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Jan 29, 2022 3:16 AM
the shanghai disasters do Beauty and the Beast
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Wei Wuxian, faced with the horrifying situation of two best friends who have never seen a Disney movie, concluded the only situation was to put on a performance of Beauty and the Beast himself.

It was remarkably easy to convince everyone else of this, because Wen Ning never objects to anything, Lan Wangji does anything Wei Wuxian wants, Jiang Cheng does anything Wei Wuxian wants but with a lot more protesting, and Nie Huaisang takes literally any excuse to wear a dress.

(Imagine if he had to convince Song Lan. Terrible. It's a good thing, Wei Wuxian thinks, that Song Lan is stuck back in Shanghai enclave not being a stick-in-the-mud.)

The preparation for Beauty and the Beast (Shanghai edition) was as follows:

-5% trying to collectively remember the entire plot of Beauty and the Beast.*
-5% translating all the songs into Mandarin so that people who don't know English can follow along.
-10% Nie Huaisang temporarily turning one of his curtains for Marian into a dress.
-20% convincing Lan Xichen this was a good idea.**
-50% Lan Wangji arranging every song in Beauty and the Beast for guqin and dizi, so that it will be perfect for Wei Wuxian.***

*Mrs. Potts wound up cut from this version because while everyone can remember that she existed no one can remember what she did. 
**Wei Wuxian's plan to invite Julia "to encourage good relations between New York and Shanghai," however, was vetoed.
***Lan Wangji successfully convinced Jiang Cheng to practice the dizi for the songs where he's playing the dizi. Wei Wuxian, when asked to practice, said, "oh come on, Lan Zhan, I'll just sightread, it'll be fine."

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While killing mals with Orion in the library:

Lan Wangji is confident that the rules of friendship are that you're supposed to invite people to your theatrical productions. Chu Chu and Jing Yi and Ayako and Tomonori are all invited. Therefore, he should be a good friend and invite Orion. 

"Would you like to come to my performance of Beauty and the Beast tonight?" he asks, reading it off a piece of paper where he wrote down the sounds in IPA.

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"Your... performance of Beauty and the Beast?"

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Oh no unscripted social interaction. Orion, how could you do this to him. Lan Wangji thought they were friends.

"We are performing the songs arranged for guqin and dizi," he says, because this is the closest thing to an answer on his paper.

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"...okay. Where is it?"

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"Shanghai reading room. Lan Xichen was gracious."

(He doesn't know how to say 'xiongzhang' in English.)

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"Okay. When?"

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"Sunday night."

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"But like what time."

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"Eight o'clock."

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"Okay, cool." Orion slaughters some bookworms.

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Another successful friendship action completed.

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Sunday night--

"Do I look okay--?"

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"You look fine."

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"Except that you're wearing a curtain."

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"I still think we should have gotten Wen Ning drunk so he could participate."

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"That's because you're an idiot."

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"And invited Julia."

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"Double an idiot."

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"What unites enemies more than the dulcet tones of the Disney Animated Canon?"

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Meanwhile, in the audience--

Lan Xichen is arranging the chairs and wondering how on earth he was persuaded this was a good idea.

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Orion turns up at eight sharp with some Greek flashcards in case they're late starting. Oh no all these people are Asian and they are doing costumes, how is he going to find his hunting buddy under these conditions.

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His hunting buddy is probably the one making no facial expressions at a weird stringed instrument.

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Well MAYBE but he's not SURE. He will sit down in a chair and do Greek flashcards.

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How polite of his friend not to interrupt him while he's trying to tune his guqin. This is why he and Orion are such good friends.

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