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Aug 17, 2022 3:26 AM
the shanghai disasters do Beauty and the Beast
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He whips out Zidian and ties Lan Wangji up with it. "Well, you're going to have plenty of time to think about how ugly I am-- IN THE DUNGEON!"

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Orion is fairly confident that most of this was subtext in the film but he wasn't really paying attention to it beyond nodding along so he would be acceptably checked in to his obligatory playdate.

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Everyone clears off the stage except Wei Wuxian, who throws his candles aside and puts on his Gaston body language.

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"Gaston! What a... pleasant... surprise."

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"I'm full of surprises. For you."

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"A picture of yourself! You shouldn't have. You really, really shouldn't have."

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"You know, every girl in town wants to marry me"-- he blows another kiss at Chu Chu-- "and I've chosen you. Because you're the most beautiful. Today is the day your dreams come true."

Wei Wuxian's opinion of what masculine men look like closely resembles a peacock.

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"What do you know about my dreams, Gaston?"

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"Picture this-- a rustic hunting lodge, my latest kill roasting on the fire. My little wife, massaging my feet." He raises up one of his feet in demonstration. "While the little ones play on the floor with the dogs. We'll have six or seven."

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"Dogs?" Nie Huaisang says hopefully.

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"No, Belle. Strapping boys! Like me!" He kisses his biceps again for good measure.

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"I'm sorry, Gaston! I just don't... deserve you!"

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"And yet I'm graciously accepting you anyway!"

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"So that's a no! But thanks for asking!"

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Huh, the bit about the dogs was as far as Orion can tell exactly right.

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EVERYONE IS SEEING THESE ASIDES

AAAAAAAAA

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Gaston seems to be having fun, but Belle doesn't. Maybe Gaston isn't supposed to be very attractive? Or maybe he smells bad? Maybe he doesn't like books? Tomonori notes this for later, too.

Maurice is still his favorite.

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Nie Huaisang stares out into space and sings his heart out on Belle (Reprise) with all the enthusiasm of a fourteen-year-old who desperately wants to be anywhere other than here, because if he were somewhere where what mattered was his literature analysis skills and not his killing instinct it wouldn't matter if he was alive.

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Wei Ying is sight-reading the dizi part! Sort of. This part is boring. He should spice it up a little.

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All right, well if he's going to do that then Lan Wangji will have to alter that note to this one--

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Oh, now it's on. What does he think of this variation?

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Lan Wangji resolves it and counters with a variation of his own.

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Uh, guys? He's done singing now.

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Sorry, they're too busy improvising. 

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Fine! All right! He will say his next lines with musical accompaniment.

"My father's horse!" he says. "Something's gone wrong! Take me to him, boy!"

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