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Taliar in Evil Arda
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I'll have someone take you to a room and then we'll figure something out tomorrow. I love you.

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And you'll let him sleep - 

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And I'll let him sleep.

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He leaves.

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Taliar tries to remember what it was like, when loving Maitimo felt like being filled with sunlight. He can almost get the feeling back, if he concentrates. He wants to be able to feel like that again - he wants to be able to give Maitimo that again.

And he's tired and in pain and if he doesn't heal these bruises he's going to have a really miserable morning tomorrow, but somehow he can't figure out how to care about that. It just seems so trivial next to everything else that's happened.

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And Maitimo sits down next to him. Heal it.

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Okay.

Golden light flares from his soul where it hangs around Maitimo's neck. It's paler than it used to be, but no less effective. His bruises are gone in seconds. No pain left but the one in his heart.

I love you.

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I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't wish I was a better person but I wish the things I happened to want, for myself, were more the things you need. Good night.

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Good night.

He curls up and thinks of sunlight. Eventually he manages to sleep.

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He goes to the balcony and watches the stars and sings, to himself, very quietly.

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Taliar wakes up in the morning and wonders where his soul is.

Then he remembers.

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Someone's brought breakfast. It's on a tray on a table next to the door.

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Well, then, he'll have breakfast.

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I told your friends I thought you were unwell and might take a day off. You don't have to, though, if you'd rather go see them.

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I have no idea what to say to them about the current location of my soul.

Having someone else wearing your soul is... it's unheard-of. It would never happen. He knows on an abstract level that there is no such cultural background knowledge here, but - if someone was walking around with his literal beating heart around their neck, that's about the level of horror he'd expect from bystanders.

If he got his soul back right now, it wouldn't make a difference to what he's going to do with his life. He's made his choice and he won't, can't, abandon that commitment. But - well, if Maitimo wants to keep it, then in much the same vein, Taliar can't and won't stop him. Even though he misses it terribly already.

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Maitimo heads in from the balcony. "They'd noticed that it's changed colors; how are you going to explain that?"

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"I don't know. Guess I didn't think this through very well," he says wryly.

 

He kind of wants a hug.

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Hug. "We can get that protective mithril pouch I discussed with you, you can keep it in there when I don't insist on holding it. Won't be ready today, though."

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"Okay."

He leans into the hug.

"I love you." Everything is very complicated right now but it seems important to remember that.

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Everything is very complicated. Should they talk about any of it. 

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Yes, they probably should.

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"What do you want to know?"

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"I - I don't know," he says, snuggling him. "I don't know what to ask, what to think... I wish..."

He wishes he'd arrived in front of Maitimo years and years ago, in Valinor, and fallen in love immediately - that part wouldn't have been hard at all - and ascended to near-godhood on the power of that love and rescued everyone from the Valar, and then none of this would have happened, and Maitimo and Findekano would still be okay, and maybe with no one trying to force him to act a certain way, Maitimo would have an easier time fulfilling his ambition of being better at accomplishing good people's goals than they are.

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"That'd be nice. I don't blame the Valar for the way I am, so you know. I don't think they succeeded in tampering. They just - made it very obvious that goodness wasn't something I ever wanted to care about - people were something I wanted to care about, I wanted people to be fulfilled and happy and safe, but if I didn't happen to, I didn't have to, it was not my obligation to become what the Valar wanted all of us to be -"

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"I'm a soulbearer. I have no one to blame but myself for the demands on my virtue."

Taliar can't help feeling like it is the Valar's fault that Maitimo considers virtue such an offensive concept. To Taliar, it means... fulfilling his own ambitions. Being everything he aspires to be, being the person he wishes he was. It is not remotely easy but it's his.

Wanting people to be fulfilled and happy and safe is a large part of what virtue is to Taliar; the rest is just implementation details. Occasionally very troubling impementation details, witness his current situation. But that's ultimately what it comes down to. He wants to help people. He wants to help everyone, save everyone, give everyone what they need to be their own best selves. And because that's what he wants, that is what his soul asks of him.

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