" - is that the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?"

"...yes. It's tasty, but I don't feel any more knowledgeable."

"Well naturally not, you already had the ability to sin. You do realize what happened to the humans who tasted that fruit?"

"They... became like as gods knowing good and evil?"

"They were condemned to death."

"Well, that's pretty mean. God has the immortality fruit tree right there."

"Well, if the humans eating from the tree were a part of the plan, then I suppose it would have happened."

"Well, I don't think it's a very good plan. Not if the humans have to die."

He takes another bite of apple.

"Well, I'm sure there must be a reason for it. Just because we can't see it from here doesn't mean it doesn't exist."

"Well, I think if it were such a good plan, He'd be able to explain it to people."

He sits on the wall around the Garden of Eden.

"Weren't you supposed to have a flaming sword?"

"No."

"No, I remember, you were definitely supposed to have a flaming sword."

"Nope."

"You lost it!"

"I did not! I - may have given it away."

"To who? Does one of the other angels have two swords now?" He takes another bite of the apple. "Did they lose theirs?"

"The humans just looked so - there are animals out there, you know, with teeth, and claws, and I know they're supposed to die, but they have a baby already, and it's going to be so small, and I don't know anything about babies but it sounds like it'd be hard enough even without the animals, and no one specifically said I had to hang onto it forever - "

"...Why are the humans out there? Didn't God make this whole, like, human paradise right here?"

" - well, they ate from the tree."

"What? You eat one little apple and then suddenly you have to hang out on the part of Earth with lions and hookworms and parasitoids eating you from the inside out?"

"Apparently. It was against the rules."

"Why did He put it in the garden then? It seems to me if He didn't want them to eat the fruit He could have just put the tree somewhere else. The Mariana Trench is nice."

"Well I don't know. It's not really my department."

Crunch crunch.

"I guess I must have done something evil then."

"Well. That does seem likely."