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Taliar in Evil Arda
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I know! It was astoundingly impressive!

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One abrupt change at a time, on someone else's schedule, and all the changes in my environment are mostly various degrees of unbearable torture. Yeah, I'm impressive all right. What was your highest number, by the way? I was absolutely incapable of counting once you got past about three - well, I suppose I can just wait for the end of your notes to find out, but - or were you not pushing yourself at the end there? It definitely comes across in retrospect like you were pushing yourself but I wasn't exactly in a good position to make that kind of observation at the time.

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Two hundred ten. Kiss. 

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Fuck. He laughs. I love you so much. The way that power works, you're kind of incredible yourself, you know, to get that high - we've got such a good thing going here, you're so good at taking me apart and I'm so good at putting myself back together and we both love it and we both love watching each other work...

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It's magical.

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Snuggle. Wordless adoration.

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Oh! And Elves can become soulbearers, some of the ones in your world tried it.

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Ooh... are you going to go try? Maybe we can visit once I'm recovered. You can meet Kelora.

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I would like that.

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You got a really weird look at her in that conversation, I have actually never, like, talked about sex with her before, at all. But the thing where she's an amazingly good listener and the thing where she'll sit and wait and watch and then get right to the heart of something - those are both classic Kelora. She had us figured out so perfectly... she got why your name glows blue, I hadn't even picked up on that and it's my own soul doing it...

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I didn't notice your soul colors did categories of things.

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It's pretty subtle but - you've seen it go silver when it's thwarting mind control, and the healing aura is mostly gold, and blue comes up sometimes when it's expressing opinions and mostly not otherwise... I really like that your name glows blue, now that I know why. It's like every time it happens my soul is saying that - that I'm safe with you, that I love you, that I'm right to never doubt you, that you're... a place in my life where I can let my guard down completely.

That night when he gave his hypothetical refusal and then did everything Maitimo asked of him anyway... that was pure silver, in his soul's terms. And Taliar is deeply, fiercely proud of his strength and his will, proud that they carried him through that, but also very glad not to need them like that anymore. Silver is the colour of the person he'd turn into if Maitimo seriously tried to break him. Silver is the opposite of surrender. Blue... blue is the colour of that moment at the start of his two months of soul-touching. Blue is the colour of the thing Taliar means when he says yours.

He hugs Maitimo clumsily and curls up and leans on him, and the name on his back glows blue, blue, blue.

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I'm sorry. About that night. I don't think if I'd refrained I'd have ever gotten to a place of not wanting to hurt you like that, but.

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Thank you, my love. That means a lot to me. And - it's okay, it really is, it was worth it. I'm glad it's not going to happen again but I'm glad it happened.

It's another thing Kelora was right about, that Maitimo needed room to breathe and Taliar gave it to him. He can't regret that, not a bit, not for a second. He is okay. They're okay. Everything is okay.

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Cuddles. Warm cozy affection.

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And several days before he has to get back to work.

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It's lovely. Taliar continues to be utterly enthralled by Maitimo's notes.

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Maitimo notes how impressively committed to obedience Taliar is. Maitimo notes how much Taliar loves him, how reliably, regardless of his mental state. Maitimo marvels at how much he can notice about Taliar's brain when it is stuck on one emotional note. Maitimo manages a frustrating meeting with Elu Thingol by letting Taliar stop suffering and drown in soul-intimacy bliss.

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Maitimo is so cute and so insightful and so fascinated by Taliar's mind and sees so many fascinating things in it and he took notes to show Taliar and it's so good and he's so good and Taliar loves him so much. Also, it's kind of fun sorting through his memories and following along with what he was feeling when Maitimo made this or that observation.

At first he loses touch with his senses for a fraction of a second every time he remembers the very end when Maitimo let go and then took him up to two hundred and ten, but by the time they get there in the notes, he can inhabit the memory without flinching or stalling out. He thinks about it, and marvels at the sheer scale of it, and notices that he is having a by-now-predictable reaction to thinking about how deeply and intensely Maitimo can hurt him, and turns and gives Maitimo a kiss sweetened by the memory of pain.

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Kiss. I knew you could handle it, he says, I knew how resilient you were, I knew you wanted me to respect that...

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It's amazing, you're amazing, it was so incredibly awful, I love it, I love you - I'm pretty sure it would set back my recovery if we did it now, but there's a part of me that wants you to take me up to two hundred ten and hold me there for a minute and then fuck me while I'm coming out of it, so the first thing I feel afterward is you -

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I will keep that in mind for some future occasion. Taliar, darling, you are very very strange.

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Yes I am.

Kisses. Delighted affectionate kisses.

It's just, it's so amazing to be able to do this, to be able to go through all that and then come out of it and be okay again, and I love finding interesting new things to do to my mind, and I'm - I think I'm getting to the point where I'm just not afraid of pain as long as you're the one giving it to me? Because we've been around on it enough times that I know I'll be fine afterward, so it's just... another interesting thing to do to my mind. And then while it's actually happening it still hurts but afterward I go right back to having fun with it.

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I am so happy you trust me so much.

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