She similarly really doesn't want to ask for help, ever, at all. For anything. Especially from Quasar.

Probably they should anyway. Just in case. She thinks they're fine, but she would.

On the other hand: that sounds hard and she's so warm and sleepy.

Zzzzzzz...

...it's bad if people fall asleep in the cold. Her cold is not environmental but he's not totally sure if—

—he can't touch her—

—if she dies because of a stupid idea he had and because he refused to touch her out of his dumb hangups he will never forgive himself—

—he's exaggerating, she's not going to die—

—it wouldn't hurt to check—

He focuses on her. Her breathing, her heartbeat, is she... stable?

Breathing's fine and even, though he can't exactly tell her heartbeat without, you know. Touching her.

No he totally can, if he gets a bit closer he can hear it. Just a bit closer. And he just needs to make sure it's above 40, if it's above 40 then there's probably nothing to worry about.

It's hard to tell from this distance, just by listening, especially when her pulse is kind of weak, but....

tha-thump. tha-thump.

Yep. That's above 40.

He lets out a relieved breath. No dying of hypothermia.

...but he'll stay here a while longer. Make sure she's doing alright. It's helping with his backlash, too. And it would help even more if he got closer and touched more of her, maybe her face...

He doesn't jump away, this time; just freezes in place. He doesn't want to wake her up.

And what's so bad about it, anyway? Partners fuck all the time. Park Yoo-min and Choi Seungjoo are dating, Min Woo-young and Seo Tae-hwan tumble...

...well, he doesn't know that Kim Hye-jin would want it, for one. If anything, he has some evidence that she wouldn't, what with how apparently stuff went so catastrophically with her prior partner. She herself said, even, that she appreciates the professional distance. She almost certainly doesn't want it.

Besides, even if she did want it, she probably wants someone who will respect her boundaries and consent, someone who can think while having sex, as opposed to someone who becomes a mindless uncontrollable animal. Or someone who will be begging, who will be pliant and weak and unable to take initiative, someone with no opinions beyond "more" and "please". Even if she did want it, she'd probably want a person, not a sex toy.

And he doesn't want to be a sex toy. He doesn't want to be a toy. He doesn't want to rely on anyone, especially not for this. He can't, can't let that happen again. Can't let someone seem him at his most vulnerable, can't let them have such cheap access to his brain. His heart, his body. Him. He can't rely on someone else, anymore.

They shouldn't need to fuck, really. Just holding hands is enough for any espers, or at least any espers that don't build a backlog of backlash. More touch makes it take less long and is more thorough, exchange of fluids even more, but holding hands ought to be fine. Except with the amount of backlog he's built they'd need to hold hands nonstop for days for it to start making a dent. Snuggling would be better, but the thought of doing that makes him feel nauseous. Hell, holding hands was enough to send his mind places—not even because of the touch itself, as much as because being guided feels nice, even with zero backlash it feels nice to touch someone you're compatible with, and if he starts getting associations between feeling nice and touching her his brain will want more. He doesn't trust it.

Plus, there's... the image angle. He hates that angle but it's so important and he doesn't want to think it of her but he's known her a bit over a week. He doesn't really know her. He doesn't know that she wouldn't run to the media with the juicy gossip about what his backlash is like. He remembers, a while ago, a story about a Japanese S-ranker with clairvoyance powers whose backlash was kept under wraps just like Tae-gun's is, until it was leaked that when backlashing they went pliant and docile, like they were under hypnosis, and they'd tell you anything you wanted. That was devastating to their and their guild's image; Tae-gun has no idea whether they're even still around.

And finally... he doesn't know her. He doesn't know her. The backlash keeps telling him he should, but he should not. They do not grow closer. They do not share intimacy. They do not.

He doesn't want this for himself, and he doesn't want to put Quasar through something like that. Not again.

So, he renews his convictions. He will not let Kim Hye-jin know about his backlash, and he will not let himself be tempted. He will not.

She does, eventually, wake back up.

"Nnnnnmmhiiii," she yawns.

Tae-gun freezes for a fraction of a second then relaxes again. "Hello," he says, without looking at her. He's sitting on the floor, in front of her couch, and at some point he placed her hand on his shoulder, so that he'd have both of his hands free to use his phone. And the skin where she's touching him grows warmer, noticeably, as she wakes up some more.

He'd almost forgotten she was there. Almost, not quite, but enough that he'd relaxed some. And the guiding was... good.

She resists the urge to sleepily pet him. But she would like it noted that she really really wants to. Look, backlash makes her very snuggly, okay? And it's really nice to touch him.

"... your backlash is looking better," she muses. "And I think mine is mostly gone and so the - matchy matchy effect has slowed down a bit for handling yours. If you'd rather stop touching."

"It's fine," he says. "The problem is—never mind. It's fine. If it's just this. I'm sorry I'm such a difficult partner, I know you didn't expect this—any of this—when you signed up. Or before that, when you got your offer. I guess these are separate things, the way the guild dealt with you and me. But it's a problem. Isn't it? Even if they told you I was difficult, I can't imagine you thought I'd be difficult in this way, which affects you so much. So I'm sorry. I'll, I'm doing my best. I promise. But I can't tell you, I can't say—I wish you wouldn't be so mad at the guild. —sorry, I shouldn't have said that, forget I said it. Why did I say that? I don't usually—oh, fuck."

He stands up abruptly and takes a few steps away from her, clamping a hand over his mouth.

Oh no, he's so cute though?????

"I think this particular difficulty is both of our faults? And you are not the most difficult partner I've ever had. I locked the last one out of my silo. He went on a media smear campaign against me, and it was all... being mad that I wouldn't be controlled. Doing your best is really good, actually?? He didn't. I'd prefer working with you even before we had our massive fight."

He lowers his hand and his lips are shaped like a small 'o'. "Working with you is good. Better than I'd expected. ...I guess my other partners weren't bad either, but, um. There were other reasons. And it's why I'm careful. Anyway I'm not going to try to control you. That'd be stupid. Very stupid. You could set me on fire. Also like the things you do are neat. When you're controlling them, I mean. So I wouldn't want to. And you shouldn't try to control me either. Quid pro quo, isn't it? I need to stop talking. I need to go back to my silo." He covers his mouth again and starts pacing.

But he's adorable!! Look at him!!! So adorable!!!!!! Babbling!!!!!!! Help!!!!!

She should not keep him here just because she finds him cute, especially if he's in distress about what he's saying.

"I could set you on fire!" she agrees, amused, peeling blankets from herself and turning the space heater off. "Thank you, I like what I do, too. And I don’t want to control you, either. Why don't you head back to your silo and then meet back up here later when you're feeling more yourself, and we can take out more of your backlash when you're actually consenting and not doing it because I'm a massive dumbass?"

Right, yes, good idea, he vworps.

A few seconds later he texts her:

oh i forgot to say bye

bye

and thank you

I wasn't offended! Bye to you too, hope you're doing well.

Honestly that was really really adorable and I was very charmed by it, just I am well aware of how backlashing espers are at their most vulnerable, so.

Gotta look out for my partner!

Good work today, though, but if we ever decide to race again let's have mandatory after dungeon breaks for each one, this was totally irresponsible and we are definitely going to get yelled at.

we are SO going to get yelled at

the media asked me what we were doing, i said racing

i don't know what that'll do

wait i shouldn't be talking

i'm going to lock the texting app

can't say stuff i'll regret if i can't say stuff at all

Yeah of course. Won't hold any of this against you.

Take care of yourself.

Woo-young looks at the caller ID on his phone, sighs, and picks up. "What's up, prez?"

"Can you get your man under control?"

"...Tae-hwan? What'd he do?"

"Tae-gun!"