari mops himself off and goes to pull his pants back up, then stops. The game did say he could walk around naked, didn't it? Why the fuck should he ever wear clothing again?

He shucks off his shirt and pants, then puts his sneakers back on. Thinking about walking down the street like this has his cock stiffening again. He gives it an experimental stroke and notices it's much less oversensitive than it by rights should be; in fact, going by feeling alone, it's as if he came hours ago. It's a bit tender, but still responsive. That LST quest is looking a lot more plausible than it would have yesterday.

He pauses at the threshold of the apartment. He does kind of need to address the possibility that he's just crazy, there's no bizarro game-thing arbitrating his fate, and that walking around at half-mast wearing only his Nikes will still get him as arrested as ever. The rational thing to do would be to take the first quest, see if he notices a difference from his SED boost, take things slow. Probably tell Sally about it too.

He tosses this line of thinking straight into the garbage where it belongs, takes the elevator down to the ground floor, and steps out in all his glory. Hello, world.

Your trust in the Erogame has increased your ERO stat by 1!

When he arrives at the ground floor, it's deserted except for the receptionist, who seems too entertained by her phone to look up at the arriving Ari.

That could be a coincidence. Ari doesn't think so - he's pretty difficult to ignore - but it could be.

He steps out onto the sidewalk, hands behind his head, his erection now fully evident. It's warm for Canada, this late in the spring, but there's still a nip in the air; he shivers in a thoroughly erotic manner as his balls draw up.

He looks around to see what, if any, reaction he gets. (This is kind of the moment of truth, here. The nervousness still lurking in his gut makes him a little bit harder.)

There's a lady just exiting the store in front of his apartment building and she freezes when she sees him and... just stays there, staring openmouthed. A guy passing by happens to look at him, blinks twice, then gives Ari a thumbs-up before moving on. And old lady walking her dog sees this and shakes her head then mumbles something about "kids these days" before moving on with a very haughty air.

"What. The. Fuck," is the most audible reaction, from another guy who's across the street and just finishing a phone call.

This is not, in principle, the most encouraging reaction he could have gotten. But the old lady not screaming or having a heart attack gives him enough faith to overcome the churning anxiety telling him to run back inside like the Devil is after him.

So he walks across the street, only shaking a little bit, and says to the guy, "I'm on a dare. What, you never saw a naked guy before?"

"Not with a pole like that I haven't."

Store lady has overcome enough of her shock to hurry away from the terrifying naked dude.

He grins and thrusts his hips forward a bit. "It's lovely, isn't it? It's my second-best feature."

"Do you have to?" he asks, sounding disgusted. "...what's the best?"

"I'm sure you can guess," he says with a raise of his eyebrows. "And I don't have to, but where would be the fun in that?"

"...I actually can't," he says, blinking. "And I'd think a dare oughtn't be... fun."

"Oh, it's my ass," he says blithely. "And dares can be as fun as you want them to be! It's not much of a dare if it's something you were going to do anyway, but as long as there's a risk to it, why not make it something you'll like? Like, say, if I got dared to walk outside buck-naked and seduce the first handsome stranger I saw. It's not my average Tuesday, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy myself."

"Fuck off, Jesus Christ," he says, turning to leave.

Ari shrugs. "If you really don't want any, suit yourself. Just be a little more careful with what you stare at next time, alright? A guy could get confused."

He snorts but valiantly doesn't look over his shoulder.

Quest available: Going Straight

Because of you, Spencer Anderson is now questioning his sexuality. That was not very nice of you. You shouldn't go around giving people epiphanies about themselves like that. Don't do anything more about this and let the guy live his life in peace.

Success: Spencer Anderson returns to his nice, heterosexual life and eventually forgets about the bizarre naked dude he saw one day
Failure: +300xp, Spencer Anderson starts rethinking how he views himself and the world
Accept: Y/N

That's what he fucking thought. He hits Y, fully intending to fail.

"Hey," he says, in a softer tone. (He thinks that might be his increased SED talking; he's never been good at switching gears like that before.) "For real, though. Nobody's around, I'm not gonna tell anybody. Are you so sure you're not a little bit into it?"

"Tell anybody what," he says, deadpan (though he does stop walking).

"That you are, if you are. Into it. I know people get worried about that kind of thing. But if you are... I'm just saying, you seemed to like looking. Doesn't have to stop there."

"I'm straight," he says, defensively.