"Aw, did you not want us doing that? Sorry," says Buttercup. "Next time I'll take it outside, I guess. There was no horror porn, though! He's really nice. Uh, what was your name again, honey?"

"Hammer Horror. Dracula. With the blood."

"Leonardo Cristobal Sangre de Dios Rojas Moreno de la Corazón," Leo recites fluently. "Leo, to my friends."

"Nice to meet you," says Buttercup, with a cheerful grin. "Lately I'm Buttercup. The cake's gonna need a few minutes to cool off. Have I mentioned how sad it is that you can't have cake?"

"Eh. Your blood is sugary enough for a few decades, I think."

He giggles. "If you ever want another taste, just say."

"Oooookay, that is entirely enough dietary habits for my living room."

Harry graciously accepts this offering. "The cake buys you some slack."

A buzzer sounds at the door.

"Ooh. Off I go to secure pizza. Then we can pixie-summon!" Harry runs upstairs.

Buttercup leans on the couch near Milo and says, "So what's up, cutie?"

"Harry's dog is a person. Also we accidentally looked in each other's eyes and this somehow turned me into a wizard. It's been quite an evening."

Leo pokes Milo in concern. "Shit. You are a wizard. You're very much a wizard. That's super weird."

"And if Cath has her way, at some point I'm going to be a witch, too."

"That'll certainly be a first. Especially considering we don't actually have witches."

"I aim to become so bizarre and surprising that your world just spontaneously becomes nicer out of sheer confusion. It seems safer than most other approaches."

"On balance, I'd bet on the earth swallowing you whole instead. Just a priori."

"What a comforting thought."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I do have an earth evoker on call should you fall into a crevasse. You'd be out in a quarter hour."

Snort.

Harry descends, carrying pizza!

"Pizza!"

Leo applauds politely.

"Can it, you."

"The fabled pizza. Let's see if it lives up to its legends."