"Yes, no, and what the fuck."

"I did build an AI, her name is not Jarvis it's Mycroft because I'm a nerd, I have... not dated any fifteen-year-olds and don't know who Spider-Man is? The portal matches though. That was not my favourite week."

"Yeah, dude, the fifteen-year-old is a questionable decision and I know from questionable decisions."

"I'm aware."

"I mean I wasn't gonna—" oh. Ohhh. Oh that is the sound of two people who definitely do not have certain past experiences. Fuck, does she tell them??? Does she not tell them? —she has to at least—the timelines are all scrambly, one of them might know him and not know the thing—

"...does the name Obadiah Stane mean anything to either of you?" she asks, in a deeply uncomfortable tone that sounds sort of like she is using her voice as a makeshift rubber glove to pick up the piece of hazardous waste that is the topic of Obadiah Stane and dispose of it as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, he used to be the CEO of Stark Industries and then I told him to stop making weapons and it turned out he was not doing that so I did a hostile takeover and put Pepper in charge instead. And then he built his own giant robot suit and tried to beat me up about it, and now he is in prison."

"Same, except I was the CEO and he did the hostile takeover at me. He stole all my patents." Her voice is very offended.

"That... um. Is he—is he your generation or your dad's generation or your grandfather's or what? In my world he was my father's best friend. And—there was a hostile takeover and a giant robot suit, yes, technically these things did happen, but—they are not the first thing I would think of if an alternate universe version of me asked if I'd heard the name—"

"Granddad's generation, my dad died young."

"Dad's friend, yeah."

"Okay. That's... okay. —My version is not in prison, he is dead. Blew up his giant robot suit." Aaagh so if someone in Asher's world had this problem it wasn't Asher it was Asher's dad, who is dead anyway, and where does that leave her on the subject of explaining—? Particularly since Asher is dating a fifteen-year-old? Everything is awkward and terrible oh no.

"Yeah. I saved him. Killing people is wrong."

"I'm honestly baffled by the idea of Obadiah Stane in a giant robot suit."

"It was—one of the better interactions I've had with him, honestly." Oh no why did she say that.

"He wasn't that bad to me? Other than all the child murder. That really put a damper on our relationship."

"Good. I am very happy for you. The fewer people who had to deal with my version of Obie the better." Ugh, does she sound sarcastic? She can't even tell.

"What happened, if you want to say?"

She sighs.

"It's gonna be super awkward and depressing but it's not like this isn't already a super awkward and depressing conversation, so, what the fuck ever." Deep breath. "My dad died when I was twelve and Obie got the company and also my guardianship and—" She hasn't actually said this, in words, to anyone, before. She can't seem to figure out how to make it... happen. "—he was—um—he sort of had, had a thing for Starks—"

"Ew."

"What the fuck."

"Sorry!" she says, covering her face with her hands. "Sorry. I'm—I'm sorry."

Asher hugs you. "It's not your fault."

Oh, good, there's someone here who can handle feelings.

And now she is crying on her hot shirtless alternate universe son. That's happening. Okay. Sure.

She clings a little.

Hot shirtless alternate universe son makes very comforting noises and gives very good hugs.