- man that phrasing makes it way harder to breathe normally than it's supposed to be.

It also kind of makes her want to kiss him right now. This is, like, an incredibly terrible idea, because they're on a bed, and her niblings are in the next bed over, and good people do not do things like that. Good people are not very invested in kissing people at all, and good people go to church every Sunday, and good people do not have to make a will save to avoid mind controlling their boyfriends, and good people disapprove of drinking at parties, and good people do not lie to their parents for two weeks, and as a matter of fact good people don't decide to try living without their adults at age sixteen via a series of complicated long-term deceptions, and good people definitely do not get fluttery feelings every time people talk about wanting to serve them or wanting to be made to do things.

Possibly good is not a thing that she is anymore.

She kisses him.

She's so good.

This is definitely a terrible decision. She feels kind of like she's watching a nature documentary about herself and the narrator is explaining to the audience all of the contributing factors that went into the making of this terrible decision. She isn't good, and didn't have anyone competent to help her be good, and will probably end up exactly like her sister, and no one is coming to save her from this, not from her own terribleness, not ever.

But Connor is kissing her back, and as long as that's happening she kind of feels like he probably likes her, and this is significantly better than being both terrible and unliked.

"I was scared you didn't - want this anymore."

"S'just - very hard to remember that you - I don't like me, I have no idea why you do - "

Snuggle. "You read me stories and worked ridiculously hard to not inconvenience me at all when I was your slave and you're smart but you don't spend a lot of time reminding me I'm stupid and you got me a dog for Christmas and you're good to her, and to the kids. I don't know why you don't like you."

Snuggle. Getting to snuggle him in bed is so nice. No wonder people end up making terrible decisions.

"I don't feel very smart."

Snuggling does feel really nice.  She's so very soft and warm. "Yeah, well, school makes people feel stupid so they don't think about anything other than trying harder at school."

"Not, like, about school, even, just - I never have any idea what I'm doing?"

"I think that's just...life."

Maybe everyone just goes around feeling like they're making terrible decisions all the time. Maybe this is why they make up rules, so they won't have to think so hard about how little sense anything ever makes.

She closes her eyes and snuggles him closer.

"I really like you. For the record."

"It seemed like the stupid book made you feel like you were doing something badly or something and then you didn't - want to like me anymore."

"I - wanna like you, I just - am worried I'm interested in the wrong parts of it, or something - "

"Because you want a slave and what with the weird way dying worked you don't have one anymore?"

" - I mean I kind of feel like it would be wrong to want one even if I had one, but if the universe doesn't even agree then it just seems - pathetic - "

"Lots of people want slaves. 's a perfectly reasonable thing to want. And you didn't just start wanting it out of the blue, you had it, and you were really good at it, and then it got taken away. That's not - it's not pathetic to wish you hadn't died and lost something important to you."

Cling.

"I - guess. I mean, I'm not sure about the reasonable thing to want part, but - I guess the last part made sense."

"'s a reasonable thing to want. If I were a grown-up fairy and knew how to kidnap people without scaring them and I ran into you when you were - miserable and so tired - I'd have wanted to keep you. I don't, now, because it'd be weird, but."

"Okay but - wanting to feel like you have, I dunno, a right to make someone to do things, or - a right to touch someone whenever you want, just seems - kind of really concerning - "

"If when you touched me I flinched and looked really upset about it would you still want to?"

"...no."

"So then you don't just want the right to touch someone whenever you want. You want someone who wants you, and you didn't use any magic to make me want you. And you want them and the universe to agree that they're yours. And if that were bad for them you'd try to fix it. But it wasn't bad for me, right, I was happy."

Nodnod.

"'s nothing wrong with that. I dunno how to - I guess you could give me back all those gems, if you still have them somewhere -"

"I... did in fact keep them."