"Thank you! It all happened very quickly. One minute I was waking him from an impromptu nap, the next I had enthusiastically consented to oral sex."

"Surely there were intervening steps?"

"Those, ironically, are private."

"We had flirted a bunch in the morning, to be fair," he says, starting to dig into his food. "And then it was really really obvious we were into each other so I had him for afternoon tea. I hear it's traditional in Britain."

"It absolutely is not."

"You two are very cute together," Tintin notes. "Why did you want to meet me so badly, James?"

"...how okay are you with outrageous and explicit flirting here because the answer that popped into my head right now is not PG-13."

Tintin has an abrupt coughing fit.

"Um," he says eventually. "...conflicted? It will probably make me very flustered but I am extremely curious now."

"The reason I wanted to meet you was to find out if wherever you're from has a traditional meal time like that that I can have you for."

"Um!"

Tintin apparently blushes halfway down his chest when sufficiently embarrassed. "I - um. Have no idea how to respond to that."

"You can pretend I just asked where you're from if that makes you more comfortable. ...I also kinda want to disclaim that I don't want to be creepy about it, I find people of all combinations of genders, presentations, sexes, and genital configurations hot. And I saw you from a distance and thought 'they are slash he is really hot', so."

Also Tintin really really seemed to enjoy being public property like that in the bacchanal so James is also guessing he's interesting.

"- oh, I didn't really think you were, um, a chaser. What with how it seems like you act like this all the time towards everyone."

He rubs his thighs together without seeming to notice. "I'm - not - um. I'm not offended but I have no idea why you picked me? I'm - aware that I'm not ugly - but it seems like you'd need more information about someone to proposition them?"

"Say I had a hunch? I think I'm okay at those. ...I am also a slut, you're not wrong about that, I was gonna hit on you eventually."

"Well... I don't know if I want to - do all that? With someone I just met? But we can be friends, I don't have many of those yet. And you seem like fun. And I'll, um, keep it in mind."

"Cool! But you never did say where you're from."

"Oh! Montréal." (This is pronounced as approximately one syllable, somehow.) "It is an interesting adjustment - fewer people are habitually nude there. Due to weather concerns."

"Huh. What do the Christians do?"

"Indoor athletics, usually. It is called the gymnasium for a reason."

James is entirely missing the cultural memories again and does not want to blunder. "And what brought you to the more southern and overall worse version of Canada?"

"Oh, it's not all bad. I enjoy the warmer weather, and the people have been very nice. Um, to answer your question, my foster mother had to move because she developed lupus and could no longer tolerate the Canadian winters. And I followed along because I like her."

"Sense," says James, nodding and putting more food into his face. "I'm glad you followed her, at minimum I get more eye candy but hopefully also a friend. Say, entertain an absurd hypothetical for me: imagine you had a magical student's handbook which adjusted reality to match whatever you wrote on it. What would you do with it?"

"- interesting. Um, a couple of things spring to mind immediately - this school has actually been pretty good about my pet issues but if I ran the circus I'd love menstrual products in the men's rooms - or just gender-neutral restrooms generally. Better social welfare, I'm bringing lunch from home but the school lunch program seems pretty badly underfunded and the cafeteria food seems in general to be not great. Hmm... things that can be altered specifically by a student handbook... this is difficult... oh, bring back home economics, the removal of home economics from the school system was a terrible mistake. I'd also want to see if I could do something about North American car culture by editing driver's ed, but that's a bit of a long shot."

"Don't look at me like that," he says, pointing a fork in Edmund's direction. "I know it's silly but I feel like this kind of funny BuzzFeed personality quiz question is actually pretty good for learning things about people! Like," and back to Tintin, "what are your pet issues that the school is good about?"

Gesture towards vagina.