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Taliar in Evil Arda
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It's incredibly satisfying to hear.

Taliar smiles.

He looks at Maitimo's beautiful face, and lets himself feel fear and pain and anger, and then he sets those feelings aside and focuses on determination and certainty and satisfaction and pride. And then, at last, when he's ready for it, love. Maitimo tortured him, and Taliar loves him for it. He asked for this, and Maitimo gave it to him, and it is so, so deeply satisfying to stand here knowing he made it through that, and he is so glad he got the chance, so glad Maitimo respected him that much.

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I think you had enough for today, he says gently, though I'm still going to want you this evening. You did so well, you're so strong, you're so lovely...

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Taliar hugs him, proud and satisfied and warmly affectionate. It still hurts and he's still afraid but he is okay. He is so very okay. This fear and this pain are his and he will not allow them to overpower him.

Love you forever.

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And he comes back that evening with dinner, wearing Taliar's soul, smiling at him.

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Taliar smiles back. He feels a surge of fear, but it feels like a challenge, it makes him want to skip dinner entirely and go straight to the scary part.

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Did you eat anything else today?

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The try-me voice does not care. The try-me voice eats only victory, he says, laughing. Let's have dinner.

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They have dinner.

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And then Taliar sits in Maitimo's lap and kisses him. Love you. Want you. I don't care how scared I am.

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Want songs, or -

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No. I want you to fuck me while I'm crying with fear and then afterward I want you to hold me and I will feel happy and loved and appreciated and safe.

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And he sweeps him up and kisses him and sends his adoration in as much detail as he can render it -I love you, Taliar, you're such a delight, you're such a gift -

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It's amazing.

He's still terrified and he still ends up crying a little but he loves Maitimo so much, loves the way Maitimo thinks and feels about him and loves getting to see it and loves being his delight, his gift, his miracle, his Taliar.

And then afterward he snuggles up and tells himself safe now and relaxes, and he is absolutely soaring with joy and triumph, and there is nowhere he'd rather be than in Maitimo's arms.

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You asked for that.

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This is true, but Taliar isn't sure where he's going with it.

Yeah...?

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If it would have mattered if you'd asked me to stop, would you have?

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I don't know.

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You did well. I love you. I'm proud of you.

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Love you too, he says, feeling all warm and glowy inside the way he does when Maitimo expresses pride in him.

But he's thinking about the question, now, and - it's sort of fascinating how totally unanswerable it is. Refusing Maitimo does not appear on the map of his options at all. He actively sought out and enjoyed both of the instances of terrifying sex he has had today, so on that level it seems obvious that he wouldn't have tried to escape them - but if he'd been able to say no, would he still have been so eager to say yes? He has no idea and no way to trace it out. If he was going to answer a hypothetical like that, he thinks he'd have to be facing a real decision in the moment, and if his answer was 'yes, I would ask you to stop if I had that option' and then Maitimo didn't, that would hurt him. Bearably, though. He can do it if Maitimo is ever curious.

And on the whole, even if a hypothetical Taliar with more freedom would have acted differently today, he's glad it happened this way, glad he got to have this experience.

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I'm glad too.

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...I've barely thought about Nahira all day, he realizes. I think we managed to chase her most of the way out of my head right after I woke up. Wow. Who knew it would be that simple?

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I should just be scarier than your nightmares!

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You're definitely my favourite thing to be scared by.

Snuggle.

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Snuggle. Satisfied your desire to prove yourself?

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He makes a contented humming noise.

For now, yeah. I'm sure I'll get the itch again eventually.

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