"Man, a bunch of teenagers going through a stressful time in their lives in a strange new environment together. Bet the guy had to give out a lot of free condoms. Did you get in on any of that action?"

"No, actually, he's very down on teenagers fucking and there were automatic sprinkler systems about it, nobody tried anything while I was in the room but sometimes you'd walk into the library and it'd be oddly damp."

"Jeez. Is that what made you decide to start killing people?"

"No! I started killing people when I got a contract hit."

"I mean but like, presumably you don't just get those out of nowhere, right, like, you have to actively advertise your services or whatever."

"My services didn't specify that I'd do contract hits, though I did choose a very sketchy forum to advertise on."

"Who was it?"

"The victim or the guy who hired me?"

"Either or."

"Vic was this drug kingpin from, I forget, fucking Bolivia or something? I think the buyer was CIA subcontracting out or something but I have no way to be sure."

"Oh God, am I dating a fed?"

"Ha! Strictly black ops, I'm not on their books."

"Good, good. Gotta draw the line somewhere."

"I don't know about a line, but I'd be so embarrassing for the red white 'n blue."

"Not to people with good taste."

"That's not who votes for them, though."

"Unfortunately."

"Can you imagine? If voters had taste?"

"I know, right? I know I was all hesitant to give spicy political takes before, but I'm just gonna say it: democracy was a mistake."

"Most governments are mistakes but democracy isn't even cool. If a king runs around disemboweling guys on a divinely ordained crusade at least he looks kickass doing it."

"SO TRUE!!! How do you just keep having amazing taste in everything?"

"It's probably one of my superpowers."

"So uuuh, are you into men, or just women? This isn't really that relevant but I've just been curious about it for a while."

"That's not one of the things I'm picky about but men're less likely to hit the ones I am."

"Oh? And what are you picky about?"