Kaleva has been having a bad day.
Bad more-than-a-year, really, bad time-since-Chen-started-glowing-at-Ben-and-stopped-glowing-at-Kaleva.
He is acutely aware that this is why Chen chose Ben. If Chen had impossibly chosen Kaleva, Ben would be happy for them. He definitely wouldn't daydream about Kaleva dying of a long and painful illness through which Ben was supportive and through his loving self-sacrifice and devotion Chen realizes that actually he loved Ben all along and now he smiles at Ben and never never at Kaleva.
That is because Ben is good. Kaleva is not good. He is bitter and jealous and petty and his perversion doesn't even make the top ten list of reasons Chen doesn't love him.
He spends hours in the library. But it's hard to focus. He keeps getting distracted thinking about how much he hated Ben, and how despicable he is for hating Ben, and how much he wants Chen inside him, and how even if impossibly Chen decided to love him instead Chen would never want any of the sick things Kaleva wants more than anything in the world.
He used to help Ben with economics. But helping Ben involves seeing Ben, knowing how happy he is with what Kaleva can never have. So he stops giving advice and eventually Ben stops asking.
Kaleva sleeps a lot. Sometimes when he's asleep Chen holds him, and he's read the books now, he knows exactly what he wants, and it's warm and intimate and so so good, and when he wakes up he's cold and alone.
He returns to the book about the bathhouses of New Orleans. It's easy to get fucked, if you're a sodomite. And he doesn't want that, he doesn't, he wants Chen, but maybe if he closes his eyes and pretends it'll be the closest he'll ever get outside of dreams.
He books a ticket to New Orleans.