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Taliar in Evil Arda
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Hug. Understand what, exactly...?

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What it is to have something partially external to you enforcing its expectations for you but - less awful than that sounds -

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Taliar considers this.

It's ultimately my own expectations that are being enforced, I think that's what makes the difference. It's... the reason my soul can't acknowledge you properly is essentially because I hold myself to an outrageously high standard. I love you and I want to be with you forever and I am okay with you as a person and if I were just slightly less... myself... that would be more than enough, but there are things my soul can't compromise on because it represents my ideals and my ideals are... not easily compromised. Somewhere deep down I have this underlying belief that there is a way around any problem that keeps all my principles intact and if I can't find it it's because I'm not good enough.

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And your solution to this problem isn't keeping all your principles intact? Which ones are bending?

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'Rape and nonconsensual mind control are fundamentally unacceptable actions' is the one that currently stands between me and godlike power. I am, personally, okay with where we are in our relationship and who you are and what you're willing to do to me. I wouldn't be okay with it if you did some of that stuff to anyone else but you're not and it seems likely that you won't and that's enough to be going on with. But my soul can't make that compromise, because I'm just not set up that way.

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But you said it wouldn't even be enough for me to say I would not do that.

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It depends on the reasons, it's... if you're refraining in the interests of making me into a god, but would behave differently without that incentive, that's not what my soul is looking for.

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Enemy needs to die. A year from now isn't good enough. But no, I wouldn't independently make absolute commitments about my future behavior -

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Hug.

And it's not even necessarily about making absolute commitments, it's about - what you would do more than what you might do, if that makes sense? I'm probably not explaining this well, the concepts are really fundamental to me and it's hard to pull them apart enough to articulate them...

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Your soul can tolerate me being the kind of person who'd rape someone under some conceivable set of circumstances, just not the kind of person who would under actually existing or plausible circumstances?

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That sounds close, yeah. And conversely, if you swore never to rape or nonconsensually mind-control anyone, but the oath was the only thing stopping you, that takes care of 'might' but not 'would' so it's not the thing my soul wants. Leaving aside the part where my soul thinks the entire concept of oaths is really sketchy.

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I hope if I had a soul it would be exalted by being needed to fight an evil god. Or something.

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Hug.

I would be so happy if I could just argue my soul into ascending to godhood immediately out of necessity - there's even ways it almost fits - but I've tried and it doesn't work.

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I know, I was listening!

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He grins and hugs him some more. I love you, I'm so glad you can read my mind whenever you want, it's - it's such a good kind of closeness to have.

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It really is! I'm - so glad, that your soul agrees on that...

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I hope I keep the privacy exception for you forever. I honestly don't think I'll ever seriously want to hide a thought from you, but I don't even want to be able to, I want to give you my whole mind, irrevocably.

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And I want to give you - 

 

Sigh.

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Taliar leans on Maitimo comfortably and loves him very much.

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It's so convenient.

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After enough cozy leaning it's possible he might start to doze off.

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Yeah. Long day.

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Yes.

 

The next day, he goes to work and makes magical objects and chats with his friends and on his way to dinner he checks his recovery time from a freezeup and it's much the same, but this time he thinks he probably wouldn't take a night off if he had the option, he just feels a little more okay about things for some hard-to-define reason.

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