He opens the door a crack, and then sees that it's one of the Shanghai freshmen. Unthreatening, then. "Hello?"

"Hello! Can I talk to you?"

"Sure?"

He comes inside. "It turns out I have really fundamentally miscalculated some important things about sex in this school!"

"--I cannot suggest that my advice on that is any good." See: the weird problems he has run into. That this kid knows about. On account of The Scene.

"Okay so puberty hit me like a ton of bricks and, like, it also hit Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng so I'm like 'how hard can it be to get laid in this school? We're all fourteen and extremely horny' but it turns out that people! Go through puberty! At different rates!"

"Ah, yep, that's a thing." (Freshly inducted Jing Yi: very confused why someone would have sex, even for strategic reasons. Jing Yi a month after field day: very, very aware why someone would.)  "If you wait a year, more people'll be caught up."

"Except I also have a boyfriend! Whom I'm very attracted to! Who doesn't even like kissing yet! And so I am dying!"

"--Okay, yeah, that's more of a problem. Not sure you're going to have to wait that long, in any case." (He is not going to hit the newbie freshmen with the dying jokes. Because that would be cruel.)

"And! I don't know how up to date you are with Shanghai gossip--"

"Mmmmaybe not as much as I should be--"

"Oh! Well! I'm the second most useless Shanghai enclaver-- Wen Ning beat me because he's monolingual-- so I'm definitely going to die! And I am very concerned! That unless some people hit puberty very quickly! I am going to DIE A VIRGIN!" This last is wailed and punctuated by flopping on Jing Yi's bed.

...usually it takes more to get people into his bed. Usually they don't just... throw themselves on it. "Hey, you're in an enclave-- in Shanghai-- your chances are not that bad."

"Not if no one in my grade has hit puberty yet! I want the people I'm in bed with to actually like it! --Also I'm saving my resources to keep myself alive!"

"It's not even field day yet. You've got a couple of months, easy." Though depending on how useless this kid is and in what ways, and the crazy start this year has got off to, maybe... not that many months.

"Orrrr you could take pity on me and ravish me into next week."

He is not laughing at him, he is laughing at the incredible zero to sixty-ness of this whole situation. But then again he is the cause of the zero to sixty-ness, so. "I could technically do that, yes."

"I asked around! You're one of the easiest guys in the Scholomance, you're from Chang'an enclave so there's no worries about me having to trade something for it, and you're apparently great at sex. Therefore, you should take my virginity."

He sits down on the bed-- a polite distance from the surprise occupant-- puts his head in his hands and tries not to cackle at the absurdity of this. "So, yes, that is all true, but--"  There should be a but here. Some clever rebuttal, other than 'that's not how it works!'

It is time to deploy The Lip Wibble. "Am I not pretty enough?"

That is an impressively honed lip wiggle. "You're very cute-- usually there is more than, like, two minutes of conversation?" (Assuming 'translating an argument you were in' does not count as conversation). "And also no point by point reasoning about why someone should fuck you."

"Well, sure, but that's if you want a relationship. I don't want a relationship, I want you to fuck me."

"And you plan to use logical induction to achieve that?"

"I can also try drawing pictures, touching your arm a lot while giving you compliments, taking all my clothes off, or selling you my booze and then having you look at porn with me."

"You are going to have to work on your pitch there." Except for the fact he is being unwillingly charmed by it.