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Taliar in Evil Arda
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As you like. I sincerely don't mind regardless.

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Taliar kisses him. I'd be so annoyed if they guessed! It's - that was ours, they'd get the significance all wrong...

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You are a delight.  

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Love you forever.

He yawns. He snuggles up cozily. The feeling of safety isn't back yet, but it's on its way. He is not afraid. He is comfortable enough to fall asleep in Maitimo's arms.

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He sits there quietly and considers him. 

 

Harming him to see if he changes his mind is - not productive. Interesting, certainly, but probably not the most interesting thing, either. He is reluctant to promise not to do it again mostly because he is afraid things will change - Taliar will try to wriggle out from under him - but surely he can see that coming, manage it -

 

Taliar is relaxed. He watches him all night.

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He wakes up in the morning and smiles at Maitimo and hugs him and goes off to have breakfast and do some engineering. Questions about his absence are met with convincing deflections in the direction of Atialemain - he has an easier time adjusting for the underlying cultural attitudes this time around.

Over the course of the day he mostly thinks about work, but every so often he checks how his feelings are doing. He's not completely recovered yet, he suspects he might take a night off if one was offered - but he doesn't need one, he'll be okay without.

On his way to dinner, he deliberately makes himself think about the moment of loss-of-safety until he freezes up, then calms himself down again to feel how long it takes. Just a few seconds to get to the point where he could kiss Maitimo if Maitimo was in front of him. And if it hits him worse than that, he can do what he did yesterday and make himself want it scary. Yeah, he's going to be fine.

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And Maitimo smiles at him and says come here.

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Taliar sits in Maitimo's lap and kisses him and feels a little shiver of fear and acknowledges it and finds it more pleasant than otherwise.

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You know I could do that whenever I like and you want to be mine?

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He laughs softly, warm and fond.

"Always, my love. Always." Kiss. I love you. Undeterrably. Forever.

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Hug.

 

You know, I always used to get frustrated with my father for being too stubborn and proud to back down on a point even when it was to his advantage. I think I am doing the same thing, here.

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Taliar leans contentedly into the hug.

What do you mean?

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I have everything I want. I win. I could just - figure out somehow how I'm supposed to be feeling about it, change my head around, war'd be over...

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Hugs. Definitely hugs.

I love you. I - do you want to change your head around?

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I want the Enemy destroyed. I want you to have godlike powers and fight Mandos for our dead.

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I want that too, says Taliar. Very much. And I want to feel my love for you in the strength of my soul every minute of every day for the rest of eternity. I want to bridge the worlds and give you continents as presents and build a hundred paradises. But I can't want you to have to change who you are against your will.

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Hugs.

I love you, Maitimo. What do you need from me right now? Do you want to talk about it, or - not?

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I just need you here. Glad my brain wasn't already tampered with, not wishing I'd done it even when it'd make your life nicer...

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I can do that. I love you. I love you, the person you are right now, and I'd still love you if you changed but I don't need you to. If it takes me another year to get powerful enough to kill Melkor and fight Mandos, so be it. If my soul never recognizes how much I love you, I can still put it in your hand whenever I want to be emphatically reminded.

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You are such a delight. 

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He grins. I'm glad. I love you and I love making you happy.

Snuggle.

Do you want to hold my soul for a while...?

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I wish we could manifest ours. I should like to have a conversation with it.

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What do you think you'd say to each other?

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My soul and I? I - I am really not sure. But maybe I would understand it.

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