Somebody walks into the bar. She's sketching on a yellow notepad with a Sharpie instead of looking where she's going; she successfully navigates around three tables before she stops, looks around, and says, "Gaaaahhh????"

Oh no. Noises. Toni is way too hung over for noises. 

She vaguely remembers the bar having some kind of weird green-gold alien drink-- they were great, she'd had two-- so she rolls over and says, "hey, Bar, you have a magic alien hangover cure?"

When she gulps the resulting drink, she does feel marginally more human. 

That's a hungover person. The hungover person looks upset. The hungover person is... ordering magic alien hangover cures... from the bar... which provides them via teleportation and/or matter conjuration...???

She has to talk to the hungover person, doesn't she.

What if she doesn't want to talk to the hungover person? What then??

She suspects the answer is 'then tough luck'.

Fine.

"Do you... have... an explanation for... this...???" she asks, with a wave of her hand at their surroundings. Ugh, she sounds terrible. Not right at all. Unexpected events are NOT supposed to HAPPEN AT HER in her OWN HOME, that is the RULE.

"Look, when a magic alien bar shows up in my house, my first response is 'what's a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster?' and 'can I have two?' I'm as confused as you are."

"Well, this is not what I wanted to do with my morning but now that I'm here I guess I'd better figure it out!"

Ugh ugh ugh she sounds like she's twelve, twelve is the last time she let herself be this much of a dork in public. Magic alien bars should be BANNED. Except probably she can find the secret to infinite energy generation here so suck it up, Tanya, you've got work to do.

She approaches the bar.

"My name's Toni Stark. And you are...?"

"Nnnno," she says. "No, this is a bad direction, I want off this ride."

She turns around and goes back to the door she came in, but when she tries the handle, it's not just locked, it's solid. Of a piece with the wall. No moving parts.

"What the fuck??"

"Jesus, whatever I did to your husband, I'm really sorry."

"I don't have a husband!!!" she says with a half-hysterical giggle. "Hi! My name's Tanya Stark! I'm pretty sure you're some kind of weird alternate universe future double thing of me and I am super not prepared for this eventuality!!!"

"Why are you sorry? I'm awesome."

"Well for one thing no matter how awesome you are I'm pretty concerned about the part where we're trapped in a magic alien bar. For another thing... no, you know what, I am not gonna tell you. If you don't know the reason why I'm freaked out to meet another me then good, I'm glad, keep being that way."

"Dude, if you're a me, why are you so neurotic?"

She starts laughing. It is not an especially happy sound. It sounds kind of like someone who is about three seconds from a nervous breakdown.

Oh no. Feelings. Toni is bad at feelings. Just ask Rhodey. 

"There... there?" she tries. 

A shirtless, sweaty, very good-looking man with a glowing blue arc reactor in the middle of his chest wanders into the bar. "Oh, hey, Milliways."

WHY IS THERE A HOT DUDE. SHE DID NOT ASK FOR A HOT DUDE. EVERYTHING IS VERY UNFAIR.

"Hi!!!" she manages between hysterical wheezes. "You look like you know what's going on!!!"

This day is improving. 

She does not hide that she's checking him out.

"Oh, yeah, my friend Lev gets doors to here all the time. He finds alternate-universe versions of our boyfriend Sasha and has sex with them." 

He looks around expectantly.

Why is the hot guy gay.

WHY IS SHE NOW IMAGINING THE HOT GUY HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER, EQUALLY HOT GUY.

Okay. Okay. It is time to be CALM, Tanya, CALM and USEFUL instead of FREAKING OUT and USELESS.

She bites her fist for a moment to get the wheezing under control and then says in much more normal-sounding tones, "Right so, alternate universe versions of people, what's up with that?"

"Apparently people tend to-- repeat, across universes? Same personality, same facial expressions except that sometimes you're a robot or an alien or something, often the same family, the same events tend to happen in your life-- the alternate universe Sashas keep getting abused by this guy called Minu and if I ever meet our universe's version I'm going to kill him."

This explanation was provided upside-down while Asher was walking on his hands.  

Was Toni supposed to be paying attention? Toni was not paying attention. 

...she is having An Intuition.

"What's your name?"

"Asher Stark."

What.