"I did not notice until half an hour ago that I've spent the last six years of my life having sex that I didn't like or want because I was under the mistaken impression it was fun. Wait, when I say that out loud it just sounds super sad. I can't even embarrass myself correctly. Help."

...Tanya ALSO clearly needs a hug. Does Toni need a hug too??? Highly unscientific statistical analysis suggests yes.

Asher is handling all the hugging of Tanya, and also the gazing adoringly at Tanya. 

Toni does not want a hug from the infant version of herself.

"How come all of YOU guys can walk?"

(Tanya can't help having an abrupt and extremely noticeable flinch at the question.)

"I... don't... know how to answer that because I don't know what the divergence point is there?"

"My spine was severed by the shrapnel."

Asher hugs Tanya more tightly.

"...okay so I guess 'pure chance' is the answer? That's not a very satisfying answer, sorry."

Tanya feels VERY STUPID AND BAD and may be sniffling into Asher's shoulder a little.

Tanya is very important and she is going to be held and gently petted.

"This is some fucking bullshit."

"Can't argue there."

He wants to ask Tanya if she's okay but, like, clearly the answer is no, and Asher seems to have it handled? Asher is really pretty stellar as alternate universe sons go.

Asher would genuinely be overjoyed to discover his alternate universe dad approves of him but he is kind of busy right now. 

"Also, how come the only other people who match between universes are fucking Obie and Pepper? Nothing wrong with Pepper, I love her, but Obie is not the person I want every other version of me to have to deal with. Why can't all my alternate-universe selves be friends with Rhodey, or Roger, or even fucking Rumlow--"

Asher looks up. "We have a Brock Rumlow, but he's a supervillain."

"That's weird, ours is a good guy, just kind of creepily utilitarian."

"...well, presumably my dad matches, right—Howard Stark, worked on the Manhattan Project, helped create Captain America—"

"Y-yeah," sniffles Tanya, "that one's the same for me too—never heard of Rhodey or Roger or Rumlow—"

"Yeah, that's my dad."

"Granddad," Asher confirms. "Does anybody have a Sasha Mikhailov or a Lev Aarons or a Z or a Laser T. Rex Universe or a Marlo Rogers?"

"Nnnno? Who is Laser T. Rex Universe, that's the most amazing name I've ever heard."

"Cap's last name is Rogers but his first name isn't Marlo, it's Steve. Also I'm not friends with him because I feel like he's constantly judging me."

"I have a Steve. He's a very judgmental person."

"He's better if you don't constantly needle him?"