bookworms and other pests | Glowfic Constellation

fortheliving

"The wisest of our sages has one! You can decline if you want, though. I guess." Harry puts on a tragic face.

first-and-final

"It's a cat thing," says Milo. "She's trying to convince me to become her witch, you see, and that will mean I'll understand her as well as another cat would."

Cath supplements this recitation with a couple of meows.

"At which point she seems to think anybody who's desperate to communicate can just learn to understand the language she's been using to talk to me all this time, while I have been exactly as helpless to understand her naturally as any other human."

Meow, meow, meow.

"Although she grudgingly admits that a, what'd you call it, speech synthesizer? Might have practical uses in emergency situations, and she wouldn't mind learning to use one just in case."

fortheliving

"I'll see if Butters can scare one up. And probably teach her to use it himself, since I'd just hex it into oblivion."

first-and-final

"Who? And what?"

fortheliving

"Butters is my science friend who knows about magic. And science. He's adorable and loves music with tubas in it. And hexing is what happens when a wizard and a piece of technology get too close to each other; bits of magic get into the wiring and fry it by accident."

first-and-final

"So all of the bizarre unfamiliar things in this world that aren't magic are casually destroyed by the mere presence of the bizarre unfamiliar things in this world that are magic?"

Cath meows.

"Cath points out that since she is my cat and I have apparently just turned into a bizarre unfamiliar wizard, fryable things probably aren't going to last long in her keeping."

fortheliving

"Mm. Hadn't thought of that. Maybe a little morse code clicker instead. She'd have to learn the code, but ten-year-olds can do that."

Mouse shuffles into the room, yawning. "Hey, boy. How's things?"

first-and-final

Cath eyes the dog. Then she looks up at Milo and meows firmly, "(Witch)."

"All right, all right," says Milo. "I agree with your implied reasoning. How do I go about becoming a witch?"

"(Cat)," meows Cath.

"I'd figured that much out for myself, thanks."

fortheliving

Mouse eyes Cath suspiciously. "(Who are you and what are you? Why are you in my house?)"

"Um."

first-and-final

Cath is alarmed. "(Milo)! (That) (talk)!"

"What? Harry, you never said you had a dog who was a person!"

fortheliving

"What? This is news! I thought I had a dog who was a dog! Do you just fling souls around you wherever you go?"

Mouse snorts. "(Yeah, because I needed more soul. Sorry for the hostility, I guess he tolerates you. But seriously, who the fuck are you.)"

first-and-final

"(I am Catherine, a cat, and this is (Milo), my human, and your rudeness does not inspire me to be helpful,)" says Cath in ordinary cat fashion. For Milo's benefit in their shared language she adds, "(No)."

"I had nothing to do with whatever's going on with your dog," translates Milo. "According to Cath, and I'd expect her to know. Cath, did you just introduce me to the dog?"

"(Yes)."

fortheliving

Mouse approximates a sigh. "(You're like, the first thing I've actually talked to that could understand me. Ever. I've gotten used to talking at this jackass. Sorry.)"

"Well... this changes things, I guess."

first-and-final

"(I'm in more or less the same position, but I met (Milo) early on and we've come to an understanding,)" says Cath, settling down in Milo's lap and daintily washing her ear.

"What are you saying about me?" asks Milo.

"(Talk)," she meows.

"Fair enough."

fortheliving

"(Well, then. Guess I'll... leave you to it.)"

Mouse retreats awkwardly.

Harry shakes his head. "Not a great conversationalist, I guess. Maybe I should get him a Morse Code thingy."

first-and-final

"(That) (tell) (no) (talk) (now) (cat) (Milo)," says Cath.

"Huh. Apparently Cath's the first creature he's met who could understand him properly," says Milo.

"(Yes)," Cath confirms. "(Talk) (that)," a subtle feline gesture indicating Harry, "(now) (rude)."

Milo giggles.

"And she says he's picked up poor conversational habits from talking to you all the time when you can't understand him."

fortheliving

"Yeah, I could see that happening. I mean, I'm not the best of company even when I know you're sentient."

first-and-final

"Apart from our unfortunate first meeting you've been nothing but charming to me," says Milo.

fortheliving

"You're in an exclusive club, then. I have pissed off an astonishing number of people and other supernatural whatevers. Even most of my best friends started out either as people who hated me or people I hated, actually."

first-and-final

"What an inconvenient talent to have."

fortheliving

Leonardo Cristobal Sangre de Dios Rojas Moreno de la Corazón

"Eh, it's worked out for me a couple of times. If you really have to distract someone, pissing them off is a pretty good way to do it."

first-and-final

"Granted, granted."

no-return

Buttercup emerges from his bedroom.

He looks slightly rumpled and enormously pleased with himself.

No visible bite marks. Maybe they healed already. No pale bloodstains, either.

"Cake!" he announces, and goes to get the cake out of the oven.

needle-in-echo-groove

Leo follows, looking equally pleased with himself. His flannel is open, possibly just for dramatic effect. (He kind of looks like a Ken doll.)

"Tall wizard! Good to meet you without death being involved."

fortheliving