« Back
Generated:
Post last updated:
some only had hearts that were brave and true
in which karen teller saves expat fairy celegorm from zombies
Permalink Mark Unread

Karen Teller is having a really, really, really terrible month.

(In the privacy of her own brain, she is willing to admit that if ever there were a month that was downright shitty, this would be it.)

Her sister is dead. Not, like, gone to heaven dead, stuck on earth as a ghost dead. Her niece is still a werewolf, and is making progress on her apparent goal of scratching up every piece of furniture in the house. Also she got a D on a history test. Just straight-up got a D, on a history test, because she's been too dead all month to even listen during lectures. And she's too - proud, or scared, or something, to call in her parents for help, so she's just living in this house with a ghost and a tiny werewolf and an elementary schooler and hoping that nothing goes horribly horribly wrong before she graduates.

She has a job. It even pays enough to hire the nanny all day. Which is, you know, super. It starts at six and ends at nine, and is all the way across town, and she can't drive, so when she's lucky she gets home around ten, and she mostly doesn't take a stab at her homework because by that time she doesn't want to do anything at all. She does manage to take a shower, usually, because she's been handling dead bodies, because, oh yeah, she works at a cemetery, which is why it pays so well.

Also, she finds out today, there are zombies. Just, y'know, actual zombies, wandering around the catacombs under the mausoleum, which is probably why the caretaker gave her a mace, although honestly this is a thoroughly ridiculous way to handle this problem and you would THINK, if you knew that there were zombies infesting your catacombs, you would be able to seal them off and move your business somewhere safer, or at least come up with a solution that's less completely stupid than arming sixteen-year-olds with medieval weaponry and expecting them to fend for themselves.

This is mostly what she's thinking about when she takes out the zombie that's about to take a bite out of her coworker's shoulder. She has to assume that the actual contact is, like, instinct, or something. She hits it again, after, for good measure, and again, until its face is completely smashed in, because maybe she can't beat the crap out of this horrible, horrible month, but at least she can make sure this fricking literal walking corpse isn't going to make anything any worse.

 

"There. Dead zombie. Hopefully it stays that way this time."

Permalink Mark Unread

If she is busy smashing the zombie into a pulp she won't have noticed that her coworker is standing very still against the wall staring at her.

"You saved my life," he says, not entirely happily.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess," she says, very tiredly. She picks up her flashlight. Doesn't see any others hiding in the shadows. "Well that goes a long way in explaining why this job pays so well, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I...guess? What d'you want, or should my parents sort it out -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Now that the adrenaline has sorted out the problem she mostly feels really tired and shaky. She sits down against the wall and breathes, still scanning the tunnels with her flashlight in case she missed any others.

It takes her a few seconds to process what he has said.

"...what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You saved my life," he says again, slowly. "Uh, where I'm from, that's very important, and I owe you something worth just as much."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Okay, well, I dunno if anything's worth as much as a life is? So I don't really know what - I guess if another zombie comes by you can yell?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can add stuff up until you get there but it takes a while. I'll just tell my parents to deal with it. If there's not - more zombies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay," she says, even though she has basically no idea what this means. "Should we - get somebody, I don't really know what the zombie procedure is." She glances at her watch. "Shift's almost over anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think there's paperwork we're supposed to fill out for workplace safety incide - on the other hand, we could just go home."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ugh. You go home, I'll fill it out."

Permalink Mark Unread

Twitch. "I owe you my life."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"So I should stay and you should go home."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You really wanna fill out the paperwork?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I just -  this is already bad enough, I should at least be trying."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I don't really know if it's even safe to ride my bike home until the adrenaline goes away, though, so like, whichever way."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Could call you a taxi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nooo, no no no. I'll be good in a few minutes. Probably. Never killed a zombie before."

She stands up and gathers her stuff.

Permalink Mark Unread

He...attempts paperwork.

As he cannot read, this goes poorly.

Permalink Mark Unread

She is still hanging out waiting for her shift to be over, because actually she feels really weird about leaving before the clock says she can.

 

"....you sure you got that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He's written his name in the first blank and the date in the second blank and his address on the next row and is writing 'we were attacked by zombies' in all the remaining spaces. "Yeah. I bet they don't even read these."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay. See you tomorrow, I guess."

She bikes home.

Connor's watching Zana, because Connor is eight, but she doesn't have a lot of better options, and most stuff can get done by an eight year old with hands and a twenty-four-year-old ghost without them. She puts them both to bed and reads them a story. She showers. She's kind of scared of the dark right now, so she actually does her homework, for once, instead of going to bed.

She wakes up at dawn over the kitchen table, face smashed into her half-finished geometry homework.

She feels like it's not gonna be a great day. She writes some random nonsense for the rest of the problems and makes herself a microwaveable burrito and feeds her niblings breakfast and gets on the bus when it comes.

Permalink Mark Unread

Connor's not in school but he ditches school around half the time anyway so that doesn't mean much.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah whatever. She would ask one of his siblings if he's okay about the zombie attack, and stuff, but that would require talking to people about all the bullshit that happens in this town during school, which is impossible, and would relatedly require talking to people, which is only slightly less impossible.

She doesn't go home between work and school, because school is a lot closer to work. She does journalism club stuff, and then she spends a while pretending to herself that any minute now she's going to stop reading about ancient Sumerian burial rites and is going to get started on her chemistry homework. 

Eventually she bikes to work.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is at work.

Permalink Mark Unread

So is his father. 

Permalink Mark Unread

....okay.

".....hi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hello," he says. "I wanted to compensate you for saving my son's life last night. This is a check for eight hundred twelve thousand, six hundred and two dollars."

Permalink Mark Unread

.....what.

This is terrible.

Why that number, specifically.

"Um, thank you, but that's - not really necessary. Sir."

Permalink Mark Unread

He looks annoyed. "You want something else?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...no? Um, like, thank you, and stuff, but it's not really - I don't need anything for it."

Permalink Mark Unread

He stands there looking frustrated for a moment. Then he turns and walks away.

Permalink Mark Unread

"What, you thought of something you want even more?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...no? I like you better alive. That's all. And, like, I wanna respect your - cultural - whatever, but like, you can't just accept hundreds of thousands of dollars from people you haven't met, that's a terrible idea."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He's not - it's not a trick, it's exactly the right amount. All it'd do it get us even."

Permalink Mark Unread

"All it would do is mean that I'm, like, super indebted to your dad, who I don't know anything about, and who also goes around writing checks for eight hundred thousand dollars, apparently, which is terrifying? And just - look, not that your life isn't worth that much, but I didn't save you from cancer or anything, I killed a zombie because it was gonna bite you, and it took like twelve seconds, and I didn't do it for a reward, or anything, okay, I did it because zombies eating people is bad, and I'm against it. Heroism is its own reward. - I gotta get to work."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You wouldn't be indebted to my dad," he objects, "that's what I just said." 

But fine. 

They can get to work.

Permalink Mark Unread

Fine.

She's not very talkative most of the time, but she's even less talkative today, because she did something weird and she doesn't understand it and the way she deals with weird social things is mostly by hoping they go away. 

She buries people. There are no zombies. After work she finds the paperwork and fills out a proper incident report about yesterday that says stuff like where the attack occurred and that nobody was actually injured (except the zombie), because probably that's useful information to actually have on file, or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

After work he goes home.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did she say what she wanted?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"She was worried it was too much and you were trying to indebt her? And she said some stuff about heroism? - and she said she liked me better alive."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not a little kid anymore."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're not. I'll think about it."

Permalink Mark Unread

He's at school for the rest of the week. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, she's still super ignoring him. This isn't actually a change from normal, during school, since she mostly ignores other students all the time and ignores her teachers about half the time. Some of this is because she's reading, and some of this is because she's always doing homework during lunch and during lecture classes where she can pass it off as taking notes, and some of this is because social interaction is terrifying, unless you're in the stupid catacombs under the mausoleum, where it used to be less terrifying but is now about equally terrifying. Which does, on the whole, work out to ignoring him way more than she used to.

Permalink Mark Unread

This makes everything significantly more confusing. On the other hand confusing things are precisely the sort of things they're here to learn about, in principle. 

On Saturday her doorbell rings.

Permalink Mark Unread

She tells the ghost to hide herself and gets the door. 

" - hi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hello," he says. "You've refused other compensation, so I have no choice but to offer you this; the life you saved. I hope you're worthy of it."

Permalink Mark Unread

He avoids looking at her. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Obey her," he says to his son. "You can return home when your debt is repaid."

 

And he leaves.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I would've taken the money," he says.

Permalink Mark Unread

What???????

 

"....what just happened?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, you saved my life, and then you refused to accept a substitute for my service as payment, so now here we are."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't want payment!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...well, you could kill me, and then it'd be like you never saved me in the first place?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, well, what can we do that isn't horrible and stupid and illegal?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could let me in and tell me to do stuff until we're even like a normal person."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's not what normal people do! Normal people who save their coworkers from workplace hazards get told 'wow, I don't know how I can ever thank you', and then they say 'it's cool, anybody would have done the same thing', and then they go file OSHA violations or something because they're not so desperate for work that they still think their job is a good deal even when it involves literal zombies. I don't know what you're doing, over there, but whatever it is it's not normal."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fine! But it's the only thing that's going to solve this problem here so you'd better do it unless I guess you want me to sleep on your porch forever!"

Permalink Mark Unread

She rolls her eyes.

"What do I have to tell you to do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know, what stuff do you want someone to do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno? I have homework, but I gotta do that. I already made breakfast. Don't have any dishes anymore because my nephew did them. All the furniture is scratched up but we can't really fix that without money, and it'd just get wrecked again anyway until we figure out how to get her to stop... teething.

"You could... take out the trash, I guess?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay? - oh, you also get my money. I don't have that much of it - well, I guess you know exactly what I make - but it's yours now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seriously?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That just seems, like, really - I guess if you were staying here we could call it rent, but I don't actually want you to stay here, that's - really weird."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My understanding was that sleeping on the porch is also really weird but obviously it's your call."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - your parents are literally not going to let you come home until you've done whatever it is they need you to do? Isn't that illegal?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe? I don't really know much about the law."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, unfortunately I can't call the police on them for you, because then there would be an investigation, and - man, I don't know if I'm even allowed to have boys over overnight - ?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, for God's sake, Kare, you are so," says the closet.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - would you just shut up? Okay? For ten minutes?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah," says the ghost, wafting through the door at this second. "I mean, like, yeah, if you had, like, normal friends over? But as far as I can tell this whole thing is on my side of the weirdness line."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- hi. Are you Karen's mother?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 "No," says Karen. "This is my sister. She's terrible, and also dead."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hi!"

Permalink Mark Unread

He bows. "I'm honored to meet you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Aww, he's cute."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stop it! Stop! Both of you - just - stop making this weirder than however weird it has to be."

Permalink Mark Unread

He straightens up and stands still and does not talk.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh come on. Sorry. Whatever. Just - do whatever you want, okay, I don't know how this works, I'm not gonna get in trouble with your parents, just - the ghost is stupid and harmless and you don't have to care about her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"think she's nice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you. Well, if you had to save somebody who does weird fantasy life debt stuff, Karen, I think you could have done much worse."

Permalink Mark Unread

Ugh.

" - just - take the trash out, if that helps you somehow, or don't, if it doesn't. I'll set you up in the living room until we figure this out. I guess."

The living room is currently her room but in principle there's no reason she can't share with the toddler. Probably. Still has Azalea's bed in it.

Permalink Mark Unread

He takes the trash out. He observes the furniture with interest. "You have a dog? - a beaver?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"A toddler. Since you already know all the other nonsense, we think she's a werewolf. Or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Have you tried a scratching post?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"......no. Maybe that'd be smart."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They're pretty easy to make, you just need wood and the right kind of carpet. I could pick those up at the store - d'you want me to go to school?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - guess? If you don't go to school the truant officers're gonna come for you at some point, and it looks like we're fresh out of qualified parents for them to hand you over to, so."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. "Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What do you even do all day?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"When I don't go to school? Run around in the woods, mostly. But I wasn't expecting you to allow that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, it's not - I don't wanna tell you what you can and can't do, it's just, if you get caught - I mean I guess they'll probably just hand you back over to your parents, and maybe that'd be fine?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I could just come back over here once they've gone."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Then - whatever, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - see, "you have to go to school" is actually better than "whatever" because it means school counts towards the debt."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know how the debt thing works. I just want you to be, like, okay, and not cause additional problems, and figure out how to get your parents to take you back, except actually it seems like your parents kind of suck, and I guess conceivably you'd be better off without them, if you could manage that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My parents are great!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"They're refusing to let you come home until you do some weird ridiculous debt bondage thing!"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean I could've told my dad I was too young and then he'd have figured something else out but I'm not, and you saved my life, and it's not like want that sitting there between us any more than they do!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's really not that big a deal."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's my life! I think it's a big deal."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, yeah, sorry, just, it doesn't have to mean you owe anybody that much? It's your life, and I saved it 'cause I wanted to, and I didn't, like, think about it, or anything, and - I just don't think smashing a zombie's head in makes me, like, entitled to anything from you. Maybe a thank you. Then we'd be good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean we could try that. 

Thank you. 

 

 - nope, didn't do anything. I'm sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think you gotta be sorry about any of this. Just - I dunno, please tell me if I'm being a jerk about anything, I'm not trying to be. We'll figure something out that works for you and then you can go home.

"D'you... want some lunch, or anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I should probably eat but I can find things in the woods if you don't want the added expense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We are not going to make you live off of scavenging stuff in the woods. Apparently I have to take your money anyway, I'm sure that more than covers it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, okay. I'll have lunch."

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good, an other than miserable face. 

She'll make everybody sandwiches. That's nice and easy.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's really pretty bad at having a slave but probably it takes practice or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, she's still something like eighty percent unaware that she has a slave, that's probably part of it.

"So I gotta go to the library in a bit, would it help the situation if you, like, played with Zana until I get home?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"If it's a favor to you, yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...yeah, it'd be a favor."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Thanks."

So she can head to her other job, the one she's had for several months and didn't get specifically to pay for food and keep the lights on. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Zana wants to play with blocks. The way you play with blocks is that you stack them, and then you knock them over, and then you gnaw on them, and then you gnaw on the couch, and then you scratch at the couch cushions with your alarmingly sharp and hard fingernails.

Permalink Mark Unread

Does she want to go outside in the forest and play beavers, which is like that except you gnaw on trees and build a beaver lodge of sticks?

Permalink Mark Unread

This is acceptable.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. They can build such a good beaver lodge.

Permalink Mark Unread

They can!! This is excellent.

Permalink Mark Unread

The other Connor hangs out in the backyard and does his homework and watches them.

 

"So are you gonna be spending the night?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so? If Karen can find somewhere to put me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She put a sleeping bag out in the living room. I guess maybe she's gonna sleep in Zana'a room, or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that works."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How long are you gonna stay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"At this rate, forever? But probably she'll get better at this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Better at what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Letting people repay debts to you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How does that work?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, some things make people indebted to you, like saving their life or making them sandwiches or giving them a place to live, and some things make people less indebted to you, like if they watch your toddler or give you their money or clean your house or - I don't know, give you a massage, or there's grownup stuff - and once you're even then you can go home."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So you can't go home?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean I could but then I'd still be indebted to her and everything would be an enormous mess and my parents would be angry and disappointed and anyway I like it here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh.

 

"I guess I like it here, too. I think it'd be easier with parents, though. Maybe not with parents who don't want to take care of you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My parents are good to me but they know I need to do this and they'd be disappointed if I didn't. They'd feel like they hadn't raised me right. They wouldn't have raised me right."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's that important to not be indebted to people?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"If you're indebted to people then everything you do reflects on them, and vice versa. And humans are dangerous to be indebted to because they tell lies and make foolish promises."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...what is there besides humans? I mean, and ghosts, but I don't think ghosts are any more careful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Faeries! Faeries are careful. Not that I've met any other than my father."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. I guess I haven't either."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Most faeries are so fast that humans can't see them. My family's slow because my father doesn't get along with his family and he slowed down to do research and met a human and married her."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

He nods.

Permalink Mark Unread

"But there are probably fairies in the woods, we just can't see them. If you ever walk into a fairy circle - circles of mushrooms, they grow in the woods - and you meet one you should not say your name and not ask any questions and not take any food and try to leave as soon as you can."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"So do you need, like... help paying off your stuff...?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I need stuff to do. You can't help with doing the stuff because then I'm not repaying her, but you could help her think of stuff that needs doing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Well, watching Zana's good, right? Karen's too tired to play with her most of the time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, watching Zana counts. I can do that whenever I'm home."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, that's good. Though I guess you'll mostly be away from home when she is, if you guys have the same job. Well, one of the same jobs."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe she'll want me to quit once it occurs to her that she's allowed to tell me to do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Do you wanna quit?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No? What if there are more zombies and she can't handle them all?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then she's not gonna tell you to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She's gonna have a hard time getting paid back while never telling me to do anything I don't want to do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think she probably doesn't care about actually getting anything. Just if you, like, think you're even.

"And I think if she had to do cemetery stuff alone it would make her sad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then probably I shouldn't quit."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I guess not."

 

He plays with Zana for a couple minutes and then packs up his homework and heads inside.

Permalink Mark Unread

He'll stay out here with Zana until they're called in to bed, he guesses.

Permalink Mark Unread

She gets home around sunset. She calls them in to dinner. It's Saturday, so they're having spaghetti, because spaghetti is one of like three kinds of real meals she knows how to make.

Permalink Mark Unread

He eats spaghetti. "I can cook, you know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That'd be cool. We're mostly living off TV dinners right now. I used to think Zales couldn't cook, but it turns out I'm even worse than her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, then, you should let me cook dinner and it'll count for a lot and we'll have dinners. Win-win."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. You can cook dinner from now on."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

She's pretty confused about which things make him happy. Maybe just anything that pays off his debt? But apparently school would pay it off and he definitely wasn't happy about school.

"I would count it as a favor if you did the dishes." There, that's not an order, that's at least thirty-seven percent less sketchy than giving orders. Still kind of sketchy but she's still working out how to be actually not sketchy about whatever this thing that he insists she has to do is.

Permalink Mark Unread

He'll do the dishes.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay then.

"So, do you have, like, any stuff you need to get from your parents' house if you're going to be staying here a while?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I brought clothes and shoes. My books are all at school, I never bring them home."

Permalink Mark Unread

"......so are you gonna need, like, a toothbrush?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"What's that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I'm really concerned about you on multiple levels." She heads back to the bathroom to get a toothbrush. "This is a toothbrush. You put toothpaste on it and then you brush your teeth with it, and it keeps your teeth from smelling weird and rotting."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do my teeth smell weird?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno! It's how, like, eating works, the food particles get in and they rot and rotting things smell. Normal parents teach people to brush their teeth when they're Zana's age."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe it's a human thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - what're you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm a fairy."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"Is this a magical debt bondage thing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"- did you think it was just because we thought it was funny?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I thought you were, like, recent immigrants from some place in eastern Europe I've probably never heard of who were, like, bizarrely hardcore about not forgetting the old ways, or something. How am I supposed to get 'fairies', just because I know zombies and ghosts and werewolves exist doesn't mean I automatically assume that, I dunno, Santa Claus and frost giants and vampires and mermaids and androids passing for human are all real, I don't just know everything already - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! Well, I don't know if those things exist. But fairies do. My dad's a fairy. That makes me half a fairy technically but I'll be able to live normally among fairies once I'm grown up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! Well! Good to know!"

She sits at the table and rests her head in her hands.

"How does the magical debt thing work."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, when people do things for each other, they create debt. Debt ties peoples' fates together. You mostly don't want to be in debt to people who you barely know, and you mostly don't want to have people you barely know in your debt either. - I'm not a bad person to have, though. I haven't done something wrong since I was five."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty sure everybody does wrong things? No offense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean things the universe cares about, not - ditching school, or whatever. Lying. Stealing. Destroying things that aren't yours. Hurting someone you're indebted to. Breaking promises."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty sure everybody does wrong things even if we ignore legality as a criterion. But - whatever, in what sense does it tie people's fates together?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"If you do something bad, you get misfortune, and so does everyone who is entangled with you - by debt, or among full fairies by knowing your real name. If you do something good, you get good fortune and the universe is a little friendlier to you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good like what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mostly just not doing anything bad. Courts have good fortune when they go a long time without any members doing bad things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Well. Fine. Where I come from saving people's lives is a good thing and you do it just because it's good, not because you expect stuff, but we'll - see if we can figure this out. Do you know how much it is in dollars right now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not much different than it was when my father offered."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is it any different?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's a couple dollars less, I think? I can't guess how much it is in dollars as precisely as he can. I played with Zana and took out the trash but you made lunch and dinner. Maybe ten dollars less."

Permalink Mark Unread

Ugh.

"So you have to generate more than eight hundred thousand dollars of net value before you're allowed to go home?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"it's not - money's not the best unit for the thing. Some things you wouldn't pay a hundred dollars for count for well more than a hundred dollars. But - a lot, yeah. It's a life."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that makes sense," she says, tiredly. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can watch Zana and cook things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How much of that before you can go home?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, at this rate it'll be your whole life but probably we'll think of more things before then."

Permalink Mark Unread

She rests her head on the table and sighs.

"D'you need anything else while you're here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"D'you want anything else while you're here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...kinda want you to be like 'oh I forgot that I'm really into people collecting rare exotic herbs from the woods and you should do that instead of going to school'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not super into that. But you don't have to go to school if you really don't want to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It'll be fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have a ridiculous fairy classmate with a ridiculous magical life debt stuck in my house, who doesn't know what a toothbrush is, and who can't go home until I think of something I need eight hundred thousand dollars of, and my sister is dead, and my niece is a werewolf, and I'm sitting in this increasingly run-down house that I can't take care of, because I'm too proud or scared or stubborn or whatever to call my parents for help, and my second job sometimes throws zombies at us and tries to kill us, and I can't even talk to you about that because everything is weird now, and nothing about that is fine, actually."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can take care of the house. And the sister. And hopefully the zombies, most of the time. And I don't see why you stopped talking to me but if that's the problem maybe you could just...start talking to me again!"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Whatever."

She grabs a hat and a scarf out of the closet and puts them on. "The shower doesn't do hot water and you can only access the bathroom through the bedrooms, so if you wanna shower or pee or investigate brushing your teeth then you gotta do it before little Connor goes to bed. I would count it as a favor if you put the baby to bed at nine, Zales can tell you how. I'm sorry for being a jerk. I need to - think."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Kare, there's curfew soon - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't care," she says, and slams the outside door behind her.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

He will shower, and pee, and investigate brushing his teeth and conclude it seems like being human would be a hassle, and put the baby down at nine if the ghost can explain how this is done. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yep. You get her some milk and you help her brush her teeth and you put her in the crib and you tell her a story. She can do the story part if he doesn't wanna.

Permalink Mark Unread

Stories are good, they count for debt. He tells her a story about clever fairies entrapping a silly mortal and bringing her away to their court to dance until she's too tired to stand.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's kind of a fucked up story but okay.

Permalink Mark Unread

Gotta teach kids to be wary of strange fairies.

Permalink Mark Unread

Fair enough.

Karen's still not back when little Connor goes to bed at nine thirty. She's still not back at ten.

"I think she meant to leave you the living room."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. 

 

He finds the sleeping bag and goes to sleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

She gets home around one and locks her bike up. She doesn't head inside, just sits down with her back against the side of the house and mopes.

Permalink Mark Unread

The ghost wafts over and pretends to sit.

 

"They offered you money?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Check for eight hundred and twelve thousand something dollars, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would it solve anything for you to take it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno. Probably. Wouldn't have a used-to-be-work-friends fairy person hanging out anymore. Have to figure out what to even do with it without making mom and dad suspicious."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I could accept the check and throw it in a river or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would that even help? If it's a check?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno. I guess I could ask him. This would require talking to him."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Don't be an ass, Karen, it doesn't suit you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

 

"You know what really bites? It would help. Him or the money, if we could figure out how to access the money in a sensible way. It's more than our house. Way more. And he could do a bunch of stuff. Like, there's the income, so we don't get wiped out the next time we need to call a repair man, and there's the - having anyone else around to do stuff, and play with Zana, and the thing about the scratching post, and what it says about him that he immediately thought of making a scratching post, and -

" - and here I am throwing a tantrum after midnight in the backyard because I don't wanna - I don't even know, because it - feels wrong to cede to the fairies that if you save somebody's life then they have to - do stuff. Any stuff. And - I don't know what he thinks we are, but it's creepy, and it's not like being friends, and I'm mad about it, 'cause I don't have any other friends, you know, and I wanted to maybe be friends with him, and it sucks if you're not even friends with people who live in your house, but I dunno how to fix it now, because everything's - "

She gestures helplessly.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I'm sure you've thought of this, but you could probably try talking to him about any of this. Just a shot in the dark there."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. It's gonna be weird and awkward."

Permalink Mark Unread

"These are the dangers we brave, kid. Now, you gonna go inside and get half a good night's sleep, or are you gonna sit out here moping all night?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Kinda leaning towards the second one."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You are so melodramatic."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Having him in the house is weird."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well don't make yourself homeless over it. Talk stuff over with him and give it three nights and if you're still miserable about it we can revisit the topic and see what makes you both happy. But 'I guess I'm just gonna live in the backyard now' is not a plan A."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fine."

She veeeery quietly opens the door and heads inside.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

She successfully makes it to her room and locks the door and makes it to bed without waking the baby.

At dawn she makes waffles, not because she wants to indebt him any more but because making sure that breakfast exists is, like, sort of a stress response.

Permalink Mark Unread

When he wakes up he'll eat waffles. "You can wake me, you know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why would I do that? Unless you wanna get up at some specific time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So I can make you waffles?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I like making waffles. It's calming. You can make lunches and dinners and non-waffle breakfasts if I don't feel like waffles or cereal. Also I don't want you to end up getting not enough sleep."

Permalink Mark Unread

She's the one who didn't come home by the time he went to bed last night. 

"...okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"M'sorry about getting upset last night."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't really get why you don't like me any more but I just figure hey, maybe you'll change your mind, or maybe you'll get mad enough to hit me, and those're both good news, so, none of my business really."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I'm not gonna hit you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't mean, like, with a car, I mean, like," he punches himself on the arm. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not gonna do that!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay then. I'm not complaining, just, when you get mad, I think that even if you did it wouldn't be a big deal so I shouldn't care if you're mad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I think it would be horrible, and I'm not gonna do it. Anyway. I don't dislike you. I just, like - you keep expecting me to treat you horribly and being sad when I have standards for people that are not that, and saying things like 'I shouldn't care if you're mad', and it's depressing, and I don't know how to deal with it and I don't want to make things - harder - for you, but, like - it's really weird and uncomfortable, talking to somebody who expects you to be awful and doesn't tell you when they want things and doesn't seem to have any standards for their own treatment besides not wanting to go to school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - anyway, I don't know what to do about this, because you can't really just ask people to grow standards if they don't have them, but that's what it is. And it's weird having people in my house that I don't know how to talk to without it being awkward and terrible. But I don't think it's your fault, really."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, I think it's your fault, for not just taking the money."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, sorry. I don't even think I could do anything with it if I did. Would it help if I just, like, accepted a check and then burned it, would that make you happy?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That wouldn't help, no. You could get it in cash and burn it, if you really want to burn money for some stupid reason."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't want to burn money, I just - I want to be able to save people from zombies sometimes without this making everything terrible for them. And, I dunno, to ever be able to talk without this giant - whatever it is, here. Debt. And I don't wanna do anything that's - you can't just accept hundreds of thousands of dollars from people if you didn't, like, win a Nobel Prize or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"This isn't terrible. It's kind of frustrating but like - school is way worse and we make everyone do that for twelve years not even to save them from zombies just for no reason. And you can just talk, I won't bring it up if you don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

 

"I think you're supposed to learn stuff at school. In theory."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then maybe they should make it have less torture?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Like what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It could be outside. The teachers could sit under trees and you could go find one who was talking about something you wanted to learn. And there could be no tests or homework."

Permalink Mark Unread

Much more wistful sigh.

"Yeah. That'd be nice. Seems like a bunch of people wouldn't learn anything, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"A bunch of people already don't learn anything and right now they get tortured!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think school is torture. I would say your standards for torture are too low, except apparently you don't care if people hit you, so  - maybe it's just, like, way worse for fairies than for humans."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess it might be."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...do your brothers all think it's torture?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, but they're really smart and do well in all their classes and their teachers all like them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. I guess that'd make it easier."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It really would."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

"If I just keep saying 'I'd consider it a favor' every time I want something, can I, like, trust you to do the ones that are worth it to you for however much debt forgiveness they give you and not do the ones you think are awful?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Good. I'd consider it a favor if you put together a scratching post for Zana. I gotta head out and probably won't get back until late again, so I'd consider it a favor if you played with Zana more, but if you want to head to the store and buy whatever then llittle Connor is totally competent to watch her for a couple hours at a time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can I take her to the store?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that's fine. She'd probably like it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. ...thanks."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

Everything is weird and terrible, but it's less weird and terrible than it was last night, so that's something. 

She goes to mass. There's one weird old Catholic church in this town, and it's usually next to empty, but she goes anyway. And then she spends the rest of the day at the library, because as of about a month ago Karen doesn't really get days off. Maybe she can sit down and figure out their shared income and expenses at some point and see if this can be fixed with two high schoolers who have unusually lucrative after-school jobs.

Or maybe she will come around to asking for a bunch of money and then burning it. Hard to say.

Permalink Mark Unread

He takes Zana to the store and lets her test materials for her scratching post and buys the materials and goes home and puts the scratching post together. It is fun. It sucks that Karen won't talk to him anymore but in every other respect things are okay.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's not aware that this is something that he's experiencing as a problem, even though she could probably get it if she thought about it or knew more about what was happening, because firstly she barely understands what's happening, and secondly it has never actually occurred to her that anyone who isn't related to her might ever want to talk to her for more than purely logistical reasons.

She does tell him that it's a pretty great scratching post.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thanks! We'll see if she likes it enough to use it instead of the couch."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. We can hope. What's dinner?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Dinner is chicken nuggets with ketchup and barbecue sauce and several other odd sauces that go well with chicken nuggets.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cools.

On Monday morning she gets ready for school and then makes herself cereal. She doesn't wake him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Then he won't be at school.

Permalink Mark Unread

But she will be. And so will his older brother. Not the weirdly perfect one who was creepy even before she knew he was a fairy, the one who goes around in a jacket that says that his most prominent personality trait is being a musician. 

"I need to talk to you about stuff. And also need to not get entangled with any more fairies. Is there anything I can give you for talking that isn't, like, terrible?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know, what's terrible? Traditionally people pay fairies in kisses."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's terrible."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could do my Spanish homework."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Yeah, okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What do you want to know?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"So a week ago I saved your brother from zombies, and I didn't think this was a big deal, apart from part where zombies are real and the cemetery has completely inadequate safety procedures regarding them? But apparently your parents and whatever magical debt system they adhere to thought it was a super big deal, because first they tried to pay me eight hundred thousand dollars, and then they dropped your brother off at my house and said he couldn't come home until whatever debt he's incurred has been paid off, and this is really weird, and not what I wanted, because now we're not, like, friends anymore, we're some weird thing where he bows to my family members and when I tell him not to he acts like I invoked some kind of magical leash or something, and it's weird, and creepy, and I don't know how to interact with him anymore, and I don't actually know that you have any insight into this at all, but it seemed worth a shot, you know, before we get cemented into some kind of weird - thing, and then we can never be friends because I and the zombies messed everything up. Did that make sense?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess?

Look, if I told you that you were in a lot of my debt right now because there's a secret fairy rule against saying the word 'cemetery', which would be scarier, if I was like "and now I want you to do jumping jacks and also stand next to the window' or if I was like 'this is very tragic! now we can't be friends anymore!"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - well, we're not friends, so the first one, easily, but assuming we were, we wouldn't be anymore if you started ordering me around, because firstly that's not a - friend way to interact? And secondly a minute ago you didn't know that asking people to pay debts with kissing was terrible, so I feel like the situation would end up pretty bad pretty fast."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. See, to me, the first one's friendlier, because the first one's - we have a problem, we're going to solve it together. And the second one's - we have a problem, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay, but if you're ordering people, or implying that you're ordering people - I'm really unclear on how much fairies have to do stuff for people they're indebted to, I just know that the thing happened and also that your father said 'obey her' and it was really concerning - if you're giving people orders, and there's something that's making them follow them, that's not solving things together, that's just, like, solving whatever your problem with them is by giving them less control over their lives? And if they don't want to be friends with you, that's - fine, I guess, but also not what the situation is here, because if I didn't want to be friends with your brother then I guess I wouldn't care that much that talking to him is weird now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He's not forced to obey you, it's just more debt if he doesn't. He can choose to ignore you if he wants, if he doesn't care that much about being more in your debt."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. That's - better, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And you can't, like - friendships have to survive debt changing directions because sometimes it'll do that. And hopefully you'll still be pretty much trying to achieve the same things, and still like each other. I don't know if there's a human equivalent - if you were trying to teach him to do something you knew how to do, say, you'd give him lots of instructions but just because you were the person who knew how to do that particular thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Teaching somebody is different, it's not - you're not doing it for yourself. And humans don't do the debt thing. Or possibly only do it about things that are - uh, not killing zombies. And it just - feels really incorrect to say that he should do a bunch of stuff for me just because I killed a zombie."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is it more correct to say he should do a bunch of stuff for you because he is a fairy?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I guess that's less terrible," she says, although she is kind of suspicious about it.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, he is a fairy and that's really the underlying thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay. If I do your Spanish homework will we be even?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could ask another question if you want."

Permalink Mark Unread

"....I don't think I know what questions to ask to figure out anything else I wanna know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Then you should only do, like, four pages of my Spanish homework."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You have four pages of Spanish homework? - fine. I'll get it to you tomorrow."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Thanks for the moderately enlightening conversation."

 

Karen is not, in fact, in Spanish. She is in Latin. She is definitely not in third-or-whatever-year of Spanish.

Her plan for dealing with this is to spend all night looking up every piece of unfamiliar grammar and vocabulary in the textbook and on the internet, laboriously figuring out how to write passable sentences that fit the given parameters.

She is way more careful than she ever is about her own homework.

She does not get any sleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

He sleeps fine. He makes breakfast in the morning.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's great, because she's incredibly tired. Way too tired to make breakfast, let alone have any complicated conversations about anything else. She writes absolute nonsense on her geometry homework while she eats, wondering whether her math teacher thinks that she's just, like, really really stupid, or incredibly stubborn, or incapable of reading English, or what.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I made poor decisions. Probably."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Could always skip school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, then people would come looking for me, and they'd figure out I don't have any parents to report me to, and somebody would call CPS, and I don't know what happens from there but I'm worried I won't like it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We could go to fairyland."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Instead of school. And hang out there for a couple days and you could get all caught up on your homework and then we could come back and it'd be no time at all, since fairies are fast."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - what, before school? And still make it there in time?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairyland's fast."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are we gonna, like, end up indebted to different fairies and then have to go to their houses and not go home until we've paid it back?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We shouldn't talk to fairies or take their stuff, and we should bring our own food."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No."

Permalink Mark Unread

She rests her head on the table and then realizes that this is going to result in her falling asleep. She picks her head up and stares miserably at her breakfast.

 

"I guess we probably won't get in trouble just for sleeping and doing homework."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wouldn't expect us to, no."

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, on the one hand, going to fairyland is a terrible idea.

On the other hand, if she goes to school like this she will probably actually fall asleep in class, and it will be embarrassing, and it will suck, and the teacher will talk to her and tell her that they are Concerned About Her in a tone of voice that makes her want to sink into the floor.

 

" - okay. I would consider it a favor if you threw some food into a backpack and showed me how to get to fairyland."

Permalink Mark Unread

He throws some food in a backpack and darts out the door.

Permalink Mark Unread

She throws her textbooks and some granola bars and trail mix and gatorade in her backpack, and then exhaustedly follows after him.

Permalink Mark Unread

They tromp through the woods for a while and then he points it out. "We should try to walk through together."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - what, like, hold hands, or count of three, or - ?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just, the closer we are the less time whoever's first has to wait. Holding hands won't help. Count of three should. One, two, three."

Permalink Mark Unread

She steps over.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's suddenly quiet. Nothing else is immediately obviously different, except that for a second he seems to hang there in the air, before he steps forward and smiles at her.

Permalink Mark Unread

"So we're.... fast, now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. And now you can take a nap or whatever and we won't get back later than we started."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. - are you gonna, like, get bored or anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, maybe?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. That seems bad.

 

"M'too tired to solve this problem," she says apologetically, after a moment, and curls up in the grass to sleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

It doesn't really seem like that much of a problem. He lies on the grass and climbs some trees and explores the immediate area and is not really very bored.

Permalink Mark Unread

She wakes up nine hours later, kind of sore from sleeping on the ground but all in all a lot less exhausted than before. She looks around.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is not immediately visible.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well that's just super.

She breaks into her trail mix and starts a new page of geometry homework and tries writing something that isn't complete nonsense this time.

Permalink Mark Unread

He comes back in the middle of this, flops on the ground.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Hi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did you wanna go home?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I thought the plan was to stay here until you were all rested and caught up?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, yeah, but if you did want to go home sooner we could?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh, okay. I'm fine with the plan."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I kinda want a nap myself but you can wake me when you want to leave."

He lies down and closes his eyes.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool."

She's not gonna wake him. She's gonna sit here alternating between doing homework and writing or doodling in her notebook. She has a lot of unfinished homework, and even more homework that'll be due some time in the future, so she doesn't expect to actually run out, ever. It's pretty much a law of the universe that there's always more homework to do.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's not actually asleep she was just making him nervous for some reason. But eventually he'll yawn and stretch and open his eyes and get himself food.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cool.

She takes a break and flops on the grass and stares at the sky.

"'S pretty nice. Time not passing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Isn't it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Haven't gotten to just not feel bad about the passage of time in - I dunno how long."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm excited to go back and be a fairy for real."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that makes sense. Will you not get to interact with humans, then, you'll just go be fast forever?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, we can have a fairy circle within our court's territory, and then we'll meet humans sometimes, when they come to us."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could come when you really need a nap."

Permalink Mark Unread

Pff. "I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You get more humans in, like, war zones, though, not in nice places. Dunno where we'll set up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. - I mean, it's not just talking to any human in general, I just feel like if I'd grown up with humans doing human things then I'd miss a lot about it. I mean, maybe I'd still go, but like - do fairies have TV?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No. My dad's trying to figure out how to build electronics that work fast, but we can't watch TV anyway unless everyone who worked on it is dead."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can't watch TV?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Unless everyone who worked on it is dead. Otherwise we get debt."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That seems like it'd really suck. I guess you could try old movies, but it seems like you wouldn't wanna try it until movies have existed for another fifty years or so, because they have so many people who work on them and maybe one of them happened to live to be really old. - can you read books?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"If the author's dead, yeah. Editors and publishers don't seem to matter."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Still annoying. And no video games at all. Have you never been assigned a book with a living author in English class? A short story with a living author? Never seen a movie clip in class? Do pictures of works of art in history books do it? Do textbooks?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"My dad reads textbooks and then makes donations to the scientists who wrote them if the cost didn't cover it. I...don't really read things honestly so it hasn't come up for me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think I'm really glad I'm a human. Like, I was anyway, but being a fairy seems.... bad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I like it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How's it better?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I won't die. I don't have to get a job and work it full-time my entire healthy life. I get to run around in trees and see the world from lots of different angles. I don't have to think about time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How do fairies get by if they don't work jobs? Like, you'd still have to spend a bunch of time looking for food and stuff, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah. Fairies don't actually have to eat. They just like to because food tastes good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Well, that's convenient, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It is! Mostly fairies just run around exploring and making pretty hidden fairy courts."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seems like it'd get old eventually."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think so. It's a big world."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe. I don't think I'd trade getting to see the whole world for getting to appreciate all the art in it, though. Or getting to make my own art and show it to other people without expecting them to give me anything for it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I get to see everything, just a bit late. And I'm not great at making stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I'm not great at making stuff either, but I could be, someday."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe someday I'll make woodcarvings so astonishing that any mortal who looks at them will be ensnared."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That just sounds depressing."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - why?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Because then you can't ever show your woodcarvings to people without a bunch of - stuff, between you. You can't ever just make something great and have everybody else in the world be uncomplicatedly better off for getting to see it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, no, but you get to ensnare mortals, which is reportedly fun."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It sounds awful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't seem like the personality type, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Really, though! Like, either you're stuck with your fate entangled with someone you don't like, in which case you're going to spend a lot of time really annoyed, probably, or you're stuck making someone you do like pay off a bunch of magical debt to you, even if it makes them sad or scared, and maybe they won't be able to say anything about it because that'd get in the way of paying off their debts, and then you will've made this great beautiful thing for people and the main effect it'll have on the world is making people you like sad.

"Or I guess maybe you could ensnare people who you liked having around but didn't care to worry about whether anything bad happened to them as a result, but it seems like you'd have to be - not a very nice person, for that to work out."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think you just - tell them that now they're yours, and then they're kind of scared, and then you show them how to lick the nectar out of flowers and how to climb up to the very top of a tree and how to get really close to a bird and a bug, and then you hang out in a bird's nest and talk about their life until they're even with you, and then you send them home. And - they have something very special, then, and it's good for them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess if nothing goes wrong in all that, and they don't miss any time back home, that sounds maybe other than horrible. Except the part where fairies tell you that you're theirs now does not sound kind of scary, it sounds, like - more terrifying than zombies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What? But zombies look and smell terrible and they move weirdly and they're trying to kill you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies could be trying to kill you. You wouldn't know. And they're obviously being way smarter about whatever they're doing than the zombies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well maybe before I steal anyone I will tell them that I won't hurt them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that might push it back down below zombies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies are supposed to be a little bit scary. They're supposed to make you go, wait, I have heard about fairies, what were the rules, I know there were rules... but I wouldn't expect anyone to look back on their adventure in fairy and be sad about it. That's not the idea."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty sure some people in stories are sad about their journeys into fairy. I mean, I don't know whether any of the stories have anything to do with actual fairies, but I know there was a thing about people thinking that tuberculosis was caused by fairies kidnapping people every night and forcing them to dance until they wasted away for lack of proper rest, and if you run into a human you've got to figure that that might be one of the only stories they remember about fairies, and they might be terrified of dying and not being able to do anything about it.

"And - I guess there are things that can be a little bit scary and not be terrifying or horrible. Roller coasters. White water rafting. Putting on plays. But I feel like if there's another person involved, and you think the person might mean you harm, and is probably laughing to themselves at all the stupid things you're doing even if they don't, and you can't get away from them, that just sounds - horrible."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think most peoples' lives are horrible. And having - a little window out of it - that's important."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess maybe after it'd happened they'd probably be glad that it happened. But while it was happening it sounds like it'd be - I'd probably be too upset and scared to actually enjoy any of the stuff about getting to see birds or bugs up close, or whatever, while I was doing it? But I don't really know what that works out to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I'll practice being - not scary. Knowing humans will probably help."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you scared of me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I dunno? Kind of? I'm scared of lots of people, though, I dunno if that even means anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can't hurt you. Like, really can't, I would get very sick if I tried."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am not mostly scared of people hurting me. I mean, I guess sometimes. But not - mostly. I guess. Maybe depending on what you mean by hurting."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Like - 

"I'm scared that if my parents find out my sister's dead, then they'll make me come home, and they'll give away my niece for adoption because she's obviously something really weird and creepy that they didn't sign up for, and I'll never get to see her again, ever, and I'll just live in their house for two more years feeling like I'm a failure for that, and being told through subtle implicature all the time that they think I'm in danger of becoming a failure for totally different reasons.

"I'm scared that if I take eight hundred thousand dollars from your dad it'll - get inside me, somehow, that nothing I actually have is mine, and it's actually all his, and it could all get snatched away at any moment, and of course I'll know it's irrational and that people don't actually come to repossess enormous gifts like that, the thing they do is come by in five years and remind you that you wouldn't be where you are today if not for their support, and of course you should really do thus-and-such with your career because haven't they done enough for you that you should respect their opinion, and even if that never ever happened I would always know that nothing about my life reflected on me, it just had to do with, like, getting ridiculously lucky when I was sixteen in a way that didn't really reflect on me at all, and even if nothing bad ever happened because of it I would never be able to know that it wasn't going to happen tomorrow.

"And yesterday I asked your brother some stuff about fairies and started by asking how I was gonna pay him back, and he said it was traditional to pay fairies back with kisses, and that sounded like basically the worst thing ever, and I was so scared for a second that the first question about payment had already stuck me that I went ahead and agreed to do his Spanish homework for him even though I'm not even in Spanish, and even after I'd stayed up all night doing it, and even before I knew about the fairy circle, it kind of still seemed like an OK deal, because whatever else he wanted could've been a lot worse, even if nobody would've said that I'd gotten hurt at all during it.

"And I'm scared that I messed up at some point, or maybe I didn't even mess up, I just got really unlucky, having to save you from a zombie, and because there wasn't a second zombie for you to save me from we're just stuck like this, which is really upsetting, because before any of this happened you were one of the only people who, like, I know we didn't talk a lot, but I didn't literally count how many words I'd said to you each day, which made you a solid fifty percent of my non-family in-person social interaction, and - I'm really scared that I messed it up, and am going to keep messing it up, and you're not going to like me anymore, and we're not going to get to be friends ever, because there's this thing here that I don't understand and that makes me annoying and affects all of your considerations in ways that I can't really see or predict, and maybe it'll be fine, but maybe it won't, and a few months from now you'll just hate me, and it'll be my fault but I won't actually know how it's my fault.

"So. Stuff like that. I guess. But obviously with fairies you find in a circle it's way worse, because I don't think my parents or your father or your brother or you actually want me to be miserable, and there's no way to know how mean the random fairy is."

Permalink Mark Unread

...hug?

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Yeah, okay. Hug.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds like a lot of problems but maybe the hug will buy him some time to think about them.

Permalink Mark Unread

She just sort of goes around living her life with a bunch of inaudible screaming in the background, yeah.

Hugs are okay. Like, he is not really an ideal person to get hugs from, given everything, but she hasn't had any since her sister died, and they're probably net good on the whole.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm sorry he scared you by mentioning kisses. I'm sure he'd have been just as happy about some other class, I don't think he was trying to - make it something you'd find difficult -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah, it's not his fault. I kinda panicked."

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. 

"Well I'm glad you have somebody. Even if in the short term you are panicking about that too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess.

"Sorry for being a mess."

Permalink Mark Unread

She said it was bad when he had low standards so he shouldn't point out how much worse it could be. She was worried that he'd - 

- this is all too hard.

"I'm glad it was you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"As opposed to anyone else who could've saved you from zombies?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. That makes me feel a little better."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If you're - like that - it makes a lot of sense that you'd be scared you'd hurt me, giving orders."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not really like that, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I do not really feel like this is enough of a guideline to stop worrying about it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would it maybe help if I listed the things I'm stressed about?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have to go to school and I hate it. I feel like I should've protected you from zombies so I feel dumb for not doing that even though it sounds like actually everything would be worse if you were indebted to me. I wish I could read because then I could help you do your homework. I like you and I'm worried that's why this is awkward and if you'd gotten one of my brothers it'd be fine. I think it's kind of unfair that you don't want to be my friend anymore because you saved my life but I can't complain about that because you saved my life. I wish you thought fairies were neat.

Pretty sure that's everything."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't not wanna be your friend! I just think I'm - worse at it, when things are like this, or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You stopped talking to me the next day."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - well, that's a kind of being worse at it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Talking to people is... hard. And it's harder when things are weird and you feel like a bunch of stuff you're saying is having effects that you can't see or account for."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Talking to people is hard because people mostly suck. But if they don't suck, then it's not hard to talk to them. Maybe that's the same thing but if it is then - I didn't suck, and now I do, and that's kind of depressing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not just hard to talk to people because they suck! It's - hard to stop thinking about how much I suck long enough to hear what they're saying. Or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think I have that problem."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I kind of have to assume most people don't, given that people do observably ever talk to each other."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Things you said to me were always creating debt or vice versa, it's just that it was usually in small enough amounts I could keep it even without working that hard at it.And if I got behind I could pump the tires on your bike when you weren't looking or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

"I guess maybe little amounts of debt aren't horrible if they don't, like, get people stuck doing stuff that they hate doing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Almost none of the people stuck doing stuff they hate doing is because of debt, as far as I know. Or not fairy debt. Most boys kissing girls who're scared has absolutely nothing to do with any fairies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Lots of interactions between people are terrible. I just usually deal with this by not having any."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that's reasonable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So if you want me to talk to you - which seems totally reasonable, as long as you've been exiled to my house - and be happy about it, then I have to figure out how to make it not terrible, and I'm bad at this, see, even when there isn't weird magic stuff. And - I was kinda able to talk to you before I knew about the weird magic stuff, so it stands to reason that the weird magic stuff is probably part of why it keeps seeming terrible now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

She doesn't actually have a lot of immediate suggestions on this front.

 

"Really don't think it'd be going any better if it was one of your brothers."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They could do your homework."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't want anybody to do my homework. That's cheating."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not wrong to cheat at school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No it's not. It's like how it's wrong to shoot people but it's not wrong to...shoot Nazis if you're in the Polish Resistance. Whether you have to follow an institution's rules depends on whether it's legitimate. And school isn't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"In what sense is school not legitimate?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, it's like jail except you don't get sent there for doing something wrong, you get sent there even if you did nothing wrong."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not like jail. Jail's a punishment. School's not a punishment, it's there because kids have to learn stuff like reading and math and civics if they want to participate in democracy and in society in general."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's exactly like jail. You have to be there and you get punished if you leave and you get punished if you don't obey and they don't care whether you want to participate in democracy and society in general."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well most kids can't run away to fairyland, so it's not like they have a lot of better options."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And no one tries giving them any, even the ones who are clearly being made miserable by school."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think the thing that really confuses me about this is that like - your parents kicked you out of your house and told you to obey me, and you don't think me or your parents are awful, and you don't even seem to think it'd be horrible if I hit you or made you sleep out on the porch exposed to the elements even though it's gonna be winter soon, but when school leaves you stuck a place and punishes you if you don't obey, that's torture."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You did something for me! It's fair. School has done nothing for me and still gets to treat me like I'm in its debt."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I guess. But school isn't actually trying to get anything out of you, it's trying to help you be more equipped to deal with the world. Like - you obey your parents, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, why's that more legitimate than school?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm in their debt. Because they created me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So does it not matter to you that school is a part of the government, and the government, like, keeps everyone from being killed in wars, and keeps up the roads and libraries, and investigates murders, and makes sure that people don't starve to death in the streets, and is only able to do any of that because its citizens all have something resembling a basic education, and so in order to maintain this state of affairs it requires that everybody learn stuff?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies don't have wars or murders. And people could just maintain their own roads, and libraries would be easy to have exist since people'd bring you things to trade for the books. So yes, I object to someone doing a lot of stuff that doesn't need doing and then saying that to keep doing it they need me to be shaped a certain way so they'll throw me in a box and punish me for years and years and years of my life without even checking whether they really need me shaped that way or whether there's any other way to do it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, that's great for fairies, I'm sorry your stupid fairy dad dragged you to this stupid world full of a bunch of stuff you don't need, but humans without militaries get conquered unless someone else is policing the world for them, and humans murder each other, and I don't think they really succeed at maintaining roads over long distances on their own, and they invented libraries because lots and lots of people don't have anything to trade for books and we wanted them to have books anyway, and maybe fairies can do better, because that doesn't sound hard if you don't die and you don't need to eat, but it's not humans' fault that the best we can do doesn't work for you, it's your dad's fault for bringing you here and then refusing to find a way to homeschool you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"School is just as bad for you as it is for me. And even if you consider yourself so indebted to the government they're entitled to torture you for twelve years, only offering people one way to repay you makes you a jerk, and doing it to them for years on end when it's obviously hurting them makes you a jerk, and pretending it's anything other than slavery is just - manipulative."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Repayment isn't the point, the point is making sure I'm minimally equipped to interact with society and make money and vote for reasonable people. And the government gets to decide how to do that, because the government is the one running the show, that's just - how it is. And at least I went along with it enough that I can read."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And that makes you very special, doesn't it. Such a good compliant slave. Their favorite."

Permalink Mark Unread

She spends a little bit mentally reminding herself of all of her really really excellent reasons not to hit him. It takes her longer than it should to stop wanting to.

 

"It makes me someone who can ever work a job that doesn't involve burying dead bodies and occasionally getting attacked by zombies. Sorry I can't just run off to fairyland, or be someone who has eight hundred thousand dollars to throw around, okay, but some people have to work with situations that aren't fun, sometimes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I hope some day you get a very nice job sitting in an office reading all the obituaries for the people who never learned to read and reminding yourself that you're better than them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, sorry to disappoint, but at this rate I'm gonna drop out in six months, and I think they save the safe, cushy office jobs for people who actually made it through high school, so lucky for you, you only have to stick around until the cemetery kills me, and then we will both be free of this situation forever."

She packs her books in her backpack.

Permalink Mark Unread

He stands up.

Permalink Mark Unread

She finishes packing and heads off to school. 

Probably she should apologize or thank him for the fairy circle nap, or something, but she's really really mad right now, so she doesn't.

Permalink Mark Unread

He does not go to school. He wanders around in the woods for a while longer and then remembers he should take Zana with him so it counts towards his debt. He does that.

Permalink Mark Unread

She makes it to school in plenty of time and drops off his brother's homework. 

"I'm not sure it's a hundred percent right? So you might wanna look it over before you hand it in."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Still counts. Thanks."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. Thank you." Trying to talk to his brother went horribly and he hates her now, but whatever, the attempt was valid. 

She turns in all of her own homework and doesn't fall asleep in class. 

She tries to read after school, and feels bad about it, and tries to do her homework, and feels worse, and ends up heading off to work without having done anything at all.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is at work. 

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"So about what level of not talking to each other do you feel like we're at right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, now it's not unfair for you to not talk to me, 'we had a fight' is a much better reason than 'you saved my life'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't stop talking to you because I saved your life! I stopped talking to you because your dad offered me eight hundred thousand dollars, and it was terrifying, and then later I decided I was also not talking to you because you kept running around being creepily insistent on doing random things for me, and it was creepy and confusing and the way I talk to creepy confusing people is that I mostly don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

"I don't know how to stop being awful about stuff if you're not gonna tell me what you want, since clearly using common sense is failing us. D'you wanna be left alone or not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Dunno."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's very helpful," she mutters.

Permalink Mark Unread

This hurts, like suddenly looking into a blindingly bright light and also stubbing your toe except it's not your toe, it's all of you.

Permalink Mark Unread

He flinches and staggers back onto the chair behind him. "- please don't -"

Permalink Mark Unread

She uses one hand to clutch her head and ends up biting the other one, not because it seems like a good idea or anything but because her brain produced this as a possible course of action. When her hand hurts more than the rest of her, she stops.

"What was that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Lying. Don't do it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That was sarcasm! You said not to lieyou didn't say don't use sarcasm!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You said 'that was helpful' and it wasn't helpful! The universe isn't tracking why you said it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How am I supposed to know that fairy rules group sarcasm with lying and don't group doing other people's homework?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"How is doing other peoples' homework lying??"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's deceiving the teacher about who did it!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're allowed to let people have the wrong impression about things, you just can't say false things."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"At this point I'm beginning to suspect that the moral I'm supposed to get from this entire sequence of events is 'don't save your friends from zombies', or something equally depressing."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"Well, if you regret it you can fix it."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - no. I think the universe is perverse, is all. 

"I'm sorry. For the sarcasm and the mocking you for not being able to read. If I've been other kinds of awful you're gonna have to tell me, because apparently I'm very dense."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"It's not because of school, that I can't read. My brothers could when they were three. My father spent all his time on it. It was his favorite thing, teaching his kids to read. They didn't send me until I was seven because they wanted to try more things. I'm just really stupid, and you were right, you shouldn't listen to any of my opinions about anything, and it's supposed to torture stupid people so we'll - die of zombies or whatever - so that the government can hum along nicely being for the smart well-behaved ones -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think you're stupid.

" - I don't think I'm stupid, either. I can do stuff right when I try. I just don't try, most of the time, because it's effort, and I don't like putting effort into stuff, I guess. But if there weren't schools I'd just be doing the same thing somewhere else, probably, because my parents want to teach me how to put in effort, and I think I want to but I never actually do, and until I want to it's always gonna be like this, I guess, no matter where I am. So it seems - misplaced, or something, to be mad at school about it. I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That doesn't sound right but I don't know what's wrong with it exactly."

Permalink Mark Unread

Shrug.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Anyway we should probably just not talk about school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"This doesn't feel like a genre of solution that is going to lead to us talking about more things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We could talk about Zana. She built a beaver lodge."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That is cool. - but I mean, like, if every time we talk about something and it's upsetting we decide we're just gonna never talk about it again, that seems like we're gonna end up talking about fewer and fewer things, and in particular never talking about anything that we have annoying feelings about, and it won't - that's not what being able to talk to someone looks like."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fine. I think that school is horrible for people who are bad at it and you think those people just suck and would be just as miserable anywhere and I think they wouldn't and also that that's one of the ways schools deceive people, into thinking that not being shaped for school is just what being a bad person is."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think those people all just suck. I think I just suck. No opinion on anybody else. - or, like, sometimes I kind of think you suck, but not because you can't read or because you don't go to school, mostly when you say things like 'such a good compliant slave'. That sucks."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Isn't that what you want? For the - system - to tell you how cooperative and worthy you are, and give you a nice job far away from the zombies?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No! Or, like - I wanna be able to do useful stuff that helps people. And I wanna take care of my family enough that they get to do cool useful stuff, when they grow up. And - yeah, okay, sometimes a lot of what I'm doing is keeping my head down so nobody notices all of the rules I am breaking, but that doesn't mean you should go framing that in the most horrible way possible and then pouring salt all over all of the - I'm never gonna get to be better than this and that hurts, okay, because I feel like if I'd worked harder I wouldn't be stuck where I am."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. 

I didn't mean - I don't think you deserve to belong to -" he gestures at the office.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

"I just - maybe it's stupid, okay, to keep bothering to pretend to try when I know it's too late for it to make a difference, but the pretending's - easier. And maybe that's not a good reason, but I'm still gonna feel like you're being a jerk if you - say stuff like that.

"I get why you'd say it, though, if you felt like school was just awful and it would've been awful no matter what you'd done. That makes sense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could take the money from my father and then run away somewhere where he can't ever find you to - have opinions in your direction or whatever you're scared of."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Still not a legal adult, cannot actually open bank accounts without one. Or legally ditch school. Or drive."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, well, you can do that in a couple years, at least. Instead of resigning yourself to being miserable forever."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"It feels wrong. Like, probably the responsible thing to do is get over it and accept the wrong and stop whining, but it feels really really wrong."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"...none of the suggestions I am thinking of are going to be helpful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...well now I'm really curious about your definitely unhelpful suggestions."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I could burn down the house and you could take it as insurance money. We could set up a fraudulent lottery which could be rigged so you win. We could get married and you could have it as a - dowry, is that the word? Less the debt for having me around until I run off to be a faery."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wow. You're right, those are all completely unhelpful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can't lie."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. Maybe we'll think of something less terrible sometime in the next year and a half."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe."

 

"I appreciate - you talking to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I appreciate you still wanting to talk to me even though I keep messing it up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't keep messing it up. It's just - there's nothing you can possibly think about the reading thing that I haven't already heard, is all."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, well, just because other people are awful sometimes doesn't mean I wanna be awful, too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"....is that actually surprising, that feels like one of the most unsurprising things I could possibly have said there."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think usually when people are awful they instead decide that they weren't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...well I don't wanna do that. I wanna be not awful. - actually I would consider it a favor if you told me whenever you think I'm being awful. And maybe then I will stop."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool.

" - hey, am I allowed to consider random stuff favors, or can I only say that I consider something a favor if I, like, actually want it to happen for reasons that don't have to do with debt?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can declare that you'd consider it a favor if I stood on one foot even if you don't particularly care whether I do or not. You won't get anything out of considering it a favor if I breathe since I'm going to do that regardless."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So I could tell you that it'd be a favor if you spent all day collecting rare herbs in the forest, or whatever, even though I actually do not care about this? - except insofar as it makes you happy, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Then I would consider it a favor if you ran around in the forest during school collecting rare herbs and doing whatever else out there makes you happy."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, at least she's gotten something right, probably. 

And now they should probably do their job or something. The caretaker doesn't supervise them enough to give them acceptable zombie defenses, but he probably, like, cares whether any work gets done at all.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sure! Sounds good!

Permalink Mark Unread

.....she should probably not get depressed about it every time something she does makes him happy, that sounds like an unfortunate set of incentives all around.

Maybe she can try just not having any feelings about it.

 

"So should we be doing anything about, like, the fact that there are zombies down here? Figuring out what's up with that? Leaving traps to keep them out of the parts we're using right now? Carrying better weapons?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, that's a good point. Uh, all of the above, maybe? We could ask the caretaker 'hey, about those zombies'?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. You'd think he has to already at least know about them, right? Or he wouldn't've given us the weapons?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"They're really not adequate weapons!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know! But if he didn't know there was something down here he wouldn't've given us anything, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess not. Maybe we can...buy better weapons for ourselves, at minimum, and fence off the areas we're working in, and then maybe try to figure out why there are zombies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds good. What kind of weapons, I feel like guns are totally justified but I don't actually know how we would obtain guns."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are there gun stores? We could ask someone older to get us one, maybe?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...do we know anybody older who isn't a fairy or a ghost or a teacher? Or the caretaker, I guess, but he probably doesn't wanna illegally give us guns, or he probably would have done it before. Though maybe we can convince him now that we've been so responsible with the maces."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My mom's not any of those things. And maybe seniors are old enough to buy guns? Dunno how old you have to be to buy guns."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Proooobably eighteen? I dunno how terrible of an idea it is to ask either your mom or your brother for guns, I've never, like, talked to them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My mom would probably ask a lot of questions. Matt wouldn't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are we gonna, like, owe Matt a bunch if we ask him for guns? Is there a way to shuffle it out of all the debt you have somehow?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I already owe him so probably I should be the one to ask him. So that you're not terrified and stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Thanks. I guess we're already breaking enough laws that we might as well use guns to defend ourselves against zombies. It's a lot better than dying, anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Laws are bad and there's no reason to follow them except to avoid getting sent to jail, is how I see it."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - does that philosophy generalize as far as, like, whether we should obey stop signs?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"- nah, that's different, that's less 'law' and more 'principle about how to make sure these enormous metal things don't collide and kill people'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I kinda think a bunch of laws are principles about how to keep various things from colliding and killing people. Some of them are dumber and worse at it than others, but like, I dunno how easy it is to tell which ones those are all the time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. But the law doesn't know about zombies, anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Or at least if it does I think my respect for the government's priorities probably goes way down."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'll ask Matt."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Thanks. ...should we talk to the caretaker about it, or - I guess if we fire the things he'll hear, even if the cemetery's far enough away from everything else that nobody else will."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess we probably should, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. "All right. I guess we can do it together."

Permalink Mark Unread

The caretaker is an old man, maybe seventy, who walks with a cane and mostly sticks to the little cemetery office building in the evenings. At nine he's doing paperwork at his desk.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hi. The zombies are making us kinda nervous so we're gonna get guns."

Permalink Mark Unread

He raises his eyebrows, a bit like you might expect someone to if you had maybe just told them that you found some dinosaur bones on their property. "Oh yes, I remember, you said you'd run into zombies. Haven't seen any in the upper levels in years. I suppose guns would take care of them. You'll be safe with them, no being silly and pointing them at each other?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I definitely don't plan to do anything stupid or risky."

Permalink Mark Unread

"All right then. Good luck out there, kids."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...thanks."

Permalink Mark Unread

"This is a really bizarre town," she says later, when she's getting her bike. "Like, I guess neither of us is one to talk? But it's really bizarre."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I don't really know what most towns are like."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, before I moved here I thought zombies and ghosts and fairies were fake, and I mostly thought my niece just had some kind of bizarre medical condition."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh! But she was already weird before she moved here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh yeah, she was born weird. Zales moved out here a few months after."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Did she say why?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not at the time. Of course later she said she wanted to move somewhere where nobody knew her well enough to ask about the baby. Dunno why here, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My dad picked here because there weren't fairies nearby and was a ring nearby and property was cheap."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe property's just really, really cheap. I guess that would check out, given everything else about the place."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Yeah, I guess it would."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. ...race you home?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool."

She loses. She is not sure whether this is because she is weaker or because her bike is worse. But they're home in time for her to give little Connor a bedtime story either way.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's not actually tired and he's feeling pretty good about everything so he looks around for things to do. There are not obvious things to do. He should learn to repair houses or something, now that he doesn't have to go to school. 

Permalink Mark Unread

That would be cool. It would be super cool if he could make the shower do hot water again, she's not really sure how hard that is.

Permalink Mark Unread

He has no idea but he can take a shot at it once he's collected lots of weird herbs in the forest for her. Which he'll do tomorrow. "When I ask Matt about guns I'll also tell my parents to say they're homeschooling me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can they do that? Will the universe smite them or whatever?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"They'd have to write the letter carefully but I bet there's a way to satisfy the school without lying."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. I guess that'd be convenient."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Since I'm never going back."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not unless you save me from zombies in the next few months and your parents want you to go back once you're living with them again. I guess you won't need a high school diploma in fairyland anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I won't! The trees won't check at all and the humans will probably just be impressed I understand their pop culture references!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Will you, though. You don't watch TV."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know how to hold a conversation, though. I can't truthfully say I like things but I can truthfully say that I think they're overrated, or that I thought the first season was kind of rocky. - statistically most shows have a bad first season, so I do think that about any given show."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Original series Star Trek gets worse the longer it goes on. And some shows are good but only have one season."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, then I won't say that about original series Star Trek."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's honestly so sad! Like, I guess it's not that sad if you'll get everything in a century and you don't know what you're missing, but I'd be really sad if I had to deal with it. - who do you end up indebted to if somebody reads a book aloud to you, the reader or the author or both?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"The reader."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oooh. - I guess if I read anything to you I'd still make our debt situation worse."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Maybe once we're clear of it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Maybe. I'll just have to count lots of things as favors, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Taking you to the fairy circle counted for a lot. I might've been getting credit for protecting you from fairies while you were there even though there weren't any."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh cool! What're we at now, in like, rough dollar amounts, still above eight hundred thousand?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. But, like, moving in the right direction."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "Will it count for more if we head back sometimes, or do you think a bunch of it was showing me where it was?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think a lot of the credit was for staying with you while you were there so I think it'll still count for a lot, though not as much."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh cool. It is in fact useful to have time outside time in which to do homework, so that works out okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Anyway, night. Unless you need the bathroom first."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah." He gets into his sleeping bag.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. See you in the morning."

Permalink Mark Unread

He goes to sleep. 

He dreams that Karen decides he should sleep in her bed actually. That's all they do but it's nice. He's briefly confused when he wakes up before remembering that Karen would definitely think this was terrifying and horrible.

Permalink Mark Unread

Luckily she does not know about this and cannot have any feelings about it. 

She gets up earlyish - she almost never sleeps for more than seven hours - and does her homework at the kitchen table while she waits to see if he gets up in time to make breakfast.

Permalink Mark Unread

He will in fact wake up early enough for this on his own! And make breakfast.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh neat. She can eat breakfast and thank him for breakfast and go to school with her homework mostly done.

Permalink Mark Unread

He can take Zana looking for cool weird stuff in the forest.

Permalink Mark Unread

Zana thinks this is AWESOME. Her idea of cool weird stuff is mostly random common plants and rocks that she thinks look funny, and also at one point a salamander, but she is having fun.

Permalink Mark Unread

All of those are in fact cool stuff!! Forests are great.

Permalink Mark Unread

They super are!!

Permalink Mark Unread

And when Matt is home from school he'll swing by his house to ask for guns.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. Are you all right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am learning things and having fun. We're not paying the debt back very fast."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, maybe in a few years we'll arrange you a better-paying job and that'll do it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, yeah. I didn't think of that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I probably can't get these for you until the weekend, there's a waiting period."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's okay. We'll be careful."

 

And he takes Zana home to Connor and goes to work.

Permalink Mark Unread

Karen is making a map of the area of the tunnels that they mostly work in, plus a little bit beyond. 

"It looks like we can probably get by with four fences and not really hamper ourselves. We might want to reinforce the path back up somehow, too, in case anything breaches the fences and we have to fall back? Also I don't really know how to build fences."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't either but I feel like it'll at least be easy to tell if we did it right, and it doesn't seem that hard conceptually? Maybe we can have, like, spirals of barbed wire for if they get past the fences. Like they had in no man's land in the first world war."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, maybe. We wanna do metal, or wood? Metal seems stronger but I'm not actually certain of that and I have a better idea of where we'd get wood. ...I guess in theory people can just buy fences, although I don't know whether you can buy them without asking somebody else to install them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We can start with wood and then if they get through it try reinforced steel or something expensive like that I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Solid. We can probably check out a home improvement store this weekend or something, see if they have anything we can use."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds good."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cool. Then they can just be very vigilant this week and then start on fence installation once they have some fences.

Permalink Mark Unread

And while they're at the home improvement store they can pick up some stuff with which to repair the furniture.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh right, yeah. 

"You gonna need anything else to fix the shower?"

Permalink Mark Unread

""Honestly I don't know what's wrong with it. I can tinker around and try to figure it out I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. If you can't figure it out it's whatever, it's not a big enough deal to call someone to repair it. But it'd be nice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why's it not a big enough deal to call someone to repair it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"....because that would cost money?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Right but we do all this dangerous zombie-fighting to have money to solve problems, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You work fifteen hours a week, and I work, like, twenty-seven. We have almost exactly one full-time, not very lucrative job between us, on which we have to support four people. We can handle food and house payments and keep the heat and electricity on, especially with you taking Zana all day, but we still have to be careful, especially if we want Christmas presents for the kids and new clothing for Zana when she outgrows what she has now. Especially if we want to have anything in reserve for if something really seriously breaks. The shower's - unpleasant, but it's not a top priority."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can show you how all the money works out, if you want. Society is not really set up for high school students to parent small children on the money they make from part-time jobs, but it works in this town. If you're really careful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I've never actually thought about money before. I took the job because it was supposed to help me learn about humans."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - wow, okay. Kind of a bizarre pick, but I guess most jobs have more reading."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They do. It's terrible. And death is a thing about humans."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. I think it might work differently in other places, but people do die everywhere."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Faeries don't. If they don't get bit by zombies, that is."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess not. There must be more than that specifically, you keep claiming I could kill you and I don't actually have any more zombies on hand."

Permalink Mark Unread

"People you're sufficiently indebted to can klll you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And not people who aren't? Unless they're zombies?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think zombies are people. - and that matters. Animals can kill us though it's harder than killing humans."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Babies aren't people either. No debts form with them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's weird. Is Zana a person?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah. I'll tell you when."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Weird. Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

He takes a stab at figuring out what's wrong with the shower.

Permalink Mark Unread

This will take kind of a long time, but if he spends an entire day on it and happens to be lucky he can probably get it working again.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's not gonna be lucky, there was lying earlier.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, then maybe this shower stays broken. If he's unlucky enough it is theoretically possible to break the shower further.

Probably he at least learns something about how showers work.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe. He won't need to know this when he's a fairy living in the forest but it's interesting anyway.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Any luck?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nope. Sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

" S'okay. If I thought it was a big problem I could figure out how to spend money on it. Probably."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There aren't hot showers in fairyland anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I do kinda figure that people got by without them for millennia."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm gonna miss biking, and fast food, and I expect that's it. Hot water's okay but I won't miss it, you know?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "I'd miss a lot more. But it's good that fairyland has all the stuff you care about."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What stuff would you miss in, like, a week?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Books! The night sky, even if I'd get to see it eventually, at which point I would probably miss the sun. Biking. Work. The library in general. Video games, probably, or at least having the option of playing video games. The internet. Reliable access to paper. Being able to meaningfully look forward to holidays. Pretending that someday I'll have enough money to go to Panera again. I'm not sure whether ghosts can be fast or not so I'm not sure whether to list Azalea."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I could keep books on hand for humans even if I shouldn't read them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess maybe I could content myself with the works of dead authors long enough to not get bored on that front."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not really expecting to keep people very long but I don't want them to be bored, that doesn't sound right at all."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I would probably not be very bored if I got kidnapped by fairies for a week. Admittedly because I would be busy being terrified, but."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah I dunno what to do about that part but no one's ever mentioned it being a problem so I think probably there's an art to it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would fairies, like, definitely care about that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean there's, like, roller-coaster scared and panic-attack scared, right? No one wants people to be traumatized."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I guess not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Probably I will just have to tag along and learn not being scary."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. Good luck, then."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Don't use any sarcasm and I'll have good luck. - tomorrow I'll try repairing the furniture. Seems easier than the shower."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'll try to be very literal from now on."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

Aww.

They build fences at work. It involves quite a bit of trial and error, but eventually they get something that can't be knocked down by teenagers trying without tools. If zombies start using tools they're going to have problems. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"They're probably not that smart, or they'd be people."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Zana likes toy hammers and stuff. I think Zana's smarter than a zombie, but I don't actually have, like, evidence of this? Tempted to see if we can learn any more about them, but I can't think of a great way to do it without putting us in more rather than less danger. We're admittedly probably not in much trouble unless they figure out chainsaws or fire."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe we should get, like, tactical vests that zombies can't bite through and then explore a bit sometime and see if we know where they're coming from or anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe. Seems like the sort of thing we still might regret, it'd be hard to cover our whole bodies in stuff that can't be bitten through. Maybe if we had, like, plate mail, although that'd probably be super loud. ...maybe if we got a radio controlled toy car and strapped a video camera to it, or something, then we could see some of what's down there without going all the way down there. Probably couldn't do stairs, but at least we'd have warning before we ran into anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oooh. That sounds good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It would be more money. But we're doing okay right now. And if you're gonna spend extra money on anything it seems like investigating zombies should be worth something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'd think so."

Permalink Mark Unread

So they can buy a sufficiently maneuverable car and a video camera and lots of duct tape to secure them together. Plus a cheap laptop for the video camera to send what it's seeing to. It takes a few afternoons of experimentation to get everything working right, but if they go to the fairy circle to do homework in the mornings this shouldn't outright break Karen's very overburdened schedule. 

"Do we have guns? Probably don't wanna provoke anything down there if we can't shoot it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Haven't tried them out and Matt said that they have a lot of recoil since for zombies you probably want stopping power, and physics or something means the gun's gonna be pretty jumpy n in your hand. But here."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. "...kinda feel like we should test them but I don't really know where we'd do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, me neither."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...maybe we just hope we don't have to use them. And if we do they'll be better than a mace."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"All right. You wanna see what's down there?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah!"

Permalink Mark Unread

Then they can set their little camera car up outside the zombie walls and see what's out there.

 

The catacombs are big. Really big.  They also may or may not be deliberately built as some kind of maze. The first time they almost lose the car, just for lack of ability to remember where it's been, and the second time Karen has the foresight to start drawing a map of them. Her sense of distance isn't great, but she can keep track of which turns go where. 

The first level is mostly devoid of anything interesting, zombie or otherwise. There are a lot of stairwells, though, and if they set up a temporary camp near one of them and set the camera car up at the bottom, they can see that the second level has a lot more stuff. There are weird glowing mushrooms growing in some hallways. There are elaborately jeweled coffins. There are broken traps with skeletons jammed in them.

 

"Looks like someone was building a dungeon crawl. But in real life. And massive."

Permalink Mark Unread

"This is so cool! We should go rob those graves."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Universe doesn't punish grave robbing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can't own stuff when you're dead."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fair enough. Might need something to pry the gems off. And, like, the awareness that they might be unhallowed or full of zombies or something and open and attack us the second we go near."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that's totally possible, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just so you're prepared for it. The zombies probably don't have guns, so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Let's hope not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If they do we're gonna have problems." 

They can follow the map to the nearest jewel-encrusted coffin. It looks like someone else has been here before; about half the jewels in the design are missing.

Permalink Mark Unread

Do the other half come out? He has a pocket knife.

Permalink Mark Unread

They do! Nothing even jumps out and tries to eat them while he's at it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yay! They should probably retreat while they're ahead.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah, that sounds good. Catacombs aren't going anywhere. Back behind the zombie walls.

"So what do we do with them?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He hands them to her. "There, that counts for a lot. - I don't think it matters what you do with them."

Permalink Mark Unread

She inspects her gems. "I guess we could sell most of them. How much was it, what're we at now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Dunno, seven hundred and ninety thousand? I'm not actually experienced at translating it into money."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, sorry, I just don't know how else to keep track."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'll probably get better as it gets smaller. I think ...I think if we did this a couple times a week we'd be done by the time you were finished with school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, there's probably a bunch more stuff down there. You wanna try it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. Then we have a plan."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Race you home?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

 

They explore the tunnels more. Karen does her homework regularly, courtesy of fairy ring time. Her grades climb. 

November ends. 

"So do fairies do Christmas at all? Even the really secular version? Or does debt stuff mean that presents are kind of pointless."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We tried one year but I think we were missing something important because it was kind of boring. We got a tree and we decorated it and we all bought each other things and then we ate pancakes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds like it could be okay? We usually had Christmas Eve at grandma and grandpa's and then everybody did Christmas Day with their immediate families. We'd bake sugar cookies, and in the leadup we'd watch all of the best Christmas movies and some of them twice, and we'd decorate the tree, and we'd have a big Christmas dinner, and we'd sing Christmas carols and read the Christmas story in Luke, and then we'd play the dice game, and on Christmas Day we'd go to church and take presents out of stockings and out from under the tree, and... I guess usually we'd spend the rest of the day playing with new presents with our cousins.

"...I think Azalea being secretly a ghost kind of messes up that plan, this year. I guess we'll have to figure out which parts we can do alone."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could pretend she's really sick, and you had a neighbor drive you for the rest of it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You want me to spend a week with my extended family pretending that Azalea's really sick but still alive, I do not have an unrelated teenage boy living in my house, and everything's pretty much fine, without lying? I think we'll both be doubled over in pain about six times a day."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, I couldn't drive you, I can't drive. But - yeah, might not work."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, yeah, I just - I am really bad at not lying to my parents even when I'm not doing anything fundamentally ridiculous."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is it a big deal that I am an unrelated teenage boy particularly?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes! Obviously! I mean, I guess an unrelated twenty-year-old man would be worse, especially with Azalea dead, although I guess once they know that everything else is kind of overshadowed, but - yeah? They're going to worry that I've stumbled into a pit of sin and vice and will end up a pregnant high school dropout or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Your parents are honestly bizarrely unconcerned about everything about this situation. Like, obviously there are reasons I don't just tell my parents everything, but I can't really blame them for being concerned."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am not sure if faeries have the concept of falling into a den of sin and vice, and among faeries men cannot get pregnant."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I guess if your parents don't care about you having children and abandoning them, I admit your half of this particular scenario is rather less concerning.

 

"...Zales got pregnant when she was in high school. So they're - they'd probably feel like they'd have to be pretty bad parents to watch the same thing happen twice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean I wouldn't leave. But I'm already not gonna leave so it wouldn't change my plans very much."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think babies exist for longer than it takes to graduate high school.

" - this is a really needlessly weird conversation to be having. Anyway. Any preferences on which parts of Christmas we keep? Obviously we have to skip the movies, and let me tell you, this is extremely tragic, so we're gonna have to make it up somewhere else."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, you and the kids can go to the movies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, we make a stack of them by the TV and cycle through them like every other night for three weeks. This is really an unfair amount of exile to ask of you. Maybe we can compromise and exile you once or twice so they can see It's A Wonderful Life and the good version of A Christmas Carol, but I think we must forego something at some point."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That wouldn't be unfair."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would so? - like, I know there's the life debt thing, or whatever, but I am trying to ignore it for most things that actually matter, because, like - if I just went 'Connor's preferences always lose because of life debt stuff' then everything would be way more messed up and miserable around here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah but I like running around in the forest and wouldn't be sad if people watched movies in the evenings."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I guess that's valid. It's cold outside, though. And we'd miss you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I could stay, with earplugs and a blindfold?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Congratulations, that's much worse. 

"I guess we can't watch a lot of them anyway, the last time we did this I didn't have two jobs. Maybe we can exile you Saturday nights for a while."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds good. 

You could say I could go home."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - wait, have you been able to go home this whole time?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean I could but it'd be weird to, for no reason, they'd wonder if I was having trouble or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...they don't, like, miss you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"What, already?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's been more than a month! If I had to go more than a month without seeing my niece and nephew I would miss them a lot. Now that we're, like, effectively immediate family and stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think time might be less of a big deal to fairies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, that makes sense to me once you've lived a really really long time, the way five minutes seems really long when you're three and way less long when you're sixteen, but you're not actually really old, right, you just know you're going to be someday?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I'm the same age as you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Well. I dunno if you want to go home or not, but you're totally allowed to. On this end. I dunno whether your parents would be cool about it or not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe if there's a reason."

Permalink Mark Unread

"All right. Well. 

"I think we have a tree and decorations somewhere. And stockings, though we'll have to get new ones for you and me. I've never made cookies by myself before but I feel like it's important to give that part a shot. I guess I have to print out lyric sheets for the songs. That seems maybe Christmassey enough. Especially if we can think of good gifts. Maybe I can give little Connor some money and he can buy stuff for us, too, then it can be everybody trading except for Zana. It admittedly might be hard to buy gifts for Zales, but I feel like we should try."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Don't tell anybody what you're getting them, it's supposed to be secret. I dunno how much fairies know about this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't know the secrets thing! I can do secret presents. - or probably just ask Matt to but it'll work out the same."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh gosh, no wonder yours was boring. Half the presents thing is in, like, you don't know what people are going to get you until you open them, and you have to wonder whether they're going to get you something you really like, and then if they do it's both great because you have something you really like and great because the person who gave it to you knows what you like. And I guess because it's fun to look forward to things if the things end up being nice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"But it seems like it would suck if they didn't know what you'd like and got you something bad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh it does! It's high-risk. But if you get a couple from everyone then you'll almost definitely get something you like, and you're allowed to ask for advice and stuff. From other people. Not from the person you're giving gifts to. Or, like, I guess you could do that, too, but it'd take a lot of the fun out. For kids it's a bigger deal because they don't have their own money and a lot of expensive things are things they're only going to get for Christmas or their birthday, so for them there's this whole art to dropping hints and stuff, but once you have your own job it's less important what you actually get and more fun to just see what people end up giving you. I think, anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Definitely going to ask Matt."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I look forward to seeing what you get everyone."

Permalink Mark Unread

"As long as it makes you happy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I will be happy that you tried and happier if you succeed."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What a convenient way to be. Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. So she has to figure out what to get everyone. Everyone gets some candy, except Azalea, who can't eat it. Zana's easy, Zana is getting a very durable toy spaceship and a very durable toy car and some new clothes and some children's books from the library's 25¢ shelf and a bunch of chew toys. Little Connor's also easy, he wants the new Pokemon game and he's getting the new Pokemon game, plus a chemistry set and some different books from the library's 25¢ shelf. Azalea's harder. She's pretty sure Azalea can still smell, so she's maybe gonna get her some scented candles, and maybe a couple movies from the $1 movie box at the bookstore. This is more than most dead people get so maybe it's okay.

Big Connor is also harder.

She can't give him anything expensive, both because she doesn't have a lot of money and because she doesn't want to make the debt any worse than it is. She just needs to think of something really, really correct. She's not really sure what this is. Connor likes... the outside? Maybe she could get him a really nice coat or something? But really nice coats are actually kind of expensive. Really nice hiking gear is also expensive. Anything to do with grave robbing probably comes off as self-serving. He can't actually read, so she can't get him books about anything. She is kind of stuck.

There is only one person definitely qualified to give her this information. He is terrifying, and there is absolutely no telling what he will want in exchange, but you can't just go around giving people bad Christmas presents on their first year celebrating Christmas correctly, now, can you. And if you have to face things much more terrifying than zombies in service to this goal, well, them's the breaks.

She decides to look for Connor's suspiciously terrifyingly perfect brother after school.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's in the debate club (and on the basketball team and he does logistics for the science bowl club but at this moment, relevantly, he is in the debate club.)

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hi! You're Connor's brother, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Karen! Yes, I am."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. I need advice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stay in school, don't do drugs, bribe the receptionist to give you Carter for history because he never reads anyone's homework and gives everyone an A."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I did not need any of that advice." Hopefully the debt system is aware of this. It's probably not, the debt system honestly seems very stupid. "Your brother has never celebrated Christmas correctly before and I am trying to think of something good to get him, but it can't be expensive because I don't have a lot of money and also he's already in debt and stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What does a lot of money mean to you -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um, I'm kind of already over budget because I got my nephew a chemistry set? I can maybe do, like, thirty dollars. I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Does your home have a yard?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wonder if you could get him a dog. They're usually practically free at the pound and he likes animals and I suspect he'd take good care of it. And he won't be able to have one when he's grown up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmm. Dogs are, like, responsibility and stuff, it seems kind of inconsiderate to get it without asking unless he'll definitely be happy about it, but we could have a dog, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think he would definitely be happy about it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! Then I can get him a dog."

(Deep breath.)

"What do you want for that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Has someone told you my advice is very expensive?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...no? But you're a fairy and stuff."

(And also very suspicious and possibly evil.)

Permalink Mark Unread

"We're even. I asked you a couple of questions in between yours so it all leveled out."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...oh. Huh. Okay, then, I guess." It is weird that all of those questions would be worth the same amount but the debt system is very dumb and maybe it doesn't understand things like that. Maybe she doesn't need to go crawl in a hole and die now.

"Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're welcome!"

Permalink Mark Unread

...he is so suspicious but she will add this to the 'probably not evil' column of the mental sheet she has for tracking whether Matt is secretly evil or not.

She goes to the pound and finds a fluffy gray dog with one eye that is capable of running and does not snap at her when she pets it. She tells them not to put her down and that she'll be back for her in a couple weeks, and then she buys thirty dollars of pet stuff at the pet store and hides it in a box under her bed with the other presents. 

She watches movies with her niece and nephew on Saturday nights. She puts up the artificial tree and decorates it. She bakes cookies, and they're not as good as her mom's cookies but they're in the right shapes and she has her whole life to try other stuff. She puts up stockings and fills them with candy and little stocking gifts. 

At some point it is Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is going to be for Christmas dinner and singing and the book of Luke and for stocking gifts, and the non-stocking gifts are going to come out of hiding on Christmas Day, is the plan she has decided on.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is not really an expert here so whatever she says goes.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay!

They have a dinner with multiple elements. (Mostly ham and mashed potatoes and green beans.) They have cookies. They get to sing only the Christmas carols that she and Azalea and little Connor actually like. She reads the first half of the second chapter of Luke, and they thank God for sending his Son to Earth. They open stocking gifts, which are mostly candy but also include some other things. (Little Connor gets a Rubik's Cube and some toy robot bugs, Zana gets some of her chew toys and a toy car, big Connor gets a waterproof compass and a paracord bracelet, Karen has been given some pocket notebooks and a pack of pencils.) 

It's not as good as Christmases with the whole family, but it's a Christmas. It counts. 

 

The next day, in the very early morning, she goes to the pound, walks back with the fluffy gray one-eyed dog bundled in her coat, puts her collar on and sticks a tiny little bow on it, sets the dog down next to Connor's sleeping bag, and starts making waffles.

The dog investigates Connor. She decides to lick him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Huh? 

Oh gosh it's a dog!!! It's a little gray one-eyed dog with a bow on his collar and she's curious and he's concerned about how she got into the house but he doesn't want to startle her so he holds very still.

Permalink Mark Unread

The dog is still kind of cold from being carried home and will maybe just sit down here and rest her head on his chest. He seems like a good source of warmth.

Permalink Mark Unread

What a wonderful wonderful -

- he keeps holding still and watches how she breathes.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's tired but content. This place is a lot better than the pound and this person seems very nice.

Maybe at some point she will look up and confirm that Karen is still over there making waffles. Yep. Everything where it was. Probably it's safe to just keep snuggling this other person, since he does not seem to be objecting to this.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hey Karen," he whispers very quietly eventually.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is there some way - not here necessarily but I could build a place in the woods - it'd be good to have a place near the fairy ring anyway - we could keep her?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Man, I didn't get you a dog just to kick her out of the house five seconds later." She sets some waffles down by his sleeping bag. "Merry Christmas."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - she's my present?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't know you could get a dog for a Christmas present! Do you know what she eats?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Dog food, presumably. I got her some of one kind but I'm not really sure how to tell which kind's best for her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're the most incredible person in the entire universe and I want to be your slave for forever."

Permalink Mark Unread

She is making more waffles so it takes her a second to process more of this statement than the most incredible person part.

" - my what now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I said, you're the most incredible person in the entire universe and I want to be your slave for forever.

 I realize there are some reasons this isn't a good idea and stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

".....are you currently under the impression that you are enslaved."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean I don't have a court. I guess you could claim my family counts but you'd really be stretching definitions, there?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I think you might need to back up if you want me to know how these things are related."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- someone is a slave if they have a very large debt - large enough the other person has free rein, it's not a specific amount, most people'd probably consider it a higher amount to be relevant in this case since you don't super know what you're doing, some people are happy to speak in those terms about humans even if the debt's objectively pretty small since there's nothing they can do about it. 

Unless they have a court backing them, in which case they're not a slave because there are external conditions on the whole thing, sort of."

Permalink Mark Unread

She stands there in front of her waffles for a while, thinking about this.

 

"I - acknowledge that given a magical system under which the universe will hurt you for hurting me and do nothing to me for hurting you, and where you are heavily incentivized to obey any orders given, and where there is not a lot of other stuff out there protecting you, there is, like, a certain logic to referring to the resulting situation as enslavement. But this is, like, America? And more than that this is my house, where if you haven't noticed we are in practice broadly in favor of cutting contact with people who make you sad, even if those people are your parents, if you can figure out how to look after yourself. And like - if the dog or the baby runs off I'm gonna try to find them, yeah, because they don't know what they're doing and can't look after themselves and someone needs to take responsibility for them and we're the people who stood up and said we would, but you're not a dog or a baby, right, so you should get to mostly make decisions for yourself, and if you wanna run off and ignore me ever then that's your prerogative. So - I don't wanna act like I'm ignoring reality here, or anything, but - I think you are probably mostly a slave in the technical sense, if you are, and in practical terms you should, like, mostly do what you want.

"Anyway. You can live in my house as long as you keep respecting other people and doing at least one of paying rent or watching Zana. Unless my parents wise up and decide to wreck everything, but like, short of that - if you wanna be part of this weird defective family we have then you can be part of it, far as I'm concerned."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay. I mostly just - I wasn't trying to prompt you to say anything about what I - you got me a puppy -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Yeah. - I'm really glad you like her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I love her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good. Then you should give her a name, I think she doesn't have one right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay," he says very seriously. 

 

He does not say anything else after that.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, names are important, and stuff, you can't just name things off the top of your head with no deliberation.

In that case she'll keep making waffles until little Connor and Zana wake up and can open their presents.

Permalink Mark Unread

With some guidance from his brother he has gotten Connor a new pair of shoes and two candy bars and Zana a specialized pair of shoes and an extra-tough teddy bear.

He has gotten Karen a really fancy new bike and swapped the price tag with one on a only moderately expensive new bike and carefully painted the logo and patterns of the moderately expensive bike.

Permalink Mark Unread

New bike!!

If she knew it was an extremely fancy bike she would probably make noises about how that is incredibly extravagant, but she does not actually know a lot about bikes, so she's mostly really excited that it goes fast and handles the snow really well and also fits her, unlike her old bike, which is really kind of too small for her and should probably be handed off to little Connor now.

"It's great, I love it," she says, when she's done testing it. She hugs him.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Happy Christmas!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I declare your Christmas experience a success. You're supposed to say 'merry Christmas', though. There's absolutely no reason for this but everybody says it anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Merry Christmas. That's a weird rule."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not a rule, it's like, a custom. It's just that if you do all of the customs right then it all feels more - special, I guess. More like a tiny slice of the year where the normal rules don't apply as much and everything is just a little better."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's my theory, anyway. I just really like Christmas. And I know that when I do all the stuff I get to have whatever part of it it is that I really like."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think I like Christmas too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm glad."

Permalink Mark Unread

He should probably show his dog around the house so that she knows where everything is and they can figure out if anything is alarming or mysterious.

Permalink Mark Unread

She thinks that ghosts are pretty alarming! She thinks that werewolf toddlers are great, as long as they are gentle and don't pull her tail or anything.

Permalink Mark Unread

He will attempt to impress the importance of this on werewolf toddlers.

Permalink Mark Unread

Zana tries to be gentle. She thinks the dog is pretty great, too.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aww. 

"You decide on a name yet?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh? Yeah, when you suggested it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...did you give your dog a secret name?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah? It's not a person but - if it grew up into one, like a baby, or something? Anyway it's a good habit."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Well, it's your dog. Humans just don't really do the secret names thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess they wouldn't need to." He pets his dog. "My dog."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

If it's not too cold he should also show his dog the yard.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's kind of cold but the dog has a warm fluffy coat and is pretty happy about running around for a while. She can RUN here. She could not run at the pound. Another way this place is far superior.

Permalink Mark Unread

Christmas is such a good concept.

Permalink Mark Unread

Awww they're adorable. 

 

 

At some point it occurs to her that fairies can't lie without hurting themselves, and therefore Connor must actually literally believe that she's the most incredible person in the universe and that it would be good if he could beherslaveforeverbecauseapparentlythat'sathinghewants.

She is.... kind of happy about this? Suspiciously happy about this, in suspicious corners of her brain. She should be less happy about this, probably. Wanting people to have extremely high opinions of you is really suspect, and wanting them to be really happy about doing whatever you say is Bad And Not To Be Tolerated In This Brain.

It's a heck of an approval rating, though. Probably it's not actually indicative of any real problems happening in the real world, as long as she doesn't have any suspicious emotions about it and keeps letting Connor do whatever he wants and does not attempt to take advantage of this state of affairs beyond the stuff that she needs for valid taking-care-of-her-family purposes.

 

Winter break ends. She goes back to school. They get back to work and keep exploring the catacombs.

Permalink Mark Unread

Exploring the catacombs is probably more dangerous than his parents intended his life choices to be, but they don't know about it, and it's great for paying back his debt. He finds more gems, and some skeletons, and on one occasion a weird old necklace that he decides to leave because it seems like the kind of thing that'd be cursed, four different garden gnomes, and some books. One day he finds, and presents Karen with, a magical flower that has absolutely no way to have grown underground and not much reason to have been as valuable as the debt system thinks it was.

Permalink Mark Unread

She mostly runs the camera car scouting equipment and watches for zombies while he's getting stuff. (If there are any more zombies she actually intends to yell about it before shooting them, in case the debt system counts these differently and failing to immediately remove the problem doesn't affect debt stuff as much.)

She saves the gems and reads the books. She puts the gnomes in various locations on their lawn. She's pretty sure they're moving around the yard on their own, but she can't actually prove that it isn't Zana or the dog or something. She has no idea what the flower does, but if it's magical then she figures she'd better save it. She presses it and keeps it in a pocket of her notebook.

Permalink Mark Unread

And one day at school a boy who is in her math and history classes, but who she's barely talked with, comes over to her locker after classes.  "Hey, Karen?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"....yes?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you want to go to the Spring Fling with me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh no.

"Uh."

Permalink Mark Unread

He waits expectantly.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa she was kind of hoping he'd follow up with 'it's okay if you don't' or something but apparently he actually nonzero cares about this and is not going to give up after two seconds of indecision. Aaaaaaaaaaaa.

If she says yes then she has to go on a date with someone and she will have to spend an entire week experiencing absolutely nothing but dread. Probably that is more terrifying than saying no.

If she says no she has to... say no. 

She could say "sorry, I can't" except she could so that is a lie and it will hurt Connor. 

She could say "I wasn't gonna go" which is true! Except this is not really a reason to not go if someone else has asked you.

She could say she doesn't really like dances but she is not actually sure whether this is true or not.

She could say that she already said yes to someone else except that is a lie and it will hurt Connor.

She could - this silence has gone on way too long. Uh. Uh. 

Don't lie don't lie don't lie don't lie -

"I, uh, I actually already decided to go with someone else," she says, and maybe she decided this in the past two seconds but technically she has decided that now.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh." He looks disappointed. "Uh, okay. Have fun. See you there, I guess." And he leaves.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay! Well! The universe didn't decide to smite her!

 

Now she has to go to Spring Fling. 

With someone who doesn't go to this school, so that word can't get back to whoever that was that she actually just didn't want to go with him.

There's only one high school in this town.

So... Connor. She has to ask Connor.

She can't say that she would rather die but she would maybe rather lose an eye. 

Maybe she can, like, explain what happened and that she panicked for no reason and then probably he'll know not to read a lot into it and then she will just have to - go to the dance with Connor, and it will probably be incredibly depressing, because she'll only be going to save face, but probably it'll be better than going with some random person?

She contemplates how ridiculously terrible she is at everything as she bikes to work.

Permalink Mark Unread

Zombies have made a halfassed attempt to dissassemble a fence. He's fixing it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh cool. Good. Good to keep their zombie defenses up.

 

 

"So, uh, we have this dance happening at school in like a week."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Okay. Are you gonna take off from work for it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - wow, I'm such an idiot, that would've been a totally plausible reason not to go. Um. A guy asked me to go and I told him I had decided to go with someone else and now I guess I am going, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Who are you going with?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"....yyyyou but if you don't wanna go that's fine and understandable?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh! - is there some reason why I shouldn't want to go?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um. You'd have to wear something fancyish and take off work and go to a dance. I guess. With me."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - do you feel about dances the way I feel about school, or something?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean I don't think they're torture. I just. Have never been to one. And they're like - these highly ritualized things that adults created to give teenagers a script to experiment with pairing up in situations that are theoretically innocuous but where nobody really knows what they're doing but where they all feel emboldened to try figuring it out, and it sounds really awkward but also like it theoretically could be nice, I guess, in principle."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is that what they are? I guess that's what they are. I always figured they made sense if you were a human. - and the things that humans said about them didn't make any sense. Remember when I beat up Michael Roper and Charlie Cantor after Homecoming?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...yeah?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That was because I asked them how the dance was and they lied. It was really confusing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did they say it was good?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No! I know humans do that sometimes and it's inconvenient but I just steal a pencil from their locker or something. They made up whole stories about how it went that just didn't happen at all and didn't answer why people go to dances. It was very confusing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. What'd they say happened?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Michael said Celia Schrader blew him in the English classroom during the dance and Charlie said he had sex with Zora Closter in his dad's truck. Neither of those things happened at all."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I'm so glad I didn't go with whatever random person asked me. Um, they were probably trying to seem cool or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well they were not cool at all.."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Humans don't really have built-in lie detectors so they can just, like, say things and have people have no idea whether the things really happened or not. So sometimes they do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh.

So dances are for - figuring out what you want, but if you're a coward you can instead lie about it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um. They're for, like, giving kids an excuse to go on dates and spend time with people they like, which means that people expect that cool people will end up going with someone and that the someone will like them a lot, so if people want to seem cool and nothing actually cool happened to them then sometimes they lie about it and I guess tell lies about their dates having sex with them because they figure that if you have an easy time getting girls to have sex with you then that must make you cool. I guess. Or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay. Well please don't tell any lies about me. But the rest of that sounds good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have zero plans to tell any lies about you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then I will obtain fancy stuff and we'll go to the dance!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

Humans are honestly very confusing but he will obtain fancy stuff and, on the advice of his brother, also matchy flower things.

Permalink Mark Unread

She buys a pair of tickets and determines that she will want a moderately fancy pretty dress, because, like, it's probably silly to care about this at all, but it's nice to try being pretty sometimes.

In the spirit of following the ancient customs, she asks her older sister for advice.

Permalink Mark Unread

“So what vibe are we going for, here? Future nun, Disney princess, all the boys wish they could hit on you but you look like you’ll probably bite their hand off for it, Disney princess but you’re Mulan so your main priority is being able to move in case the Huns invade…?”

Permalink Mark Unread

“…closest to Disney princess?”

Permalink Mark Unread

“You’re wincing.”

Permalink Mark Unread

“....I think we’re going for, like, if there was a hypothetical TV show about a girl who needed to be able to move in case the huns invaded, but she decided that just this once she was going to dress up really pretty and amaze everyone, and then there’s that scene where she descends the stairs and everyone looks at her and spends a second being in awe of how pretty she is, and then her best friend who everyone is pretty sure is a future nun comes down the stairs quietly behind her in a dress that you’re pleasantly surprised to see is only like twenty percent more daring than what you would expect her to be wearing, which means that the costuming department was actually thinking about her characterization, and nobody actually notices how pretty she is because they’re all way more focused on the main character, except for the one guy who was already interested in the friend, assuming for a moment that there is such a person, and he thinks she’s as pretty as everyone else thinks the main character is. And if there is no such person then nobody particularly notices her and she has an uneventful night in which she attracts no attention.”

Permalink Mark Unread

“That was very specific.”

Permalink Mark Unread

“ - or, you know, just, um, pretty and modest, I guess?"

Permalink Mark Unread

“Oh, I’m gonna go for the very specific thing. Just, I’m your fashion consultant, not your TV writer. I can work miracles but only a couple specific ones. Although I don’t actually think you need miracles. I suspect you need a long flowy dress with a wide neckline, some flowy capey sleeves, some gauzy transparent material around your shoulders and clavicles, and a matching shawl, either in case it’s cold or in case you decide that you need to scale back the twenty percent more daring. Give you some very slightly bolder than usual makeup and free your hair from its zombie-fighting ponytail, and you’ll be most of the way there.”

Permalink Mark Unread

“Thanks.”

Permalink Mark Unread

“Honestly I just like it whenever I can do stuff. Speaking of which, if we do a few more practice hours and get you licensed, you can probably drive there yourself? Which just seems like it mixes way better with the Disney princess dress than the bicycles do.”

Permalink Mark Unread

“…thank you.”

Permalink Mark Unread

“Why I’m here, kid.”

Permalink Mark Unread

And so Karen takes a driving test, gets an Azalea-approved dress, does some Azalea-guided makeup on the day this is to happen, and then heads into the next room of her house, because that is where her date lives.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is wearing a suit, and has the matchy flower things, and looks very unsure how this is all supposed to work but maybe not in a bad way.

"That's a really pretty dress."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you. You look nice, too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm supposed to give you this, I think it's a bracelet?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, goes on my left wrist. I think." She will accept a matchy flower thingy.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cool then he is pretty sure he has done the things he's supposed to do and not messed them up!

And they can go to this dance.

Permalink Mark Unread

They can! She can drive them. 

The dance is in the school gym. They have moderately fancy lighting and music that's loud enough to make it hard to talk unless you go to the other side of the room by the snack table. Also there is dancing, although there are not very many people dancing just yet.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe when he is a grownup and can kidnap people he will tell them 'my court is having a dance, and you are invited!' and by then his father will have cracked fast electronics and he can be playing Baby by Justin Beiber and it will be delightfully incongruous.

In the meantime he will...attempt to dance, he guesses.

Permalink Mark Unread

Honestly she had kind of forgotten that music was a thing and is now slightly worried that they're both going to double over in pain whenever Justin Beiber tells a lie, which seems like probably a lot of doubling over in pain.

Dancing is sure a thing one can do at dances. One can also be a coward and hang out by the snack table until there are more people dancing and you won't stand out as much. She thinks she is maybe going to do that second thing for a bit. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Well he can't dance alone. Also it's not very advisable to listen to more than one song by the same artist so he might have to dart out in a bit.

 

That's fine, lots of people seem to be doing the snack table thing so it's probably not messing up at going to a dance.

Permalink Mark Unread

The snacks are okay. After a couple more songs there are some more people dancing and she is willing to maybe possibly attempt this. Might as well. Kind of a major part of the experience, in theory.

Permalink Mark Unread

He kind of wishes he had any idea what Karen wanted to get out of this but yeah okay they can dance? Until another Beiber song comes on.

Permalink Mark Unread

Karen, too, wishes she had any idea what she wanted to get out of this. Probably just, like, it'd be kind of sad to go to high school and never have had the experience of going to a school dance, right? So she should be trying to have this experience. Whatever that experience consists of. Probably.

If another song by the same artist comes on he can maybe hang out in the hallway or something for a bit and she can get him when it's over. This is a little weird but is honestly not very inconvenient as fairy accommodations go.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sounds like a plan.

Permalink Mark Unread

The majority of the songs are fast, but some of them are slow. When there is a slow dance you are supposed to find someone to dance with and put your arms around them and just kind of hold them and sway.

 

They could probably hypothetically do this or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Karen?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"What do you want?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I can't have this conversation when there's music."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Then maybe they can go somewhere where there's not music. The hallway where he's been hiding from Beiber.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah, fine, valid, they can head into the hallway.

 

She is not actually going to start this conversation up again herself.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know what you want. You seem - scared and - it's confusing and I want to give you whatever it is you want here but I don't have the slightest idea what that is."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know? I like - if you're a high school student then you're supposed to go to dances, and it's supposed to be a good experience, or something, and it's, like, okay if they're a little bit scary because part of the point of them is giving you social license to do things that some people want to do but are too scared to try most of the time, like wear fancy dresses and dance with people, and - 

"I guess I want to find out whatever it is that people go to dances for? But I don't really know what it is."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay."

He can hold her. And sway, in case the swaying is the important part. 

"I think that maybe this thing is actually just about touching other people."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That... seems possible."

Which makes the question whether she is actually happy about touching Connor. She is definitely something about touching Connor. She is not sure whether the something is "happy". It does not appear to have a lot in common with most experiences of happiness. It's like, terrifying, maybe? The thing where her heart is going really fast seems like a terror thing and the thing where she's blushing really hard seems like an embarrassment thing, except that people also describe these reactions sometimes when they're doing things they like, especially things that have to do with touching other people, so maybe this is actually a good feeling that is just easy to confuse with being terrified and embarrassed? This seems like kind of a weird way for emotions to be set up. Maybe this is actually just bad. Except if it were just bad then the correct course of action would be to stop touching Connor and never do this again and when she thinks about that she kind of wants to savor being held in case she is never allowed to do it ever again.

Permalink Mark Unread

This...seems to pay down debt, although veeery slowly, so he figures he's not doing it wrong probably. 

Karen is very confusing.

Holding her is nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

Karen is also confused by Karen. 

Being held is... a lot of things, some of which she recognizes and some of which she doesn't, but possibly one of the things is nice. It would be more clearly nice if her brain would stop screaming, but she thinks there's some nice here somewhere, probably.

She is kind of disappointed when the song ends. She is also blushing really, really hard.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well he can hold her any...time? Possibly this hasn't occurred to her or possibly it's very bad or something. Humans are confusing. 


He participates in some more dancing that is not slow.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's going to spend a little more time hanging out at the snack table and... thinking about stuff.

She is honestly super unclear on what she wants from Connor in general. Probably she should not want anything? This seems not in line with how she is actually feeling. She has almost no idea what it is that she's feeling, but it's probably not nothing, it seems kind of like a something.

She could... want to date him....? Except she is not even really sure what this would consist of or what it would accomplish, given that he already lives in her house and stuff. And she doesn't actually know whether he likes her in a way that has to do with dating and it's hard to tell because he's trying to pay down his debt and a bunch of being happy about doing stuff for her is maybe just being happy about getting to be unentangled, and even if he did like her and did feel like he could tell her if he didn't and have that respected, she is still, like, super unclear on what she would be trying to get out of this.

Everything is weird. 

Eventually she will maybe give up on figuring this out right now and go back to dancing.

Permalink Mark Unread

He watches his older brothers with their dates. They look very confident and comfortable and good at this and he is jealous. This is dumb because he knows for a fact that Matt is not even attracted to the pretty cheerleader he invited to the dance because Matt doesn't even like girls. Humans just have a thing about boys inviting boys to dances.

Matt looks very happy. 

He hangs out near Karen and feels confused about everything.

Permalink Mark Unread

That works. Sort of. Eventually after a few more pop songs there's another slow dance. There probably won't be very many of them but there is apparently more than one.

 

"Do you... wanna dance again, or...?"

Permalink Mark Unread

It seems like maybe the wrong moment to remind her that he is her slave so -

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

Her brain is not really less confused this time but it is at least a little less loud. Nothing obviously awful happened last time, so her brain is putting a little less effort into screaming. She is a little bit surer that one of the feelings involved is nice, probably.

Permalink Mark Unread

He notices this! Well, the debt system does. That's pretty much what he's going off because her body language is confusing.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yep, that's because she's super confused.

They can... probably just keep cycling between dancing and occasional snack table trips until the dance winds down?

Permalink Mark Unread

Sounds like a success to him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay then. At the end of the night they can head back to the car. Some of the kids are gonna go other places and break curfew, but she's pretty sure doing that would not result in a great end to the evening, and also she doesn't know anyone, so she's just gonna go home.

"...did you have fun?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so? Honestly I am confused about some things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Like what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh....

...what you want from me, what you realize you're allowed to have from me, whether it's a terrible idea to talk about that, why you are scared by - dances and things - whether I am only allowed to touch you at dances, whether you got the thing you wanted tonight, what that even was..."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think... I don't know a lot of those things. I - don't really mind if you talk about it, I think?"

Permalink Mark Unread


"I think telling them to touch you is a pretty traditional thing to do with slaves though I don't actually know much about this personally and I know humans are different about lots of stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

Ugh.

"I don't want a slave. Or, like - I am pretty sure the more I act like I have one the more things are gonna get - bad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't want you to be unhappy."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Is that, like, a bad thing to say, that I don't want a slave?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No? I mean, it'd be pretty upsetting if I thought you meant you were sending me away on that account but you don't mean that. I kind of think you mean you want things to go like they are but as if it's just what we happened to decide to do but - I don't really like the idea of acting like that. Even if it'd be a favor. 

And so I'm not doing it, notice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I notice. 

"I don't want to act like I don't have a bunch of power over you? That's - inaccurate? But I also don't want to - make use of it, in ways that won't - I want you to do stuff that's good for you and not do stuff that's bad for you, mostly, unless I guess this leads to us not being able to take care of my niece and nephew, and I wish I didn't need you for that, either, but I do, so I guess you have to keep doing it regardless of how you feel about it. But I don't want to - be selfish. Or, like, forget that I don't actually matter more than you do, or that I think it's a stupid quirk of fairy rules that because I did one thing for you half a year ago the universe thinks you should have to listen to me, or whatever."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think I would do things that were bad for me. I guess if you tell me to we'll find out but - I think I wouldn't. But - you're so far away from that it's silly to even think about, nothing you've done has come anywhere near anything that'd be bad for me -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't wanna think about people like that. Just in terms of what they could do to make me happy or make my life easier, or how I could get and maintain power over them so they'd have to keep doing it, no matter what it was. Maybe something in me does, but that thing is - scary, and I don't like it. And if I were in your position I'd hope that whoever I had to listen to barely even had that thing, and if they had to have it I'd definitely hope they wouldn't be listening to it."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"People like feeling safe. And - 

- I don't actually think feeling safe because someone's yours is different than feeling safe because the door locks, or feeling safe because there's money in the bank, or feeling safe because Matt will totally arrange for horrible things to happen to anyone who bullies you at school - that might not be the best example - but I don't feel scared that you have a thing that wants me, because of course you do. It'd be bad if it were the only thing you had, I guess, but it's not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I just - 

"So there are multiple things going on here, right? There's like - the fact that I need you to pay the bills, and the fact that I wanna be your friend, and wanna be a good friend and not a terrible friend who leaves you way worse off, and I wanna be a good person and not do awful things, and I want you to - feel safe, and I also want you to like me I guess, and I also feel like that's kind of pathetic of me because given everything else about this situation that is probably really not what I should be focusing on, especially because, like, I don't even know what wanting you to like me unfolds out to, or what I'd do about it if you did, because I don't even actually know how much I want to touch you, or how, or when, and then apart from all of that, there's like -

" - if you were stuck being my - slave - forever, or until I died or whatever, then - 

" - I kinda think no one's ever gonna really like me? And - I can't make you keep really liking me. But I can maybe make you do some of the stuff you'd do if you really liked me regardless of how you actually felt about it. And that seems really bad? Like it'd be really bad for you and really bad for me and really bad for our friendship and really - humiliating, to even admit to wanting it on some level, because it's pathetic and bad to care that much about being able to pretend that people care about you, but the stupid thing won't shut up about wanting stuff, and just - at least if I never tell you to do anything that I want for me and not for other people then I'll know I'm not doing that. I guess."

It is a good thing she did not decide to have this conversation while driving because she feels suuuper incapable of driving right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I like you. And I think you're a good friend. And I guess things could happen that'd make me mad at you and not your friend, but, but it's not, uh, most slavery things wouldn't do it and lots of things that aren't slavery things would do it, like talking about how I'm stupid and can't read, and - I can't lie and I'm not even good at acting, I don't think you could make me act like -

- I'm actually not sure you could make me do anything I didn't want to, I think probably if you tried then I'd try to listen and not be good at it and it'd be a big disaster and I guess it's important to avoid that but not because it'd let you pretend people cared about you, I really doubt it'd do that - 

- and also you don't have parents so I think it makes sense that you'd want to be really sure you could have - people who have to act like they care about you - only you don't have that. So I'm sorry, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

- oh, that does kind of make sense. There is a logical explanation for the amount of pathetic inside her. She kind of wants to cry about this, like it's a relief that all of the awful is coming from not wanting to go back to her parents' house and that she doesn't have an extra, second, unrelated source of awful inside her that's going to keep spewing even more awful everywhere.

 

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am gonna stay with you and take care of you and of Zana and little Connor. I just actually think if you were actually being mean - and I bet you don't even know how - it wouldn't work."

Permalink Mark Unread

- he can't lie, he can't lie, if he says he's going to stay and the universe doesn't hurt both of them for it then he has to actually believe that's what he's going to do.

 

"I do have, like, some idea how people go about being mean, actually? I think it would be really bad for me and probably make me sick, but - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't - I guess maybe what I mean is that if you were trying to be mean you'd hurt yourself more than me but I don't think that's the only thing I mean, I think also humans and fairies are different and it's kind of important because you're - trying to stay well clear of what'd hurt a human when actually you could do lots of things that'd hurt a human and you wouldn't be hurting me. - We probably shouldn't try this. But it - seems important that you're being cautious enough to protect someone else, someone much more fragile than me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And it's good that you're being cautious. It's one of the ways you're nice. I just - wish you weren't so scared."

Permalink Mark Unread

...nod.

"Do you want me to tell you to do stuff, or - I am maybe confused about exactly what you're trying to get at, with this conversation - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I would like it if, when you wanted something, and I could give it to you, and it was just for you not for little Connor or Zana, you'd - well, it wouldn't get disqualified just because you wanted it."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"And I like holding you and I wish - we had a concept in common which we don't. But that's harder to fix."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...what concept?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's kind of - 

- I don't know how to explain it. You know how it wouldn't be weird if Azalea had...the ability to hug people...and she hugged you? Not like if some stranger did?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"So among fairies this is also a category where things - aren't weird - but not in the same way."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I... don't know if I followed that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not very good at explaining things. Uh, let's say you hadn't saved my life, and then we went to the dance, for the same reason, it'd be really different, right, because - because we'd be classmates and I could ...get advice on how to tell if I could kiss you and things like that and also because if we both hated it I'd just go to my home and you to yours and we'd both be sad but it wouldn't be - it wouldn't be really important that we not screw it up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"And so - the thing we are is a completely different kind of thing than that, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And, in a way, it's more like the sisters thing. Because a thing about sisters is that you - can't mess up? And you might imagine that'd make things worse since it raises the stakes but actually with my brothers at least it mostly makes things better because you don't need to be scared you messed up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that makes sense.

"So - you think it is unlikely that the thing we are will be, like, messed up by things?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So you think that if I want a thing for me or I maybe want a thing for me and I tell you this and you try giving it to me, it, like - might go badly but nothing horrible will happen. With us, I mean, I guess in theory I could tell you to do something that could end up having unrelated disastrous consequences involving zombie apocalypses or something - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah I cannot guarantee that, like, if I take you to the ice cream shop we will not both be hit by a runaway truck but - it won't make me not want to stay here and be in your service."

Permalink Mark Unread

- God it's so pathetic that the words stay here and be in your service do fluttery things to her stomach but there is not really a lot of point in pretending to herself that this is not a thing that just happened.

She nods.

"I - think, then - I - kind of want you to kiss me but, like - definitely only if that's something you also want - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think that I want to kiss you and if you told me to kiss you and I did not want to I could make a face and be very disappointing at it and I am not gonna do either of those things.

- well I might be disappointing at it but I will try not to."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

Gosh he should have practiced this with other people or something.

Uh?

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh frick she also has no idea how to kiss people. Uh. Probably you're supposed to part your lips and tilt your head so your nose doesn't get in the way and - uh, she's not really sure what to do with her hands, so she rests them in his hair, and part of her is not sure this is Appropriate Kissing Behavior, but another part of her thinks that probably she's supposed to do it if she wants to, and she kind of does, and honestly she is probably doing this really wrong but it doesn't matter, really, because Connor is - hers. Or something. Wants to do things she likes. So if she likes it that's okay.

Her stomach is doing some not entirely pleasant fluttering right now but she's pretty sure she still thinks this is something she likes. Probably.

Permalink Mark Unread

He gets debt confirmation that he did not disastrously fuck up the thing! And he's really happy about it!

He will stop while he's ahead, probably.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - that was nice. I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Probably."

It will maybe take her another minute to be capable of driving safely but then she can drive them home.

Permalink Mark Unread

What a good dance!

Permalink Mark Unread

...yeah.

Permalink Mark Unread

His life is pretty great and he is glad she saved it. Not just compared to the possibility she didn't but also to the possibility they were not attacked by zombies.

Permalink Mark Unread

Being attacked by zombies is weirdly convenient sometimes, apparently. Her life is good. It would be a lot less good without him in it.

They finish out the school year. Zana starts talking properly. Karen calls her parents and holds up the phone for Azalea so that Azalea can tell them that Karen's grades are way better than they were last year, and it'd probably be better if Karen just stayed here until graduation.

They explore the catacombs more. Eventually they run the camera car down to the fourth level. There's a lot of stuff down here. More unsprung traps, though so far they've been able to spring all of them before actually getting caught. More valuable gems. Thicker, dustier books, sometimes on pedestals. She still mostly hangs back and watches for zombies, out of habit, but there haven't been very many of those. 

One day they find a thick dusty book on another pedestal. There's a dart that comes out of the wall if you step on the floor tile in front of it, but they spring that and determine that it doesn't reload, so they're probably good now.

Permalink Mark Unread

Thick dusty books on pedestals have historically been very valuable so he picks it up.

Permalink Mark Unread

Annnnd the corpses in the walls come alive. All of them. Not, like, all-all of them, just within a certain radius of the book, but for a second it definitely feels like everything dead down here is now undead and wants them to be dead, too.

She fires her gun and hits one of the corpses in the face. It goes down. Something else comes up behind her and bites her neck, very deeply, and she screams.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well fuck -

- he doesn't know anything about medicine but he knows how to use the gun - 

- a lot -

 

- he can feel it when she is no longer alive because he can feel his debt evaporate, just like that, and the feeling is kind of like floating, in a horrible sickening way, floating above your body which is shooting everything in the room.

Permalink Mark Unread

Karen does not feel it very distinctly when she dies. She's alive, and it's getting harder and harder to see and to move - not to hear, she can hear the gun fine, though it seems less and less important - and then at a certain point it starts getting easier and she's able to sit up and then stand and then see herself on the floor.

Permalink Mark Unread

At some point the gun stops working. This point is long after there are not any zombies. 

He should turn around and look but he does not do that.

Permalink Mark Unread

...maybe she's a ghost? Azalea's a ghost. If she's a ghost he should probably be able to see her.

"...Connor? Can you hear me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

 

He should - he should go get out of here. And tell someone. And then - 

- maybe his parents can adopt Connor and Zana but what if they aren't very good at it. Maybe he can do it himself with Azalea's ghost - Azalea's ghost -

He turns around and looks but there is no ghost.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...Connor?"

He does not seem to be able to see her.

Great.

Well if she's not in heaven and she's not in hell and she's not a ghost, what...?

Permalink Mark Unread

A figure appears from the shadows. He has a long black cloak, a scythe, and a completely white skull where his face should be. 

"Hello. Karen Teller, right? You're dead?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I... guess so...?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, you look pretty done for. No wonder, wandering around in a place like this. Time to head to the netherworld. Except - "

He sniffs the air, which is really weird-looking, because he doesn't actually have a nose.

"Do you have.... a flower, on you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Does she have a - ?

Oh, right. She pulls her spirit-backpack off and rifles through until she finds the notebook with the pressed flower in it, the one that looks weirdly like a skull.

"This?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh gosh, you do! Can I have it? I really really love those things, I can't keep them unless someone trades me for them - um - I know, how about, you give me the flower and I'll heal that wound and we'll pretend this never happened? Let this one slide until the next time you die?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can do that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. I'm the Grim Reaper. No one dies if I say they don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...and you just - all you want is the flower, I'm not handing over my soul, or anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nope! Just the flower. You can use them for seasoning and it makes this incredible soup that's simply divine."

Permalink Mark Unread

...she hands the Grim Reaper her flower.

Permalink Mark Unread

- and wakes up coughing on the ground. It is still kind of hard to move but that probably means she's alive, right, spirits don't have problems moving?

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - Karen?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hey - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I thought - no, I was pretty sure, actually - the debt vanished - I thought you died -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty sure I did? It, uh - it turns out that unlike me the Grim Reaper is really into rare herbs."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"What?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean I dunno, I passed out or whatever, maybe it was a dream or a hallucination or something, but - this skeleton in a cloak with a scythe appeared and told me I was dead and then said if I gave him that one weird skull flower thingy he'd let me go until I died again?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think you passed out. I think you died - I felt it, the debt went away -

 

- okay, that's, okay, I didn't know the universe worked like that but -"

Hug?

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug.

 

"Can we get out of here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

She puts the book in her backpack and leaves the twice-dead corpses where they are and heads back up, hands in her pockets. 

 

"'m sorry for - I dunno. Scaring you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's my fault. I triggered the trap, I - I should owe you your life now too but I don't because the debt system's kind of dumb sometimes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, neither of us saw it coming. And if you hadn't given me the flower I'd have stayed dead, so. - what did it do to the debt, anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It went away when you died. And, uh, didn't come back. I think maybe it doesn't know what to do with resurrected people."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Oh. Okay. Well, that's - good, right, letting you pay it back was kind of part of why we were exploring in the first place, I guess - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I was expecting it to take years, though. And - it didn't go away because I repaid you it went away because I nearly got you killed which feels - wrong."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I guess. I mean - we can't tell what I'd've been doing if none of this had ever happened, maybe I'd have explored the tunnels alone anyway and just wouldn't have had the flower if you hadn't been looking for stuff to give me."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I guess?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just - I dunno. I'm not dead.

" - are you gonna - are you supposed to move out of the house now, or - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I, uh - 

 

I don't want you to owe me for things, that seems ...I think it'd be bad for you, but that means I can't ...do things that - that'd make you owe me."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Yeah. I guess. 

"We could, like, reshuffle chores and stuff and see if we can get stuff to even - I'm not sure we can with you watching Zana, but - "

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"But it's sorta different, yeah. And it's not - it's not fair, the numbers are just wrong -"

Permalink Mark Unread

...hug?

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. 

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"You could also, like - if you did want to go back to your parents' house I bet they wouldn't be disappointed at all, it's not like 'Connor sort of got Karen killed' is gonna be at the top of their hypothesis list if I'm observably not dead - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I could go back, yeah.

 

 

 

I don't - I like my family but we're in the human world to learn things and I felt like I was learning - important things - and I'm not done and I don't really want to go back."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I don't - if you wanted to go back we'd make stuff work? But I think making stuff work would involve dropping out and picking up another job, probably. Also I'd miss you. So - I would like not that. Even if it'll be all complicated now."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. "So...not that. Then."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah.

"Okay, so, obviously you keep all of your own money now and just - I'm not sure how many things you can buy and have them count for just you, but you do that, I guess. And, uh - can you think of anything I could do that'd offset watching Zana, I don't know how much you actually care about being read books - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stories count for a lot, objectively not depending whether I like them. I think it could count for as much as Zana, probably."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I guess we can do a lot of that, then. That doesn't sound bad. I guess we also have to offset any fairy ring time, but - we've never even seen any fairies there, right, is there any indication outside the debt tracking that it's actually dangerous to spend time there without you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Don't think so. My father picked this place because there weren't fairies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, cool, so you can just stop hanging out with me whenever I do that, and, uh - should we be aiming to split household chore stuff evenly or should we be aiming to have you do none of it, it seems like logically that shouldn't all have to count as favors to me since it's... also your house..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, we can just split it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. So that's - that should work then, right, all I have to do is stop declaring random things favors and stop managing your money and stop having you follow me to the fairy circle and start reading you books?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnodnod.

 

"And - it would make me really happy if we did kissing like nothing had changed. If you ever wanted to. Because - I had all these feelings that I'd put there and I don't really know how to put them somewhere else?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaah fluttery feelings.

"Okay. That would be - we can do that. I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - hey, it's gonna be okay, yeah? If it'd happened earlier it'd've been harder, maybe, but - we can do this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I - don't even know why I'm shaken up, really. It's probably mostly the thing where you died."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that sounds upsetting. You looked very upset."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies don't die! I was pretty much planning to go forever without anyone I know dying, except I guess in the sense where a hundred thousand years from now I could say to myself 'I bet the kids I knew in high school are dead, statistically speaking' which isn't the same thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I mean, not that humans cope a lot better with it, I don't actually think we do, but - that makes sense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And I guess as long as I get you flowers, we can keep things that way."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I guess. ...we should probably cut it out with the grabbing dusty old books until we've figured out how to secure any more. If there even are any more around here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. No need anymore anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I guess not. Aside from figuring out what's up with the place."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I admit I'm curious but...not that curious."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I like being alive."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's got a lot to recommend it, being alive."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"...I would, um. Like it. If you kissed me right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

Wow. Well, okay.

Permalink Mark Unread

Being alive is nice. Connor liking her is also nice. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Connor is feeling very fortunate considering how many zombie attacks have featured in the last year of his life.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good.

 

"I guess we should... go home or something. Probably tell Azalea what happened."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Yeah. She'll be mad at me, won't she?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah. 'm still in one piece. She'd be mad if we were gonna go down again."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, more reason not to do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

So they bike home.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Lotta blood on your clothes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, uh, I sorta died? I got better, though. Obviously. This flower Connor gave me brought me back to life. Also apparently dying erases all of your debts, so we're, like, evenish now. And not going to do any more dungeon delving because last time we tried that I literally died."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

He will just stay here out of the way and try not to look responsible for getting Karen killed.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, as long as you're in one piece. I don't think those stains are coming out, you're probably gonna have to chuck it."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. She gets a different shirt and throws this one out and then paces through the kitchen for a bit. 

 

"Do you, like - should I be letting you go to sleep - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"'m not very tired."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I could read you something. If you wanted. Just 'cause - I don't really wanna go to sleep just yet. And I'm not gonna be late for anything if I stay up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds - good."

Permalink Mark Unread

They have a bookshelf. Three of them, actually. 

"Let's see... classic but it's bad, classic about historic treatment of horses, classic about the fall of satan but probably not a good first book with no context, nearly the entire Dear America series, if you want to learn about history from the vantage point of lots of differently unfortunate teenage girls' fictional diaries, classic about whaling that we are not reading tonight, classic about an abused kid and a slave who run away from home, lots of popular science fiction, story about a mouse who wants to be a knight - do you have a preference?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - that's a lot. The kid and the slave who run away from home."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There are a lot of books! Way more than we have at the library."

She pulls the book off the shelf and sits nest to him on the couch and maybe hesitantly leans against him a little.

And these are the adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Some of them, anyway, this book has three hundred and sixty six pages and they will probably not read it all in one sitting.

Permalink Mark Unread

He listens, fascinated. 

This is quite expensive, which is good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Karen has basically no idea how expensive anything is, but this honestly seems like a pretty good starter book. It has a not-very-literate runaway child narrator consulting an absolutely broken moral compass and ignoring it whenever the answers it gives seem too mean to him, and the adventures move along at a decent pace, unlike a lot of old novels. Also there's, like, people faking their own deaths and people falsely accusing the escaped slave of murder, that's kind of exciting probably.

After kind of a lot of chapters she will acknowledge that she is now tired, maybe.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I liked that. Good night."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good. See you tomorrow."

Permalink Mark Unread

It is almost like it was before, except the debt is much smaller.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe that's okay.

She doesn't actually need him to watch Zana all day in summer, really, he only has to watch her on weekends. And she can declare that laundry and dishwasher things are her responsibility now, and then staying evenish should be easy, right?

Permalink Mark Unread

They can even comfortably run a debt in her favor, though not a large one, if she keeps reading him stories.

Permalink Mark Unread

She would like to keep reading him stories, if he does not mind being in her debt again.

Permalink Mark Unread

It happens that he does not.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's all right, then.

A couple days later, she decides to investigate the dusty old book that literally got her killed.

 

"The first page says 'this spellbook belongs to Karen Teller.'"

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

"I did not write that there."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I figured if you had then you wouldn't have said it like that. So...were you destined to get it? Or did it, like, change once you took it -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno, I haven't opened it until now."

She turns to the next page.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Eggdrop

When you drop things, they don't break.

To learn the spell, hold an egg in your left hand and your spellbook in your right hand. Read these words: moderock replitz mizule, lasap dizoolexa aloida. You do not need to read them aloud. Drop the egg. 


Spell: Whisper

You can at any time ensure that someone across the room is able to hear you, no matter how quietly you're speaking.

To learn the spell, stand alone in a quiet room. Say, loudly, these words: shorogyt, zestpond bistup reiltas. Repeat the words, more and more quietly, until you are whispering. 

 

Spell: Card Trick

You can make nonmagical playing cards.

To learn this spell, hold a deck of playing cards. Count to fifty-two. Then, say 'fifty-three'.

 

Spell: Envelope

You can fold paper into a few different shapes without touching it. 

It continues in this vein for a while.

Permalink Mark Unread

She... reads the spell descriptions aloud, skipping over the magic words out of an abundance of caution.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"So, cool, but also...if magic is that easy and uncomplicated why doesn't everyone do it? I guess maybe the books are rare? But..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Super unclear!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh! Well. I guess now you can learn magic!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

...she frowns at her spell list and closes the book without learning any of them.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - are you not gonna try one?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She bites her lip. 

"Catholics aren't supposed to do... spells. Or whatever."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Well, you want me to do it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No! - sorry. No. Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Shrug. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She puts the spellbook on the shelf and leaves it. She doesn't expect that she'll successfully leave it there forever, but she needs to, like, think about stuff.

 

When the weekend comes she goes to Mass. She feels restless and irritable about it, but going to Mass is what she does on Sunday mornings, so she does it. She kneels and tries to focus on the crucifix, and she sings, and she shakes people's hands, and she sits and listens. When they get to the creed she stands and says it with everyone else -

- and at some point collapses back onto the pew in sudden pain, holding her hands to her mouth to keep from crying out.

 

She sits there until the Mass is over, trembling and silently crying, partly from how much her head hurts, but mostly about the fact that she doesn't, actually, believe in one God the Father Almighty anymore, doesn't actually believe in a single day of judgement for the quick and the dead, doesn't actually believe that whoever's up there running any of this is someone she knows or trusts or understands. 

 

She heads back home. 

Permalink Mark Unread

He's pacing. 

"Did something - what happened?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"I don't think I'm Catholic anymore."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't actually understand...religions."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There's - Catholicism is a kind of Christianity, and Christianity is a set of beliefs about who created the world and what that person is like and wants from humans and what his plan is to fix all of the problems in the world. And one of the things we do is that every week we go to Mass and we sing, and are in community with other Catholics, and do some other ritual stuff, and as part of that we say a creed all together about how we believe in the core tenets of the religion, and I've said it every week since we met, and nothing bad has ever happened, but this time I said it and the universe declared that I have to believe this much to ride the Catholicism train, and - I don't.

 

"Someone's up there. I think. I have no idea who it is."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe there's a bunch of them and they all have different hobbies? Since there's a lot of stuff going on."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Makes as much sense as anything else, at this point."

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug?

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Hug.

"It's just really - I believed a bunch of stuff sort of automatically, and now I don't even - know what I actually think about anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think most people don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How are you supposed to avoid lying if you don't know what you think about anything? How are you supposed to make decisions?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I mostly just do what I want to or what someone with the right to tell me to do stuff told me to do. And you tend to say stuff not very confidently, when you're talking about things you don't know much about."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Because I don't know about very many things! And now I know even fewer things than I did before. And usually have almost no idea what I want, and don't have that many people to tell me what to do, so that helps - not very much."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Well, I guess you'll have to learn those things. What you want and what you should be doing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I guess."

 

She heads over to the shelf and rifles through the spells again.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I don't have an egg, so - empty room."

She heads into the bathroom and shuts the doors and says "shorogyt, zestpond bistup reiltas" several times, getting quieter and quieter each time.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nothing obviously happens.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. She heads back into the living room and walks across the room from Connor and whispers, very quietly, barely loud enough for herself to hear.

"Can you hear this?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah," he says out loud. " - was that magic? That just sounded like talking."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I could barely hear it. - now I wanna know whether it's directed at just the one person, it's much less useful if it isn't directed."

She whispers "hi Zana" to Zana.

"Did you hear that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool! I don't know how many applications that has, but it seems like it should have some."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Neat! What else is there -"

Permalink Mark Unread

She opens the book to double-check the requirements for Card Trick.

Permalink Mark Unread

The book doesn't have any other spells right now. Just Whisper.

Permalink Mark Unread

....huh.

"I think all the others disappeared just now."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - well that's kind of weird."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Man, I would've picked way more carefully if I'd known that was going to happen."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe it's just temporary? You can only learn so many in a day or something?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yeah, maybe. There were, like, a hundred of them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. I hope they come back, then, that seems kind of mean to offer so many with no explanation."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. I mean, not that I'm any worse off, just - wish I'd thought about it more."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"...anyway. Guess I have one spell. I should... get ready to head to work. Probably has useful library applications, being able to say things to people without disturbing anyone else."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess, yeah. Will you be okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"With the - not believing in stuff thing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Kinda depends on your definition of okay. Probably eventually."

Permalink Mark Unread

- nod. "Okay. See you later."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. See you."

She shelves library books. She makes excessive use of Whisper to communicate with people who are not aware that she is whispering, mostly because it's fun to know that she can but partly because it helps her avoid disturbing library patrons more than necessary.

When she gets home she checks whether any of the spells are back, not that she actually thinks that seven hours is going to make a difference. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Not yet.

Permalink Mark Unread

Unsurprising.

She reads to Connor (the Dear America book about the Irish immigrant girl who works in a factory, because she's decided they should alternate picking books and she's kind of worried about his general history knowledge).

Permalink Mark Unread

Working in a factory as an Irish immigrant sounds very tragic and maybe she'll get kidnapped by fairies or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

Tragically there are no fairies in this book. But it does end when the girl is still sixteen, so hey, maybe they can imagine it happens sometime after that.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's a good time for it to happen anyway, sixteen is kind of too young he thinks.

Permalink Mark Unread

"When should people get kidnapped by fairies?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I don't really know. But I think you're too young and Azalea's not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I see. I'll have to not get kidnapped, then."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Shouldn't be too hard. What with there not being fairies around here and you knowing how they work."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I feel almost prepared for this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good night."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Night."

She heads off to bed. It occurs to her at some point during this process that she doesn't actually know what counts as a room. She leaves her door open a little bit and then climbs into bed and then says "Hey, Connor," very quietly.

She gets up and peeks out of her room. "Did you hear that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. What?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nothing, sorry, testing what a room is. Doesn't count as a separate room if there's a door open. Sorry. Go to sleep."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Good night."

Permalink Mark Unread

She closes her door and heads to bed and resists the urge to do any more experiments tonight. Also resists the urge to open the door and whisper random things to Connor. This is a weird thing to be tempted to do given that he can't even whisper back.

 

She keeps whispering to people whenever it's convenient. She does her jobs and reads to Zana and reads to Connor, and she checks her spellbook about once a day to see if anything in it has changed.

Permalink Mark Unread

About a week later there's one.

 

Spell: Shelve 

Books go where they belong. 

To learn the spell, go to a bookshelf. Take a book off the shelf. Say: Luezoid. Take another book of the shelf. Say: Chesture. Put the books back on the shelf in the place you took them from.

 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

...cool? Not as cool as the list of a hundred, but at least it's something she'll use?

She learns the spell and then looks at a stack of books on the table and... what is she supposed to do, like, think "shelve" at them?

Permalink Mark Unread

That does it! They go back on the bookshelf.

Permalink Mark Unread

....huh.

"Well. Got a new spell but did not get the list again. I can make unshelved books return to their shelves."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. I guess that'll make work go a lot faster?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess so. The pay is hourly, so I'm not really sure how much it gets me, but - yeah, at least it's something I'll actually use."

She does use it at work, though only when she's sure nobody's looking at her. It doesn't make things go very much faster, mostly because she has to spend a lot of time making sure nobody's looking.

Permalink Mark Unread

He explains the situation to his family. He teaches Zana to climb trees. He figures out how to fix the shower.

Permalink Mark Unread

Ten days later there's another spell.

Spell: Blink

When you perform another spell, no one will notice.

To learn this spell, find a room in a building that contains other people. They should not see you while you are learning the spell. Lock the door. Stand against the closed door. Whisper mofoblitz, losenoid, loodon rowlow.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh cool.

She learns the spell.

She uses shelve at work constantly.

People think she is a very hard worker.

Permalink Mark Unread

They read some more books. Human history is kind of depressing. The stories that are obviously pretend are better. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She has lots of stories that are obviously pretend, once she's slightly less concerned about his general lack of history knowledge.

 

Towards the end of June, her parents call. They were assuming that Azalea would set up Karen coming home for six weeks or so, since it's summer and they are her parents, but since she hasn't done so they're calling to insist that this happen soon.

 

"So... is there a way to make it so I can lie again without this having horrible consequences."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, but should we be doing that or should we tell your parents to go fuck off."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't actually get to do that until you're eighteen. Legally. Unless your parents are abusive or negligent, and that would just get me stuck with different adults who wouldn't let us all live together. Probably not adults in this town."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. "I guess. Uh, if we're not entangled and you're not at all entangled with any of my family which you probably aren't then you can lie, as long as it's not to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am probably not. Last time I talked to any of your brothers they told me we were even. How do we get us even inside a week, I'm not really sure how big a debt we have right now? I assume it can't be that big?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not, yeah. You can stop reading me stories and I'll keep lookng after Zana and I bet that'll get us pretty close and then if it's not perfect one of us can ask the other a couple questions."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. 

So she stops reading stories, and she helps Azalea call their parents and tell them that Karen will be with them at the very beginning of July. She does manage to talk them down to two weeks, on the grounds that Karen has a job to get back to.

Permalink Mark Unread

And they get to even and he pouts about missing Karen for two weeks. If he could drive he would scheme to do something about this but he cannot.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Azalea could probably teach you, you know. I'm not sure she could do the paperwork for you, you might need your parents to help with that or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ooooh!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe you guys can make a good start on it while I'm gone."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds good. Don't - don't have a horrible time, please."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'll - make an attempt."

Hug?

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. 

Permalink Mark Unread

" - we still even?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Close enough. A little bit wears off over time. Don't lie right now but it should be okay by the time you get there."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

She spends four hours on a plane. At the end of this she is greeted by her parents, who have Questions. Yes Azalea is fine (sort of?). Yes she did well in all of her classes (second semester, anyway). No she is not dating anybody (...technically she's not sure she is but she's fairly certain she's at least lying in spirit).

She spends the first two days looking forward to the Fourth of July. She spends all the days after that looking forward to going home. She tells a lot of lies. Her parents only kind of believe them, and end up questioning her in odd directions, though they do not actually hit on anything really bad because all of the really bad things are way too implausible for them to come up with. She uses Whisper and Blink in combination a lot, so that she doesn't have to make herself figure out how to say things audibly whenever she's upset.

She checks her spellbook every day.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Un-say

When you have said something, and wish you hadn't, you can try again. No one will remember whatever you said first.

To learn this spell, find a mirror. Say your name. Then say 'claster'. Say your name again. Then say 'pepelexa'. Say your name again. Then say 'sertave'.

Permalink Mark Unread

That seems really useful!

She learns the spell.

She uses it a lot.

Everything is somewhat less painful and her parents believe more of her lies.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: All's well

People will believe that you are doing well, and be more inclined to be happy with things you have done.

To learn this spell, find another person. Tell them 'dropellet'. Then un-say it. Tell them you're proud of yourself. If you would like, you can un-say this as well.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oooooh.

- probably that would be bad to use on some people, but she's stuck with her parents right now, and it'll make it way easier to avoid suspicion back home until she turns eighteen and can't be taken away from anywhere. And that's important.

She learns it. She uses it. Things are easier.

She heads home.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Zana's a person! Also I can drive, a little bit, sorta, on minor streets at least."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh cool! My parents are satisfied that nothing horrible has happened and are totally on board with me spending next school year with Azalea."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good."

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. "Missed you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Missed you too. I was worried you'd be - hurting the whole time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It wasn't a great time at first. But I got some new spells that help with, like, limiting people's suspicion? And it would probably be bad to use them all the time, but it did make hanging out with my parents a lot less awful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oooh, what do they do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She pulls out her spellbook and reads aloud the spell descriptions for Un-say and All's Well.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. I wonder how un-say interacts with faery debt. If you, like, answer a question and then un-say the answer does the debt go away?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We could test it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ooooh. Hmmm...

Did you and Azalea share a room growing up?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We did not." And she unsays it. "Any change?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yeah, it counts like you answered it. Which is what would happen if you answered and I wasn't paying attention. Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. - we should check what other limits it has, I've kind of just been deploying it every time I said something and then immediately felt like it was stupid. Like, whether it has a time limit and how it interacts with things that people have responded to. Like - what happens if I ask you a question and you answer it and then I try to unsay the question. Um. When was the last time Zana got changed?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Couple of hours ago, Azalea reminds me."

Permalink Mark Unread

She tries unsaying her question.

" - still remember what I asked you just now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You asked about when I'd last changed Zana?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, so it's only stuff that nobody's responded to yet, good to know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Too bad. Though I guess it'd be kinda freaky if you could undo whole conversations."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that'd be - a lot."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is it just me or do you think the spells are getting more powerful?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Possibly? It's kind of hard to tell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess it depends what you're measuring. Like, my family'd be the most excited about the ones that move or make stuff because from a physics perspective that's more powerful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that makes sense. The only physical one so far is shelve, the others are, like, perception stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, even if the spells don't get more powerful you will, if you get one every week or so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I guess so."

She gets back to work at the library, which involves a return to her usual Blink-Shelve combination. She doesn't use Un-say as much as she did with her parents, but she still uses it sometimes. Makes her a little more willing to start conversations with people. She tries not to use All's Well to make people happy with her. She is somewhat less discriminating about using it on people who are concerned about how hard she must be working.

None of her spells really have cemetery applications, so that continues basically as it always has.

Permalink Mark Unread

Except with no more exploring. They've got everything they need and they don't have any more flowers beloved by the Grim Reaper.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah, no more of that. Maybe someday she'll be powerful enough that it isn't a horrible idea, but right now it's a really horrible idea.

Permalink Mark Unread

"How old's Zana have to be before they make you put her in school? Five?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Technically it's not legally required until first grade, which starts at age six, but we'll put her in kindergarten the year before that, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...do you think that's a bad idea?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No? I don't know. She has to be a human someday so probably there's nothing else to be done. I was mostly just thinking - that's probably when I should. Go off and be a fairy. Whenever you're all set and don't need me."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh. I guess that makes sense."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hadn't really been thinking that far ahead."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'s not really any need to. It just - came to mind."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Can't really ask you to stick around forever, so. Anyway it's a ways away yet."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

Summer things happen. She works. She hangs out with her niblings. She reads Connor more books. She makes slightly excessive use of magic.

Permalink Mark Unread

"My brother's throwing a birthday party and inviting the whole school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. I guess I am a member of the whole school. And I've never actually seen the inside of your family's house, so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You wanna go? It should be interesting. I have absolutely zero idea how he expects to keep a hundred people even at once at a birthday party where they'll be giving him presents and he'll be offering them food and stuff but if he pulls it off it'd be awfully impressive."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - that does sound kind of fun to see. But do tell me if I'm not even with him whenever we wanna go home."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Will do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What kinda stuff should we get him?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good question. I'm not really sure. And we can't consult the usual person."

Permalink Mark Unread

"True. What's he like?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"He likes people. He'll probably run a court, once we're back to being fairies. He's not actually good at everything he just works really hard to make sure it looks like it to everyone. I don't know that much else? - he and his girlfriend are faking it, he doesn't even like girls."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay. I have no idea how to translate any of that into a birthday gift. He's gonna go to college next year?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So - something useable for school, maybe? But I think my default here is, like, a book. I do not think this is a great idea but I'm not immediately coming up with anything better."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think a book is fine. It's not like we're trying to have him indebted to us or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. We'll get him a book and eat some cake and it'll come out okay."

She examines the library's 25¢ bookshelf and comes away with a biography of Abraham Lincoln. Probably this is acceptable.

And they can head over down the street to the big fancy house that is surrounded by lots of outdoor statues.

Permalink Mark Unread

The inside is even fancier. There are a lot of rooms and all of them are elaborately furnished and full of people. There are tables full of food and drinks and one that's heaping with presents. The table full of drinks has many of them carefully labelled - "alcoholic - please only drink if you are at least 21 years of age! Honor system!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Karen! I'm so glad you could make it. How's your summer going?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Asking unimportant questions isn't very evil, given fairy rules.

"It's going pretty well. Niece has started talking in full sentences."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ooooh, good for her. You know, we have all these toddler toys that the twins have grown out of and that are sitting in the attic doing no one any good, Connor, you should bring them over for Karen's niece to play with."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I thought about it, but -" he glances around. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Karen could ask our mother."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure, that sounds okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Have you had anything to eat? You should get some before it's all gone. None of the restaurants in town thought they could cater for four hundred people so we ordered from all of them and have nachos and kabobs and pizza and garlic bread and fried chicken and excessively spicy peppers that some of your classmates are taking ill-advised bets on. And I'd consider it a personal favor if you had some of the cornbread because it appears to be suffering from that phenomenon where no one will take the first piece."

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh is that how he's managing all this.

"Sure. Sounds good."

She will eat some cornbread and some pizza and leave her gift on a table full of other gifts and try not to look too closely at any of the art in this house.

Permalink Mark Unread

Connor seeks out his younger brothers and mostly hangs out with them. He checks on Karen sometimes.

Permalink Mark Unread

"So are you two, like, an item?" a girl in Karen's grade asks at one point after he wanders off again. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh," she says, and then unsays that.

"I... guess?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wow! Congrats! Is he nice? Do you like him?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, he's really nice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Where does he go to school now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

- well gosh, time to find out whether you can effectively hold someone in stasis or whatever by making vague noises and then repeatedly unsaying them.

" - he doesn't really talk about school a lot," she says, eventually.

Permalink Mark Unread

Apparently you totally can; she doesn't act like anything weird happened. "Oh. I heard he got kicked out and sent to a military school but I guess not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I don't think so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, good seeing you!"

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods and waves.

Permalink Mark Unread

The party gets more crowded. Matt bounces around everywhere talking to everyone and pressing food on them and showing them his gaming system and on occasion giving them presents - "I saw this, I thought you'd like it -" and apparently having the time of his life. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"People are dancing, do you want to dance?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. If you want to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Honestly I'm kind of unclear what people do at parties if they're not one of my brothers and playing music or another one of my brothers and running around playing an extremely elaborate game with everyone." He looks around the room. People are mostly talking and drinking and dancing. "Let's dance."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay." Then they can dance.

Permalink Mark Unread

Dancing is nice!

 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

It is! Dancing while surrounded by teenage peers is maybe sort of inherently awkward, but not so much that it destroys the nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

How about beer pong on the backyard lawn, that looks like fun.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's not really into either alcohol or things that require lots of hand-eye coordination. She'll watch him play if he wants?

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds good!

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay then. She'll just take sips from her very carefully guarded cup of fruit punch and watch people play this game.

Permalink Mark Unread

The outdoor activities gradually collapse into people drinking and talking and watching romantic comedies on an inflatable screen and the indoor activities gradually collapse into drinking and talking, drunken cuddling, video games, and a really high-context game of Mafia. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why do you guys even have video games?" she asks Connor. "Did you get them just for parties?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Got them for research. My dad plays five minutes about once a month, which is about long enough for the debt to wear off entirely. The movies we might've gotten just for the party."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...wow, that sounds like such a depressing way to play video games. I guess if you really wanna know what the humans are up to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We'll get to play them properly eventually."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Most of them. I'm not sure it's possible to get you the proper MMO experience. I guess you'll live."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Forever."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, I imagine that takes the edge off."

Permalink Mark Unread

The next time she checks, there's a new spell. 

Spell: Sit it out

If you don't go to a class, a shift at work, or a social event, people will remember that you did go and that they were impressed by you. 

To learn the spell, go to your home. Sit in your room. Say 'drearian kaloolon creabird'.

Permalink Mark Unread

Huh.

She reads this to Connor.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did you, like, really hate the party or something?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think so? It was, like, about how I expected a party to be? Neither extremely enjoyable nor particularly excruciating?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I... guess it's probably useful to learn it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"What happens if you ignore a new spell? Does it - go in a different direction? Because so far it's seemed like it's - I dunno, on a theme."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I haven't tried it. I guess I could also ignore this one and see if it gives me something else?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, yeah, could do. Assuming you don't need it for anything. - I guess if something you'll need it for comes up soon that'd be informative too."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yeah, I guess. I don't actually ever cut school or work, so if I'm gonna skip one this is maybe a good one to test it on."

She does not learn the spell. She continues checking her spellbook every day.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Love potion

Pick a special someone. They'll think you're really great. 

Instructions: Find the person. Say 'mizuxe'. Unsay it.

Permalink Mark Unread

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

 

 

"So I got another spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh cool! That was faster, I guess ignoring dsappointing ones is a good idea."

Permalink Mark Unread

".......possibly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmm?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"The replacement spell is. Uh. Kind of concerning."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Like, how?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's, uh, called Love Potion?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"What does it do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It just says 'Pick a special someone. They'll think you're really great.'"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is there someone who you wanna -"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - I mean there's an obvious candidate but using it at all ever is quite possibly the worst idea I have ever had in my entire life."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Who's the obvious candidate??"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um. You? Obviously? Not in the sense that I'd do it but in the sense that it is very obvious who I'm not doing it to??"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - anyway I am kind of concerned about this spellbook's, uh, opinions, now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I'm not sure it'd do anything? Since I do like you. But I guess it'd be a pretty bad thing to do if I didn't?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yeah but we have no idea what it would do. It's not - it is a terrible idea to run irreversible magical experiments on your emotions because some weird book we found in a set of zombie-infested catacombs suggested it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Right, yeah, I'm on team 'don't try it'. I was just saying I dunno how sketchy it makes the book."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think the book is very sketchy. ....it is unfortunately also very useful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Even when you're not trapped with your parents?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"....I mean, I have empirically not actually stopped using Un-say. I guess I could try going back to not using it ever and see if it gives me spells that are not about controlling what people think of me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you think that's what it's going off? What you currently use?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno? I guess it could have just decided to give me a bunch of these for no reason? I guess it didn't give me any of these until Blink."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is there some other category of thing you'd want it to be giving you instead?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno? I was happy about most of them, just, then they kept getting more - this - "

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"....possibly you could hold onto the book and tell me when the text changes."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Are you scared you'll use it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am maybe slightly uncertain how much of my morality is me actually being a decent person and how much of it is me simulating being a decent person by stitching together various pieces of shame and embarrassment. And if most of it is the latter I don't really want this to be the way I find that out."

Permalink Mark Unread

He reaches for the spellbook.

Permalink Mark Unread

She gives it to him.

Permalink Mark Unread

He puts it in his pocket. 

"Thanks for not mind-controlling me I guess. Not that I'd be mad if you had, I guess, so I don't know if it makes sense to thank you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I think not mind controlling people is, like, below the minimum decent person line and therefore not something people really typically thank each other for."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am really confused about what humans use 'thank you' for but often they use it when they do something that creates debt and not mind controlling someone doesn't do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You, uh, use it whenever someone does something that, like, makes you glad that they did it, I guess. And also when they do you favors or give you compliments or are generally helpful or - I guess we say it a lot? But we don't go around, like, thanking people for not punching us in the face, or whatever."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, also confused about when humans say sorry but I don't think that was an occasion for it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um, when you did something wrong, or when something bad happened to someone and you're sympathetic, or possibly when you are kind of unclear on whether you did anything wrong but you kind of wish your friends didn't have to deal with evidence of you being kind of creepy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I'm the one whose intended career path is 'kidnapper'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I guess that's true?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"So I think I'd be being kind of hypocritical if I was upset with you because sometimes you want - or don't even want exactly - to make me like you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. 

 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I just - I dunno. Thanks for holding onto it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course."

Permalink Mark Unread

She'll just stop checking it until the text changes, then. She is kind of mad at herself but not entirely sure why. 

Permalink Mark Unread

He keeps it in a pocket. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She keeps using Blink and Shelve in combination at the library. She occasionally uses Whisper. She stops using Un-say and also ends up talking to people markedly less in the first place. She doesn't use All's Well at all. She works really hard at the cemetery.

She kind of talks to Connor less, outside of reading, and talks less about the stuff they're reading afterwards. She doesn't mean to, but it happens. She prints out lists of everything that she and little Connor need for school in the fall, and takes him shopping to buy it. She plays with Zana some. She periodically heads to the fairy ring and reads stacks of books there by herself. It's easier not to hate herself when she's not thinking about herself at all.

Permalink Mark Unread

"It changed," he tells her a couple of days later.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can I see?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Here you go."

Permalink Mark Unread

She checks the spellbook.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Invisibility

Do you need an explanation?

Instructions: Go somewhere where no one can see you. Stay there until you cannot see yourself.

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's an invisibility spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool! - right? There's nothing sinister about that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I guess. It's - definitely a step up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good."

Permalink Mark Unread

She heads outside and walks into the forest and focuses on, uh, trying not to be able to see herself.

Permalink Mark Unread

This goes quite quickly.

Permalink Mark Unread

...can she undo the effect now and make herself visible again?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yep!

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good! 

She's not really sure what this says about her, but invisibility is clearly more powerful than her other spells, and it's awesome, so she's glad she waited. For several reasons.

She heads back home to show Connor. (Or, well, "show". Possibly she can make objects look like they're floating or something.)

Permalink Mark Unread

She can do that! He's impressed. "Wow! Maybe it's just always worth waiting for the third spell or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe! It's definitely way more powerful than the others but I'm not sure whether that's because I waited or if the spells just keep going up in power or what."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, it's really neat."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'m glad you think so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And hopefully it has learned its lesson."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

School starts up again. She is pretty immediately overwhelmed, between her jobs and school and homework and her after-school activities (two of them, this time, journalism club and drama), but the fairy ring remains super useful for giving her more time, and her grades start high and stay there.

Permalink Mark Unread

Is she still kinda weirdly avoidant for no reason.

Permalink Mark Unread

....not as much? She hasn't asked to kiss him since she gave him the book, but she is mostly back to talking to him a normal amount, apart from being out of the house more now because of school stuff.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well that's probably fine. 

 

Stupid book.

Permalink Mark Unread

She has kind of mixed feelings about the book and kind of mixed feelings about herself at this point.

 

In mid-September she gets a call that her grandmother has died. Heart attack, apparently. The whole family's getting together for the funeral. She writes herself a note and helps Azalea call little Connor's principle to get him excused from school for a couple days.

"Up to you whether you want to come or not. Might be easier with a second person who's in the know to watch the kids, but - obviously funerals for people you don't know are not most people's idea of a good time."

Permalink Mark Unread

“Why not?”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh, well, you sit in a room with a bunch of very sad people and a bunch more people who are only kind of sad or not sad at all but trying to appear somber to fit the occasion, and everyone wears nice but dark clothes and talks quietly about what they remember of the person, and there is a service, and a bunch of people give speeches about the person, and - I expect it would be kind of boring but maybe it would be good for, I dunno, learning how humans deal with death, or something?"

Permalink Mark Unread

“It sounds kinda interesting.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Well. I don't think it'd be very conspicuous if you wanted to come sit through it. The whole extended family's gonna be there and I don't think anyone knows everyone in the whole extended family."

Permalink Mark Unread

“Cool! You should probably drive, I haven’t done highways yet.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I can do that."

It's six hours of driving. She checks them into a hotel with Azalea's credit card. One room, because two is expensive, so they'll just have to live with the awkward.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

He seems entirely unaware this is awkward and flops on the bed. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She did get a room with two beds.

"Okay. Funeral's tomorrow morning, so we can't stay up super late, but we have a few hours. We can't watch TV. Obviously."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There's a free pool."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't pack anybody's swimsuits?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"packed everybody's."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We should swim!!!"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I guess we can swim."

Permalink Mark Unread

So far, funerals seem great.

Permalink Mark Unread

Swimming is mostly not a cruel and unusual punishment if you're allowed to wrap yourself in a towel whenever you're not in the water, and also if instead of being surrounded by a ton of other people you are mostly just hanging out with your niece and nephew and kind of arguably boyfriend person. Also wow her kind of arguably boyfriend person is very pretty.

Mostly she teaches Zana how to blow bubbles in the water and watches little Connor work on figuring out the diving board.

Permalink Mark Unread

Swimming is great! It is too bad Karen is cold whenever she’s not in the water because she looks nice in her swimsuit. 

Fairies can hold their breath longer than humans and he hangs out underwater a lot.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eventually she will declare it too late to continue swimming and herd everyone else back upstairs. She changes into her pajamas, then gets Zana changed into her pajamas and ready for bed, then tucks her into the same bed as little Connor, and then notes that there is one remaining bed and considers whether she has made some kind of tactical error. Possibly she can get in the same bed as her niblings later, when she herself is actually tired. She is not super tired yet.

"...did you wanna read something tonight? It won't wake them up, I can Whisper it."

Permalink Mark Unread

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Permalink Mark Unread

She checks her suitcase and pulls out Ender's Game and - well, there isn't really any place to sit besides the other bed, so probably she'll have to sit there to read the first few chapters.

Permalink Mark Unread

Ooh they can snuggle and read.

Permalink Mark Unread

....yeah they can do that. She has a bunch of alarm bells in her head about this but most of them are attached to things that aren't true and would therefore be kind of silly to listen to, probably.

....she will just keep reading for maybe longer than is advisable, because she kind of feels like when she stops she has to stop doing this and get into the other bed.

Permalink Mark Unread

He’s not watching the time. When she’s done he will pick a side of the bed instead of flopping kinda in the middle of it though.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

...gah why are decisions hard. Everything was way easier when she knew what she was supposed to be trying to be like. 

 

"Um - would you prefer it if I slept in the other bed, or - "

Permalink Mark Unread

“...no? Is there some reason I should want you to do that? I think your hair is probably dry by now.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um, because sharing beds is - just - like - intimate, or whatever, and stuff- "

Permalink Mark Unread

“- do you want me on the floor?”

Permalink Mark Unread

"No! Just - if you wanna be alone I can fit into the other bed. It's not like Zana needs a lot of space. Just - wanted to ask. I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

“I don’t want to be alone. I like you. Karen.”

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh," she says, like this is some kind of new important insight, even though she is pretty sure she has had this exact insight at least, like, three or four times by now and just keeps forgetting it for some reason. "I guess that's - okay, then."

She is blushing kind of a lot but she does get under the covers of this bed.

Permalink Mark Unread

"We're even now! If I didn't like you I could just go be a fairy early or something!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, yeah, but - I dunno, 'I like hanging out in your house and learning about humans' is different than - other possible kinds of liking people - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I like sharing a bed with you. I liked it when you would have me kiss you."

Permalink Mark Unread

- man that phrasing makes it way harder to breathe normally than it's supposed to be.

It also kind of makes her want to kiss him right now. This is, like, an incredibly terrible idea, because they're on a bed, and her niblings are in the next bed over, and good people do not do things like that. Good people are not very invested in kissing people at all, and good people go to church every Sunday, and good people do not have to make a will save to avoid mind controlling their boyfriends, and good people disapprove of drinking at parties, and good people do not lie to their parents for two weeks, and as a matter of fact good people don't decide to try living without their adults at age sixteen via a series of complicated long-term deceptions, and good people definitely do not get fluttery feelings every time people talk about wanting to serve them or wanting to be made to do things.

 

Possibly good is not a thing that she is anymore.

She kisses him.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's so good.

Permalink Mark Unread

This is definitely a terrible decision. She feels kind of like she's watching a nature documentary about herself and the narrator is explaining to the audience all of the contributing factors that went into the making of this terrible decision. She isn't good, and didn't have anyone competent to help her be good, and will probably end up exactly like her sister, and no one is coming to save her from this, not from her own terribleness, not ever.

But Connor is kissing her back, and as long as that's happening she kind of feels like he probably likes her, and this is significantly better than being both terrible and unliked.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I was scared you didn't - want this anymore."

Permalink Mark Unread

"S'just - very hard to remember that you - don't like me, I have no idea why you do - "

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. "You read me stories and worked ridiculously hard to not inconvenience me at all when I was your slave and you're smart but you don't spend a lot of time reminding me I'm stupid and you got me a dog for Christmas and you're good to her, and to the kids. I don't know why you don't like you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. Getting to snuggle him in bed is so nice. No wonder people end up making terrible decisions.

"I don't feel very smart."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggling does feel really nice.  She's so very soft and warm. "Yeah, well, school makes people feel stupid so they don't think about anything other than trying harder at school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not, like, about school, even, just - I never have any idea what I'm doing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think that's just...life."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Maybe everyone just goes around feeling like they're making terrible decisions all the time. Maybe this is why they make up rules, so they won't have to think so hard about how little sense anything ever makes.

She closes her eyes and snuggles him closer.

 

"I really like you. For the record."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It seemed like the stupid book made you feel like you were doing something badly or something and then you didn't - want to like me anymore."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - wanna like you, I just - am worried I'm interested in the wrong parts of it, or something - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Because you want a slave and what with the weird way dying worked you don't have one anymore?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean I kind of feel like it would be wrong to want one even if I had one, but if the universe doesn't even agree then it just seems - pathetic - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Lots of people want slaves. 's a perfectly reasonable thing to want. And you didn't just start wanting it out of the blue, you had it, and you were really good at it, and then it got taken away. That's not - it's not pathetic to wish you hadn't died and lost something important to you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cling.

"I - guess. I mean, I'm not sure about the reasonable thing to want part, but - I guess the last part made sense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'s a reasonable thing to want. If I were a grown-up fairy and knew how to kidnap people without scaring them and I ran into you when you were - miserable and so tired - I'd have wanted to keep you. I don't, now, because it'd be weird, but."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay but - wanting to feel like you have, I dunno, a right to make someone to do things, or - a right to touch someone whenever you want, just seems - kind of really concerning - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"If when you touched me I flinched and looked really upset about it would you still want to?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...no."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So then you don't just want the right to touch someone whenever you want. You want someone who wants you, and you didn't use any magic to make me want you. And you want them and the universe to agree that they're yours. And if that were bad for them you'd try to fix it. But it wasn't bad for me, right, I was happy."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"'s nothing wrong with that. I dunno how to - I guess you could give me back all those gems, if you still have them somewhere -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I... did in fact keep them."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Well. If you want to have a slave instead of those gems, you should give them back."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"Would you be - happier, that way, d'you think?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Would you touch me more?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"Probably. If you kept - wanting that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then - yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

She is a terrible person. She is a terrible person who is going to have a slave on purpose. 

She is at least a terrible person who is snuggling someone who likes her.

"Okay. We can try that. When we go home. 

"....I don't think anyone can actually stop us from sharing a bed at home either."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I'd like that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

And she can fall asleep holding him.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's so pleased.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Mine

You can change how much fairies in your debt are in your debt.

To learn this spell, touch a fairy. Say 'slabdrill, tuttadit, geosyog'. Unsay it. 

Permalink Mark Unread

........okay.

 

She reads her new spell to Connor.

Permalink Mark Unread



" - wow."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, it's - yeah.

"...do you, uh, think I should learn it, or - "

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"It's kind of terrifying? I don't know that you - shouldn't - learn it - but -

- that's really astoundingly powerful."

Permalink Mark Unread

".........yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

 


"I - I'd want you to use it the once? To fix the thing that happened when you died. If you just did it all the time so I couldn't make any progress that'd make me sad I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

"I - kind of don't want to pass it up? If you don't want me to learn it I will hand you the book until the text changes. But - I kind of do wanna have it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I trust you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Then she will take his hand, say "slabdrill, tuttadit, geosyog", and then unsay it.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's in her debt. It's a fact about the universe like that he's blond, but she's not exactly using her eyes to see it. He's a little bit in her debt, like she read him a story last night for an unusually long time. It's not very much. He could pay it back by watching Zana at the funeral.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh wow I can sense debt. I guess it would be kind of crazy if I could change it without actually observing it. Do you want to - change it now, or - "

Permalink Mark Unread

Shiver. "Whenever. I guess. - just the once."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - are you actually okay with this? - I guess it is not very reassuring for me not to do it now if I can do it whenever later, but - if you didn't want to we could get you out of debt and you could stay out and then you wouldn't have to worry - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"It doesn't - feel like the kind of thing someone should be able to do. I wish it'd just given you a spell to undo the one thing. But - I do trust you. I didn't want you to lose this when you died."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Just the once, then."

She holds his hand again. This is in no way necessary but it seems appropriate somehow.

"Tell me when."

And she moves him further and further into her debt.

Permalink Mark Unread

It takes a lot before he stops her. The debt feels like it has a little bit of a tug to it in addition to the visual bit, drawing them together.

"That's where it was before," he says a bit uncertainly.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. She stops.

"You okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Just - weird. I - I like the thing where debts are there for reasons. But this one is. Was."

Hug?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. Much hug.

Permalink Mark Unread

The hug creates a little more debt. Not a lot of it. 

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Does it, like - how does it decide which way debt goes for, like, hugs?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It tracks who initiated it and who it was for and what we're getting out of it, for a weird sort of 'getting out of it' that's not exactly just whether you like it. Right now I think it's mostly counting the fact that I wanted it, for - reassurance or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay." Squeeze. "I - want you to be okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am. Just - it's like if I found out you were a superhero and could punch through walls and pick up cars?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean I can already turn invisible."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes but that's not - scary even when you know it won't be directed at you. It's just cool."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I guess. You could probably find sinister applications for invisibility if you wanted to, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Could you? You could cheat on tests, I guess, but that's not evil."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Steal things? Assassinate people?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess maybe I forgot humans can do stuff like that if no one catches them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess the sense in which we cannot normally do these things is different than the sense in which fairies can't. I think - invisibility is kind of the same genre for humans, since it means you can do a bunch of bad stuff without getting in trouble for it, but I see how the debt thing would be a lot scarier given the givens."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It'd terrify anyone else if you did it to them. You probably shouldn't. Or, like, you could use it to clear debt, that'd be terrifying but much less so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am not really planning to ever use it again unless - something really weird happens. It's nice just being able to see stuff now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That makes sense. Probably you'll get more of a sense for what it counts, now that you can sense it, and that's always helpful."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. 

"So... I guess we have a funeral to go to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Right."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

...that feels like a weird not-very-reassuring place to leave things, though, so first she kisses him. Because he said that he would like it if she did that more.

Permalink Mark Unread

He likes that. The debt moves his direction the very slightest bit. 

Permalink Mark Unread

It is maybe kind of nice to be able to see that.

After this they can wake the kids and dress up in nice clothes and have hotel waffles for breakfast, and then she can drive them to the funeral. There are lots of people at the funeral, all dressed up in nice clothes and all talking, mostly quietly, about the deceased. Lots of people recognize her and give her hugs.

There's a service. A Protestant one, the whole rest of the family is Protestant, mostly Baptist or Non-denominational flavored. They have to sit quietly for - well, it's supposed to be a couple hours, but Zana is pretty much incapable of this, so at one point she ends up ducking out and letting her run around outside for a little bit.

Permalink Mark Unread

He also ends up having to duck out because one of the speakers is saying things she doesn't believe. The church is in a nice forested area. It's pretty.

Permalink Mark Unread

Zana thinks they should run WAY into this forest.

Permalink Mark Unread

"....do you wanna, like, take a walk for a bit?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure."

Permalink Mark Unread

So they can take a walk, mostly following Zana and calling after her every so often to make sure she hasn't run off too far.

Permalink Mark Unread

And eventually - "Zana don't move -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's a fairy ring over there. See the - actually it might be hard to see if you can't see paths - uh, if we go there, we'll speed up and be in the fairy world. But this isn't the one at home so I don't think you should go in ahead of us."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ohhh. Are we gonna go in?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He glances at Karen. "We can, so long as you're with a grownup. I wouldn't want fairies to think you hadn't any grownups and needed them to take care of you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have grownups!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I guess if you think it's safe?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno anything about this area but even if there are people around we can always just not talk to them. - don't tell them your name, Zana."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay!"

Permalink Mark Unread

She scoops Zana up and heads over towards the fairy circle.

Permalink Mark Unread

They've had some practice from their own fairy circle at stepping through at close to the same second. 

 

 

It's not empty. There's an elaborately dressed fairy sitting on a tree stump, beaming at them.

Permalink Mark Unread

....she glances at Connor.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hi!" 

The fairy looks between him and Karen. "- hello," he says, apparently not quite sure which of them he should be speaking to. "This is the circle of the Court of the Eastern Lake. What's your court -"

"We haven't got one. It's kind of a long story."

"Perhaps you could come back with us for a meal and then tell it?"

Connor looks to Karen.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I guess it won't take a lot of time outside."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's right" the fairy says cheerfully. "So long as you're with me time'll be passing very slowly back where you came from. You'll have to have something to eat to be able to see the paths to our court and to count as properly with me, though. Do you like raspberries?"

Permalink Mark Unread

".....sure."

Permalink Mark Unread

Raspberries! Three of them.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't actually know very much about how all this works, would this mean I have to get slowed down again the slow way? Because I don't have time for that right now, and I can't really afford it either -"

        "I'm really not an expert," the fairy says. "But even if it does work out that way, we can slow you down."

"Right, but like, when the funeral's over we're supposed to head back and if I have to get slowed down the slow way I won't be back until tomorrow morning.

       "Or you could stay fast. We could pay the girl for you, if you want that, and you wouldn't need to slow back down again."

"I don't want that."

       "You're missing out on a lot."

"So're you."

       The fairy sighs and turns to see if Karen and Zana have eaten their raspberries.

Permalink Mark Unread

Not until Connor eats his.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think I probably shouldn't chance it," he says to Karen regretfully. "I wanna see a real fairy court but I don't want to be stuck fast right now. You could still go, if you want."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean I don't really wanna go without you, I only kind of know how this works."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That makes sense. Sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds like we shouldn't," she says to the fairy.

Permalink Mark Unread

The fairy looks up at the sky.

 

Nets fall on them. They're made of something shimmery and obviously magical and they're heavy, enough it's very hard to stand up under them. 

"I think you should eat the raspberry," the fairy says.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well.

She looks at Connor again.

Permalink Mark Unread

Connor looks so confused and horrified! "That was completely unnecessary! Cut it out!"

      "We're not sending you home," the fairy says, "not when we haven't properly met yet. Don't be childish about it. Eat the raspberry."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I'm Whispering," she says, very very quietly, lips not even moving very much. "Not eating this thing until you decide whether that's worse than being stuck in the net."

Permalink Mark Unread

He does not eat his raspberry.

 

The fairies start singing. 

Now that she can sense debt she can sense what that does. It creates connections, a whole web of them - between her and all the fairies, Zana and all the fairies, Connor and all the fairies. It tugs in the opposite direction from her connection with Connor.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"...well that gets rid of most of my ideas for getting out of this," she says, still Whispering.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stop that!"

      The fairy reaches into the net and tousles his hair. "We've got to get you back home with us somehow, you know."

"This is ridiculous and unnecessary and - I don't understand why you're doing it -"

     "Yes, you seem a little dense."

Connor snarls at him. 

The fairies in the treetops climb down. They start dragging the nets.

Permalink Mark Unread

Zana whimpers a little.

Permalink Mark Unread

Karen holds her close. She does not give her the raspberry.

Permalink Mark Unread

The fairies drag them for a while. They get smaller, and walk under the root of a tree. They get bigger again, and wind through a field of flowers. They come to a big, hollow tree. They're dragged in.

The interior is full of elaborate carved stairways up the inside of the tree, with doors in the walls of the wood. There are little magical lights. There's a stunningly pretty banquet hall (looking at the ceiling incurs debt) and a table, set with food and drinks. They're brought there. The doors are closed.

There are a lot of people here. They're mostly staring curiously. 

"Are you going to behave yourself and do what you're told?" a fairy asks her.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I imagine that depends what you tell me to do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why, we want you to have something to eat and to tell us the story of how you ended up entangled with this strange slow fairy of yours."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

They pull the net away. They pull out a chair for her. Someone touches her hair, curiously, and says something to another one, and then several more of them want to touch her hair.

Permalink Mark Unread

It doesn't really seem like the best time to object, but she fairly obviously Does Not Like This.

Permalink Mark Unread

They fairly obviously don't care. 

People bring her food and drink. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Fairies suck.

She takes a couple bites of her food and one sip of her drink.

 

"If you want the story to be any good you should probably stop touching me."

Permalink Mark Unread

There's some discussion about this in an unfamiliar language. 

They give her a little bit of space. 

They gather around for the story.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. Gotta make this good.

One year ago, before the summer and the spring and the winter and last fall, she came to live in a town very far away from here, where there were many strange things. Odd howling could be heard on the night of the full moon. When people died, they sometimes became ghosts, odd shimmery transparent people who could speak but who could not touch anything else in the world. Her sister became one of these ghosts, when she died, and she was left the oldest person in her house, the only person who could take care of her sister's children. So she went to the cemetery, the patch of land where the humans laid their dead to rest, and asked for a job, and was given just enough money to keep herself and her sister's children from starving or losing their home. And so she spent her days at school, or shelving books at the library, the building that houses books for the entire town, and spent her evenings laying the dead to rest, and spent her nights doing household chores and sleeping fitfully in the living room, not on a bed, and she grew very tired.

It was at the cemetery that she met the fairy. She did not know he was a fairy; she only knew that he, too, lay the dead to rest, and that he was easier to talk to than everyone else. They got along. Then one night, when they were working in the tunnels under the cemetery, she saw one of the dead stir, a twisted, hungry corpse that did not reflect the person it once had been. It attacked her friend, lunging for him. She did not have time to think. She bashed its skull in with a spiked club, and killed it, and in doing so saved her friend's life. 

She did not know, then, that fairies thought this was important, that fairies thought this was the sort of thing that produced debt. He asked her what she wanted from him, and she told him that she wanted nothing in particular. Later, his father came to her, and offered her a very great sum of money, so much money that it would have solved all of her problems, and she would not have had to work her very dangerous job anymore. But she refused, because she did not think that saving a person's life should make her entitled to so much wealth. And so his father came to her a second time, at her house, and told her that as she had refused other compensation, she must be given the life she had saved. And this is how she came to have a fairy.

(She eyes the debt, considering whether to tell them any more.)

Permalink Mark Unread

The debt has been patiently unspooling in her direction through the whole story. She is still in debt to some of the fairies - the ones she accepted food from, the one who got debt when she looked at the ceiling - but the rest of them are in her debt, by now, just a little.

Permalink Mark Unread

Mrrr. Better see if she can get a little further out.

So, uh - 

She didn't know how to have a fairy, at first. She didn't even realize that the debt was magical, because she didn't yet know he was a fairy, for humans don't know so very much about fairies, and in most cases certainly don't know that they really exist. This is another curious thing about humans - they tell false stories to each other all the time, to confuse each other or to entertain themselves, and sometimes they forget which of their stories were true and which of them were false. She assumed that the stories about fairies that she had heard as a child were all false, and so she assumed that her friend could not be one. 

So she asked her friend what he and his father needed in order for him to be allowed to return to his house, thinking she had better play along with whatever ceremonial duties they thought the situation required. And her friend - her slave, although she did not know he was, not then - told her that she should tell him how he might be of service to her, and that if he did this for a very long time, then after a long term of service he might be free of her before her life was over.

She was not used to thinking about what other people could do for her. No one had ever particularly prioritized this, as far as she could tell. But eventually she decided that he could watch her niece, and that he could do some chores around the house, and after enough of this service he might be free of her and able to return home to his father.

(Does it look like she can dig herself all the way out if she goes on long enough....?)

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe, but they don't seem to intend to let her. 

"Thank you," someone says. "That was a lovely story. More to drink? Or eat?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then we shall sing," announces one of the fairies who's not in her debt.

Permalink Mark Unread

Shit.

 

" - is using the spell somehow a worse idea than getting stuck in everyone's debt again, just - nod your head for 'go for it' - " she Whispers to Connor.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

And everyone who was in her debt is now in her debt a lot.

"I don't think I would like that very much."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Don't move and don't talk," he says loudly, "any of you," and then he tugs himself loose and walks over to Karen and Zana, a bit unsteadily.

 

The fairies don't move and don't talk. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you. What now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't - I - uh -

- we should ask if anyone knows whether I'll be able to slow down again once I'm not entangled with them - if not, we'll need them to slow me down -

- and you can tell them to transfer some of the debt their friends are in to cancel things out with the ones who you're still indebted to - you'll probably have to tell them that you just want to get unentangled and leave and that you won't keep doing this once you can leave - 

- I want my father or my brothers I don't know if I know how to get this all done without - something going wrong -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. Aaaaah.

"We want to leave this place. We will cancel your debts when we're gone. If anyone here knows whether my friend will slow back down once he's unentangled with you, they should tell us now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He's a fairy," someone says, after a pause. "He's meant to be fast, he won't slow back down. You can leave, though. If you aren't entangled you'll slow back down."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you. I am not leaving without him and that means you're going to need to figure out how to make him slow. How would you do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can slow people down at night. It takes the whole night but at the end of it they're slowed. It works even if they have entanglement."

Permalink Mark Unread

"All right then. You're gonna do that for him."

To Connor, "How do we get you and my niece out of debt - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can ask them to transfer my debts to you in exchange for forgiving that much of their debt to you. Same for her except I guess her debts will just disappear when they're transferred to you but I don't think that'd make it not work."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. If you people transfer his debts and my niece's debts to me, I'll forgive that much of your debt to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That doesn't ...actually mean anything when you can increase the debts any time," someone points out.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess this is true. I could promise not to? Breaking promises to fairies is, like, super dangerous, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes. - right now it might kill all of us so actually it'd be better if you didn't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I don't like you very much but I don't want you dead, or anything. I want you to work on helping us get home, and I want you to not have free reign to continue being very poor hosts to my friends."

Permalink Mark Unread

"May we discuss this among ourselves?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks at Connor.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...probably fine? I'm not really an expert here, I'm sorry -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. "Sorry. You can talk among yourselves."

Permalink Mark Unread

There's some discussion. Eventually - "we would like you to state that you intend to leave us alone and never come back here once we've slowed down you and your child and your slave."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yep! I intend to leave you alone and never come back here once you've slowed down me and my niece and my slave."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then we'll transfer the debts. Someone will have to go get the crystal."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can go get your crystal."

Permalink Mark Unread

Someone leaves. They return with a glittering black crystal. "You'll have to touch it, and so will I, and so will he."

Permalink Mark Unread

She touches the crystal.

Permalink Mark Unread

So does he.

Permalink Mark Unread

The faery does too, and says some things, and the debt moves. 

They have to repeat this for all the faeries with outstanding debts with him, and then they have to repeat it again with Zana.

Permalink Mark Unread

Then they'll do that. It will be kind of a pain but this whole thing is kind of a pain, so.

Permalink Mark Unread

Then there are no debts except Connor's to her and all the random fairies' to her, in varying amounts.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cool.

"How long before night?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, a long time," someone says, slightly condescendingly, "because it's the early afternoon."

Permalink Mark Unread

"......how many times do you expect to sleep before then."

Permalink Mark Unread

"....like, sixty?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I guess we will need someplace to sleep for the next sixty sleeps, and also food, now that you've insisted on kidnapping us."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We don't have that much food for two people."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I kind of feel like you should have thought about that before you kidnapped us?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I guess so? We don't, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. "Can I see what you have and determine whether it's enough for a few months?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure."

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, how much food do they have?

Permalink Mark Unread

They have the food that's on the table at the moment and then about half the food scavenged already for the feast when night arrives. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think it'll last if we ration it. Won't be fun. And nobody besides us can have any."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You'll also need food for while you're being slowed down, I think, it's not instantaneous."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - ugh. And I guess if I get them even with me before that and leave they have no particular reason to help you slow back down."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could make them promise? They won't be happy about it, making people promise something is really unfriendly, but they started it with the being unfriendly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is there somewhere else we can obtain food, d'you think?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could tell them they had better trade for it? That's probably what they'd have done if they'd captured you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. "I guess they did start it."

So she tells the fairies. "You don't have enough food for the night. Options: you can trade for enough food for the night. Alternatively, five people can promise to make sure he gets slowed tonight, and me and the child can leave now."

Permalink Mark Unread

There is discussion. 

 

"We can trade for food."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Works for me. We'll need a room."

Permalink Mark Unread

Discussion. "She will show you to your room." Someone steps forward.

Permalink Mark Unread

She can follow this person. Cautiously. Making sure they're not taking her to a dungeon or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

They take her to a very nice room. It's well-furnished and not decorated (but then, it'd be rude if it were decorated) and has a little window looking out from the trunk of the tree. It has three beds, a big one and a child's one and then a thin one on the floor. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"....thanks."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're welcome. Do you require anything else?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not now. Where do we find you if we do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'll be staying in the next room over, if that's acceptable to you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yep! That's fine."

She closes the door.

Permalink Mark Unread

He shivers.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - so I think, like, nonzero evidence that the book somehow looks at the future. Are you okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. 

I don't - know why they were like that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Like - with the kidnapping - ?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I would point out your career plans but I'm - worried you would take it too seriously."

Hug.

"Sounded much nicer when you talked about it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wouldn't - I wouldn't have done this. With nets and - they shouldn't have touched you -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "I'm not - I'll get over it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, it's not like you knew what was gonna happen. Just - glad it wasn't worse. For any of us."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you gonna need anything? Since - we seem to be stuck here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah. Well, dew, occasionally."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. 

" - I'm not, um, disappointed in you, or anything? You were really good, once we had them in debt, most of the ideas we had were yours. I know you think you weren't really, like, prepared, back there, but - I'm glad I had you to help think of stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

“You’re really, really good.”

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug.

"...kisses still good?"

Permalink Mark Unread

“I’m all yours.”

Permalink Mark Unread

Kiss.

"I think we're gonna be okay. Hopefully."

Permalink Mark Unread

“I think so. I think they want to be rid of us as fast as possible and then have a great story to tell.

You did really really well.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good! I was pretty terrified the entire time, so - that's good."

Permalink Mark Unread

“I’m not sure there’s anyone who would’ve done better.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean - the spell did most of the work."

Permalink Mark Unread

“The story?”

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean - the story did a little?"

Permalink Mark Unread

“None of it would’ve worked without the story. And it was a really good story.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. I'm glad everybody thought so."

Permalink Mark Unread

He sits down on the bed. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. I hope we're not, like, super bored for the next several months."

She checks her backpack. Two novels, her spellbook, four notebooks, some pens and crayons, four granola bars, and Zana's toy spaceship.

"...could be worse?"

Permalink Mark Unread

“I think fairies have things to do? Theatre and songs and exploring the world while tiny and things.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I'm kind of unclear what, uh, terms we are on with them."

Permalink Mark Unread

“Well I think you kind of conquered their court.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeaaah, but it seems, like - I don't really wanna make them more sad about it than they have to be?"

Permalink Mark Unread

“You’re so great.”

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think they are entirely the amount of sad about it that they should be, considering how rude they were. If you go out there and order them to torture each other for your entertainment then I guess I will object that that's sadder than they should be."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I can probably avoid that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. 

You could probably make them repeatedly poke each other with chopsticks. That wouldn't be excessive."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We're gonna be stuck with them for months. Probably best not to intentionally antagonize them. I'm sure we'll do plenty of unintentionally antagonizing them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They're probably worrying about how to not antagonize you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, yeah, probably, but - I would like not to get anybody so mad at us that they stop thinking about what's smart. Or think a lot harder than us."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. That's - smart."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I try. I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're good at it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You did great too, Zana."

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug? Zana would like a hug.

Permalink Mark Unread

- yeah.

Permalink Mark Unread

Lots of hug.

"Can we go home yet?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not for a while, Zana. We're gonna get home, but we're gonna be stuck here for - a while."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"How long?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"A few months. ...do you want a story?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes please."

Permalink Mark Unread

Then she can tuck Zana into the bed and tell her a nice long story, until she's asleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

He will - wait and see what she thinks of the bed situation from there, actually, since he only has a vague guess what she'll want.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Um, so, do you wanna share the bed or not, because - I know you did, but then, uh, stuff happened, so - "

Permalink Mark Unread

" - the stuff that happened was that you saved us all from slavery? Like, bad slavery."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um. Yeah, I guess. Just - I would maybe feel kind of weird about some things if - I was in debt to you and a bunch of awful kidnapper fairies had just been constantly referring to me as your slave. I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am your slave."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean, I guess, but - not the kind who should have to - be ignored, or have worse things than me, or - not get to make decisions about stuff when you want to. I dunno. I just didn't like the way they said it. Maybe I didn't like the way they said anything. Like - the way kidnapping sounds a lot less awful when you're the one talking about it, maybe."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - yeah, maybe. But you'd be entirely within your rights to ignore me or not get me nice things, it's sweet how you don't but it's not - I wouldn't be mad if you did. It's all fair in the broader accounting even if it's not fair for a stretch, since that's kind of the point, me paying you back."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - don't want stuff to be like that. It's only any good having you if you like it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're very good. But it's important to me to - expect much less than you're doing, so I don't feel mad or sad or betrayed or something if at some point you need to lean on it without worrying about all that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That - makes sense. But - I just, I want you to know that it's - more important that you're okay than that you're mine, right, because - it's not like how fairy slavery normally is, anymore, if I wanted to make you my slave forever without ever doing anything for you again then I could, and it's - I don't wanna be someone who would do that. And I don't want you to feel like it would be okay if I did."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I promise I'll be very annoyed if you do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Good."

She gets in the nice bed.

"C'mere."

Permalink Mark Unread

He does that. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Then she will snuggle and kiss him, because he is hers and he likes it and she told him that she would do it more from now on.

Permalink Mark Unread

He would be concerned about this thought process if he was aware of it but he is not so he is very happy.

Permalink Mark Unread

She likes making him happy. Maybe she should give him lots of kisses, so he will keep being very happy.

Permalink Mark Unread

Very very happy fairy.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. 

She will fall asleep snuggling her very very happy fairy.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

And in the morning she will scoop up her three-year-old, who has decided to wake her by jumping on top of her, and kiss her slave just once, and then go talk to the fairies about food. And maybe some toys for the kid, so she doesn't get bored, if they have any toys for little fairies in storage or anything.

Permalink Mark Unread

The fairies are trading for enough food to support them all until they're slowed down, and have some food now for the two of them. They also have kids' toys. Blocks and painting tools and lots of cloth to roll around in and there's a climbing wall downstairs that's kid-sized.

Permalink Mark Unread

Great! That all works. She can show Zana the climbing wall and the toys and take her on forest walks and keep them fed, and at night after Zana goes to bed she can kiss her fairy and make him very happy, and her people will be taken care of and probably nothing awful will happen to any of them.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Afire

You can hurt yourself to make other people happy and make their endeavors go well. 

To learn this spell, hurt yourself. Say: boaclick plakill bioyino

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Well that's... moderately concerning.

"Got another spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oooh, is it a good one?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um. The description is 'You can hurt yourself to make other people happy and make their endeavors go well.'"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"That seems like a really bad spell. I think your spellbook has bad taste."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's, like, the most opposed you've been to any of them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well it's a fair bit stupider than any of the other ones!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty sure mind controlling you would have been dumber?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno? I'm still not really sure that spell would've done anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

She looks at her spell.

 

"It's - never given me anything that I wasn't at least tempted to use. But I won't take it if you think it's a bad idea."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Why are you tempted to use that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cause... I could make people succeed at stuff. And make them happy. Even if I didn't really know how else to do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

- he takes the book from her.

(The debt system strongly disapproves of this; it jumps by more than she's ever seen it jump when she wasn't directly manipulating it.

"I don't want to be happy because you hurt yourself to achieve that."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"- sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - no, don't be, that's - good to know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't - would you be happy if I had that spell and was using it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"No. - I mean, maybe ever, if someone you knew was trying to do something really important and you were trying to help them succeed at it, but not - regularly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that sounds about right. If you got it in, I don't know, ten years, and were like 'this is the perfect way to help Connor invent that cancer cure he's working on', that'd be different."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That makes sense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not sure I really believe people can be happy at the expense of the people they care about anyway. Or - in little ways, sometimes, but I think it has to balance out eventually."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...maybe. At least beyond a certain level of caring."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Keep the book until the text changes, then, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you for caring."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...course."

Permalink Mark Unread

...kiss?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well. At least she knows how to make him happy without stabbing herself or anything, that's cool.

(The debt moves in his direction. She's never seen it move in her direction for kissing, so this is not very noteworthy.)

Permalink Mark Unread

They haven't had a kiss that was for her since they got here but he's not sure what to say about it. Maybe they can go exploring while tiny. Or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sure, they can go exploring while tiny if he wants?

Permalink Mark Unread

If it sounds fun to her and Zana.

Permalink Mark Unread

She thinks it sounds neat! Zana is also extremely in favor.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yay! They can go explore while tiny.

Permalink Mark Unread

Exploring while tiny is in fact really neat! Zana has a lot of fun and Karen is really glad that she decided to do this.

She kisses him while they're out.

It is still for him.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You know it's kind of supposed to run the other way when you have a slave. Not that I mind, obviously, just."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You are supposed to kiss me when you want a kiss from me. You've been doing the other thing recently. It's - not a big deal or anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I - like it when you're happy."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"- do you want to kiss me, though?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean - 

"It - would make me sad if I didn't get to, ever - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm - really honestly not mad, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -

- when - at first - you would touch me, it counted as something I was doing for you. And so I knew it was - I knew you wanted it. At the dance, and - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh.

" - I didn't see it then, I didn't know it used to go the other way."

 

She wants to kiss him right now. But she wants to kiss him so that he will be reassured, and happy, and not worried about whether she likes him or will stop touching him soon, and given the rest of the conversation it occurs to her that this will probably not work correctly right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's like - Christmas - uh, I mean, like, if you brought home a present for me every day and never wanted any presents, it wouldn't be that they weren't nice, or that I didn't like them, but - but the nice thing about Christmas is that I got you presents too?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

" - it's just, like - I can accept presents but I don't know how to tell if I wanthem?"

Permalink Mark Unread


"Huh. I don't think I find that hard, really."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well.

 

" - do you want me to change anything, or - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"- do you think kissing me is helping you figure out what you want or is it just - a way of making sure I don't get mad or something -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't really know? I guess - it's not that I think you'll get mad, it's just, I told you I'd probably touch you, and - I want you to feel - happy, about how things are, and like I like you - which I guess doesn't work very well if the debt system is giving you some - mental info I can't even access about how much I secretly actually want to touch you, but I do like you - so - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not that I think you don't like me. When it was going your way I still liked you. And liked the kissing. A lot."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Right but I don't - I don't know how to make it go my way."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think it's like - are you thinking about how it'll make me feel or about how it'll make you feel."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't really want to stop thinking about how things are going to make you feel?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean it was the other way before so that amount of thinking about what I want is fine? - and I mean, any amount is fine, you can kiss me into more debt if that's what you want to do. Just - as long as it's what you want to do."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - well now I have no idea what that is, and there isn't an - unmarked option, really - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean it's - I'm glad to know stuff about it, I'm just - confused about what I'm supposed to do with it. I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I dunno. I won't be upset if you keep doing the same thing, or stop kissing me while you figure stuff out - or forever, if that's - if you figure out you don't want to -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I think that would make me sad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. Then don't do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay.

" - do you want to kiss me, right now, maybe - I guess you usually want to kiss me - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I want you to - have me. As someone on your side, who will help you, and be where you need them to be, and for you to touch, if you want to do that, including I guess if you only want to do that because it makes me happy but not if it's - hurting you to make me happy, like the spell -"

Permalink Mark Unread

- and there's that thing again, that happens sometimes, when he talks about being hers. Where she's weirdly aware of how hard it is to breathe and her heartbeat seems louder and she's pretty sure she's blushing, and every time it happens she thinks that it must be bad, or weird, or wrong, but apparently the other thing is too, and at least it'll make him happy - at least it feels like wanting something -

"Come here."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

She kisses him. 

A piece of her is telling her that this is pathetic, wanting to do this with someone, feeling like she has a right to decide what happens just because she can manipulate the fairy rules, feeling like she should ever get to decide anything when it has to do with what she wants, feeling like what she wants matters, like she's allowed to want things in the first place for reasons that don't have to do with taking care of other people.

A different piece of her is telling her that this is really good, see, good job, Connor will be happy that she wants to kiss him now, please let him keep being happy, please let him want to be hers, maybe she should kiss him differently and see how happy she can make him, please just let Connor keep liking her, please please please -

She tells both of the pieces to shut up, repeatedly, because they keep creeping inward from the edges of her consciousness and trying to chase out the piece of her that is actually getting to make kissing decisions right now. It's harder to hear, because unlike most of her pieces, it's not a piece that's very good at words. But she takes his head in her hands and kisses him more thoroughly and less hesitantly than she usually does, like he belongs to her, like he is hers to kiss, like she could do anything she wanted and it would be allowed, and if all she does is kiss him then that is not because there are rules keeping her from doing something else, it's because this is the thing that she wants from him today. And the piece that is making decisions says yes, yes, mine, mine mine mine.

For the first time since they came to fairyland, the debt from kissing runs her way.

"Mine," she whispers, a little uncertainly.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mhmm. Love you. Want you to be - okay -"

Permalink Mark Unread

- this pretty much causes all of the pieces to short circuit, so she has to stop kissing him. She does not stop holding him.

He loves her he loves her he loves her.

" - love you too. I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

Holding him is good. She is good.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think. Possibly. There is some evidence that - I like it when you talk about, um, belonging to me. And stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Good. I can keep doing that."

Permalink Mark Unread

...she is just going to keep hugging him for a while.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eventually maybe she will be kind of calm again and they can go find Zana and get some dinner into her.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds good.

Permalink Mark Unread

And then she can tell Zana a long story and they can all go to bed.

She will maybe not kiss Connor again without being prompted but she will definitely want to snuggle a lot.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggles are real good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Together

When you are touching someone, you can read each others' minds.

To learn this spell, hold someone's hand. Tell them 'waratel'. Tell them what else you are thinking. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"It changed," he tells her.

Permalink Mark Unread

She reads him the spell.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"See? Much better than the stupid one."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. "Mhmm. Can I have it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Up to you. I'd take this one, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wanna take it."

She takes his hand. 

"Waratel. Um, I'm thinking that - I'm excited to be able to hear what you're thinking, and kind of excited for you to see what I'm thinking about but also kind of nervous because a lot of what I think is stupid, and I'm thinking that I like you, and that I'm really glad I started reading all my spells to you so that you can tell me when they're stupid and that as a result I have this one and not the other one. And that lying in bed with you is nice."

Permalink Mark Unread

And he's thinking that he's really glad she didn't take the other spell and he's mad the book offered it, why would you do that, how does it decide what to offer anyway and why are they so frequently things that'd be bad for her if she took them? Really they should've been doing more experimenting or at least careful note-taking there. And he should probably respond to the rest of what she said but he was thinking about this and didn't really pay that much attention and was that rude? Ugh. It feels like his thoughts are louder now that he knows someone's reading them. What if she thinks he's stupid.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hee. His thoughts are cute and sweet and good. She kind of wants to kiss him because he's cute and sweet and good and she wants him to be happy, but she's not sure that's a good enough reason and - oh right he's listening to everything she's thinking now. Gah. Hopefully he doesn't think she's stupid either.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe this was a bad idea because all they'll ever think about is whether the other person is thinking they're stupid and whether they want to kiss each other for the right reasons. Not that he worries about whether he wants to kiss her for the right reasons because he's not in charge of that but he'd sure worry about it a lot if he did? Maybe he wouldn't and would just kiss her a lot. Maybe that would make him not any better than those fairies who might've done anything, really, if she hadn't known how to stop them - he shouldn't think about that because he thinks probably she has thought about sex a lot less than him and it will probably freak her out and - maybe he will think about his dog. His dog's name is Dog. Shoot now she knows.

Permalink Mark Unread

- God why is he so adorable. He gave his dog an adorable name and he worries about adorable things and she's not really entirely a hundred percent sure that she loves him but she definitely likes him really really a lot. She is not terribly worried about them not figuring this spell out because, like, they can always stop touching for a while? Although it would be sad if they couldn't snuggle at night so probably they should at some point figure out how to, like, be comfortable with each other's thoughts enough to, like, calm down a little and sleep.

She's not sure whether it would be bad if he kissed her a lot without thinking about whether this was good for her, probably at first that would have been pretty bad because she would have been scared, but she does not think it would be as bad as the other fairies, because he cares about she feels, and stuff, right, and probably if something was really really upsetting and hurting her he would have stopped, right?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah he wasn't imagining that he would kiss her while she was sad about it or something that sounds like it would actually suck. He doesn't think he's a bad person. Like, arguably he is since he is a fairy and his life plan is kidnapping people - is it still? Uh his life plan is probably kidnapping people if he can figure out how and that kind of makes him a bad person but not the kind who wants to hurt someone.

Permalink Mark Unread

She kind of thinks maybe he should possibly rethink the kidnapping thing at least until he knows how to do it better than these fairies, these fairies kind of suck at kidnapping people without hurting them. She's kind of unclear on how being a good or bad person works but probably he is at least better than they are.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah he's kind of reconsidering the kidnapping thing except he doesn't super know what else to do and also it's confusing that this was so much worse than it should've been. Matt probably knows what he needs to know to kidnap people successfully? He is gonna talk this over with Matt once they get back. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Possibly he could live in her house and keep working at the cemetery sometimes and doing chores and raising his dog and playing with her niblings until she like died or something. This would make her very happy except oh shit she was trying not to admit that because it seems selfish and embarrassing. Also it does not really solve his long-term problems in terms of what to do with himself after she dies probably.

Permalink Mark Unread

That has also crossed his mind except that, like, that's a really really long time and for his family it'd be even longer, much longer, many thousands of years, and they'll all move on without him which is kind of terrifying. And also at some point probably she'll want, like, a husband who works a normal job and isn't stupid and has other desirable qualities of humans and even if the husband doesn't mind about the slave which it really kind of seems like he would, it ...doesn't seem like it would be nice, to be her slave after that, not that he's sure why, exactly, and - well, if she wants him she can keep him so it's kind of a moot point but.

Permalink Mark Unread

- so in this scenario probably there is not another person because, like, um, they are sort of dating and stuff, except it's kind of weird because of the whole slavery thing, but she's kissing him a lot, and she can't really date anyone else while she's kissing  him all the time, and like, honestly this entire thing is kind of silly because, like, she's in high school, she's not really sure if she's allowed to make plans that go this far out about anything, it is kind of ridiculous and pathetic to assume that she can have, like, genuine real adult feelings about anything, or have feelings about getting married, because she's like seventeen still, but - she really likes him and it makes her way happier when he's with her and she's not really sure why she would want anyone else, except that, like, it is maybe kind of hard to think about some stuff if she feels like he's going to leave after a couple more years?

Also she does not think he's stupid. At all. He can't read but that's not really the same thing at all.

...the thing about his family moving on without him makes sense and probably if that makes him sad he shouldn't stay with her forever.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's really good it makes him happier when she's with him. It seemed like it made her really sad at first and he's not sure he was confident that stopped being the case. It's kind of inconvenient suddenly having a slave when you don't want one. 

The family thing is - maybe there's a solution? Maybe every day he could go out to their circle for like ten minutes and bring them stuff off a wishlist and they'd appreciate him and he could hear about all the adventures they'd had in the last three years and it'd be okay except it kind of sounds like a lot? He should think about it more sometime probably but it's kind of intimidating to think about? 

Or he could try being a fairy for three years and come back to her the next day.

There's probably a way to make this work on the whole though if he were her he'd make his slave promise to come back since three years is kind of a long time.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe it would be okay for him to leave for three years once a week, except then being with her would be like a tiny tiny slice of his life overall and she feels kind of weird about that. She's not sure that she should make him promise anything because if he stops wanting to be with her then probably he shouldn't come back, although the thought of him not wanting to be with her makes her kind of sad, and probably she's going to be that sad anyway when he leaves but now she's thinking about it and she's sad and she would like more snuggles now possibly.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. He kind of thinks that she's maybe underrating the benefits of being sure he'll come back? She was just thinking about how not knowing if he'd be around in a couple years was affecting her planning though he's not really sure what planning? (Sex? But if she wanted that she'd probably have ever done that and he had decided not to think about this the dog is named Dog) He is pretty sure he'd spend his time in fairyland wandering in the wilderness mostly but he's not sure that improves anything or what there even is to be improved and probably if they were going to do this they should try it for a while to make sure it works before making any claims about it in the long term - also she can keep him and it doesn't actually matter what he thinks about it - except to her - she's really very good -

Permalink Mark Unread

Lots of snuggles. She's like - well yeah maybe it's at all about sex and being married or whatever (ahh does he think about having sex with her - honestly of course he does - she hopes he isn't disappointed about how she's not really sure what she wants sometimes, it's not that she doesn't like him it's just that she's a teenager still and a mess, see), but a lot of it is that she just doesn't think about the time after he's going to leave at all, because it's sad, and if she doesn't think about it then she doesn't have to be sad until it actually happens, but it does mean she can't feel secure about anything the way she would if she knew what was going to happen in four years -

- now that she's thinking about it she really really wants him to stay, kind of a pathetic amount, really? She hopes he doesn't think this is as pathetic as she does, because she thinks it is really really pathetic to want to keep him as much as she does, so pathetic she kind of feels like it hurts just being aware of it, but - she'd still let him go, right, obviously, she wants him to be happy - she'll be sad if he leaves but he gets to, the slavery thing gives her lots of weird intense (pathetic?) fluttery feelings but she's not sure she really believes in it the way he does, if it ever stopped being good for him then she's pretty sure that would be more important - she really hopes he keeps thinking she's good and not pathetic for wanting him to stay so much -

Permalink Mark Unread

He's trying to think of reasons that would be pathetic and he is not coming up with any. Maybe humans think it is pathetic to form an attachment to another person except he knows that humans date and even get married so that's probably not it. Maybe humans think it's pathetic to form an attachment to a slave in particular? That might make sense given that the way humans are, slavery's different for them - and also illegal and stuff -

Permalink Mark Unread

- possibly she mostly feels like it's pathetic to want anything this much, because she should want everything less, so she can be, like, convenient, and nice, and sweet, and the thing he's thinking about her whenever he says that she's very good, and yeah, it is kind of pathetic to want a slave in particular so much because - because cool non-pathetic people know that people won't leave them if they stop belonging to them, and figure they can get the things they want without infringing on anybody else's rights, and also maybe don't want anything this much, and - it's not pathetic to like him, but the thing where she wants him to be hers, wants him to prefer staying with her to leaving forever with his family, wants him to be happy about belonging to her and not just to himself, that's pathetic, if she were less pathetic then probably she would be less needy and less contolling and more certain of everything and less dependent on other people - 

Permalink Mark Unread

The thing he is thinking about when he says that she is very good is the thing where she saved him from zombies and secretly covers for her dead sister and conquered an entire court, and stuff, it's not really about being convenient. It's about being inconvenient for your enemies and convenient for your allies but that seems - importantly different, because the ideal traits of an ally are not 'small' or 'sweet'. 

He's still pretty sure that it's a normal emotion to want a slave and want them to belong to you but he doesn't know much about humans so maybe it's a rare human emotion and he got lucky having a human who actually wants him. Wow. It would really suck if he had a human who didn't even want him to belong to them and spent the whole time holding him off at a distance like he smelled because they were too afraid of being dependent on other people or infringing on their rights or what the fuck ever. He's hers.

Permalink Mark Unread

- she's going to hold him very close and think about how much she loves him right now. She was not completely sure she loved him a minute ago so probably in another minute she'll be less sure again but right now she loves him, loves him, wants him, wants him, hopes he'll be okay with staying with her for a long time.

Permalink Mark Unread

He feels - he's never felt anyone thinking they love him at him before - it's really good - she should have it too - he's stuck too much in his head for it though - he's pretty sure that for him loving someone is not really a narrated thought and right now he's thinking too much about thinking and all his thoughts are all narrated and - what happened earlier was she kissed him, like she wanted to do that, like she wanted him, and it was the most important and necessary and wanted he had ever felt and - it was her - and he feels all - it's kind of like this, see, there aren't any words to it -

Permalink Mark Unread

- that's so good, she feels so warm and nice and happy all over from it, all fluttery and safe and loved, with only the tiniest bit of pathetic in the background that she doesn't have to listen to at all. She should be kissing him right now. She does that, like before, if she can remember what she felt before - she felt like he was hers and she could do anything she wanted with him and he wouldn't object because he liked belonging to her, and this was the thing she wanted, holding him and kissing him just like this, because he's wonderful and beautiful and hers - she wants to get to feel his thoughts while she's thinking about that, wants to make him so so happy and feel so so sure he's hers to kiss, her wonderful beautiful incredible slave - she's not completely sure she should even think the word, but it's such a nice word to think as long as it's about him specifically -

Permalink Mark Unread

Happy happy happy happy wanted and happy.  

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good.

She will do this for a while (it is good that he is HAPPY because he is GOOD) and then eventually she will stop touching him so they can both, like, think normally again.

 

"Well. That sure is a spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I like that spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I - probably should actually test whether I can touch people without mind melding with them, it'll be kind of a weird disability if I can't. Worth it, like, I can wear gloves or whatever, but."

She takes his hand again and tries to see if she can turn the telepathy off.

Permalink Mark Unread

Now she is holding him and not reading his mind.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! No weird obligatory mind reading disability, that's good. Don't have to constantly wear gloves just in case. Also if it takes us a while to be able to - do that, without having a number of emotions that makes sleeping kind of impossible, doesn't have to interfere with snuggles."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's good. Since it might. Take a while."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. It's - a lot. A good a lot! But probably too much for sleeping. At least until we have, like, practice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And it seems like it might be bad if we were having a fight or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. It is good that it turns off. I keep kind of worrying that someday one of them will just be an effect that's on all the time, but so far it hasn't happened."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's weird the spellbook doesn't tell you any of this stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It super doesn't! I think it appreciates drama. We - probably should figure out why it gives me the spells it gives me, you were right about that. It's obviously connected to what I want somehow, it's not just giving me random stuff, but it's not so attuned to it that it never gives me terrible ideas that I need to pass up, y'know?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. We should've been, like, taking notes on...what you were thinking about or planning for when you got it, what you got, stuff like that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I guess we can start doing that now? Although I'm - not really sure what to note, I think about lots of stuff?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I dunno. I guess if we'll be stuck here for months we could also do tests where you specifically try to do or think about something right about when you'd expect a new spell?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. - I feel like I should be, like, aiming for something, then, and see if that does anything? I haven't been thinking at all about what kind of stuff I hope I get from the spellbook, really, it - somehow didn't really occur to me that I could affect it - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, we don't know that you can? But it seemed like it stopped giving you creepy mind control once you rejected the creepy mind control."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Just, like - if seems like it's reacting to what kind of person I am? Or something? And - I can, like, do things about what kind of person I am. In theory."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We can go jump off a lot of treetops and maybe it'll give you flight. Since you'll be a ...flying sort of person."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. Worth a shot, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

Hand squeeze. "'m glad there's at least one thing about being a fast fairy that's as nice as I imagined it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm glad you get to have that."

And they can feed Zana and explore and jump off of treetops a lot. It is in fact pretty great. Kind of scary, the first time, but once she's established that she's definitely not going to horribly injure herself it's a lot of fun.

Permalink Mark Unread

Jumping off treetops is one of the best experiences in the world, next to kissing.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well they can do lots of it!

And maybe some of the other thing, too, once Zana's asleep. Or at least more practice with telepathy. Possibly it might be good to practice telepathy until they can do it without having tons of emotions at each other.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah probably but that's going to take a while because knowing that someone likes you is really nice. He wouldn't want to have telepathy with his family, it'd be too - she must think his family kind of sucks and they don't, they really don't, they're just all impressive, as people, in all these different ways in which he is not remotely impressive and this would definitely come up when they were reading each others' minds and then he'd know that they were kind of sad that he wasn't smarter and more capable and - that's not their fault, you're not a bad parent for wishing your children were smart and capable, but it'd hurt to know about, you know?

Permalink Mark Unread

She's pretty sure her parents are also disappointed that she's not smarter and more capable and better, and she is, empirically, dealing with this by never talking to them and failing to tell them that her sister is dead, so yeah, she feels like her decisions are maybe kind of ridiculous here, but they do leave her with a pretty good understanding of why someone might not want to talk to their more impressive family members? But actually she mostly thinks his family is suspicious because they tried like one thing before deciding he had to be enslaved to someone they had never met, and the one thing didn't involve, like, explaining anything. Also she thinks maybe Matt is evil. Shit wait no she didn't mean to think that. It's not that he's evil it's just that he gives off really suspicious vibes, what with being perfect all the time, he's actually never done any evil things that she's aware of, he just kind of gives off terrifying vibes and the sense that if he were evil there would be nothing you could really do about it because nobody would really believe you ever. This is a dumb thing to be thinking about. Um. Sometimes she's glad that Azalea isn't more impressive than her, because she feels like if she were then maybe they wouldn't get along as well, and she hopes that doesn't make her like a terrible person or anything.

Permalink Mark Unread

Matt is definitely - he's actually not evil but it's like when someone is pointing a loaded gun at you? Nervewracking no matter what your best guess about their motives is? It makes sense for people who have noticed that Matt is more dangerous than someone pointing a loaded gun at them to be nervous about this and in fact it'd be kind of weird not to be? But he wouldn't actually hurt her. His family was really scared about the debt because if she'd, like, decided to lie to someone about something minor then it'd have caused the whole family problems and by fairy norms the obvious reason to reject the money would be because you wanted the person so his father just kind of assumed it was that and actually Matt could've...like... explained but maybe he thought this was a good way for things to work out? It did turn out that way?

Permalink Mark Unread

That's kind of a bizarre thing for Matt to expect but it did admittedly work out pretty well? Mostly she doesn't like people noticing her very much and Matt seems like he notices a lot of things and also like if this were a movie with a supervillain in it he would be a pretty prime suspect for the supervillain's secret identity, apart from the part where he is a high school student and therefore probably not a supervillain. It's kind of a shame there aren't any supervillains around because this kind of means she can't be a superhero even if she gets a superhero power set. Probably that's a dumb thing to want to be in the first place, it sounds like if you did it in real life without a writer you would definitely get yourself killed within a year.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe she can get the spellbook to make her bulletproof. And otherwise disasterproof. 

Permalink Mark Unread

That would be cool. Does he worry about her dying again STOP IT brain STOP IT

Permalink Mark Unread

Of course he worries about it it was horrible. He's not quite sure why she - like if she doesn't want to think about dying that's legit, dying is probably very scary.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. It honestly wasn't that bad? Like, the zombie bite hurt, and it was completely terrifying for about a minute, and it would have been a lot worse if she hadn't gotten to come back right away, but she doesn't feel, like, super traumatized about it or anything. Mostly it just seems kind of pathetic to want confirmation that people who care about you worry about you dying. Because you shouldn't need confirmation, and also maybe shouldn't want them to worry in the first place because worrying is unpleasant for people. But she likes it when they worry anyway because maybe she is pathetic. Her internal monologue revolves a lot around things being pathetic, huh.

Permalink Mark Unread

It kind of does. None of the things actually seem pathetic, either. He's gonna worry about her whether or not she enjoys it, though, if she's doing dangerous things, so probably it's better for her to enjoy it than not? 

Permalink Mark Unread

That does make some sense. As long as it doesn't make her do more dangerous things. She will try not to do more dangerous things. At least not unless she has, like, a much better non-perverse reason.

Permalink Mark Unread

Of all the things people are into 'being worried about' is approximately the tamest nah this is venturing into stuff he was going to try not to think about because he'll freak her out.

Permalink Mark Unread

- she does not really know what to think about that. This mostly feels to her like part of her is thinking very loudly or brightly or earnestly that it should not think anything in response to that, and a bunch of other parts are rapidly quietly flitting between stuff like 'gosh I wonder what Connor is into, also should I be worried about this' or 'I dunno I could also be into lots of awful stuff and just not thinking about it' or 'it's cute and good how Connor tries really hard not to think about sex stuff when we're doing telepathy even though that's probably hard and stuff' or 'are there really reasons not to poke this now that Christianity is fake' or just a lot of oddly calm even wordless screaming. She is kind of unsure whether he can hear all of that stuff, she can barely keep it all straight, but probably he's hearing it at least as well as she is. Maybe she should stop the telepathy if she's gonna do the screaming thing, it's really bad enough that she has to deal with it without making other people deal with it.

Permalink Mark Unread

- snuggle? (She thinks he's cute and good!) It seems really unlikely that she's into awful stuff not that he means that in a way where he'd be judgmental if she were but just, like, she's had a slave for six months now and it took her that long to decide he could share a bed with her and she wants him to like everything and how much awfulness does that even leave room for? She could be into pee? Animals? Ooops he was trying not to - this is honestly very difficult - but they can't turn it off and use their words there is absolutely no way he is gonna generate any words here. The wordless screaming seems like kiiiiind of a reason not to poke this. He personally tries not to poke any of his wordless screaming.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh gosh are there people who are into nOT THINKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. The wordless screaming isn't really about sex? At least it's probably not about sex. She doesn't really think about sex in ways that are remotely connected to reality enough to notice whether that's a thing that happens. Mostly the wordless screaming happens whenever things are awkward. Or terrifying. Or remind her of how pathetic she is. She thinks this is probably the awkward thing though. Honestly everything she's ever thought about is probably objectively very tame but see if she thinks about it for more than half a second it gets interrupted by screaming because the screaming has to save her from the awkwardness and inevitable embarrassment and discovery of her patheticness because eventually maybe the patheticness will be attached to something actually pathetic and then he will realize that she actually is pathetic, and this is kind of dumb but it's still very scary to think about it because it is so absolutely definitely pathetic and terrible even though that doesn't make a lot of sense.

(Snuggle. Yes he is very cute and good.)

Permalink Mark Unread

Whenever she mentions worrying he will think she's pathetic he reflexively wants to remind her that he's her slave which is dumb because that actually doesn't - like, you could in fact be a slave and think someone's pathetic but it's still always the thing he thinks of, for some reason, like - it feels like someone isn't actually yours if you're scared of them judging you? This probably doesn't make any sense. There's probably actually just no way to be sure no one will think you're pathetic. Even though he'd be really surprised if he thought she was pathetic. Because she's not.

Permalink Mark Unread

In theory you would probably expect the mindreading to help. Maybe if he goes long enough without thinking she's dumb her brain will gradually adjust down the possibility that he is eventually going to decide that she's super pathetic. Possibly. Possibly this is maladaptive or something but on the other hand this is partly a problem because of the mindreading in the first place because it's probably way easier to pretend not to be pathetic  if someone isn't literally listening to your thoughts?

Permalink Mark Unread

She's super not pathetic. He was scared of, like, learning that she really did think he was stupid and had just been politely not bringing it up since they had that big fight about it. He's not sure what else would even bother him. If she didn't actually like kissing him that would bother him, actually. Or if she was wishing he would go away, or - okay maybe there's a long list of stuff that'd bother him but it's about him, not about her. She can be made of as many confusing awful pieces as she wants as long as they're not tiredness of him. Or even if they are, obviously. She could hand him off to this court in a lot of debt and never see him again if she wanted - that's terrifying but she should know that she could in case she just hasn't thought of it -

Permalink Mark Unread

No no no this calls for more snuggles. She is not going to leave him here at this court. Of course not. They just had a whole conversation thing last time about how she thinks the amount that she really really wants him to not leave her ever is kind of pathetic and ridiculous. She feels kind of warm inside some of the rest of that because - she is not really at all sure that most of her pieces aren't terrible or awful, but she is pretty sure that she isn't confused about liking him and not wanting him to go away, so that's something?

Permalink Mark Unread

She likes him! She's not confused about that! Eeeeeeeeeee it just seems so so unlikely that she is full of terrible awful pieces. - he could guess what terrible awful stuff she's into to show it doesn't bother him - no that's a really bad idea - dog's name is dog -

Permalink Mark Unread

Heee. He is very very cute. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Sheeee is very cute and should stop the telepathy maybe sorry.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah she can do that. No more telepathy. "Can there still be snuggles, or - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Course. Course. 'm sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggles. "S'cool. You're cute. I guess I have probably communicated this by now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. You have."

Permalink Mark Unread

Kiss. Then there can be snuggles and sleep.

In the morning they can jump off more trees maybe?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes. Good plan.

Permalink Mark Unread

This is fun!

"Hope we're not, like, forgetting anything we're supposed to be doing. Keep feeling the urge to - oh man what time is it."

Permalink Mark Unread

He glances at the sky. "...two? Ish?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, good, it might not be over yet. We didn't - little Connor's still at the funeral. Probably wondering where we are."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh. Yeah. We should ask the fairies for some paper and leave him a note explaining. And then he can - go back to the hotel alone? He'll be okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not sure he can? He can't drive. Also doesn't have the key, but - I guess I could leave it for him, is there a reason that wouldn't work - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Uh. ...he could come out to the fairy ring but then they're gonna need more food and it's gonna make them nervous, more demands. I think they'd probably do it but -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That seems like not a good idea, yeah. He could probably go home with someone else, he's with a bunch of family there, just - it'll be a mess but he won't, like, die or anything. We should still leave him a note to explain and let him know to go with someone else."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can you all's well at your family while you're fast?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I have no idea. I'm not a hundred percent sure I could even tell if it had landed. Or that it would work for deflecting accusations of being a terrible - well, they don't actually know I'm looking after him, I guess they'll probably blame Azalea."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I"m so sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean it's - we'll figure it out. He'll have a bad night and I'll have a bad morning several months from now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My fault. I'm sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug? "Stuff happens?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies do stuff. Apparently."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They do kind of seem - like people should mostly not interact with them. Most of them."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - don't really know what that means for you. In terms of - anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Me neither. I - I can't be a human."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"But I thought kidnapping people in a nice way was - something people already knew how to do and if they don't I dunno how to do it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I dunno whether nobody knows how. These people don't really seem like they're trying at all. But I guess that could be just them, right, some humans suck more than other humans - although they did seem to think it was weird that you thought what they were doing was bad - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think I'll have some questions for my father when I get home."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I guess he's the one to ask."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'll be kind of annoyed if this whole time knowing my life plan he didn't say 'oh, yeah, usually fairies just straight-up drag people off kicking and screaming, if they feel like it'. But - I'll ask."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. 

"Do you know what your brothers are planning to do? I guess Matt's gonna end up running a court somehow - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's what he wants, yeah. Michael will probably help him. Music's useful for - paying people, or ensnaring them I guess though I didn't think about it this way before. Aaron doesn't wanna be a fairy and might figure out how to make things work in this world or might change his mind when he gets bigger. Finn's gonna help my father with his research on making electronics that work fast."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that all makes sense. I dunno whether any of it changes if fairies are... meaner than initially advertised."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not sure. I think - Matt wouldn't himself kidnap people but I dunno if he'd not want to hang out with other fairies just because they did. Might make Aaron not change his mind about leaving."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

 

"Is your mom gonna go be fast when you guys are all older?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"My dad wants to find a way to turn her into a fairy. So probably not at first, give him some time to research while she's slow and can provide him with parts and see him occasionally. Once he has it figured out, though. Assuming he does."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. I didn't realize that was a thing. Although I guess it isn't yet."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno if it's even possible. But he's trying."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess a person would. If they felt like it was achievable and they loved someone and the other person were gonna die otherwise. And they, y'know, thought fairies were fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies might not be great but humans die. And - what happens then? If you're not a ghost?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We don't know. You don't - stop existing, the Grim Reaper takes you somewhere, apparently, but we have no idea what it's like."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Kinda scary."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I mean, like, it's dying, people are in fact pretty scared of it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies are too but it's not - inevitable, it happens if you fuck up instead of happening no matter what you do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I think people mostly don't go around being scared of dying of old age, though, just because, like - it is inevitable. So being afraid of it won't really do you any good. I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh." Shiver. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug.

 

"I wonder if there's a way to become immortal with magic. It would kind of surprise me, just because it seems - like too much, somehow, but I don't really know what all magic can do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It doesn't seem more powerful than the fairy thing to me. The fairy thing's really powerful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The fairy thing is really powerful if you live with fairies. Which I mostly don't, other than you, present circumstances notwithstanding. But I guess that probably doesn't matter much in terms of what the book can do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I know you probably won't use it to conquer the whole fairy world but you could."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. I feel like someone would probably figure out how to kill me if I tried, I don't think I'm smart enough to avoid that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Could start by grabbing Matt. But I don't think you should do that, it sounds horrible and I don't think you'd even like it. I just think the spellbook doesn't mind giving you stuff that powerful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, it does sound pretty horrible. But I guess it does - we don't know how high-powered it goes but it's possible the fairy debt thing isn't an anomaly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Wow."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course we don't actually know whether I can control what I get yet."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Guess we should jump off some more trees."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah... after we leave little Connor a note, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds good."

The fairies can provide paper.

Permalink Mark Unread

Then she can write little Connor a note explaining that they were abducted by fairies, and they're going to be fine but he should get someone on this list of chill people to drive him back to the hotel, here is the key, they will be back for sure in the morning. If something in this plan goes wrong he should get his grandparents rather than attempting to heroically sleep in the forest or something.

And then she can deliver her note and the key, and then they can jump off trees again.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Feather fall

When you fall, you'll always land on your feet at a safe speed.

To learn this spell, jump off something of a height where you can land safely. While falling, say 'besloor'.

Permalink Mark Unread

She reads her spell to Connor.

"So hey, it's not flight, but this means we were right about the mechanism, right? Like, this is clearly a 'you keep jumping off of trees' sort of thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. It might not know what you're hoping for? Just what you're doing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense? So you have to do things that are, like, related to the thing you want to do, I guess. Which means it'll probably be harder to get things that are further away from anything you can currently do, but maybe you can get to them through more magic, or something?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds probably right? Like, now that you have feather fall you can jump from even higher, or go skydiving once we're slow again, and then maybe it'll get the hint about flying."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that makes sense. 

"Wonder how you'd get immortality. Or, like resurrection."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good question. Work in a hospital?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I guess maybe you could work your way up via other kinds of healing. I'd have to, like, go to college and stuff. - which I guess I can do, technically, if someone else can watch Zana and stuff...."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can still watch Zana. You have to go to college to be a nurse?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Not a ton of college, if you don't want to be, like, a high-level nurse, I don't think, but I think you still need any. Maybe you can start out as like an assistant type person without a degree?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Whatever works for you, I guess. I dunno if college is horrible."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno either. I could probably get my grades up high enough to get in. Cost a bunch of money, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"More than we have?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno. I've - never really looked into it that hard, I kind of assumed I wasn't going."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. We could sell the gems."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I guess we probably could."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If you want to go to college. If you don't we can figure out some other way to get resurrection."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno if I wanna. I just - I mean I haven't really been thinking a lot about what I'm gonna do after graduation, besides just find some kind of full-time job somewhere. It's weird thinking about - doing things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't have to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't say it sounded bad. Just - not - I think I mostly do stuff I feel like I have to do? It's weird - thinking of doing, like, a whole plan with steps just because I can."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think that's school. It destroys peoples' ability to...have goals, aside from obeying."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...possible."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's why it's so evil. It doesn't just hurt you in ways you notice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe.

"It'd suck if there were a bunch of things like that. I guess there probably are."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Any idea what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"'m not sure. Being allowed to ask people for things, maybe? Being allowed to ignore the law, if it's a bad law? Being allowed to have a slave if you want one. I think there's probably a lot of stuff around sex."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess if the whole thing is that it's hard to notice how it's hurting you, like, long-term, then it'd - be pretty hard to be sure which things were hurting you and making you weaker and which things were hurting you but making you stronger. And which things were doing both but the overall amounts weren't worth it. Or whatever."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Anyway. I should take Feather Fall?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so? I guess it might give you flying if you reject it but it also might think you're rejecting the category."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I guess we should head outside and jump off something, then."

Permalink Mark Unread

The tallest tree around!

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay! Then she can learn the spell and from now on should be impervious to fall damage.

Permalink Mark Unread

Magic is great. (He wants some.)

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, tonight they can do more telepathy practice?

It does feel kind of ridiculously unfair that she's the only person who has magic. Like, there's no way she's in the top 10% of most useful people to have magic, if only one person around is going to have it it feels weird for it to be her. It's not like she did anything to get it, really, besides explore the catacombs with him, but maybe that's something? Maybe someday it'll give her a spell that lets her make other people kind of magic?

Permalink Mark Unread

It's possible lots of people have magic, how would they know? His family doesn't but maybe fairies are different. 

She did in addition to exploring the catacombs die and come back, that might be relevant.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh, yeah, maybe. But that wasn't something she did, really, it doesn't say anything about her, it's not like she earned this really.

She feels like if lots of people had magic it would be kind of an open secret by now? But you would also expect this to be true of zombies and werewolves and fairies so really what does she know.

Permalink Mark Unread

- yeah it's actually kind of weird all those things are secret, what with how not very secret they are.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe there's like, a magical conspiracy or something? Used to be common knowledge but were discarded as superstition during the age of science? She's really not sure, it's honestly pretty weird. This is neat, they're having something resembling a normal conversation that doesn't involve randomly blurting out a bunch of things they would normally never say. Oh no now her brain is trying to think of examples of things she would never say. Stop it brain.

Permalink Mark Unread

The dog's name is dog. Honestly none of the things Karen has been unwilling to ever say have actually been - things she shouldn't say? They have mostly been that she likes him and wishes that he'd stay? He shouldn't pressure her. He shouldn't be able to pressure her the slavery thing should be working so that it's impossible for him to pressure her but it doesn't in fact seem to work that way.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, yeah, because she likes him. That's how liking people works, right, you care about what they think about you and if they stop liking or respecting you it makes you sad, so you wanna be someone they like and not someone who's a perpetual tangled mess.

Permalink Mark Unread

He thinks it's probably the being smart. Smart people always have a million things going on in their head, that's how they're smart, but also it means that nothing's ever simple. If you're kind of stupid then there's only one thing going on in your head and no elaborate systems of checks and balances via wordless screaming and he doesn't actually spend that much time caring what she thinks of him even though he would be sad if she didn't like him? He spends more time thinking about dog is named dog.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well okay that also makes sense as a thing to think about. (Gosh she wonders what he thinks about specifi STOP IT BRAIN.) Maybe his brain is less determined to repeatedly throw out all of the evidence that she likes him. She's not really sure she's smarter than him? She can read but that doesn't have a lot to do with thinking more, and she knows more stuff but that's because she can read. He doesn't really seem like he's worse than her at, like, planning or coming up with solutions to problems or following what she's saying?

Permalink Mark Unread

She's also better at words and she has lots more going on in his head though he admits that's some circular logic there. She did better than him in classes like math that didn't even involve much reading. He doesn't...throw out the evidence that she likes him...because that'd be dumb - not, like, in a way where he's saying that she's dumb just if he imagines consciously deciding to ignore his reasons to think she likes him then that'd be a dumb thing to do and probably the thing she does is different than that.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah she just sort of, like, repeatedly forgets all of it? Or assumes that it's way weaker evidence than it is and that just because he liked her a couple weeks ago doesn't mean he still likes her now? Which seems like maybe a kind of being dumb but maybe like it's happening on another level than the other kind of being dumb.

Permalink Mark Unread

He likes her a lot. He thinks she's really nice and really pretty and generous to people and has good ideas like Christmas and is ridiculously good to her slaves and to her kids - kids are kind of like slaves really, everyone agrees that they belong to you and that you can do whatever you want with them but you're an asshole if you use that to hurt them but lots of people do anyway - and you can tell a lot about people by how they treat their kids and their slaves. And she's so pretty and once she wore a swimsuit and she knows a lot of interesting stories and she likes him and took him to a dance and to a funeral and likes him better than his brothers not that he should care about that but he does.

Permalink Mark Unread

Ahhh he likes her!! You cannot actually do anything you want to kids these days, if you like beat them up or refuse to feed them the government will take them away actually. Although they will also take them away if they find out they're being raised by seventeen-year-olds with no adults so maybe the government is not very good at noticing these things. (Ahhhh he likes her and thinks she's pretty, she already knew this so it's probably silly to be this happy about it but she is happy.)

Permalink Mark Unread

The government doesn't seem at all good at anything actually. Also his parents hit him sometimes and when they were new in town and didn't have a lot of money didn't feed them and nothing happened so, yeah, doesn't seem like the government is very on top of that. 

Of course he likes her. He thinks he liked her even before she saved his life because she was a hard worker and had interesting thoughts and wasn't a jerk but it's hard to remember because becoming her slave was kind of enough of a change and he tried to go into it without any expectations and stuff. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay but he's a fairy, he's fine either way. If Zana were starving people would be able to see it because she would be really thin and have malnutrition symptoms. Also that's kind of concerning that his parents hit him, she's kind of surprised his mom went along with that, but maybe he's just not clear on the difference between, like, normal spanking and hitting someone hard enough to leave marks.

She is not very used to people really liking her. Probably Azalea and Connor and Zana all like her? It is not really the most salient aspect of their relationship but she thinks they all do. Somehow it is way more exciting to think about the fact that he likes her. 

Permalink Mark Unread

He is in fact not at all clear on the distinction between spanking and hitting but little kids, like, lie a lot and you have to get them to not do that if they're fairy children, and parents do not hurt as much as the universe so if they can interrupt you by slapping you they'll do that.

It makes sense that people who aren't your family liking you is more exciting. Also it makes sense that having a slave who likes you is exciting because you can do stuff with that if you want. Unspecified stuff. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Can't you theoretically do unspecified stuff with people who like you and are not your slaves? Probably should not be poking that. It actually does seem like it's more exciting this way though. She is kind of concerned about what this says about her but they've been over the thing about how this is probably a normal emotion and - she feels like maybe it is but maybe when people did it to humans it was really bad and they built a lot of fences around it and made sure people would feel terrible about it and now it is weird and surprising that it feels nice when it's happening and she has a lot of guilt about it because she doesn't want it to be the thing that humans did to each other a long time ago? But maybe since he's a fairy it's not really the thing that humans made a lot of rules to avoid? Possibly? And maybe this thing is okay and therefore it's okay to like it?

Permalink Mark Unread

So it seems like humans would need a lot of rules because like...if a human has power over another human there's absolutely nothing holding them back? They can lie, they can make promises they mean to break, they can hurt the person as much as they want. And fairies aren't like that. ...it kind of is like that in her case since she can manipulate debt but forgetting that for a moment, fairies paid for whatever they got and if they want to keep someone in their debt they need to be doing, on balance, as many favors as they're demanding. So it makes sense that human slavery would've mostly been something that humans were now very determined to ensure never happened. But fairies are different, and fairy slavery is different, and there is something telling her if she's asked too much, and so there kind of only needs to be one rule? Not using the debt thing to keep him stuck?

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. That kind of makes sense. Like, humans didn't enslave each other by giving each other things, mostly, they mostly chained each other up and then hit their slaves for disobeying orders, and maybe fairy slavery is more like indentured servitude, and indentured servitude is also illegal now but is at least it's like, you can see what the people who took the deal were getting out of it? Of course the fairies here used nets and songs, and she's not sure how much better that is than how humans used to do things, really, not if trying to fight back will get the universe to slap you down for them -

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah the nets and songs seem....really bad the way human slavery was bad. It's cheating, it's not about having a deal with someone. It's a betrayal of what being a fairy is supposed to be at least the way he thinks about it. But she hasn't cheated. She got the debt by saving his life and by reading him stories and sometimes by kissing him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sometimes she wants to do lots of nice things for him, partly so he'll be happy and partly so that he'll be hers forever. She could probably keep the debt stuck about where it is for the rest of her life without cheating, if nothing else weird happens, and honestly probably more weird things are going to happen, but she could still try it, and she's not sure whether wanting to says bad things about her or not. Like, she would still let him go if he really wanted, but -

Permalink Mark Unread

She wants to keep him. Not just so he'll be happy but for herself, she wants to keep him!

Permalink Mark Unread

She really really wants to keep him. If he thinks this is good and not terrible she might melt into a happy snuggly puddle about it for a bit honestly.

Permalink Mark Unread

She likes him she wants to keep him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. She likes him so much. She wants to keep him forever and not ever have to lose him. Maybe this is selfish? But she keeps on wanting it no matter how suspect her brain declares it to be. He's pretty and good and he likes her and he's hers and she wants him to stay that way.

Permalink Mark Unread

She wants him forever. She's worried it's bad (it's not) and she still wants it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaah happy happy snuggles. He likes her so much and still thinks she's good no matter how ridiculously inappropriately much she wants him. He wants to be hers. Hers hers hers -

Permalink Mark Unread

He snuggles her contentedly for a while. He likes being wanted. He doesn't think about much. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Her brain kind of keeps producing the desire to touch him more deliberately than she is. She keeps telling it to hush, this is really nice and it would be better to just do this probably. Also she hasn't processed the screaming's objections yet. Also they're still sharing a room with a three year old who could theoretically wake up whenever.

Her brain basically accepts that this is a terrible idea, but it's a terrible idea she keeps having anyway. She is so bad at not thinking about things.

Permalink Mark Unread

Why's it a terrible idea? - you can't get pregnant fast, does she know that? Maybe she didn't want to know that and now everything will be awkward uh oh.

Permalink Mark Unread

She did not know this but she doesn't feel like it changes that much because anything that could otherwise result in pregnancy would be a terrible idea anyway. She is not entirely sure if there are reasons why she thinks this besides the presence of a three-year-old and a bunch of stuff she doesn't believe anymore, but. Three-year-old. 

Permalink Mark Unread

He doesn't know much about humans but if she says that's a big problem then he'll take her word for it. Humans do seem really different than fairies about sex.

Permalink Mark Unread

...how are fairies about sex.

Permalink Mark Unread

Uh well a lot of his knowledge about fairies turns out to be kind of unreliable so he doesn't even know that for sure. But his father was fascinated when Matt explained that humans seem to care whether or not people had had sex before and not just in a 'they won't know what they're doing' way  and also humans don't even talk about it, like it's some big terrible secret or something, except when they won't shut up about it and then they're mostly lying. And it's kind of weird.

Permalink Mark Unread

- do fairies, like, not even think that sex is a big deal? Not even have the concept that it could be a big deal? And also keep slaves and have sex with them? - oh god she's really glad she happened to get the debt spell literally like four hours before they were captured -

Permalink Mark Unread

- yeah it's kind of a good thing that that happened. He wouldn't, like, have sex with someone who was upset about it? - but also he wouldn't have done the other things these fairies did, so.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaaaah. Like it didn't happen or anything so it's kind of ridiculous to be getting upset about it now but aaaaaaah.

Permalink Mark Unread

- hug?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes please hugs are good. Well. These hugs.

 

She doesn't really know what to tell him about how humans in general think about sex, there are kind of a lot of different ways, so maybe they just have to read more books for that, but - before she stopped believing in Catholicism, uh - Catholics, and also the kind of thing she was before she was a Catholic, think you shouldn't have sex outside of marriage, and also that not having sex outside of marriage is important enough that you should not do things that might make you tempted to have sex with people you are not married to, such as repeatedly making out with people who want to have sex with you on your bed in your room while telepathically reading all of their thoughts and occasionally getting snatches of them thinking about sex. Really this is already incredibly scandalous by her standards. Maybe this goes some way in explaining why thinking about doing anything else makes her kind of panic.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds pretty hard? You're only allowed to be married to one person if he understands marriage correctly?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah? Uh humans do sometimes have trouble with this and end up having sex with other people while married to a different person, so probably it is hard for some people, but everyone pretty much agrees that that's bad and you should not do that. Like, even people who think that not having sex before marriage is ridiculously puritanical do pretty much universally these days think that being married to someone and then having sex with someone else is really bad.

Permalink Mark Unread

Huh. Well, humans don't live very long so maybe it's pretty doable to only have sex with one person for that long? Or maybe they're different than fairies so that it's easier? Or maybe lots of them do things they think are really bad, she did kind of imply that happened a lot. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Humans do kind of do wrong things a lot. Actually the idea that humans are literally incapable of not doing stuff wrong is kind of a bedrock assumption of Catholicism and it is not the reason why she decided that Catholicism was probably fake. But it's, like - they still do actually think that it's really bad, people who get cheated on are usually pretty crushed by it.

Permalink Mark Unread

This seems less convenient than the fairy thing. - would it make her sad if he had sex with someone else. Obviously they are not married but he is her slave and she wants to (keep! him! forever!) and stuff so it seems like she might have opinions about -

Permalink Mark Unread

Yyyyyyyyeah that would make her pretty sad. How big of a deal would not doing that be for him exactly.

Permalink Mark Unread

You're totally allowed to tell your slaves not to have sex with other people. Usually you do this because you are into it, but it doesn't have to be for that reason or anything. And usually you're having sex with them but that's hardly required either. Aaand sometimes you tell them not to get themselves off either but that's almost always because you are into it and usually not for very long but like, hypothetically, also within bounds.

Permalink Mark Unread

....that's kind of - she's just going to bury her face in this pillow and think about how his dog's name is dog. Dog dog dog.

If he could not have sex with anyone else at least until she has figured out what she thinks about sex in general that would be great.

Permalink Mark Unread

Confused apologetic snuggling. Of course. 

Permalink Mark Unread

No no no it's not his fault at all it's just she momentarily thought about him wanting to get off and not being allowed to and it was arguably a nice thought and AAAAH she wants to die she is dead she cannot have any more thoughts just bury her corpse under this pillow here please tell Azalea she died of something cooler than this.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's so cute and he's pretty sure people don't die of discovering they are into stuff. - at least fairies don't. Maybe humans do? He doesn't know how to do CPR? He remember you shove people in the chest to the beat of Dancing Queen but he's never heard Dancing Queen. Shit.

Permalink Mark Unread

- he's so adorable. Sorry. She's not actually going to die she's just thinking ridiculous things because she's possibly having a panic attack or something. Probably not even a real panic attack. Aaaaaaaah. It's okay whatever it is happens with some regularity it'll pass it always does. Aaaaaah.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. - can he, like, do something helpful? Like he could hold her. Or alternatively he could go away. 

Permalink Mark Unread

He should not go away please. Maybe she should turn off the telepathy or something until she's calmer? And until then he can hold her and she can keep blushing into this pillow.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah he can do that. Much nicer than going away.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. "Sorry. Don't want you to go away. Just. Sorry. Did not mean to - sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'m kind of confused about why you are sorry. But okay. - you're so good."

Permalink Mark Unread

He cannot hear her thoughts right now but he can still hear her quietly laughing with something akin to relief and then snuggling him more.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Didn't mean to - panic and stuff - I guess that's probably obvious - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. You're really cute. And good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'S very reassuring that you still think so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have no idea why you think I would! I'm not going to like you less because something sounds interesting to you! Even if it was the kind of thing I wouldn't want you to do! And I haven't told you about anything I wouldn't want you to do!"

Permalink Mark Unread

More blushing. "I - at least partly mean the panic attack but that's - good to know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well I'm also not gonna dislike you for having panic attacks, that'd just be being a dick."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle.

"You're very good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'m yours." Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

Happy sigh.

"Little calmer. Do you wanna - did we have more telepathy to do or is that - good, for tonight, d'you think."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - maybe that's good for tonight."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. Snuggle.

 

"Feels - inconsiderate, or something, to have a panic attack when you're doing telepathy. Like - it's bad enough I have to listen to it without making anyone else listen, too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't mind you having a panic attack. But I don't want to throw too much at you, knowing that it's a big deal for you and just a lot of stuff I know, to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "Don't really know what to - do, with any of it. Like - I like you, and I like touching you, I guess, but - I had a framework, and now I don't really know what people are supposed to do, and I don't really know what I think of anything, but I still have - feelings. About stuff. Apparently."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. Snuggle. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle.

"M'glad you don't - you're okay with - either way, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I want you to - figure out the questions that're important to you. And not ignore them trying to make me happy or - keep me, or - I don't want that at all."

This is not exactly an answer to her exact question but he's not sure about the exact answer to her exact question.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Nodnod. Snuggle.

"Love you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Love you."

Permalink Mark Unread

He's really very good.

And they can keep snuggling and keep jumping off trees and keep playing with Zana and keep informing the fairies whenever they need to eat. Someday the sun will set. It'll take a long time but it will.

Permalink Mark Unread

The spellbook gives her flight, eventually. It gives her an eidetic memory for books she's read in the past. 

And eventually they have to go sit in a dark chamber of the fairy court and wait there, in the dark, until they are slow. It takes subjectively a month. 

Permalink Mark Unread

This is kind of terrible. At least they can talk to each other and she can do telepathy stuff with Connor. It'd be horrible doing it alone. But she teaches Zana to play twenty questions, and a game where she tells Zana to imagine a situation and tell her what she does in it and then Karen tells her how the situation changes, and it's still very hard to get through, really, but they manage.

Permalink Mark Unread

When they are out, the spellbook helpfully offers a spell to slow down when fast.

Permalink Mark Unread

...you know what, sure, yes, that sounds useful to have. If Connor is okay with her taking that.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds super useful. - wish we'd had it a month ago but I guess a month ago your dumb spellbook didn't have any way of knowing we'd want it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah." She pats her book. "It's very powerful and a little dumb."

She double-checks the spell wording for whether it lets her slow down other people or just herself.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Take it slow

If you are fast, and do not want to be, you can slow yourself and people entangled with you down.

To learn the spell, stand as still as you can. Say, peloozoid.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh awesome! She is not sure how much closer this gets her to solving the thing where she doesn't want Connor to leave ever and he doesn't want to leave his family forever and his family wants to be fast, but it seems like a really good thing to have in light of that being a problem she expects to have at some point.

She learns the spell.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess now we gotta go get small Connor?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yyyep. And he doesn't have a cell phone to call, so we have to hope he either made it to the hotel or is going to call us at some point from wherever he is. Oh, and we have to set the fairies even."

She closes her eyes and disentangles herself from all of the fairies at court, one by one, quick as she can.

"Okay. I think I did it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. Hopefully Connor'll be... in the hotel lobby or something? That's what I'd do. Well I'd spend all night pacing and being panicked but that's what I'd do when the sun came up."

Permalink Mark Unread

(Aww. Hug.) 

"I gave him the key, if he made it back I'd expect him to be up in the room. Less conspicuous that way. But he shouldn't be hard to find unless he had to go home with one of my many many random family members."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I ...think it was this direction?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She heads off in that direction. "Yeaaah, I last saw the church parking lot something like a year ago. I wonder if I'm technically eighteen now. Not that it matters for anything, everything goes by your date of birth because people aren't supposed to be able to do things like this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Whyever shouldn't they?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, just, like, the government can't take it into account for anything because they're either unaware that it can be done or being very quiet about it. So if this little misadventure ends with my parents finding out that Azalea is dead I still have to go move back in with them."

Permalink Mark Unread

Shiver. "You can all's well everything a lot and if the spellbook draws conclusions from that we can just ignore it."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. Hug.

She drives them to the hotel.

Permalink Mark Unread

Where little Connor is!

He is not immediately sure what to say to them. After some deliberation he goes for, "Are you guys, like, okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so. We might need a lot of hugs."

Permalink Mark Unread

...well he can hug them. He might need a lot of hugs too.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm really sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did you get everybody kidnapped by fairies? The note was kind of unclear on how you all got kidnapped by fairies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - thought that it would probably be safe to enter a fairy ring because I did not anticipate that we'd all be kidnapped by fairies."

Permalink Mark Unread

He glances at Karen.

 

" - man, stuff happens. Just - don't do it again."

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods fervently.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! Now that we are all together again I propose that we go home. Where I will - try to remember what the heck was happening in school when I left, I guess, right now I feel like I'll be lucky to remember what classes I was taking."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Home sounds good. - I have some questions for my father."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Right, yeah."

So she drives them all home.

Permalink Mark Unread

And he goes to his father. 

"And they kidnapped us!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You should always try to imply you have a court. You can say that you're of Tirion, even though you're not technically entangled with them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You should have told me that sooner!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't generally listen when I tell you things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well they're mostly not that important."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If I'd anticipated this might happen I would've tried to make sure you knew. There aren't fairies around here for a reason."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...and that reason is that fairies suck? And don't play fair, and don't just want to avoid bad entanglements, and don't basically leave people alone -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies are mostly civilized to each other, and not friendly to strangers with no court, or to humans, and the ones who bother to keep a fairy circle in their territory usually value humans quite a lot. Are you worried that people will mistreat you or about something else?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"- not really? If they'd just gotten me I think it would've been fine probably. But they could've hurt Karen. I'm - I wanted to live in the woods and kidnap people and not hurt them and I thought fairies knew how to do that. But I don't think they do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There's advice about how to ensure you don't accidentally let a human die? But I don't think there's any one general strategy to not hurt people when you enslave them."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"I should've figured that out."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wouldn't really have expected you to."

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods. He leaves.

 

He is very mopey.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did your dad have anything, uh, useful to say?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies don't know how to kidnap people without it being horrible. He didn't tell me that because it's kind of obvious really."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...ah."

Hug?

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I'm trying to think of something comforting to say here and I think I'm failing. Except, like - 

" - I am worried you think you didn't assume that kidnapping was mostly horrible because you're stupid, and I dunno, maybe a smarter you would have figured it out, but I think it's also that you're - you want things to be good for people. And if it didn't immediately occur to you that other people might not, that's not - it's not stupidity, really, it's just - it's not bad to not assume right away that everyone is definitely awful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It is definitely stupid to assume that people are not awful. It's, like, maybe a noble kind of stupid but it's totally still stupid."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well if everybody did it all the time I think the world would be worse. Or - maybe they can strive to account for it all the time, but if they don't also account for the fact that some people are all right sometimes, then - that just seems pretty bad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno if anyone is all right sometimes. Except for you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's very sweet. But I think it's wrong. You are all right sometimes. And I have it on pretty good authority that Zana has ever been all right."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, well, kids're all right. They're like dogs."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What, everyone stops being all right at some specific time?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Probably not? But it kinda feels like it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think they get - less innocent. But childlike innocence is just not knowing what's right or wrong, right, it means you'll take the same delight in petting dogs and pulling their hair, it's not - when you grow up you have to decide, which things are good and which things are bad, and which of them you're going to do. And - maybe not everybody even gets to that point, I guess, maybe lots of people are just going around petting and kicking dogs whenever they like and only moderating any of it based on what other people think, but - I don't think that's everybody? It can't be, or we'd never have, like, outlawed slavery or stopped doing public executions by torture, right, somebody's - at some point somebody grows up and starts making decisions, knowing whether they're right or wrong, and lots of times they're bad ones that hurt people anyway, but - not all the time. We don't suck all the time."

- something feels vaguely like it's clicking into place, as she says this.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Those fairies seemed kind like they suck all the time!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I don't have a lot of evidence about fairies. Maybe humans are better at the occasionally deciding not to suck thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Or maybe they just have less opportunity to suck because the ones who didn't suck banned slavery."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Possibly. But hey, I didn't ban it, so there must be more than one of us."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I guess at least two humans don't suck all the time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't suck all the time either. So we're at at least two and a half."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe if I weren't your slave I would suck all the time and it's all you keeping me in line."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I doubt this very much." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you? I kind of sucked. Before."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Like, how? Somehow I doubt it was as dramatic as the fairies sucking. Also you did not actually have that much time in there where you were not a kid."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I got in a lot of trouble at school? And not all of it was because school is evil or because I had debts to settle sometimes I just kinda felt like it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wow, truly - I almost said something sarcastic there."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I do not find the darkness of your past very impressively dark. I guess you will just have to impress me on some other front."

Permalink Mark Unread

His breathing gets a little unsteady. 

"Anything you want."

Permalink Mark Unread

Haha this is a bad idea! Bad idea!

But he's pretty and good and he thinks she is the only person besides Abraham Lincoln or whoever who doesn't suck, and she's not going to do anything really stupid, okay brain, she's just going to kiss him - a lot - 

Permalink Mark Unread

That's not stupid that's a great plan.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. Then she will keep kissing him. Possibly rest her hands on his hips while she does it. Which is stupid but it's not really stupid, okay brain, there are not going to be any clothes coming off in the immediate future, she's not that dumb.

" - 's this a very bad time for telepathy - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Don't think so-"

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh hey she was not really expecting that. She'll do telepathy then. She likes doing telepathy when they're kissing. Like it's a whole different piece of him to look at and touch, and as nice as the pieces she can see are his thoughts are even better than that. And she likes knowing he's getting to see exactly what she's feeling, not just guessing based on what she's doing, because she knows she's pretty bad, sometimes, at communicating stuff, and this way she knows he can see that she loves him and thinks he's astonishingly pretty and really really likes kissing him and feels so, so lucky that she gets to have this - 

Permalink Mark Unread

That's all very words and he's mostly not words and just happy and everything's good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah she's mostly very words all the time. Happy words, though. Also remembering that she wanted to remind him that he should sleep in her bed from now on but that she should not bring this up probably until they have not been kissing for a while because that could lead to Bad Decisions. Inconveniently her room here also has a Zana. Or maybe that's convenient, maybe Zana should just keep unknowingly chaperoning them until they're like established adults with enough money for a house that has more than two bedrooms - established adults with houses that contain lots of bedrooms are probably not being irresponsible if they have sex - 

(Only about half her brain is focused on future bed logistics. The other half is busy focusing on kissing him and being tempted to kiss his neck or something even though this is a terrible idea and she should not do it.)

Permalink Mark Unread

- a terrible idea why, exactly, she thinks so many things are terrible ideas that sound like fine ideas on the whole - great ideas even -

Permalink Mark Unread

Because there are like - things that moderately responsible teenagers do sometimes with people they like, and kissing is one of those, probably, but kissing parts of people besides their face feels like it's getting towards things that you're not really supposed to do when you're a teenager, you're supposed to, like, wait and be an established adult in some kind of established relationship probably - not everybody thinks that but it's like - it doesn't feel right, skipping ahead without being in a place where she knows for sure she's gong to get to keep him forever - also it feels possibly mean to do things that might make him want sex more, if she's not going to have it with him, and she doesn't want to be mean -

Permalink Mark Unread

Humans are so - not that he really knows which things are human and which things are Karen - part of him feels that one's neck is kind of part of one's head and therefore this rule shouldn't apply there but the rest of him suspects that part is being dumb -

Permalink Mark Unread

Possibly she is just weirdly neurotic about everything? Lots of people do in fact have sex while they're teenagers. Although they should not do that because she will end up pregnant. But you cannot get pregnant from kissing probably. Possibly she should assume all of her brain's objections are bad and ignore them, but, like, that seems possibly bad, too, what if they had good reasons and she just wasn't sure what they were - really she's not even sure any of her wants to have sex yet, though, mostly the thing she keeps accidentally fantasizing about is pulling his shirt off and running her hands over him, makes the part that loves feeling like he belongs to her get really excited - aaah she shouldn't be thinking about this if she's not going to do it, that's mean -

Permalink Mark Unread

Weird definition of mean. Weirdest definition of mean, really. He's too distracted to make any sense of it and suspects it wouldn't make sense anyway and doesn't really care very much. He leans in to her. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Eeee. If she abuses her flight powers she can press him up against the wall and levitate a couple inches off the ground and still be kissing him - there are not rules about flight because people mostly can't - 

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh this is the best thing that has happened, ever. Ever ever.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eeee! How is he so adorable! He should get lots more kisses for being adorable. 

Permalink Mark Unread

!!!!

Permalink Mark Unread

How is he so good! She is so lucky the person whose life she happened to save is so good and so adorable and so excited about her.

- okay maybe she will kiss his neck after all if he's going to be this excited about this. Maybe getting him more excited is mean. He will just have to tell her if he wants her to stop being mean. Until then he is getting kisses.

Permalink Mark Unread

She has the most confusing definition of being mean that he has ever heard in his entire life.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well if he's not going to object then he's just going to keep getting kisses pressed to his jaw and the side of his neck, isn't he. He is way too pretty and good and excited for her to want to stop doing this on her own.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is turned on and delighted and in love and too distracted to even guess at what on earth she meant about mean.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh gosh in love. That's very nice. That's very very nice. She - does not know how in love she is but she cares about him very very much and thinks he is lovely and wonderful and hers, and she wants him to feel safe and happy and loved - yeah okay maybe she still feels like she loves him -

 

The problem with this situation she has created is that now he's really happy, and she keeps making him happier, but she can't actually escalate that much further right now without her brain objecting, and she is not entirely sure how she's going to resolve the situation without leaving him disappointed that there isn't anything more, and she would really like for this to just be all good for him and not any disappointing at all.

Permalink Mark Unread

Still pretty distracted but that seems like a weird amount of thinking about him or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well he's hard not to think about! She really really really likes him, and what if she accidentally momentarily appears to be good at this and then actually is bad at behaving in a reasonable manner and he ends up being disappointed. People talk a lot about how boys will be disappointed and hurt if you get them really excited and make them feel like maybe there will be sex things and then there are not any sex things. That would be terrible. 

She... can't actually think of a solution to this right now so maybe she will just keep kissing him until she does.

Permalink Mark Unread

He takes a step back. (The debt thinks it was expensive for him to do that, even though these kisses were for him.)

" - Karen -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...yeah?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"What -" sigh. "Sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What are you sorry for?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"'m not supposed to decide to stop so I can demand you explain yourself? I didn't exactly mean to - I didn't really notice that I was doing that -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - that's a really weird opinion for the system to have? You can always decide to stop, that's - actually just always okay - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's really not how slavery works."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't ever want to kiss you when you're not at least okay with that happening. That's not a - this should not be happening when you don't want it to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't - I wasn't unhappy, you'd have noticed if I was unhappy. I wasn't objecting, I just wasn't thinking very clearly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, I didn't think you were, sorry, just - you get to object. You always get to object. That's - actually important, that you know that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well then I guess I object to - not what you were doing exactly but the way you were thinking about it. Or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. 

"Can you... elaborate."

Permalink Mark Unread

Words are hard. He touches her. 

 

So, like, imagine if he's playing with Zana, and he's tired of this game and is only still playing it because he hasn't thought of a way to end it without making her have a tantrum, only instead that's - how she feels about kissing him? That's not a very good metaphor but it gets at the thing, kind of.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Yeah that sounds bad.

She can - try to focus on kissing him? She was actually really enjoying kissing him, it was great, he was being great, and beautiful, and lovely, just - people talk all the time about how it's bad to lead boys on and do things that might make them want sex more than they already do if you're not in a position to have it, it'll make them mad or upset or really frustrated with you, and she - doesn't actually think that would happen with him because he's not like that, but it's still this - thing, that supposedly hurts people, and maybe he won't actually do anything about being hurt because apparently he doesn't even think he gets to object if she's kissing him and he doesn't want that, but she actually doesn't want to hurt him, she actually just wants kissing her to be really straightforwardly good for him every time it happens -

Permalink Mark Unread

Making out with people does not hurt them!!!! - well like it's possible it does with humans? He doesn't actually know much of anything about humans. But making out with people doesn't hurt them the same way ...getting them presents doesn't hurt them even if you only do it on Christmas and not every day? Or reading them a story doesn't hurt them even if eventually you'll get to the end of the story?

Permalink Mark Unread

Wow that is not how anyone who has ever talked to her about making out has talked about it. Well, except him, they have at all talked about making out before and honestly he has been really weirdly okay with all of the other objectively very leading-on type things she has been doing, such as sleeping in the same bed as him and ending up thinking about things that sound nice during telepathy, so maybe he specifically is also just fine with other things like that? But it's just, like, in general, boys want sex, and if you do stuff that seems like it's leading up to sex and then you don't have sex with them they will feel sort of betrayed? Like, like you gave someone a waffle cone like you were going to give them some scoops of ice cream in it, and then you did not actually get them any ice cream and just let them sit there with a waffle cone, and it's not like the waffle cone is harming them but it's mean to imply that you were going to offer more and then leave them with something that actually kind of sucks on its own? - not that he was acting like this part sucked, he was not, just - 

Permalink Mark Unread

Well see that can't be right, he knows human boys are into kissing, he's kissed them. Like if human boys didn't like kissing you could have a story where they only did kissing to arouse human girls in the hopes of getting them in the mood for other stuff that they do like, though, like, that'd still be on them if they weren't good enough at it to get the human girls in the mood for the other thing, but like, that would be a coherent description of human behavior except for the part where human boys do actually like kissing. 

Why are they thinking so much about human boys. 

Uh she mostly hasn't done anything that would make him think she wanted to have sex with him, such as saying she wanted to have sex with him or asking him about which sex things he likes to do or touching his dick or giving a long confusing speech about how even though she's going to tell him to do sex things he actually shouldn't if he doesn't want to. If she did those things then he'd think she wanted to have sex with him, probably, and if he were confused he could ask?

Permalink Mark Unread

- wait, he's kissed boys? - oh right she's not Catholic anymore and has no particular reason to care about that more than him kissing girls. Although she thinks maybe if you are a boy having kissed boys is not super strong evidence about how boys kiss girls, because these are sort of different situations. And it's not like boys don't care about kissing at all, obviously she knows he likes kissing itself, just - she feels like if she were kissing a different person like this they would on some level be kind of upset about getting this and not anything else, like, the ice cream thing was a bad analogy maybe but she's sure there are other things where the thing itself is nice but it would be upsetting if it didn't lead to anything else, like, uh - looking at wedding dresses or something, that's probably really fun, and also if you did it with a girl you didn't want to marry you would be being a horrible person, because you'd be getting her hopes up about marriage and the disappointment is going to be so much worse than the fun was good -

- also human girls have lots more pressing reasons to not have sex with boys than that they're not in the mood, human girls can get pregnant, see, they're not like fast fairies, and also if they have sex with someone and that someone leaves them then a ton of other people will never want to touch them again, so they have to be picky, see -

- anyway. That's, uh, good, about him not thinking sex is remotely imminent, because it is not. She regrets making him sad anyway by constantly being an anxious mess.

Permalink Mark Unread

Man humans have such horribly dysfunctional attitudes about sex, it's so worrying!

Permalink Mark Unread

Possibly that's just her? Although she is kind of pretty sure she did not make all this up herself, this is definitely mostly stuff other people have told her. In humans' defense she is not sure most fairies are actually better, or have invented concepts such as "consent" or "it is actually always allowable to stop kissing people if you do not want to kiss them".

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah fairies don't really bother with any of that stuff but they also don't not want to touch people who've had sex before or get disappointed if they kiss people and don't have sex with them or consider sleeping in the same bed to be implying they'll be having sex or - like, it just seems like vastly more overhead and worry and misery than 'sometimes you kiss people even if you don't feel like it' -

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay but you would expect fairies to worry way less about sex, they can't get pregnant while fast, this is at least not really humans just making up weird nonsense rules for the hell of it?

Also humans find having to have sex they don't want to have to be, like, often not less traumatic than being sent into an active war zone and made to shoot people and worry about being shot yourself, not making people do sex things they don't want to do is actually incredibly important, and it's way less important for kissing, but this is part of the reason why people who are not mature and responsible about stuff can maybe kiss but should not have sex, right, because if you make a mistake with kissing that's unfortunate but fixable and if you make a mistake with sex that's really really really really bad -

Permalink Mark Unread

They what? Because that just doesn't make any sense. Like. Not at all. Like, some people die of eating peanuts and it makes about as much sense as that and he admits that happens but - finding it traumatic? To have sex? 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes!!!! This is absolutely a true thing that really happens, people used to refer to rape as a fate worse than death, basically everyone knows it is incredibly horrible and a bunch of people if you ask them will be like 'yeah actually I think rapists should get the death penalty', and that attitude is wrong and bad but it's not uncommon, and there are studies about the trauma thing, does he want stats because she could look those up probably? Why did he think she was so upset about contemplating the scenario in which the fairies had enslaved her and maybe made her have sex?????

Permalink Mark Unread

Not especially but his father probably will. That is so incredibly weird. What. Well yeah they should definitely never have sex if it might give her bizarre brain problems for the rest of her life - if everyone he ever had sex with going to have bizarre brain problems for the rest of their life -

Permalink Mark Unread

No no no it's not sex in general, it's specifically sex that you're forced to have even if you don't want it, that's really really bad, and sex that everybody consents to is - probably sometimes bad but way way less bad and often totally fine? If you have it with someone committed to you who you love and trust and who will definitely stop if you need them to, that is pretty much never going to give you bizarre brain problems? It is kind of bizarre that he doesn't have an innate sense of the difference between these things? Uh, she heard someone say once that sex, like boxing, is fun if both people consent and is a serious crime if they don't, but actually he already told her that it's fine if she hits him, so she's not entirely sure that's going to help him grasp this - 

Permalink Mark Unread

It would honestly be kind of upsetting right now if she hit him because it'd be pretty out of nowhere but it wouldn't give him brain problems any more than it did when she said something mean once, and a whole lot less than school. Now, school giving people brain problems would make a lot of sense, because they're forced to spend all of their time there? ...it does actually make sense that being kidnapped by fairies would be horrible the way school is horrible?

Permalink Mark Unread

It is theoretically possible that school is traumatizing everyone a little and they don't have data on it because it's literally everyone, but, like, being made to have sex with people is just universally considered way way way way worse and way way way way more harmful than being made to go to school. 

- does school work as an analogy. Would it be similarly horrible for him to, like, of his own free will hear someone giving a talk about something interesting and then listen for half an hour? Actually she literally knows this cannot be horrible for him because she reads books to him all the time and talks about them and he thinks this is great. Maybe... consensual sex and rape are like... the difference between her reading stories to him at night and him being forced to read stories in English class? Except probably rape is way worse than that second thing, but like, maybe that is a somewhat workable analogy?

Permalink Mark Unread

- yeah that makes sense. Her telling him stories isn't horrible because if he doesn't understand the story he can ask and if he doesn't like the story they can read something different. And he likes her. And probably sex with someone who you didn't like who didn't care if you understood what was going on and wouldn't do something different if you wanted is probably like English class, and English class is awful. 

If she, like, really wanted to read him a particular story even though it was confusing and frustrating to him that'd be legit though. Like if that was the only thing she ever did he'd stop enjoying stories and that'd be kind of sad but he wouldn't be upset if she did it occasionally.

Permalink Mark Unread

- okay yeah maybe. But, like, in the context of their generally mutually beneficial story-reading system? Like, probably if you are married to someone and they really really really like one thing and you dislike it a little then it is perfectly okay to occasionally do the thing you dislike a little to make your partner really really really happy? This assessment might be coming from the part of her that was tempted to take Afire, but it seems like it could be right? But that's, like, really really extremely different from having to do something like that with someone who you don't trust or feel like you're on a team with, and also really really different from, like -

- does it help to say that for humans, if you have a lot of sex in a longstanding relationship that you really don't like in order to make your partner happy, that is you being the sort of person who not only gets but takes and uses Afire a lot and thinks this is pretty much fine? And - maybe it won't always give you dramatic trauma or anything but it is still actually pretty bad, probably?

Permalink Mark Unread

That does seem very bad. 

He is not sure how often slavery ends up being like that, let alone marriages which he hasn't even got a guess about, but it does seem very bad.

Permalink Mark Unread

It seems like if you didn't have any checks on it and you felt like the - slave owner person - got to do anything they wanted and the slave couldn't object, then it would just sort of end up like that by default? But - she would not like them to be like that. Ever. At all. Because he's really important to her, and - she knows it's probably just way less of a big deal to him, and maybe fairies just can't be hurt by sex the same way, or something, but it's - really really really important to her that kissing specifically isn't ever something he's just tolerating? Or something she's wronging him with? It should - if it isn't good for him it shouldn't be happening. Or if it isn't good for her. And some things are not that, some things are dishes or taking out the trash and they have to be done by someone even if nobody wants to do them, but - kissing should be good. And maybe she was being kind of overdramatic and excessively anxious before, but maybe it makes a tiny bit more sense now why that would be important?

Permalink Mark Unread

Kissing is good. It's only not good to be reading her mind while she's thinking about it like he thinks about extracting himself from a game with Zana without any tantrum resulting.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug.

Sorry. She doesn't feel that way about it. Really. She likes it, a lot, and wants to get to keep doing it. She just - like - it's really hard to actually believe that the things she can offer him are actually enough for him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Do humans, like, wilt if they don't have sex often enough, or something?

Permalink Mark Unread

........no but some people have led her to believe that if you are a man and you are in a relationship it slowly drives you insane or something? This might be very incorrect, she does not actually know a lot about this topic.

Permalink Mark Unread

Humans are really concerning? 

...is it possible for them to get off without having sex, it seems like it should be but he doesn't want to assume things and if it weren't then - like, it'd still be incorrect but it'd be a bit more complicatedly incorrect. In that, like, they had that conversation once about how she could tell him not to, if she wanted to, and the reason that this is popular is that it does kind of result in wanting-sex hitting you over the head all the time and being vaguely hard to regulate and so on. Or so he's been told, he hasn't tried it. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Uhhhhh yeah that's definitely possible because Catholics have rules about how you're not allowed to do that? She does not, uh, have any personal experience with this, so she's doesn't really know a lot else. And Evangelicals don't ever really acknowledge this possibility so she is not really sure what they think about this either. Unfortunately like a hundred percent of her sex knowledge is from Catholics or Evangelicals or from random probably lying high schoolers or unreliable narrators in books and she is not sure any of these groups are remotely trustworthy. Maybe she should have asked Azalea about this stuff at some point.

Permalink Mark Unread

- well that tentatively explains it a little bit? Anyway he's not going to go even a little bit insane, so.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's good! Connor not going insane is good. She is sorry for being sort of generally a mess and extra a mess about this.

Permalink Mark Unread

She can be however she wants. He thinks she's great.

Permalink Mark Unread

Awwwww.

...can she kiss him again or did she make enough of a mess of that before that he doesn't super wanna do that again.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes definitely.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. He's very very good and she would like to kiss him. Maybe slightly less enthusiastically because last time was extremely enthusiastic and then it blew up a little, but this is still very nice. She really enjoys the abusing her flight powers thing.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's really really great. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Eeee. He's really good. She will - maybe just try to focus on how good he is and how much she likes kissing him for a bit. And then at some point she will stop kissing him and telepathying at him mostly without angsting about this decision first.

 

"...so you, like, still wanna share a bed and stuff?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, of course! It sounds nice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I would like that. And - I am still kind of hoping that if we do the telepathy thing enough it'll mostly stop being super intense all the time but maybe that is kind of overly optimistic?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm really sorry about earlier. I really don't mind the telepathy. I just forgot for a second that I shouldn't - that it'd mean something I didn't mean if I stopped you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, I really don't, like, care about the system thinking that was wrong of you? Uh, if you want I can try to undo it and put you back where you were before? It's like - like when you took the spellbook, that gave you a bunch of debt, but it was right of you, and I'm really glad you did it? I just, uh, I'm sorry for - being bad at thinking about stuff sometimes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not mad at you. I guess I'm kind of mad at the people who told you that stuff but maybe they thought it was true? And maybe it was kind of true within what they thought was allowed? So maybe I can't even be mad at them?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think they were - trying. Possibly also really confused and possessed of questionable priorities. But - I think they were trying to keep me safe, and stuff, I guess? And it's just - I'm glad that none of that stuff super applies to you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am also glad that I like kisses and do not experience them as dress shopping for events that will never happen."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...yeah." Kiss. "Love you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Love you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Eeee.

"I guess I should... probably at some point before Monday try to look over my textbooks and remember what we were covering in school last-week-that-was-a-year-ago. Possibly this should involve a fairy circle trip or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds smart, yeah. If you wanna keep going to school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't technically still have to but I think - I will have a lot more options if I do? Although I don't know if I want to wait that long to get started on healing magic, two years - or four, or six, even - feels like a really long time to wait to get started on it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. There's no way to get to be a nurse without a school degree though?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think so. Maybe I could like -  what can teenagers even do - take a CPR class? Read lots of medical texts?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Dress up as a nurse? Put bandaids on Zana a lot?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Those both sound... kind of weird, but I guess they are also options."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess 'read medical texts' and 'take classes' doesn't sound like torture to you. They seem slower than my way, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They seem somewhat more likely to work? I guess technically speaking I could try them all at once. Although nurse outfits cost money. ...and I am not sure where to find one that actually looks anything like what real nurses wear."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmmm. Kind of wonder if it even needs to, or if a little paper pin that says "nurse" counts."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Pff. I guess we could try that. Just not wearing anything that's probably gonna come up if I google 'nurse outfit'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why not?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Blushing.

"'Cause they're gonna be, uh, sex things. And lots of Halloween costumes optimized for making people think about sex."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - humans are really weird."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yeah, I guess we sort of are."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are there Halloween fairy costumes?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh yeah, for sure. I bet there are even a few that aren't just excuses to wear way fewer clothes than usual."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wanna be a sexy fairy for Halloween."

Permalink Mark Unread

- she is going to spend a second trying not to laugh. There. Okay. No laughing.

"Okay. We can find you a costume."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You are so cute. I guess I should dress up as something too. Possibly an astronaut in full space suit, but, like, something. And we should get Zana something cute to wear. And take her and little Connor trick or treating. It'll be great."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I was so sad we couldn't participate in Halloween, when I was little. It looked so neat."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh, because the candy'd give you debt? That's terrible. I will buy you lots of candy and you can wear a costume and we can put up decorations and it'll be great."

Permalink Mark Unread

Happy snuggle. "I think I'll be a very convincing sexy fairy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hardly distinguishable from the real thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Love you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Love you too."

 

She looks up CPR class times; there is one available through the library in about a month. She buys some medicine-related textbooks and starts reading them to herself. She makes a little paper pin that says "nurse" on it and makes sure to bandage every cut that Zana gets, which she usually doesn't do because Zana gives herself kind of a lot of cuts, between the claws and the being three. She has a rocky first couple days back at school, but manages to get mostly back in the swing of things by the end of the week. She snuggles Connor in her bed every night and helps him look at fairy costume elements and toddler dragon costumes and decide which things they should order.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Bandage

You can heal small cuts.

To learn this spell, scratch your skin. Run your hand over the scratch, saying 'looncan'

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Well, it's healing, if not very impressive healing. Maybe she can spam uses on people at school, or something.

She reads it to Connor, because she reads all of her spells to Connor.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess it got the idea about the bandaids?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess so. It's - not super impressive but maybe we can build up from here if I cast it a lot."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. It seems like maybe it doesn't care about power level? Like, it's given you some insanely powerful stuff and some really low-level stuff, kinda randomly..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, at first I thought it was gonna keep building up, but it seems like at this point it just... gives me a match for whatever I'm doing? Which is plausibly going to make it really hard to build up to actually substantial healing or resurrection stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"At least until you're a nurse, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's so long! There's gotta be another way. I just... haven't thought of it yet."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Practice forgery and get the ability to make a fake diploma?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm reasonably certain that they check on those things by calling your school rather than by asking you to hand over your literal diploma to check that you graduated. I'll just... spam it a lot and see where that gets me. You wanna go shopping for halloween decorations after school?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, sounds good."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cool! Then after school they can go shopping for decorations and candy at the drugstore next to the magic shop.

...where there is also a magic shop, which has a big Halloween sale sign up in the window. She passes it every day, and somehow it's never occurred to her before now that it might be useful to her in any way. And it still might not be real, although it also might be, but -

" - I have an idea, and it's either really smart or really dumb."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmm?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Suppose that the way that you become the sort of person who gets healing spells is by trying to cast healing spells."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Does trying to cast spells look like...doing anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not when I do it my way. But I don't have to do it my way, not if I'm just sending signals to the spellbook, it doesn't matter whether I'm doing the sort of magic that works on its own. I just have to be doing what I would be doing if I were trying to heal people with magic, right? And lots of people try to heal people with magic, they just, use, like, crystals and candles and incantations or whatever."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh! Does that work?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - honestly I have no idea, it could really go either way at this point. Most people don't believe it does."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It seems like it'd be easy to tell?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, people heal on their own eventually. Kind of hard to tell whether any of the stuff you're doing is helping unless it's very dramatic. Also people tend to get better a little faster if they think they're doing something about their problems, even if the thing itself isn't doing anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Well, I think it's a great idea."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool! Then we should stop by the magic shop before we head to work, probably, that seems like a better foundation than completely making stuff up." 

And they can check out the magic shop's Halloween sale.

Permalink Mark Unread

The magic shop has a bunch of candles and crystals and boxes of tarot cards and little wooden altars and pressed flowers and animal body parts suspended in liquid and vials labeled in Latin and a bunch of mysterious contraptions that they are definitely not going to recognize. There's some jewelry with a lot of weird symbols, some recognizably new age and some much more arcane. Also some toy spiders and bats and eyeballs in bowls near the front. There are also some bookshelves full of books, mostly about chakras and crystal healing and the history of witchcraft and traditional herbal remedies and other related topics. There's a girl behind the counter playing with a pencil.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hmmm. This place is... sort of terrifying. Just because there isn't one God doesn't really mean that there aren't, like, demons, so this stuff could be really dangerous, but it could also be really powerful, and it's not like there's anybody up there judging her for looking.

She looks at the bookshelves for a while and takes something that claims to be about actually casting spells. 

"Hi. I'd like this, and, uh, if you have anything about healing? Or that's useful for casting healing spells?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...is this, like, a Halloween thing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just, uh, inconvenient timing. I don't know anything about this but I wanna learn. So if you have anything for, like, physically healing people from sicknesses and injuries, that's what I'm mostly interested in right now. Although any other stuff that claims to be able to have actual effects on the physical world would be cool, too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Very skeptical wording choice for someone jumping right into practicing the mystical arts."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - aren't you supposed to be trying to sell me things?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't get commissions. And I don't give phenomenal cosmic power out to newbies, or junk out to people who are looking for the good stuff. But I do have stuff for aspiring white witches. You just want, what, some stuff to get your feet wet, with some focus on healing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...yeah, I guess so."

Permalink Mark Unread

She heads back to the bookshelves and gets some more books. "Crystal grids, affirmations, easy potions to make for healing various ailments, some basic spells, introductions to some basic divination, guidance to keep you from making horrible mistakes. You'll want some basic materials, too. You up for eighty dollars worth of experimentation, or should I be scaling this back for budget constraints?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can do eighty dollars."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. And you get a free scented candle of your choice. They have effects in some spells, but by themselves they mostly just smell nice. Read well before you try anything, okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I will. Thanks."

She takes a candle that's supposed to smell like the ocean. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's my job." She puts everything in a bag and pushes the bag across the the bag across the counter. "Happy Halloween."

Permalink Mark Unread

So Karen can take her stuff. 

"Well. I have no idea whether any of this is going to do anything, on either of the levels it's supposed to, but it's worth a shot."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's a bunch of stuff, what's it all for?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think the board has something to do with crystal grids? I don't actually know what crystal grids are. I did tell the person at the counter that I wanted to focus on healing, and she seemed to think she had stuff for that. I am supposed to read the books before I try anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Aww, why can't there be magic that doesn't involve any reading?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"She probably just didn't want to give me a free crash course while I stood there. Or wanted me to also buy the books. But I dunno, it's kind of nice, having it all written down. Means I can remember it this way."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can't believe there's widely known magic and my father doesn't know about it. Or maybe he does and couldn't get it to work or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am not claiming that any of this stuff works! It is widely believed to be nonsense. It just - happens that nonsense works almost as well, when you have a spellbook that pays attention to whatever you're doing in practice. Maybe. If this works."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess we'll find out!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

So she reads a bunch of stuff about elements of spirits and crystal energies and healing potions.

It happens that, if she goes to the trouble of actually identifying the gems that Connnor got her months ago while exploring the catacombs, she actually already has a lot of the elements she needs to cast a lot of the healing spells in the books. On one occasion she bikes to the hospital and heads to the bathroom and sits on the toilet with her board of crystals, flinging spells at other parts of the building, in case having a valid target in range matters. Also in case it's actually doing anything.

Permalink Mark Unread

It's kind of neat! He doesn't want to face his father again but he mentions it to Michael, who thinks it doesn't work.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Novice healer

Using a healing ritual, you can improve someone's health when they are sick or injured.

You have learned this spell.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh! The new spell says I've already learned it this time. I can improve the  health of sick or injured people, but only if I use a ritual."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - well that's kind of annoying. So doing the rituals works, but it only works at making the rituals work?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seems that way. - I wonder if we can just make up our own rituals that are supposed to have different effects, though, that would be pretty awesome."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ooooh. How would it know what they were meant to do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ummm, hm. Well, the crystals have associations, we could come up with a grid that makes sense with what we're trying to do, and then, uh, we could write an incantation that mentions and explains what the spell is supposed to accomplish? - we could use Dungeons and Dragons spells for templates and fill in the parts we don't have with stuff that kind of makes sense, and, uh, see if we can suddenly cast ninth-level wizard spells?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"- oooh."

Permalink Mark Unread

Bounce bounce. "Probably not true resurrection yet because you need, like, an extremely huge diamond, or something, but maybe we could pull off mass healing or teleportation or scrying or a gate or - I'd have to look at the spell lists again for ideas - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do we have one in the house -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think we have the Pathfinder one?"

They do. She flips to the ends of the spell lists. "Okay, true resurrection takes an extremely expensive diamond, gate seems doable but we would need to actually construct a gate large enough to travel through to other dimensions and also if we tried it right now we would totally die even if we did end up anywhere else, mass healing people should be possible, discern location is not obviously impossible, there's shape changing, there's making people do whatever you say, there's immobilizing people, there's entombing people in the ground, there's shooting fire out of your hands, there's, uh, immobilizing people with pleasure so intense that they're unable to take any actions for like a minute, there's talking to animals, there's talking to plants, there's being able to speak any language - there's a spell for giving limited amounts of magic to other people and the limits are pretty strict but maybe we could change them - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well the fire one sounds like more trouble than it's worth and the entombing one too probably but all the rest of those are great -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, but it takes me more than a week to learn a spell, we shouldn't just pick random ones. We should have, like, an order to go in."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mass healing probably first? Since the people in the hospital probably need it more than I need magic or than you need any of the other things you mentioned - read them back again?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh, there's lots, I was just picking stuff that stood out - talking to animals, talking to plants, speaking all languages, gifting spells to others, immobilizing people via any of pure magic, chains made out of light, or pleasure so intense they can't move, magically commanding people to do stuff, changing your appearance or form, discerning the location of any person or object, opening portals to other dimensions, and various forms of raising the dead that all require really expensive diamonds. But, like, also a ton more, if you want me to read you the entire spell list."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We gotta get talking to animals so we can ask Dog if she needs anything she couldn't tell us about. Do you - do you want to have the power to immobilize people with pleasure -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Blushing. "Um. I'm not, uh, long term opposed to it but I am slightly worried about what would end up happening if I had it right this second - "

Permalink Mark Unread

" - why -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Beeecause I might be tempted to use it? And that could be. Uh. Weird."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh, I mean, I definitely thought that was why you wanted it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I mean. That is probably why I read that one. Just. Not all of the ideas I have are good ones. And, uh, I don't really know whether it would be good, to habitually do that. Although I guess I'm also not sure there's anything technically wrong with it, it's just, uh. Kind of way beyond kissing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There's not, like, a spectrum, you know, there's just lots of stuff people like doing.  - I agree it would be a sort of thing from a region of things we are not doing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It sounds - interesting. I guess. I'm just not sure whether it'll have, like, good effects, on other stuff. ...we should probably at least be minimally responsible first and save all the people with cancer and talk to Dog and stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, we should."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. And - possibly after we do all of that we can, uh, talk about whether we want to also eventually use magic for potentially irresponsible recreational activities. If grabbing D&D spells even works at all."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Entirely your decision. Though you could talk with me about it if you wanted."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well I have to, I have a rule. That I made for myself. About how I don't take spells unless you think they're good ideas."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. I didn't actually know that. 

It's a good rule. I won't let you take horrible ones."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you. I appreciate it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What would we need for mass healing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Kind of unclear! The book says it has verbal and somatic components, meaning you have to say something and do a motion, and that it takes one standard action to cast, so maybe, like, four seconds? But it doesn't specifically require anything else. So - I guess I would try coming up with a really short four-second incantation about being cured of all ills, or something, and a hand motion to go with it, and then just, uh, repeatedly do those at people until it took?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seems worth a shot."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I won't get another spell until after Halloween, but I can come up with something now and spam it at people and see if it takes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And eventually we'll get powerful enough we can use the gates spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Someday. Although we should possibly find a way to check that there's anything actually on the other side first."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How does that work in D&D?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't actually know, I've never played a character that was strong enough to use any of these. Probably there are spells for looking into other dimensions that are less strong than ones for going there?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That makes sense. - I like that, as a long-term plan."

Permalink Mark Unread

Bounce bounce. "Yeah. - we have long-term plans. I don't think I've had any long-term plans since I was, like, twelve."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's school. It takes all peoples' plans and buries them under misery and homework."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have picked up on this being your theory. I'm not actually sure what did it. When I was really little I wanted to be an astronaut. And then I realized we weren't sending people to the moon anymore and I decided I was going to be a microbiologist. And then at some point I realized I was really terrible at all of the parts of school that weren't memorizing things or writing nonsense while in class."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Was this supposed to disprove my theory, because -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I guess it doesn't really. But, like, the stuff I wanted to be before is stuff that you need to go to school to do. - which is most things, I guess, just not magic."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So good thing we have magic."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I suppose so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess we should wait to get too excited until we know for sure if it works that way."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. But, like, worst case I'm just limited to actual rituals that other people have done, which is still a whole new avenue of stuff to explore."

Permalink Mark Unread

"But no jumping dimensions! I wanna jump dimensions."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't even know if they exist! But I'll do my best."

 

She comes up with a hand gesture to do. She spends a lot of time doing it at people and saying the words 'may all in range of this spell be healed of all ills of body and mind' under her breath.

Halloween arrives. She puts together a witch costume, half because this is an excuse to own a witch outfit and this seems appropriate given that she's a witch now. Zana is a dinosaur. Little Connor is a jedi. 

Permalink Mark Unread

He's a sexy fairy. He is wearing a elaborate green fabric vine draped over a pair of sparkly sequined underwear, and a flower crown.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well she sure did agree to help him make a sexy fairy costume and he sure is a sexy fairy now. How could she have predicted this. Gosh. Like he looks kind of ridiculous but also gosh. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh wait, there's also wings! Can you help me glue them on?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaaaaaaa blushing.

" - yeah! Of course."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They attach at the shoulders and near the waist, see -"

Permalink Mark Unread

She is the most oppressed person in the history of the universe. She is not actually sure what she's internally complaining about but she's not gonna stop doing it.

She will just. Uh. Attempt to attach these wings. And try not to think about the fact that she is touching him or the unusually salient possibility of touching him other places.

Permalink Mark Unread

His wings have a little string you run up your arm and can use to flap them! When they are glued he will flap them! Flap flap flap flap!

Permalink Mark Unread

Gaaah he's adorable. And not wearing a shirt. And adorable. She is smiling into her hand and maybe having trouble looking directly at him.

"Do you like it? It's very - something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's perfect!" He wiggles. "Sexy fairy. You're blushing."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - that seems to be happening, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I like your costume too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you. I thought, uh, witch now, might be fun to be able to dress like one sometimes." 

She is, like, occasionally sort of glancing at him and then immediately looking away like she's trying to look at the sun or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay, it can't be the case that humans get traumatized by sexy Halloween costumes because humans wear them to school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am not going to be traumatized from this! Just - very easily embarrassed. It's nice."

Permalink Mark Unread

Flap flap flap.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're adorable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Let's go around and bother the neighbors."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

So they can get the kids and the kids can go around getting candy from people.

Permalink Mark Unread

Halloween is neat!

Permalink Mark Unread

She thinks so! 

They get lots of candy and come home late. Zana eats a bunch of candy; Connor eats like two pieces and saves the rest. Karen gives herself a chocolate bar from the bowl they left out on the porch. Eventually she herds them off to bed.

She is somewhat less of a blushing mess about the shirtless fairy in her house but is still not actually looking at him a normal amount by the end of the night.

Permalink Mark Unread

Flap flap flap flap. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Gaaaah why is he like this.

"So that was fun. I feel like you got, like, most of the Halloween experience there. If you want any candy you can take stuff from the bowl."

Permalink Mark Unread

He gets a chocolate.

Sexy fairies eat their chocolate in a very exaggerated manner, apparently.

Permalink Mark Unread

Whyyyy.

"You're enjoying yourself a lot, aren't you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How did you guess." He licks his lips and nibbles the chocolate very delicately. 

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - if you want kissing to happen you - might have to be the one to make it happen because I think I might be slightly nonfunctional or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe I have a magic spell that causes paralysis with chocolate-nibbling."

Permalink Mark Unread

She rolls her eyes and stares at the ceiling. "I can't definitively rule this out."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can tell me to stop, you know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am aware of this. I - think I am not going to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Gosh." He puts the chocolate down and walks over to her. "Sexy fairies come to peoples' houses and kiss them uninvited, you know."

Permalink Mark Unread

Gaaah. 

"Do they."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

- she's just gonna be over here blushing and breathing unsteadily and being full of lots of fluttery feelings and somewhat hesitantly kissing him back.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sexy fairies scoop humans up and carry them off to their beds."

Permalink Mark Unread

There is definitely some part of her that distantly feels like she should be objecting to this, but it can't seem to muster any actual objections.

"Gosh."

Permalink Mark Unread

Scoop. 

 

He did not consider how to hold her and operate the doorknob and there is some fumbling.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well she can helpfully cling to him, can't she. This may result in her blushing into his shoulder. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. He figures out how to operate a door. He takes her into their room. He drops her on the bed. The wings have come unglued from one shoulder and are trailing morosely behind him. 

 

" - sexy fairies want the telepathy on so they'll notice if they - make you scared -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnodnod. He's so good. There are lots of pretty people in the world but he cares about her and wants her to be happy and wants to only do things that are nice -

- hopefully he doesn't think she's really pathetic for being this - this - she feels sort of ridiculous but she doesn't think he'd think that - he's so good - and really pretty -  

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good she's okay. He's not even going to waste any energy trying to figure out why he might think she's pathetic this time, it won't make any sense anyway.

Sexy fairies lie down on top of her and kiss her.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaaahhhhh sexy fairies should keep doing that.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. Then they will. They're enjoying it so much. They love her so much.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's so good he's so good he's so good - how did she ever get so lucky - she loves him so much -

- she is maybe bad enough at thinking right now that she can run her hands over his back where the wings were without actually remembering to be anxious about this -

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good that sounds like exactly what he wanted. Also it feels very nice. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Well then she can keep doing that. She likes making him feel nice. A lot.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

She should get that spell.


Her witch costume is not a sexy witch costume but he will kiss all around its collar and nibble like on the chocolate and be so pleased and so happy and so in love - and so turned on - and holding her is very very nice -

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaaah - she wants the spell a lot even though she's pretty sure she had lots of reasons for being kind of worried about wanting it and some of them were maybe even good ones - he should - not take her costume off probably because she's not really equipped to make decisions about that right now but that seems like the kind of line she'd want to have drawn - he should definitely keep doing what he's doing right now though - please - 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes. Yes yes yes yes good he loves her so much he's so happy everything is so wonderful.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaaahhh happy happy happy loved and happy.

Permalink Mark Unread

Probably eventually they will get tired of this or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah probably eventually. She will not so much want to stop cuddling and clinging to him, though. 

- does he want to just, like, keep the telepathy on tonight - she's not really sure what happens with that when they fall asleep but she doesn't really wanna stop basking in all of the happy -

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah that sounds good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. 

She snuggles her sexy fairy contentedly until she falls asleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

She dreams.

 

 

Karen did not really think about this plan before she tried it, so she did not really think about the fact that most of her dreams are nightmares of some kind.

She's in a forest. It's night. There's something else here with her, something hiding in the shadows, that she can never quite see. She's - trying to move out of the forest, but she can't, she's rooted to the spot.

The something starts singing. She covers her ears, but it doesn't help, she can hear it as clearly as before.

Permalink Mark Unread

He doesn't usually have nightmares. He startles awake, freaked out, and then - clings to her? Should he wake her up or something?

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, she's still dreaming. Can't turn her head in this dream, that sucks. People are laughing behind her, and they won't stop singing, and there's debt, even more than there should be from fairy song. Someone grabs her and the dream doesn't even bother with a proper transition, there's a cell now, with iron bars - she's trying to think how to stop hearing the song, but she can't -

Permalink Mark Unread

He should've, like, asked whether he should wake her up? Snuggle?

Permalink Mark Unread

Sleepy snuggle.

She seems to mostly be stuck in this dungeon, so that could be worse. There are three stone walls and the one set of iron bars. She spends a while picking at pieces of wall and the spaces where the bars meet the floor and the ceiling, but she can't find an opening. She wonders how long it'll take her to starve. They won't stop singing.

"You'll need to pay for that," says the fairy guarding the dungeons. He's smiling very cheerfully. He has a burning fire poker in one hand and a knife in the other. "How would you like to do that?"

She opens her mouth and - can't say anything.

"Okay. You did ask for it," says the fairy, and he sticks the burning poker through the bars. She steps sideways - not back, because he'd reach her, there isn't enough space between him and the back wall - and then there's another poker to the other side of her, and another above, and another, and she has to do this weird horrible dance to keep dodging them, but if she stops for a moment she'll run into them -

Permalink Mark Unread

Poke poke poke.

Permalink Mark Unread

- she actually immediately interprets this as failing to dodge and getting stabbed, but then she makes a small unhappy sound and opens her eyes and blinks at him and - for a second she feels more terrified, as she realizes she's not dreaming but fails to process that she was a second ago. But then the dream starts fading and she's in her bed and there's - well there's a fairy but he's supposed to be here.

" - 'd I wake you up - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"You were - having a nightmare or something - about fairies -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Yeah. I was in a cell or something. With - something stabbed me, I think? I don't remember it all - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wasn't sure what I should - do - you were so scared -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. Kind of clingy snuggle because even though she's trying really hard to accept that it was a dream she's still not a hundred percent calmed down from it. "'M'sorry. Didn't think about - I guess maybe keeping telepathy on at night was maybe not a great idea - I sort of have them a lot - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm so sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not a big - m'sorry for making you deal with it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It is a big deal. I got you kidnapped and now you have - brain problems -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - no no no, they're just - I've had nightmares on and off since I was four, you didn't do anything to make me have more - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. - that's not really okay but - okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

...snuggle?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do fairies not have nightmares, or something?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know, I don't think so? I don't, anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh." Snuggle. "Lucky."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. It seems horrible to have bad things happen to you all night."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think they hurt people very much, like, long-term. It's not like real bad things happening to you, it's like - once you're awake you mostly know you're safe, and then in a few minutes you mostly forget, like with other dreams. It's just - not fun while it's happening."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that's better but it still seems really bad? Like - if you got a better version of un-say that let you undo five minutes, and you spent it torturing people and then undoing that, I'd think that wasn't very cool even though they didn't remember it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, yeah. I guess there's just - nightmares aren't anyone's fault, and almost everyone has them sometimes. And I wouldn't know how to fix it. Maybe there's magic or something. Although I'd have to put off doing other stuff with it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If you got magic to - control your dreams or something - that'd be more hours in the day to practice magic, it'd speed everything else up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think we know that that's how it works? But - I guess I'm not currently doing anything while I sleep, and maybe using that time for something is a pretty big improvement on the status quo - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, it's a lot of time to not be using - I guess maybe if you try not to sleep you'll just get something where you don't need to sleep? And that'd work too?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess? I think I would worry about, like, side effects. Although I'm not sure how to do dream magic specifically. I guess I could put other stuff on hold and try whatever people try when they're trying to figure out nonmagical lucid dreaming?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Cuddle. "Up to you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...maybe I can try lucid dreaming stuff after I figure out more healing. The nightmares aren't gonna, like, kill me."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. 

"Sweet of you to worry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"WIsh you could have my dreams. They're much nicer."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why, what do you mostly dream about?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - you, mostly."

Permalink Mark Unread

- enthusiastic snuggle. "You are so adorable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Before I was yours I mostly dreamed about wandering in strange places and that was nice too."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. Telepathy back on so she can insistently think about how adorable he is at him. - also this thing where they're snuggling and he still doesn't have a shirt on, this thing is nice. She may have to give up her general disapproval of sexy Halloween costumes as a tradition.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sexy Halloween costumes are a great tradition he can't see why she would disapprove. Also he could just not wear a shirt to bed, if she wanted.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh gosh she can just tell him to do that. Aaaa being able to tell him to do things is exciting. Probably she is enjoying this thought too much but yeah it might plausibly be nice if he did that.

Permalink Mark Unread

'enjoying this thought too much' doesn't make any sense conceptually. And yes she can do that and then he will be shirtless and snuggle her it'll be great he's so happy.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eeee. Snuggle.

It does so make sense conceptually, though, she just needs to remember how. It's something like - there are some things that are okay to do a little but not a lot, and if you don't enjoy them or only enjoy them a little then you won't be tempted to do them too much, and if you enjoy them a lot then you might be tempted to do them a lot, and that could be bad. So, like, if she likes telling him to do things maybe that's okay sometimes, but if she told him to do things all the time he might get annoyed with it, or something, and yes he's her slave and stuff but she still doesn't want to inconvenience him? And thinking about things that are - exciting - might be the sort of thing where if she ever does it it's okay but if she lets herself do it whenever she wants then maybe she'll end up wanting them even more and making worse decisions, or something -

Permalink Mark Unread

That's kind of why he thinks she should get the spell, actually, so they won't be tempted to have sex? He didn't mean to think about that, he doesn't want to pressure her about the spell. He thinks about exciting things a lot and he doesn't think it affects his judgment really but maybe humans are different or maybe she is. But also, thinking about what you find exciting is how you get comfortable with it and aren't taken aback by it or unable to think about it and that definitely leads to bad decisions.

Permalink Mark Unread

How would that lead to bad decisions, couldn't you just, like, never do any sex things? Also she doesn't really feel like he's pressuring her to take the spell. Like, she is in fact planning to take it. Probably. She thinks. There's - an argument that it's more intimate than things that they should be doing but she's not really sure that trying to match intimacy levels to anything else really makes sense as a thing to do. Other than that she mostly just feels embarrassed about how exciting it sounds, because, uh, something something enjoying things too much. She's not actually sure there's anything reasonable there now. Maybe she's just bizarrely afraid of being happy or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

Never doing any sex things can totally be a bad decision? If you would be better off doing them, or if you, like, want kids, or things like that. He thinks probably for most people never doing any sex things ever in their whole life would be a really bad decision for them to make. Also maybe they would fail at it and just do sex things without knowing what they're into. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay, maybe it's technically a bad decision in terms of, like, some people would be missing out, but at least it won't have any disastrous consequences? Having sex anyway is not really a disastrous consequence of this decision because if you'd made the other decision then you would have had sex anyway. 

For some reason her brain doesn't think any of the stuff about not enjoying things applies if you're trying to have kids. People who want to have kids are allowed to enjoy sex. Maybe this is leftover Catholicism or something. She wishes her feelings on this topic made any sense.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle.

 

 

Probably her problem is that she had one set of beliefs about sex when she was Evangelical, and they were terrible, and she had a different set of beliefs about sex when she was Catholic, and she didn't think they were terrible but she does think there's probably no reason to assume the rules are correct if most of Catholicism is made up, and secular people have a different set of rules that kind of make sense and are maybe kind of exciting but also seem kind of hollow and soul-eating compared to the Catholic ones, and she doesn't really know what you're supposed to think about sex if you're a witch, and so she doesn't have anything to aim for anymore, and at the same time she constantly feels kind of stupid about not knowing what she wants and wanting things she doesn't take and thinking about taking things she isn't sure if she wants.

Permalink Mark Unread

...pat pat pat pat? 

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

 

...is there, like, a thing that he... wants their relationship to look like. If that makes sense as a line of inquiry.

Permalink Mark Unread

He wants them to go to lots of different universes and have awesome adventures and rescue animals and help people but not in a kidnappy way until they know how to make that not weird. And people will look at him and want him because he's pretty and good at things and doing lots of cool stuff and she will go "no you can't have him he's mine" and - like, he thinks about sex a lot kind of because of all of the trying not to and kind of because they could and it'd be really nice and wonderful but if that's not what she wants then that's not what she wants, that's life, though it'd suck if she wanted it from someone else, though like, obviously if that's how she eventually feels then so it goes, really. He wouldn't leave or anything.

Permalink Mark Unread

...snuggle. He's adorable. She's not going to have sex with someone else while she's got him, that'd be kind of absurd. At least she feels like it would be. She's never even wanted to kiss anyone else, and he's, like, important to her, and hers, and incredible, and stuff, so even if she did eventually have feelings for someone else she can't really imagine wanting them so much that she'd make him deal with her having sex with other people, that sounds like a horrible thing to do to someone?

Permalink Mark Unread

- no not really? He'd be sad about it, but sometimes it's perfectly reasonable to do things that other people'd be sad about? And he wouldn't be, like, sad about it forever, it'd just make him very aware that he didn't have the kind of body she wanted and it'd take him a bit to figure out some stuff but she's thinking of it as a much bigger deal than it would be, really. Like, what if she'd happened to be exclusively into girls, then he'd still love her but obviously they'd not do sex stuff and he wouldn't want her to never have anyone on his account. 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

...okay but if she'd happened to be exclusively into girls then they would not have ended up being romantically involved or whatever in the first place, that's different. She's not gonna - she's not sure if you still call it cheating if you're open about what you're doing, but, like, she's with him, she's not gonna suddenly decide to do things with other people and just make him tank that? - also even if any of this happened she is pretty sure it could not possibly have anything to do with his body because he is like the prettiest person she has ever seen.

Permalink Mark Unread

Happy wiggle. He feels vaguely uncomfortable about her - not promising exactly but very firmly intending - not to have sex with other people because he just doesn't actually have the right to opinions about that and she's taking his sadness kind of too seriously but it's awfully sweet. She's so sweet. And good and wonderful. Andddd he should probably have noticed before this that the not wanting sex was not about him but he hadn't, actually, noticed that, and now he's happy about the fact it's not about him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Of course it's not about him!!! Her feelings about having sex with him are conflicted, okay, but like, in contrast to everyone else, where there's nothing for the not wanting to to be in conflict with. She's just - kind of a mess in this area. Probably in a lot of areas but especially this one.

She sort of feels like - maybe this is silly, but - if you have sex with someone you're in love with for the first time then it should be a really really wonderful experience. And she feels like if they did it now it maybe wouldn't actually be wonderful, it'd be -  made of the wrong pieces, or not happening for the right reasons, or something, she's really bad at reaching for what she means, here. But - she wants it to be really really nice, when it happens. And she's not sure she feels like that yet. She's not really sure what she'd need for that to change, but - maybe they shouldn't do it until it has.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well obviously they shouldn't if she thinks it won't be the thing she wants, yeah. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Knowing what she wants is hard. She wants things to be - correct. And nice. She feels like if they're correct they will definitely also be nice. But what if there isn't a correct and that means she can't have it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Probably some dimension has the thing she's looking for. There can't be only the three options of the Protestants and the Catholics and the Seculars did he get those words right of all of the ways that people could decide how they're going to have sex. Well or fairies. But she doesn't seem inclined to go with how fairies do it.

Permalink Mark Unread

She is pretty sure that if a correct way of doing things exists it involves consent in some way. Also apparently fairies think it is totally fine to have someone and tell them that they're not allowed to have sex even if they want to, and then also go and have sex with other people yourself, even though this will make them sad. And that's dumb. Whatever she figures out has to be good for both of them if it's going to be good for her. Or hypothetically they could break up but she does not really want this to happen at all ever, even though of course they're not married or anything so he could break up with her and leave at any time and she would respect that, even though it would make her pretty sad and upset.

Permalink Mark Unread

They're not married but 'not married or anything' feels inaccurate because he is her slave for more than half the value of his life and absolutely cannot leave any time and is fine with that. Fairies are possibly okay with some things that are actually bad, but he doesn't think 'keeping a slave and having sex with other people' is one of them regardless of how you've instructed the slave because, like, it really has nothing to do with the slave unless you make him participate - this is probably a line of thought that will distress her again ugh -

Permalink Mark Unread

Well insofar as it's okay to keep slaves and not be in romantic relationships with them yeah, probably, but - wanting people you're in love with who are in love with you to not have sex with other people is totally normal, actually, almost everyone expects that? And - she could break up with him and be with someone else but she wouldn't want to make him deal with that, being enslaved to your ex-girlfriend who you are still in love with and who doesn't love you anymore just seems like a horrible situation to be in??

And - he really can go if he wants that, she'd set him even and let him go if he really wanted, because - maybe it's the inverse of the thing where he finds it important to expect less of her than he gets so he isn't ever disappointed if she needs to lean on him harder than usual? It's like - it's important to her that he's choosing to be hers because he likes it, and that if it ever becomes really bad for him he can ask her to go, and she has the power to refuse to let him but she doesn't have the right, really, she doesn't - if he made a commitment or a serious declaration of intent, or whatever, to stay with her forever, she'd hold him to that, but - saving his life was, like, an accident of fate and stuff, it shouldn't - it shouldn't actually mean that his needs are worth less than hers if this situation is bad for him - 

- maybe that's all a mess, again, does it help to just say that she loves him and she doesn't even really expect this to be much of a sacrifice anyway and that their relationship would be shaped worse, would be less the thing she wants, if she were allowed to cheat on him and he didn't feel like he got to complain about that - 

Permalink Mark Unread

I mean, if she dumped him that would make him vastly more sad than if she picked up someone else so it just seems odd to say that it's okay for her to do one but not the other? The thing about not wanting to is fine, she doesn't have to want to, just - the same way she wants him to be able to walk away if he wanted to he wants her to be able to do whatever she wants to. Which is maybe a dumb analogy since he doesn't want to be able to walk away or maybe that makes it a better analogy, who knows.

Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well she's not gonna date multiple people, that's - is there actually anything wrong with that? - this is too confusing for three AM. She's allowed to kiss whoever and he's allowed to leave and neither of them is actually going to do these things because their honor or something prevents it and that's fine, probably. It's kind of a weird way for a serious relationship to be shaped long-term but maybe they're too young or too inexperienced or too something to have figured out how to have one of those anyway. They can - figure more stuff out as they go.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. That sounds good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. What a good sexy fairy she has.

...she should probably turn off the telepathy before going back to sleep, so he doesn't have to deal with any more nightmares?

Permalink Mark Unread

He doesn't mind if it doesn't bother her....though it might mean he doesn't sleep much? This one woke him up. Maybe it wouldn't have done that if he'd known it was normal.

Permalink Mark Unread

It seems pretty bad to distress him extra if he doesn't have to be distressed? They could try it one more time if he wanted to test it, but it seems pretty - maybe she was subconsciously hoping they would share dreams and shared dreams would be way nicer, but maybe that doesn't happen, it was maybe kind of silly to expect it to -

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe if they keep sharing dreams they'll get magic for it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Ooooh. That sounds neat. Although she is currently trying to do healing stuff still.

Well it's up to him whether he wants to try it again and risk not getting very much sleep. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah seems fine. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. Snuggle. 

The next dream she has is about being stuck on the side of a snow-covered mountain, barefoot and with a baby in her arms that she's trying and failing to protect from the cold.

Permalink Mark Unread

Why are they on a mountain? Why is she barefoot? He should go help her out probably?

Permalink Mark Unread

These are all good questions she would not have thought of. They do not appear to solve the problems, though. She's not able to speak in this dream but he knows what she's thinking anyway, which is that they need to get out of the snow or find shelter of some kind before they freeze to death. Probably if they freeze to death nothing horrible will happen but it will be very unpleasant.

Permalink Mark Unread

If they speed up that'll work too, it's hard to freeze while sped up. Is there some place that's not snowy? Why the fuck is it snowy anyway? Aren't igloos a thing? How does one build an igloo.

Permalink Mark Unread

She feels like igloos are made out of blocks of ice and not just out of snow, and they don't have that much ice here? But hm. She was heading up the mountain but she doesn't remember why, probably she should be heading down the mountain. Maybe it'll be less snowy lower down. There are trees down further, they must be above the tree line right now. 

It's easier to climb down than up, but it's still hard to climb without equipment. Or shoes. All the steps she takes hurt. The baby isn't crying anymore and she's very worried about what that means.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eh, kids are tough, when he was one he wandered into the woods once and didn't get found until two days later and it was fine.

Maybe he could carry her?

Permalink Mark Unread

Oooh, maybe. She clings to him and tries to shield the baby from the wind with the cloak she's wearing.

It's a lot warmer when he's holding her. Like, a lot warmer. And unreasonable amount of warmer. It's nice. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. He's so puzzled about why they're on this mountain - how did they get here? but maybe they can get off of it now. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Down below the tree line there stops being snow. It's warmer and flatter and forested. There's a village here, a little assemblage of houses with a big fire burning in the middle.

Permalink Mark Unread

A village? Where are they where there are nearby villages? ...whatever. Fire sounds good.

Permalink Mark Unread

The fire is warm. The baby's making noises again, she's very relieved. It's probably hungry? She doesn't remember whether it's her baby or not so she doesn't remember whether she can feed it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well she should try because then even if she can't she'll get magic for it later.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's not sure how that would work exactly but she does remember the principle. Fine. She takes her shirt off and attempts to breastfeed the mystery baby. The mystery baby seems pretty happy about this so probably it's working. She's not really sure how you tell if you're doing this right, she doesn't feel like she's done it before. That's pretty weird, this can't possibly be the first time she's done this. She wonders why she's having so much difficulty remembering things.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah it's pretty weird. He remembers who she is but not who the baby is or where this village is or how they got to the mountain or why they were going up it. Maybe they were going up it for an important reason? Maybe it is a mountain of amnesia and at the top is ...something.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe? Maybe they should sleep and everything will make more sense later. They just climbed all the way down a mountain, they're probably tired now or something. Maybe someone should be watching the baby though. Are you allowed to sleep next to babies if you're near enough to them that you'll wake up if they cry?

Permalink Mark Unread

He's pretty sure you can do whatever you want with babies until they're old enough to crawl away and then you just use yarn to tie them to a bedpost.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's horrible!! Babies need snuggles and love and milk and people to talk to them so they learn words and people to change them so they don't get diaper rash. Also if you leave them alone too much they might die and if you give them blankets they're not swaddled in they might suffocate.

Permalink Mark Unread

Wow that sounds like a lot. And human babies don't even belong to their parents for thousands of years until they pay it off. It's a miracle humans have them.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well if they have sex they tend to get pregnant and then there are babies. Also lots of people want babies, they grow up into kids in a couple years and kids are great.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh yeah the not having to slow down would make a big difference.

Permalink Mark Unread

Mhmm.

Well, she's not sure whether it's responsible to sleep without anybody watching a baby, but she's very tired, so maybe they should sleep anyway. Probably she should put her shirt back on first if the baby is done feeding.

Permalink Mark Unread

Or they could sleep shirtless. Because it'd be kind of neat.

Permalink Mark Unread

She feels like she had a reason not to do this but she can't remember what it was. It's not cold enough by the fire that she'd need it. Maybe it's fine.

Snuggles.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggles. Everything is so nice and he loves her so much. Maybe tomorrow they'll remember why they're here.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eee. She's so glad she has someone who loves her here. She loves him too.

 

There is not a lot else to this dream, so the next time they wake up they're in bed wearing their Halloween costumes and there is no mystery baby with them.

Permalink Mark Unread

Gosh, that went so much better. 

- too bad about the no baby though. And the yes shirt.

Permalink Mark Unread

"No babies until we have space for them," she murmurs. But she is kind of really happy at the thought of him maybe eventually wanting them. Even though she remembers something about recently becoming suspicious of his baby parenting qualifications.

Permalink Mark Unread

"How much does it cost to buy a bigger house?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Some ridiculous amount of money most places. Some much less ridiculous amount of money here. But we'd still need a lot more than we have."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess we can't make money off any of your magic on account of it having to be secret."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Or, like, I dunno, maybe I could come up with a spell that made things that we could sell, but we're not there yet. - I guess we should at some point think about whether it has to be secret but right now I'm legally seventeen and I really don't want any extra scrutiny of, uh, any aspects of the way I'm living my life."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would they get mad about the slavery what with it being illegal?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Very possibly. Or, like - I don't even know if the government would do anything, on that front, but my parents would certainly not allow any of this to continue if they knew about it. Not even just because of the slavery, I don't think they'd - take that seriously, beyond thinking of it as some weird - I have from their hypothetical perspective clearly fallen into some kind of pit of sin and vice. On several fronts."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Your parents suck."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My parents - have some flaws as people, but I feel like there are honestly a lot of different aspects of this situation that almost any set of human parents would be pretty alarmed by."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. But if your parents didn't suck you could've just explained to them that Azalea's a ghost now and they'd be chill about it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...no? - I mean, I guess if they didn't suck I'd just have gone home to them right away and never have ended up saving your life and you'd be dead right now and I'd never have gotten any magic, but - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think normal parents help their other kid when one kid gets a - weird debilitating illness, which is kind of what being a ghost is, instead of abandoning the one and making the other leave her life she likes!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay but my life is really concerning. It's - possible that I'm wrong about them being worried about Zana and actually they'd have taken her in and everything would be fine on that front, but I have you now, and they're definitely not gonna let me keep living with you. They would probably call CPS on your parents and forbid me from seeing you again. Given all of the, uh, concerningness. And I feel like most parents would probably do that, at this stage."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Then I guess it's good yours suck so much."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - y'know, I've never thought about it, but I guess it is."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

Kiss.

" - shoulda taken sit it out way back when it was offered, I have to go to school now - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ugh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Two more years. Then we can have real jobs and a bigger house and -  it'll be good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seems like such a long time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I agree. But - if we can figure out immortality it won't be that long. Compared to everything else."

She fishes her spellbook out of her nightstand to check whether nine or however many hours of telepathy did anything on the magic front.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Ranged telepathy

Pick a person. You can hear their thoughts even when not touching. 

To learn this spell, hold a person's hand. Say 'dilnap, eleggegor'.

Permalink Mark Unread

She reads him the spell.

"So, uh, not healing, but we did do like nine hours of telepathy last night, so that's fair. And this is earlier than I usually get a new one, so -  I feel like that's some evidence for the 'doing magic gives you more magic' hypothesis? Which - maybe means we should do telepathy most nights, there aren't a lot of other things that lead to using that much magic - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that sounds good. Though it might mean you mostly get improved telepathy spells, if that's most of what you're doing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's true. Although I think right now most of my magic use is shelving books, and I haven't gotten any more spells related to that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. - it's kind of a stupid system but still, you'll be really powerful pretty soon, so I guess I'm not complaining."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I guess we'll just - do a lot of sharing dreams and if this means you have a lot of nightmares I am sorry but I think it's probably worth it. And hopefully we can fix the nightmares thing soon."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We should make a list of stuff to go for and in what order. Later. Gotta - do school things. Oh, I should learn this spell first, and see if it's two-way or one-way or if it gives me options. Give me your hand?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He does that.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Dilnap, eleggegor." She drops his hand. Annnd can she still hear what he's thinking about?

Permalink Mark Unread

He thinks she should really just drop out of school and hope the magic covers it, poor her.

Permalink Mark Unread

Awww, he's sweet. 

Can you hear me?

Permalink Mark Unread

He heard her say 'can you hear me'! But didn't hear her otherwise. Oh maybe this is the kind of telepathy where you have to aggressively think things - yeah, can you hear me -

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah, I think the way it works is that I hear everything you think and you only hear what I'm thinking if I'm thinking it at you. Which is really the best possible way for it to work, for me. - we should possibly figure out whether there's a range limit and then set ground rules for when I should or shouldn't mindread you, since I guess now I can do it whenever?

Permalink Mark Unread

I don't care when you mindread me. I guess you might care, if you don't want to hear sex stuff? 

Permalink Mark Unread

...I can probably tap out, if you're thinking something I don't want to see? I am, uh, plausibly moderately likely to mindread you or talk to you while I'm stuck in class, if that doesn't bother you and does turn out to be possible.

Permalink Mark Unread

I am super in favor of anything that gives you the chance to escape school. Even if only kind of.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eeee. Hugs. Last night was really nice, by the way. Fairy nightmare notwithstanding.

Permalink Mark Unread

It was. I don't mind doing it every night if that helps you get magic faster. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. We're gonna be so cool, after a couple months of this.

Permalink Mark Unread

We really are. It's kind of scary. He has a vague sense that by the time you have superpowers you gotta, like, have a plan and stuff. Like at some point all the kids starving in Africa are your fault, right?

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. We'll - figure it out. See what we can do, first, before we start worrying about - fixing everything. But yeah, at some point we'll start worrying about all the starving kids in Africa, too. Seems like - the right thing to do, I guess.

Permalink Mark Unread

I don't really know anything about, like, all the problems in the world but I'd be mad, if there was someone hopping dimensions with crazy magic and they couldn't be bothered to drop a hamburger on me.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. I, uh, cut us a little bit of slack because of the extent to which the government and my parents would consider our business their business if they knew about us. But yeah. With great power comes great responsibility, or something. And we're about to have a lot of power.

Permalink Mark Unread

Probably we should tell my family more than I have been. They can help.

Permalink Mark Unread

Probably. What do they know?

Permalink Mark Unread

That you have a magic spellbook and can fly and go invisible and manipulate debt and I trust you with it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. Yeah. I - don't know your family that well but I guess if you do trust them it would be good to have some help with, uh, stuff. 

Permalink Mark Unread

They're - I do trust them. And I don't think it's a good idea to try to do big things without them, you need - well, grownups, for one thing, and also people who are good at money and bureaucracies and stuff.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. That all makes sense. I guess I should meet them, then. More than I have.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.

Permalink Mark Unread

I have in fact not spoken to your father since he dropped you off. So. Uh. I guess if we're going to do complicated stuff we could plausibly talk to him about it ever.

Permalink Mark Unread

This weekend?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. Okay. 

And now I should actually go to school. Love you.

Permalink Mark Unread

Love you.

Permalink Mark Unread

She goes to school. She spams her attempt at mass heal, whispering under her breath. She checks whether she can still hear Connor from her math class.

Permalink Mark Unread

She can! He's way more interesting than math class.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh cool. It occurs to her that if she watches him a lot then she might get magic even faster, so... she might do that. A lot.

Permalink Mark Unread

He takes Zana out to play in the forest, and builds a fortress in the bushes with her, and thinks about Karen talking to his family - he's worried she doesn't like them - and thinks about the book they're reading, and wishes she weren't at school, and thinks about kissing her, and wishes he had magic, and wishes Zana weren't going to be sent off to school in a year, and wonders if she's listening.

Permalink Mark Unread

I am listening, yeah. You're cute.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe Zana will not need to be sent off to school because by then they'll have stopped needing to pretend to be normal. Maybe she will have a superhero costume to fly around in. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe so. Someone's gotta teach her math and science and history and stuff, but I guess maybe we could just read her lots of books? And give her her own when she can read by herself?

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, you could do that. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. And, like, it'd be fun. But I have very little idea what else I'm going to be doing in a year.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hey, Zana, do you wanna go to school or do you wanna do weird stuff that's not that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can I go to school for THREE DAYS?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - sure. Why?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I want to see it but I don't know if I'll like it enough to go for more than that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds really good. Okay. Three days of school."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay!"

Permalink Mark Unread

....I guess we can try that, sure.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's very clever.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes, she is. And we'll find a way to do right by her. We should just - also try to do right by everyone else.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. Not fair to rescue our kids from school and leave all the other kids still suffering.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah.

We'll figure stuff out, I think. We have time.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Too much of it!"

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, hey, if we don't get immortality sorted I prefer a little extra slightly pointless time to death.

We good to visit your parents this weekend?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. 

He's just been assuming they'll obviously get immortality sorted. She can't just die. That'd be ridiculous.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aww.

Cool. 

Then until the weekend she will spam her attempt at mass heal and do school stuff and work stuff and homework in the fairy circle and telepathically check on him sometimes and telepathically share dreams with him at night. And keep checking for new spells once a day.