Up she hups to sit next to him on the side of the bed and wrap her arms around him and lean her head on his shoulder.

"So. Do you want me to explain my side of things more? Are there things that confuse you or that seem weird and you want to understand them better?"

"You could try if you want?" Rosy is often very cozy when she wants to be. (She seems to want to be, at least with him, a lot.) He steels himself in the warmth of her hug and tries to explain. "I don't want to harm you, I don't want to damage you, it's really really important that you not feel sad. So it's easiest if I just don't do things you don't want. But then you're offering that I can just take things even if you don't want them and I.." he shifts a little, annoyed at parts of him "I don't know how to deal with that. I don't know the right way to deal with that."

"I mean—you don't have to take things from me that I don't want to give. You can just have a relationship with me where you encourage me to say no to things and listen when I do. And I would prefer that, mostly! That is the kind of relationship I want! But—I sent you my letter knowing you might want to hurt me if you had the option. I decided I was okay with that, or I wouldn't have offered myself to you in the first place. So, with that in mind, it would be awfully silly of me now to say that you can't or shouldn't do things that harm me. It would be... going back on what I already decided. It would be putting you in a weird position where if you did want to hurt me you'd have to hide that from me until I was already yours? And I don't want that, I want you to be able to tell me things about yourself even if they're scary or upsetting. No matter how scary or upsetting you get, I'll still be yours if you want me."

"I... I want the right kind of relationship with you," he says. "I just, it might be fun, I..." she said she wants him to tell her but it still feels like he can't. "I like, the idea of," he trails off. "A thing that I, that I..." nope, the words "jerk off" and "masturbate" don't seem to be words he can say. She says she still wants to be his no matter what, but how can he be sure? And if that turns out to be wrong...

She gives him the coziest squeeze she can manage, gentle and firm and accompanied by a soft little shoulder-nuzzle.

"What do you mean when you say the right kind of relationship?" she asks, since that seems like an easier place to start.

It is an easier place to start. "I mean, like, the kind of relationship you're supposed to have? Where you do the right things and act the way you're supposed to and don't do bad things?" Maybe not as easy as he thought. "I don't want to have a relationship where I abuse you." (Mostly. Almost completely? Argh!!! He wants to do this right!)

"Okay." Cozy squeeze. "So what's the thing you want that you feel like it isn't right?"

"I..." 

"I shouldn't want it and it's fine not to have it but you said it was okay" okay not exactly she said it was something he could have and wouldn't reject him for it "or well not okay exactly but. Possible? And I don't know what to do with that." He hasn't really answered her question but he's not sure how to. 

"Like I said, you don't have to. But... I still want to know? So I can kiss you and tell you I love you and it's okay to want things, and maybe eventually try to work something out?"

"I... I'm maybe it would be a good idea not to." But the temptation is there now. Maybe he should tell her? He wants to tell her. "I can promise not to do it if you want?" And he will (almost certainly) keep that promise. Right? And if he says he can promise it then she can ask him to promise after he tells her and everything will be all right? (This is wishful thinking and sophistry, isn't it.)

"Is that what you want? For me to ask you for that promise if I think it's something that will harm me? Because I can do that, and I will if you want me to, but only if it's really what you want from me."

"I... want to make sure you're safe and feel safe and don't hate me?" It sounds really dumb when he says it. "I want to be sure you know you can be safe after I tell you?" At least, safe enough to still offer to be his. "So that me telling you doesn't. Do bad things?" 

"Okay. Well, I promise I won't hate you. And I promise I'll tell you if something sounds like it would harm me so you can avoid it, and if there's something more I need from you to feel safe, I'll ask for it. Okay?"

"Okay," he says, half a squeak. 

He can tell her now, right? 

Come on, he can do this. 

"I um. One of the things I um. Enjoy?" Okay, that's progress. "Are um. Stories. About. Um. Peopledoingthingstopeopletheydon'twantdonetothem." He squeaks and hides and waits for the inevitable fear or hatred or concern or something.  

Once more it is time for the Coziest Squeeze. "Okay," she says. "I mean, I've read a story or two like that myself. It's okay. You're okay. I still love you."

The squeeze is nice, but also confusing. Maybe (probably) he had been too, well, circumspect to be understood? "I um. To be clear the enjoyable parts aren't actually, um. What's being done, necessarily." Not entirely true but at least that's not the part that's relevant at the moment "The enjoyable thing is um." That they don't want it to happen to them, he fails to say. That they suffer, that they despair, that they cry, that they feel bad and awful and why is he getting turned on thinking this right now??? He shifts his legs angrily. 

"it's something about them not wanting it?" she guesses. "That's still okay. I mean, I'm not necessarily eager to try it in real life, because depending on implementation that does sound like psychological damage territory, but it's not... you don't have to be scared, okay? You don't have to feel bad. I love you." Cozy squeezes continue.

??? 

Why is she still being sweet to him?? 

"We don't have to try it in real life," he says, confused. "I wasn't planning on trying it in real life," he says, mostly telling the truth. (He has thought about it.) "I don't want to psychologically damage you." Almost entirely true. Mostly. He doesn't want to psychologically damage her. He likes her way too much. The idea of psychological damage in general, though...

"So where's all this turmoil coming from? Is it scary just to like the stories, even though you don't really want to hurt anybody? Or is it something more complicated than that?"

"It's... bad to like these things?" he manages. Also bad to want to do them to people, or her (though he mostly doesn't want to do it to her), but that part is hard to say because maybe she's forgotten about that part and he doesn't want her to think about it. 

"I don't think it's bad to like these things in stories. I think it's bad to hurt people who don't want to be hurt, if you don't have some kind of complicated arrangement where they wanted you to do that. But if it's just a story? Or even just a thing you think about, without hurting anyone? No, that's not bad. It's not bad and I won't think any less of you for it." Snug.

He's made these arguments with himself many a time before. He mostly believes them. But soon he's going to be given an opportunity to indulge this for real, without repercussion, and he doesn't know if he can properly deal with that. It was more ok when there were rules, but her saying that she wants to be his regardless of if he does bad things to her confuses matters. "It still feels bad, though," he says, leaning into her arms. 

"That's okay too," she says, hugging him.

"Okay," he says, still feeling a bunch of emotions, and rests in her arms, eventually hugging her back as he tries to make sense of all this. He just, won't do this. Even though he can. (Even though he wants to. Even though he might secretly want permission.) Not doing it will make everything simpler. 

Snug.

"Should I talk about what I want and what would make me feel safe?"