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a Lucy is born in Geb
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“A lot of us aren’t; even new paladins don’t scare easy, but the immunity doesn’t come in until a bit before spells.”

 

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“…The immunity is supposed to come with the ability to help people nearby deal with it to. If you want, I could stick close next time we meet him.”

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"That would be excellent. Oh, and I should apologize, when I was asking all those questions about what counts as blasphemy, it's not that I didn't understand what the problem was, I was just trying and failing to change the subject. Which--probably the correct thing to do would have been to just back you up, but I didn't feel like I...could, for a variety of reasons including but not limited to, uh, the fact that the proximal cause was Hulrun and I was feeling particularly spooked about him at that moment." 

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“Thank you. I find the count more than a little maddening, but it was a lot harder when it was coming from you.”

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Wince. “Yeah. That wasn’t cool of me. Thank you for, well, being patient with me as I fuck up.”

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"Don't mention it. Uh, was there anything else?"

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"No, that was it." 

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Then Seelah will go spend the rest of the time before the attack is supposed to arrive helping with the preparations. This includes collapsing a few houses whose roofs come close enough to serve as cultist firing platforms, which she doesn't feel great about but is obviously better than their archers dying, and putting the finishing touches on the outer perimeter they're using as a tripwire force in the hopes of getting the cultists to show off whatever they plan to use to force the gates early.

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And Luzai--

thinks. 

What she said to Seelah--that the thing she wanted to discuss with her, the Hulrun thing, was contributing to the problem, that was certainly true. But it wasn't the only contributing factor, just the only one that directly and addressably involved Seelah. 

The other obvious thing that was, well, managing people instead of working with them, was...the Lann and Wenduag situation. 

She still didn't really know what to do about it, but...that was probably the wrong attitude to take anyway. 

Thiiis is likely to take a lot longer than the conversation she just had with Seelah, and also Lann and Wenduag can just be stationed far apart from each other during the evening's impending battle, so it's not something that should probably happen today, but she really needs to sit down with both of them--possibly separately--and talk it out. See if the situation can be resolved at least to a point where they can work together, and figure out--with them, not for them--what to do if it can't. 

Plus...

It hasn't escaped her that the giant secret she's keeping from everyone might be weighing her decision making in favor of not telling people things. Which--is a big problem, actually, if so. It's bad enough to keep a secret that big and important from everyone; letting it drag her into a habit of non-communication would make everything worse. 

...Should she just not be trying? 

She imagines how Seelah would react if she told her that Areelu Vorlesh was her mother, and Luzai hadn't immediately disowned her over the Worldwound. She flinches at the thought. But--isn't it wronging Seelah, to be like "well, she wouldn't want to be friends with me if she knew the truth, so I'll just keep lying to her so she'll be my friend?" 

That's. Really not an acceptable way to treat someone. 

But nobody would want to be her friend, if they knew. And Luzai...can't live like that. 

It hits her, then, like a physical blow, how much she misses the rest of her family. She loves Villibor so much, but he's only one person. She loves Mom, but they don't actually interact very often, right now. Mama's death is like a hole carved into her that she can only do her best not to poke, but it isn't just her. She misses Mentu and Elsbeth and Naithrope and Ilsketta and Laphra and Zorux and...

Her siblings wouldn't reject her for loving an evil archmage. She really wants to drag most of them up in alignment a step or two, but not in a way that would change that. 

And they're her family, and she misses them, and she fucked up really badly today, and--

She starts crying. 

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Villibor extracts his head out from under the pillow, and looks over at her. 

"The cold water bit wasn't that bad," he grumbles. 

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Yeah sorry Luzai is not in good enough shape to engage with that right now. 

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He sighs and goes over and hugs her. 

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Luzai clings and cries on him. 

After she's mostly run out of tears, she says, quietly. "Seelah's going to be really mad at me, when she finds out. What my big secret is." 

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"When? Not if?" 

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"'Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth,'" Luzai quotes from some old book she read once. 

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"Move to the Underdark." 

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"No. That would accomplish none of my goals, and anyway, even in the Underdark they know the sun and moon exist, they just don't have to interact with them much. I can probably go years and years and years without anyone learning the truth, if I keep my mouth shut, but--there was the attack, and then--at the garrison, Camellia noticed--eventually, things are going to build up, and--I probably could keep a handle on it. But it'd involve lying more and more. To people I care about. What'm I supposed to do?" 

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"...I don't see how supposed comes into it. Bad things happen. There wasn't anything we could do when Mama died, why would there be a solution now?" 

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"But we could! We couldn't save her life, but we got her out of there, she's okay, she's in Nirvana, and not chained to her own rotting corpse. And I miss her, so, so much, but it could have been worse. Giving up would have been worse." 

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"Does it help? Having another one?" 

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"Sort of, a little bit, not the way you mean. A lot of people have two parents who love them. I--have one alive parent and one dead parent, and that's--better, the way having you is better than not having you would be, but just because they're both mothers doesn't mean they aren't still different parents." Sigh. "And it would help more if I saw her more. I can cry on you; I can't cry on her, not really, not unless things line up exactly right. And I don't resent her for that, there are actual complicated things, it's just--" cling "--it's just you're the only person I can really hold right now please do not make a snarky comment about Daeran." 

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"I wasn't going to, but like, I could've been, so good catch. Anyway, with Seelah, I'm not saying there isn't a right answer for sure, but Luzai, you are way more of a people person than I am; if one of us is going to figure it out, it's not me." 

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"Mhm. I love you." 

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"I love you too, very much, but also, you owe me. I had to interact with people while you were entertaining your terrible boy in here." 

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"Fuck. I didn't even think of that." 

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