She hugs him.  "This is what I mean about you being in trouble."

"If you're really concerned about me being in trouble you shouldn't be rooting for Heaven to win."

"Well I can't root for everyone to go to hell."

"Is Heaven really all that much better, though?"

"Yes? Nobody gets tortured at all."

"Okay, that's fair. But you know what Heaven doesn't have in it? Bookshops. Heaven is absolutely and completely free of bookshops."

"Does hell have bookshops?"

"Hell doesn't have bookshops because it is trying to be pointlessly sadistic to humans for no reason. Heaven was designed by a person trying to make a nice place for human beings to live and it doesn't have bookshops. None of those little restaurants where they know you. No Daily Telegraph crossword, no D&D, no weddings, no videos of a baby eating ice cream for the first time-- no ice cream--" 

"No war, no famine, no child abuse, no disease, no death, absolutely no lead poisoning anywhere -

" - I like the world. I don't know that the world is even the sort of thing that can stick around indefinitely, maybe it has to fall apart, and if it does then I'd much rather as many people as possible go to someplace that's - fine, not maximally exciting but fine, and not a place that's trying to destroy them as thoroughly as possible. But I do like the world. I like - humans, and the things that humans do, and spaceships, and books, and cookies that melt a little in your mouth, and babies, and you. I don't want it to disappear just yet, I'm just - pessimistic about our chances and pretty sure everyone going to hell is not my second choice."

"I'm just saying, at least I picked the way where no one is going to bullshit me about whether I'm being tortured."

"No one is going to torture me. Probably. Unless your side somehow wins, I have no idea what they're planning to do to angels but I suspect it isn't anything good."

"I think they're planning a rehabilitation program. Well. The opposite of a rehabilitation program."

"I cannot really imagine that being successful."

"I'll help you as much as I can. If we win."

Hug.

"I'm gonna help you help nobody win. Not yet. OK?"

"It's a deal. --Where am I going to find a baby to pass off as the Antichrist."

"Is the American Cultural Attache not having his own baby? I've never had a baby but I feel like there's generally some advance warning. - unless he's just openly and deliberately working with hell, I guess people do ever do that, but - "

"There's this whole Order of Chattering Nuns that was created for the sole purpose of safely delivering the Antichrist into the arms of the American Cultural Attache and then disposing of the spare baby. I think they're going to notice if they fail to fulfill their literal entire purpose."

"Oh. You could - swap the babies like you're supposed to and then swap them back later on, after the order's not looking? I don't know how hard stealing babies from the American Cultural Attache is."

"I mean, humans have to sleep."

"That's true! We could switch the babies back when they're sleeping."

"What kind of things do you need for a baby? I bet there are books."

"There are probably books! We probably have books about it. Somewhere." She wanders off between the shelves. "We'll need diapers and a crib and baby clothes and one of those little mobile things and a little baby sling and a little baby carrier and a room for when she grows up a little - and formula, I don't think angels do much on the producing baby food front - "

"I think breastmilk is better for babies, maybe we could miracle some up and put it in bottles. --And dolls and trucks and stuffed animals and lots and lots of adorable little onesies and books! So many books!"

"So many! Little board books so she won't break them when she's little. Little chess sets and chemistry kits and art supplies when she's older - I think really little babies don't get anything out of stuffed animals, but maybe in a few years - " She peeks out from behind one of the shelves. "Should we be pretending to be married? I don't think it's setting a very good example if she doesn't think her perfectly ordinary human parents are committed to each other."