"Good! Thank you."

"You're welcome!"

"So—would you like to be released into my custody instead of, uh. This?"

The answer is probably yes, but still.

“I’d like to be out.”

"Okay. But of your available bad options, do you want here, the afterlife, or running off into the custody of a stranger?"

“…What’s your custody like.”

"Gilded cage is what I'd aim for, but the specifics haven't been worked out yet. Probably at the bottom of the ocean in a series of charming house bubbles, but it's negotiable and I care about your preferences. I'd want to keep you away from general society and prevent you from escaping, but I don't feel like you should suffer while doing it. Visitation rights would be included, I think the other Tommy wants to see you? And I'm fine with that. Just not you being tortured."

"...And if I don't say yes, will you help Sam keep me in here?"

"Uh." She looks around. "... If you attempt escape while I'm here I would feel responsible for it since I have ultimate power and can therefore help keep you in here, so in that particular case, yes. Otherwise... maybe? Conditional on Sam letting me make the conditions better, this is honestly really tragic."

"So if I stay here it's worse but I can try to escape and have a chance at being actually free, and if I go with you or let you make things nicer, it's nicer but you're extremely bullshit and won't let me out."

".... Essentially, yes. Huh. Those are some fucked up incentives, aren't they."

"...Does this mean you're going to keep me here now that I've pointed it out."

"No, that'd be stupid." She sits down on the floor and looks thoughtful. "I am going to point out that even if you do suffer through the horrible conditions just for a successful escape, I might show up and drag you off to my cushy custody immediately after because I sincerely think you're a menace to people at large. Or, like, take over anyway because ultimate power and people agree that they'd rather have me as a jailor instead of Sam, for whatever reason. But no, honestly, that was a damn good question, of course you wouldn't want me to make anything better and thereby put you under my absurd bullshit powers."

"What would make you think I'm a menace and why don't you think everyone else is a menace."

"I'm concerned that if I tell you the exact parameters of that, you're going to ostensibly follow them while breaking the spirit of the whole affair, but with the understanding that if you do that I'll be irritated with you, sure I'll play ball. Basically, everyone outside seems to think you're a massive asshole and don't want you back out, and the only reason you're even alive is because you can bring back the dead. The logic being that now that I'm filling that exact niche, you're going to die and I'd rather skip you suffering for a while in the shitty afterlife before breaking you out. And... I haven't really been here long enough to form strong opinions about whether people are or are not menaces, with one exception, that being the mind control egg. Which I, uh. Extra special killed as much as possible. So."

"So, what, you're fine with keeping me here because they don't like me? The people who are torturing me?"

"Holy leap in logic Batman, no. The torture is terrible, I want to make it stop immediately, and will work to do so regardless of whether or not anyone thinks you're an asshole, including me. But I am fine with everyone wanting you away from them because they don't like you. Just not in... these conditions in particular."

"Not everyone wants me away from them. Some people like me. But you're not listening to them."

"I just got here, dude, and my priorities have been stopping an evil mind control thing and fixing death, not dealing with interpersonal drama and figuring out why everyone hates each other. If you tell me who wants you out, I will be happy to go talk to them and hear their arguments. You may note that I am in fact listening to you right now."

Hmmmm. This is a problem because two of his main allies aren't actually open about being his allies.

"...Wilbur. And Technoblade, probably. Even if Techno doesn't actively want me out he wouldn't care that much. I don't know who else wants me out because I have been in here and Sam doesn't let visitors in if they might help me. I can, uh, I can tell you who hasn't visited me but that'll also have people who didn't visit 'cause they hate me."

"Huh. Okay. ... I do think I want to improve the prison conditions here, uh, immediately. Without it like, lessening your chance for escape because incentives and whatnot."

He almost says “please”, but he catches himself in time. If she doesn’t make him beg, it’s just showing his hand. She’s already got enough of an advantage without him advertising his weaknesses.

“That’d be nice.” (His tone is trying for “bored” but not fully masking the desperation behind it; it lands somewhere around “eager”.)

<Yvette> Hey Sam, are there quick and easy life improvements I could make for Dream without compromising the security of the prison? I bet I could make the blocks look like other blocks without actually changing what any of them are, but there's probably something less bullshit available.

…If he requests something she’ll know what he wants, but if he doesn’t request anything he won’t get anything.

 “Better food. More space? More things to do?”

<awesamdude> He’s the one who decided on the conditions for the prisoner

<awesamdude> I just enforce them