"Illusions are the principle on which spherecordings run, but they cannot be done remotely."

"Inconvenient."

"Quite."

"Why did the Al Bhed decide to kidnap you, though? You said you were half Al Bhed, and those Psyches seemed to know your uncle..."

"Honestly, not a clue. One of them walked up to me, we flirted, next thing I know I'm being tied up and dragged to a boat."

"Were the commentators just being extremely biased or are the Besaid Aurochs actually pretty bad, because I don't even understand the motive properly for kidnapping – it sounded like it was nigh-guaranteed other teams would win, I thought."

"The Besaid Aurochs are actually that bad, which makes this even weirder, you're absolutely correct."

"Are we sure that wasn't just a cover story or something? – How did you find out, anyway, Lulu? I mean, I guess if they were trying to hold Kaede ransom then they would have told you, but was it an Al Bhed and did you punch them or what?"

"They told Wakka just before the game, and Wakka told me."

"We are definitely not sure it wasn't just a cover story or something."

"Other motivations they might try to take you, since that one sounds so implausible? I mean, I can think of plenty of reasons someone would want to kidnap another person but they're mostly outweighed by the 'it's immoral' and the 'it's probably illegal' and the 'there would be various other repercussions'."

"No idea? Maybe they thought I'd be a good gift for Cid, maybe they were annoyed I was impersonating Cid's niece, because some people think Cid has a niece instead of a nephew instead of having a person who is both."

"A good gift for your – uncle? Is Cid also a local celebrity somehow, or…?"

"Leader of the Al Bhed, I gather. My family and people around me include quite a few famous people, apparently."

Theo raises an eyebrow. "I have, like, half a guess why. – Anyway, why would someone who is half Al Bhed, half – what's the other race here, Generic Spiran? – be a good present for leader of the Al Bhed, or was that just a leadup possibility?"

"I mean, a present in the sense of I'd never met him before? And his sister is dead and he might like to meet his nephew? Or something along those lines. I confess to not know much about what the Al Bhed are up to nowadays, my cultural information is many years out of date."

"Kidnapping someone's nephew so as to offer them as a present really sounds like – either a ridiculously stupid and poorly-thought out plan, which is totally possible, or like the Al Bhed have some really bizarre cultural standards."

Shrug. "By non-Al Bhed standards, they're pretty bizarre and outcast. My mother was actually shunned by my uncle because she married my father, and he was shunned by—everyone—because he married her. It was a right mess."

"Oh, wonderful, you have prejudice against interracial marriage." Sigh. "Is that lessened nowadays or is it still bad?"

"Still bad, has been bad for at least a thousand years, doesn't help that the Al Bhed basically universally reject Yevon's teachings and use forbidden machina. I got a lot of status out of being my father's son, though, I'm milking it for everything it's worth."

"Hm."

"Hm?"

"It's not very... respectful..."

"Most people don't actually buy that my father was an abusive twit when I tell them so I don't. I've told Lulu everything and she still has a hard time conciliating, Wakka won't hear of it."

"Wait, what?"