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Jun 19, 2019 9:19 PM
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"It's all right. I'm sure it's an adjustment coming from the Isle!"

For the rest of breakfast Charlotte will discuss clothes and all the lovely outfits she intends to dress Sasha in. 

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He will just listen, and maybe ask why Auradonians don't think people should have blue hair if there's a natural opening, but it doesn't seem likely that there'll be one. 

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After breakfast, Charlotte will take him aside and say, "Now. Marital relations."

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"First of all why are they called that." 

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"Because you only do them when you're married!"

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"...observably, people do not only do them when they're married. You just said Naveen had sex when he wasn't married." And I know I'm not married, he doesn't say, because that just sounds like a really pointless thing to bring up. 

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"Prince Naveen has four illegitimate children and was disowned by his family because they were tired of paying off the mothers. And then he was looking for money and fell into the clutches of a voodoo witch doctor and turned into a frog and all of New Orleans was almost sucked into the Other Side."

Her tone implies that this is the ordinary outcome of premarital sex.

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"Nico doesn't have any kids, and neither does Nat or Legion or Queenie or Mal or Uma or Gil or — and none of their families have disowned them although in some cases it might be better if they had — and nothing bad has happened to any of them except having to live on the Isle which they would have had to do anyway. And nothing has been sucked into the Other Side, or into anything else," unless you count Sasha's mouth but holy fuck is he not saying that out loud. 

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"--My goodness, you have a lot of marital relations before marriage on the Isle! Well, I suppose you are villainous, it is to be expected, but-- here, darling, you don't have marital relations unless you are married, although of course we make allowances for a little eagerness before the wedding day, first babies are always a little premature is what I've always said."

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They sure do. He nods like this instruction makes sense and like he is intending on following it, even though it doesn't and he isn't. 

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"How do you manage to avoid having babies?"

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"I don't know about here but on the Isle pretty much kids don't happen unless you're actively trying for them, that's how much sex you have to be having to have a kid. And even then a lot of the time not." 

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"I wonder if they did some magic to make having babies harder. That seems reasonable, the Isle is a terrible place and you certainly wouldn't want a child to be raised by villains by accident."

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...that seems pretty unlikely. 

He shrugs. "Maybe." 

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"Do you have any more questions or do you want to save them all for your man talk with Ralphie?"

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"What is a man talk and why am I having one of those as opposed to a normal talk." 

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"Oh, you know, it's when men talk to each other about manly things like marital relations. I don't know at all what you would talk about, I am just a silly little woman, after all."

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".............okay." 

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"Well, if you don't have any questions, I'll just let the two of you get on with it."

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"I.... don't." 

He has several dozen questions but is pretty sure he isn't going to get helpful answers. 

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When Charlotte takes him to Ralphie, Ralphie looks profoundly uncomfortable. 

"Don't have sex before you get married," he says, "and if you do have sex use a condom or get a contraceptive spell."

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"If I have sex with a girl I will use either a condom or a contraceptive spell," he agrees, and decides to look up what the hell a condom is later rather than asking Ralphie about it. 

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"That's good," Ralphie says. "I'll, uh, show you your room?"

Sasha's room has a bed and a walk-in closet and a vanity and a desk with a computer.  

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"It's beautiful. Thank you." 

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"Lunch is at noon," Ralph says. "I'll leave you to unpack and get settled in, then?"

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