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"No. He didn't tell me."

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"I sorta thought he would."

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"Maybe he didn't want to scare me."

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"Right. Are you scared? Should I not have told you?"

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"No, it's fine. He might have thought a conversation about it would get into specifics which might upset me."

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"I don't know anything specific, just that he was trying to explain to me what it's like for my father being scared sometimes, and that was the analogy he used."

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"Was it a helpful analogy?"

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"Yes. But it made me not think highly of my father. Because the things Rúmil can't stop expecting are worse, and he acts nice all the time."

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"Your father is not managing his expectations that well," Bella agrees.

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"I guess he doesn't love me as much as Rúmil cares about whatever he cares about."

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"Maybe he's having more trouble channeling the traits he has into the skill of parenting."

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He nods. "Yeah. Because of me, I'm difficult."

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"It's possible you require unusual skills, but that doesn't mean those skills are not something I wish he were doing a better job at learning."

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"I want to be good enough for him. I don't want him to have to learn new skills just to tolerate me."

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Hug. "You can try to close the gap yourself but it's not going to be easy."

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"I know."

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"The good news is he's at least sort of trying, so it's not insurmountable in principle."

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"Were you worried he wasn't at least sort of trying?"

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"No, I've always thought he's at least sort of trying, he's just not very good at it."

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"I really think it's my fault."

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"It doesn't have to be all one person's fault. But he's the one who started your lifetime with more experience at things and having decided he wanted to try having a kid, so I think more of the responsibility is his."

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"He didn't expect to be having a kid alone while his wife slowly died."

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"I know. You didn't expect to be the kid in that situation either, though."

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'Yeah.

It'll be okay once I'm bigger and have done more things. He'll be able to point to reasons to be proud of me and he'll be happy and he won't worry about me whenever I'm out of his sight."
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"I think he has reasons to be proud of you already."

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